• Member Since 29th Jul, 2012
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Hope


I am but a humble servant to my dreams.

Sequels1

E

This is the first of the Moonlight's Redemption series, written by Hope.

Set 1000 years before the show, Princess Luna tells the story of Prim Rose, a young unicorn from a farming community near the coast. To escape from the pain of recently losing her sister, and to try finding some direction in her life, Prim travels all the way to Everfree City and the castle of the Two Sisters, looking for a job. She ends up meaning more to Princess Luna than she could have ever guessed.

This story was written half as MLP fanfiction, and half a love-letter-like story that I wrote for my wife, to bring her some comfort on lonely days.
This story was in part inspired by a story I deleted called Redemption in Moonlight.

Chapters (33)
Comments ( 98 )

Really enjoying this story so far keep it up <3

8379985
Thank you very very much! I've actually already got 17 chapters written, I want to edit them for matching style of speech, but I'm going to be updating once every other day until I run out of pre-prepared chapters.

I see you've turned game of thrones down a bit (at least for now). Real pleasure to read nevertheless --- it has the same recognizable charm. Little details telling about world's political/economical system (like the lack of earth ponies among candidates, mention of recent annexation, Prim Rose's walk around the city) are very nice addition.
I should have probably mentioned this earlier, but naming story after Prim Rose seems a bit confusing for guys who don't already know who she is from previous story.

8380630
Yeah, Prim Rose isn't recognizable, but I wanted to clearly make the story about her rather than focus on Luna. I thought about naming this story Redemption in Moonlight like the previous story, but I felt there was a risk of readers being disappointed in finding that the story did not feature Luna as the main character.

I did vastly retone the style of the story after the last one. Despite enjoying writing big dramatic scenes, the last story fell flat largely because I was playing at drama without the history that makes the drama have impact. This story is going to ratchet up the emotional impact dramatically, while paying a little less attention to chewing on the setting.

Thanks for your comment! I'm looking forward to continuing this story for quite a while. I'm writing the rough draft for chapter 18 now, after bawling my eyes out reading chapter 17 out loud to my wife. Definitely a story I'm proud of.

Why did you delete Redemption in Moonlight?

8386268
I received quite critical comments on the story, very few positive reviews, and the most critical thing was that the critical comments were right. They criticized my characterization and the plot, and after sitting back and examining my work, I realized that they were correct, and the story wasn't heading where I wanted it to, and it wasn't written in the style and quality I enjoy writing. So, a bit emotional over the whole thing, I deleted it instead of just putting it on hiatus and writing this one instead.

This story fits all the things I realized were missing before. It's focused on a character I can write easily, it explores emotional drama without as much grand theater (I don't need to blow up a castle to make an emotionally impactful scene), and I enjoy writing it which means it ends up better. I've already written 18 chapters, I'm just releasing them slowly to give me more time to write the next chapters.

Well, that was... Unexpected?

Chapter 12 looks almost identical to chapter 11 apart from two sentences around

Verdant Spring. On this night, I, Princess Luna of Equestria, must perform a rite...

and

Spring seemed about to object, but he looked...

8405737
Thank you very much for that catch, I went ahead and removed the duplicate. I hope you are enjoying the story.

It seems like not many people have found this story yet, but I'm so glad I did. This is bittersweet and beautiful.

8407439
Thank you so so much for the compliment. It's a story I've been putting a lot of heart into, and every comment thrills me.

This is truly something unique, you know that? It's brilliantly written, and you can practically feel the love and effort that went into it. From the characters, to the worldbuilding, to even the tiny details like the usage of pounce, your care for this story shines through each line like the Moon herself. My only gripe is that it's not yet finished - but I can't imagine that that'll remain an issue, in the end.

Best of luck finishing it; I'm looking forward to it!

8412479
Thank you, these comments mean so very much to me, though I'll admit the driving force behind this story is my wife's enjoyment of it, every comment brightens my day and makes me that much more eager to leap on the next chapter. I went ahead and published another one, and I've got 6 more lined up to be edited, and I'm gradually writing new chapters every week.

Well this is turning out to be an interesting alternate timeline. Will there perhaps be a sequel to this with the mane six? I would love to see your take on Twilight being taught by Luna instead of Celestia. :twilightsmile:

P.S. We need a Luna in the emotes.

8413485
We definitely do!
I'm thinking that if this story does well and gets featured a couple times, I'll put up a vote on what to do next, in this same timeline.
WWI, the industrial revolution, WWII, the Changeling war (the cold war), or modern (the show's events)
I'd prefer to hit at least one interim period before modern, because it lays a much greater baseline and canon of growth for Luna between the two. Jumping from this Luna to the modern Luna would be jarring, and a lot of readers may cry "OOC"

🌙 That's the closest to a Luna emote I could find, heh.

...oh. I'm not going to cry, I swear.



:raritycry:

8414206
I bawled my eyes out writing chapter 18. Seriously. But I'm proud of it.

Outside, two day guards were posted, their dark armor and pole weapons seeming unchanged in the spanning years between the foundation of the diarchy and the modern day.

