One never knows what will spark a relationship. Sometimes it's strangely difficult to recognize and accept for those who should feel it most strongly, even when those around them swiftly discover the clues they themselves miss.
But into every life a little rain must fall, and through the trials, occasionally two are brought together under a mantle.
Royal Guard Tawny Pride and Fleece the spinstress find each other in such circumstances, united by an umbrella.
Inspired by the 1966 classic pop song "Bus Stop" from the Hollies.
Chapters (1)
nice
That is one sentence. There are five instances of double spacing between words, and two places where there should be commas in order to break the run-on. All in all you have somewhat of a large issue with run-ons in this. There's good writing potential, but it needs a lot of polish.
8524857 It seems my copy paste deleted some of my commas and semi-colons between the different programs.
But what double-spacing are you referring too? I've checked, and there is only single-spacing. I think you're LOOKING for things to nitpick, and in this case are hallucinating what isn't there. I put it into Microsoft word and found no sign of double-spacing anywhere, save where it's supposed to be between sentences. I DID find double-spacing in places where I'd written edits on Fimfiction.. but only after copy-pasting into Word. It seems the formatting differences put extra spaces in the copy which don't actually show up on the website.
As for that particular sentence being 'run-on'... you've never read "Lord of the Rings", have you? I encounter sentences that long frequently in descriptive and historical paragraphs. It's used to supply minor background information while focusing on a single thought process. This sentence is only 4 lines long. In literature, that's hardly uncommon. I suggest you read more than the modern garbage written for people with a 4th grade reading level.
I wonder if you are as critical of your favorite stories, however. Shall I take a peek at that, hmm?
8498856 Apparently not, as it seems people are downvoting it.
Of course, this is mainly because I'm the one writing it. You see, this is why fan rating systems are utterly illegitimate. They are based on populism, obsessive fetishism, and biases rather than objective measures of quality.
It's why I haven't put my best work forward on this site, as I know it won't be appreciated. I've seen far too many fantastic stories on here go practically ignored while grimdark NMM garbage and idiotic cross-overs, often written so poorly they'd fail a college literature course, are praised by thousands by the feeble-minded sycophants now making up the majority of the remaining fans.
This fandom is dying anyway, and I'll only finish this story when I have time, as I rather like the simple romance I've built with these original little characters. I have my own work to write, and little enough time for that. Those works will be mine entirely, rather than derivatives I can't claim ownership over.
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Tolkien's work is a product of time, and an impressive one. I have actually read the entire book series, the Hobbit as well. However, culture and methods change over time--we don't all go around speaking like Shakespeare, now do we?
Stephen King is a particular favorite of mine, and he often goes off on long, run-on tangents. However, he executes them properly and in a method that is stylistically fitting to the narrative.
You generally have a good command of sentence structure.
8526415 And so, according to classic literature, what I wrote is not run-on. It starts a single thought and follows it to completion while adding relevant details which reflect upon the character's experiences and background as related to the topic.
It's only 4 lines. That's hardly a run-on in any case.
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Yeah, and according to classic literature, I'm going to hell because I'm gay.
8526988 Simply because modern readers cannot handle any thoughts longer than 144 characters does not make standard writing wrong.
8526132
And lets not forget the whole plethora of the wonderful reworkings and creative reimaginings of syntax, grammar, and spelling we see brought forth!
And of course the beloved tales where mares are assaulted by Steel Rangers futa division, Futalestia, FutaLuna, FutaCadence, FutaManesix, an entire barracks of royal guards, polecats, poleaxes, axe deodorant cans, cans of spam, Brisbys entire rugby line up, Ralph Hayes Junior, and corn stalks that have been governmentally funded to achieve sapience.
Personally though, I would like to see your other works.
8557216 Ugh, I wasn't even getting into the clop fics, which are ALWAYS awful, no matter what the fandom!
Quality and Effort= A+
readers opinion and LOVE for the story= F
Public stories can be a masterful works of art and as good as the writer wants them to be, but that all can be flushed down the toilet if the readers have a general dislike of said story(s). If you want to keep writing any types of stories for the public at least make sure the readers can enjoy them. But if you can't take criticism you might as well write this in the diary under your bed and go back to listening to Green Day / Three days Grace.
I will admit though, this story is set up pretty good compared to most others I've read in my spare time.
8630555 I write for myself more than for 'readers', especially in a fanfiction genre in which monetization is pretty much impossible, since the rights are held by a large corporation.
Beside which, the best writers never aim for what fans want; they aim to deliver better than what the cleverest fans could ever imagine.
That's what the Pony Movie and the latest "Star Wars" movie utterly failed to do.
As Henry Ford is oft quoted/paraphrased as saying, "If I only gave my customers what they wanted, I'd have invented a better horse."
When the fans realize groveling over terrible romances and lazy cross-overs is a waste of time, then they'll have begun to mature enough to recognize good writing. And I don't even mean mine, I'm still an amateur who struggles and agonizes over every sentence. I'm talking about writers like Georg, Admiral Biscuit, Cold in Gardez, PresentPerfect, Monochromatic, and Aragon who churn out stories equivalent at times to the best works of fiction in history... yet they fail to achieve the recognition of pitiful fan wangst featuring the likes of emo vampire Twilight and cannibal Nightmare Moon.
To put it bluntly, I have too much pride in myself to deliberately sink down to that level and pander to the delights of idiots. I aim for quality while the rat race seems more obsessed with being first to the bottom.
I happen to like Coldplay and the Moody Blues.
I'm a little nervous, looking at your stories... Why do they have so many dislikes? I mean, they can't be that bad, right? ...Right?
9321739 Well, read them. They're not that long.
Though only 1 is 'finished' and that was a surprise trollfic.
I read this because I'm a huge fan of the song. The story is actually pretty good too I'm giving it a thumbs up.
10120556 You know, I forgot I starting writing this...
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You know, if you want to write another chapter I'd love to read it.
10120715 Well, I have a vacation coming up. If I think about it in April, maybe I'll actually finish this.
Nice story. I like it. Would like more please.
10140536 Been thinking about writing the two chapters I had in mind. I'll certainly have MUCH more time with everything shut down.
8526132
All he said was nice, Jesus h christ
10434784 Aww, are you trying to be my next 'special friend'? I'm touched!
As will you be...