Exodus
"JAAAACK! JAAAAAACK!"
I lifted my tear-stained face and saw Talion enter the clearing. He looked frantic and worried... for me. I crawled out and sniffed.
"T-Talion?"
He turned and gaspes as he saw my miserable form.
"Jack, are you okay?"
I shook my head, tears dripping off my chin.
"N-no. I'm... I'm so confused, and alone, and scared."
He pulled me into his arms and gently stroked my back as I cried into his chest.
"It's okay, it's okay. I've got you."
I sniffled as I pressed closer to him, glad for his warmth.
-------------------------
Brooke ran through the forest, searching for Jack. Although, that wasn't the only thing bothering her.
I can't believe... Talion's... that's... unexpected. Whatever, I need to find Jack fast!
She froze, a look of shock on her face as she entered the meadow Jack and Talion were in. There was no way this was going to end well.
-------------------------
I finally got my breathing under control and let go of Talion.
"T-thanks. I'm sorry for running off like that."
He smiled before patting me on the shoulder.
"Hey, we roommates have to stick together."
Suddenly, a familiar voice spoke, disgust in her voice.
"You... you're!"
I turned and saw Brooke looked at me and Talion in horror.
"B-Brooke?"
She whirled and ran off without another word.
Talion gave me a confused look.
"What was that about?."
I shrugged.
"Well, whatever's the case, I'm glad I found you.
I sniffed before latching back onto him.
"Now then, let's head home."
Upon reaching our house I cleaned myself up before getting into bed where Talion was already asleep. I moved over until I was pressed up against him and burrowed under his wing. I knew one thing and one thing for certain. The gryphon beside me was totally awesome... and he was super soft and cuddly.
------------------------
As we walked to town hall, I noticed that... everyone was glaring at us. And anytime a family got within a hundred feet they would pull the children away and glare at us, as though we'd threatened them.
"T-Talion, what's going on?"
"I don't know, but maybe we'll find out at town hall."
Hushed murmurs came from all around and I caught snippets of each one.
"Can't believe they--"
"How weird."
"They're both...."
I lowered my head and flopped my eats down. Were they talking about me?
Upon reaching town hall, we saw the mayor with Brooke behind him, looking at us as though he had just heard about our funeral.
"Mayor Bureau?"
"Listen... I just think you two should go... before anything happens."
"Mayor Bureau, what is this is all a--"
He held up a hoof before saying,
"Listen, I have nothing against the two of you personally, but I'd rather not have a problem on our hooves. You understand, right?"
Talion frowned.
"Yeah... I think so."
I looked at Ledger who was staring, grief stricken at the two of us. She caught my eye and blinked away a few tears before mouthing,
"I'm so sorry."
I gave her a concerned look before following Talion away.
We arrived at home and sat on the couch. Now that the heat of the moment had gone, Talion looked deflated and tired. I spoke up,
"W-where do we go? We can't live here if we don't have jobs."
He sighed before rubbing his head with his claws.
"Only thing I can think of is staying with family. My parents would put us up for a bit, but we'd have to take a train to the Gryphon Kingdom."
The Gryphon Kingdom. One place I hadn't even seen a picture of. But....
"Alright, let's go to the Gryphon Kingdom."
He looked at me and shook his head.
"You don't have to come with me. I've imposed enough as it is."
I moved over to him and hugged him.
"We roommates have to stick together. Besides, you're, like, the only one I trust right now. I'd be lost on my own."
He pulled me closer and smiled.
"Alright, the Gryphon Kingdom it is."
----------------------
We settled into our seats as the train pulled out of the station. We had taken all we could and had left on the first train possible. The only pony that said goodbye was Ledger, but eventually then she wouldn't stop crying and blaming herself. But, we were finally on our way. A new country, and a new lease on life.
One good thing is I aparantly don't need to gather magic anymore. That will come in handy. I leaned towards the window and looked wide eyed at the mountains we were passing over. They were beautiful.
"Just a few hours over the mountains and you'll be able to see the ocean. Then, it's straight to Ironrock, the main island of the Gryphon Kingdom."
I smiled. This might not be so bad after all.
------------------------
"What do you mean there's a problem?"
Enoch sighed as he turned the screen towards the five other humans.
"There's been a massive uprising. And, in order to insure we didn't join it, the Union disabled our piloting systems and deleted all coordinates from our ship. We're stuck here."
Commander sighed and bent over, massaging her temples.
"Well, we're going to have to figure something out, aren't we."
Lance bit his lip before sighing.
"Yeah, I'm sure the natives will respond favorably to us asking for peace. We've only killed how many of them?"
Commander sat bolt upright.
"What if we didn't ask."
Atlas looked at her in confusion.
"Coom again?"
She smiled wickedly.
"Why ask for that we can take."
-------------------------
Luna sighed as her troops set up camp. Tomorrow they would arrive in Featherborrow. And then they would--
"Your majesty!"
She turned as an exhausted pegasus messenger stopped before her.
"Yes?"
"We've received word that two of the members of the team researching the human camp are in the hospital at Featherborrow!"
She gasped.