I'm a bit confused: shouldn't it be "night guards" here? Or does "day" only means that they guarded the room during daytime?

If these things are not rectified, then I shall dedicate the rest of my life to separating the Western region from Equestria.

i.imgur.com/SchZDti.jpg

8416810
You are correct! Night guards.

8416814
Heck yes treason!

8416892
I wonder why the rest of her life was longer than a few second then. Yielding to open threats for no reason seems like a terrible idea in a long term perspective:

... but we hath seen recently that Mint is not the only pony with influence who seeks to make that legacy pay for her crimes. Letters have been sent to us with similar sentiments...

8417173
This isn't the Equestria of a thousand years of rule, united and solidified as one nation. They're still annexing new areas, still have to worry about neighboring countries, and Mint isn't saying "I will dethrone you." which would be direct treason. She's saying "These regions which have agreed to be ruled by you in exchange for your protection will seek independence if you keep treating the potentially genocidal ex-princess as a venerated figure."

With what just happened, there's the risk that the fight for independance might spread to other regions controlled by those that either lost many to Daybreaker, or believe the rumors that Luna was responsible. IT's a precarious situation that Luna has been left in, which means that she has to play a dangerous balancing game. If she killed Mint Mortar right there, every single witness in that room would then have a chance to ignite revolt. If Mint had confronted Luna in private, she'd be dead.

8417173
Plus, there's a little part of Luna who is quite happy taking control and erasing Celestia. A little part that became the Nightmare in our timeline.

Gaaaaaaaay.

I love it! :pinkiehappy:

If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?

Adorabetes fills this chapter. :raritywink:

8444671
Prim Rose would sound like this: Beth Malone
Not hard to apply any accent over her voice, logically since I'm following a European historical timeline, she'd have an american-mix accent, since This Article explains that the American accent is closer to what was spoken back then.
Luna would sound exactly as Luna does in the show of course, she's so close to being an OC here. Sali would sound a lot like Cadance, Golden Sparkle would sound like a female Blueblood with a lot more huffing and breathy intonation. Tao and Evenstar would both have the kind of lower raspy voice that make people unsure if they're speaking with a man or a woman, though they try to match eachother's voice on purpose to blend in, Tao has the deeper voice and Evenstar could easily speak closer to Prim.
Nova Star as a child would sound like Scootaloo but with Sweetie Belle's pronunciation. Very proper but forceful and brash.
If you have any others you're curious about, let me know!

8445129
Thank you very much! Hehe, it's a fun chapter to write.

I've been following this story closely ever since the first chapter came out though I haven't been able to comment until now (just recently registered with the site). I can honestly say; this story took me through a rollercoaster ride of emotions with all its drama and plot twists. Reading this chapter made me incredibly sad because of the distinct feeling that it will end soon (and our favourite character's story will be coming to an end). I'm not looking forward to it if I had to be honest. Anyway, great job with the story. Looking forward to seeing more.

8459437
Thank you. Thank you so so much for this comment, for registering to make it, for enjoying this story.

There's still at least four more chapters to go, and I hope that by the end of this story, my readers can move to the next story with Hope, not despair.

Luna then reared up and Luna copied her, until they fell chest to chest, leaning on each other for support

One of these Lunas is probably Prim :twilightsmile:

Crazy fanatic assassin is surely an unexpected addition. At first I took it for distraction and it still can be a part of some bigger plan, so bringing Filigree too close may be not very good idea.

8464964
She waaas! Hehe, thanks for the catch!

Man, I'm just waiting for the moment Prim passes on :fluttercry:. Stall for a little longer please lol.

But on a slightly more serious note, I LOVE this story. Well written and doing such a great job at pulling my heartstrings. Can't wait for the next chapter.

8475598
Thank you. The way I have it planned now, the rest of the story will consist of 7 more chapters and an epilogue. Then I will be beginning the next story. I have a few plans for the next story, and though previously I'd wanted to have people vote on it or something, I don't think I have enough fans to really vote on it, so I'll just go with what I want hehe.

Prim and Luna's situation breaks my heart a little :fluttercry:

Good job on that reflex Prim :pinkiesmile:

New chapter! :yay:

“What is thy name?”

“Madame Chrysalidae, your highness.”

It's kinda weird that Luna not only has no idea who the heck is her own head mare-in-waiting, but also has no idea who the heck is that pony who is allowed to be alone with helpless Prim without any question. And shouldn't she been like really old at the time?

8559179
Absolutely correct on all points!
Heheheehehehehe
I love being the evil author.
I hope you enjoyed!

When I saw the title of this fic I instantly thought of Mockingjay

Oh, Chryssy, what are you doing there? Can't wait to see what happens next!

Did Luna just let her go (fly)?!

Ugh, this is just too sad...

8672756
I hope you'll stick with me, Two more chapters and then there will be the start of a new story in the same line.

8673738
Oh don't worry, I plan to stick it out to the end 👍

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