"But they all went.... This shall prove most useful to our search."
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Fuck me.... people do know this is a My Little Pony fanfiction website, right? Being gay is hardly the strangest thing you see here.
Friendly word of advice, link to the previous story.
8235247
I know right?
8235274
I'm really bad at computer stuff at don't know how to.
I have no problem with characters being gay but this chapter just seems like ridiculous lashing out against people and kills a lot of interest for me.
Just report them and move on.
8235322
Actually it wasn't intending on lashing out. I realize people have their own opinion. It just reminded me of something my best friend who is gay and grew up in a small town went through. I apologize if I came across as vindictive as that was never the goal. Apologies also for my overreacting and I hope that this doesn't ruin the story for you.
I actually prefered Talion as i like his character more, but this feels plastic, like you are leashing against those that had offended you. It does not help the story.
Well, looks like this is where I get off. I liked this story because I felt the enthusiasm in the words. This chapter feels like it was written with a lot of anger just to lash out at nay Sayers.
Your still a small author on this big site. There will be people who will say anything to get you to change your ways. I'm sure you know this already. I'm not trying criticizing you, but I have seen many authors do this before.
I've never written a story before. But I would recommend taking a small break, and think upon which way you want your story to go.
Good luck in any future writing you do.
8235390
Apologies of it sounds that way. I've had to comfort a friend who was physically assaulted for being gay so this is sort of a sore subject for me. I literally just modified what happened to him in his hometown because I thought it would be a good segway towards the later portion of the story. I bear no ill will towards those who dislike the story as it is their own choice, but it did remind me of something that's been a pet peeve of mine for years. And I apologize for my overreacting, there's no excuse for loosing my cool.
8235398
I'm sorry you feel this way and apologize for my overreaction. It's been a tough week and I'm ill although that's no excuse. Believe me, I bear no ill will towards any "ney sayers." I've just had issues with this having had to comfort a friend who delt with this. This small hiccup will amhave no effect on the story. Actually, I was planning on having him visit the Gryphon Kingdom anyway. Although I understand if you decide to leave.
8235408
Mhm.
Hm... Don't know how I feel about this. Not the gay relationship, hell I even put forth the "why not both?" suggestion, but my problem is changing whatever plans you had specifically to spite your detractors. I mean, if you have ideas for how this could turn out its fine, but I personally wouldn't do it. But, then again, maybe that's because I'm the kind of guy that writes with the end in mind and has a pretty clear idea of how he wants to get there.
Also, please don't make the drama of being a gay couple the defining part of their relationship. If the key part of the story about it is "everyone else doesn't like it" I think that'll get old pretty quick. Just make sure to have plenty of them getting to know each other better and having a good time together.
8235451
Exactly why I didn't have them immediately start dating. And I do have the end in mind l, don't worry. And I do apologize for my overreaction. There's no excuse for losing my temper and I acknowledge I am in the wrong. But I won't change it. I'll learn from my mistakes to better myself as a person.
... Oh. Oh god. Oh god no.
... Well, I guess that Brooke romance isn't going anywhere, huh?
... ... Will Orchid or the Doc find out about this? Oh god. Well congratulations, in this moment I am sure of one thing. You actually made me care about these characters. Wow, it's like a punch to the gut, oh dear lord Taliknife! Be safe Taliknife!
And you say something like this actually happened to a friend? Would that be the roomate.. or.. you know what, it's not my business.
If Orchid asks after that cute Nocturne stallion, I don't think this is over for Featherborrow, not by a long shot.
... glad to hear I was right about the human's not being left under the Union. That's nice... I guess...
Oh Taliknife! No, my bleeding heart!
8235506
You the best. I needed this given many people though I was trying to lash out at people who didn't like the story when that wasn't my goal at all. Thank you.
I have always been a large proponent of "Death of the author." Ignore what the author might be trying to invoke, and look at the actual meaning of the world they create. If it comes across as heavy handed, fine, if it comes across as preaching, fine, but if it comes across as unnatural, no. If characters or consistency are not being sacrificed as part of the conveying, then it is a part of the world. If it's treated as anything other than a part of the world, then you are ignoring how it may be a perfectly valid piece of the world the author constructed, and not merely a tool to drive home a point.
It's a similar argument to why I feel upset when any kind of couple is attacked for not representing a "diverse perspective." Diversity means all parts of the spectrum. You can't force a pairing to represent a small section of that and still claim to represent "diversity." But more than that, all expression is a valid way to convey ideas. If we ignore ideas because we don't think they should be represented, then we lose a discussion and part of our understanding of the world. This story is a conjured world that exists, and is like this. And why shouldn't it? It is a scenario. And all scenarios should be explored, for if forgetting history dooms us to repeat it, then what would we become of us if we ceased to dream of our future? Would we stumble blindly, or face what may come with strength and resolve, without shock for how could we feel such a thing when all things are possible. Every world has a right (and arguably, a responsibility) to be discussed, for that is how ideas take flight, and dreams come true. Dreams of flight, dreams of a democratic nation, dreams of reaching the moon and of a world illuminated by a thousand little glass jars with wires. Many things once considered heretical are commonly discussed today, and for good reason. Understanding betters us all. The first amendment of the United States includes, "Congress shall make no law... abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press," and there are many reasons for that.
People, just take the story for what it is. Not laying down, not blindly, but consider what the world really means in and of itself.
... Oh my god what time is it.
Well, I've caught up, hooray. I guess, I'll just, step off my little soapbox now. He. What on earth have I written... am I going to find this in the morning and hastily delete it amongst a flurry of apologies? Let's hope I retained some sanity through out all that.
What the fuck is wrong with people. Yes I wanted Brooke to win but I would have stayed with the story until the plot didn't interest me anymore. Two characters in love does not make this story.
B-B-but i like brook she was so nice. And were are the girls? They shoud have ben here bye now.
8235517
Who would this even supposedly be lashing out at?
The only one being particularly arsey was Rommel and he'd already buggered off.
Though I suppose it isn't pleasant, it's well within the shown pony behaviour to act this way, especially in the smaller hick towns in the arse end of nowhere (Zecora comes to mind)
Just hope that floofs parents are okay with it.
IT is sad but ppl like brooke are not uncomon. You say 1 wrong thing, something that goes against their world wiev and they flip. And Talion felt more honest. dont know why, probably screen time. I like it. This makes a nice twist.
8235487
I don't think you're in the wrong, I just don't want you to end up twisting this story and making it bend over backwards just to spite the people who you should really just be ignoring.
Somehow this looks weird, I mean to suddenly have them all hating them if everything else looked more or less harmless in the story so far.
I admit I'm dissapointed after we were asked, I have nothing against a possible gay romance, but I was asked and now I'm dissapointed and maybe a little bit angry.
8235322
8235372
8235390
at least it felt somehow out of place
8235517
Well like I said, my problem is a different one, well if you are going with tat romance now, I hope that in the future, I mean if he is a alright again, our main char continues to be the one with the more or less strong personality. I kind of enjoyed him caring for Talion, I would prefer it if not suddenly Talion has the pants on, or how you say it.
I say it again one time before I try to focus on how it is right now, i can't really describe it and I enjoyed a gay couple too (as long as the romance isn't based on only sex right away), I like it if they mean something to each other before they just jump to the sex.
I did it again, what I actually meant was, this chapter felt somehow out of place for me, it came out of no where and maybe the chapter was a bit rushed too. The way it felt or how fast everything happened caused me to read it a bit faster.
I didn't really enjoyed this chapter and it wasn't because of Brooke, no I actually like this kind of social problems, it just felt odd to me.
So I hope we get a loverly and Caring "AND" nervous Talion
He should even start to leave a hint towards for the princesses that an assasin is there.
hi there Out Of The Blue. now I'm only here because i forgot to take the Tracking off this story, but i have to say... fuck you. why did you just get rid of Brook so horridly like that?
Now I HOPE That The Union Will Take Over Equestria >:(
Well, this outcome was not predicted.
Great, now i have to
recalibrate my probability data to include this new factor.go home and rethink my life8235985
Heil komandar, i think that's what he wants you to think
8235568
Aye, I get ya. I was just trying to make the characters easier to sympathize with, yet aparantly it came across as me getting preachy.
8235576
Kinda why I didn't start as romance.
8235592
Don't worry mate, redemption is coming. I've got a whole big thing planned out.
8235699
Nah, it was a twofold decision. First, I figured that this might help drive home the point that Jack will always have trouble fitting in. And two, this stuff actually happens in real life. It's sad but true. This isn't going to spell some "the author is going insane and wants to destroy this story" thing. I just wanted to make sympathetic characters with problems that people would feel bad for them about.
Ughhhhh...no.
I get you wanted to encapsulate what happened to your friend, but this was neither the time nor the place to do it. You had a pretty cutesy slice of life going, and now? All of a sudden it's something a lot darker. All of a sudden, Brooke, this pony we've been getting to know all this time, is a rabid homophobe, as is the rest of the town. All of a sudden, we're moving along, and it all happened in the space of less than a thousand words! I have whiplash from that tone change, thank you very much! Look, I get and appreciate what you were trying to accomplish here with regards to your friend, but this was not the way to do it. You spent all this time creating Featherbarrow, and you just ended it with "andthentheygotgayandeveryonehatedthemforitsotheylefttheend." The tone shift, the abrupt and instantaneous end to this whole arc, all things that probably shouldn't have been done, and if you wanted to do them, needed to be handled much more slowly and delicately than what would have been possible in under 1000 words.
As it stands, this chapter feels less like a part of the story and more like that joke chapter you posted yesterday.
8235947
I hear ya. I sat down and thought, "how can I write the next chapters to make people learn about the characters more and have the characters grow as well. I knew this chapter would feel out of place and I accept that. But trust me, I have a plan.
8235985
I'm sorry you feel disappointed. My reasoning behind this was so in the next chapters I could show everyone more about Brooke and make her more human. Show that she wasn't just "being hateful" but that she genuinely thought she was helping everyone. Most people don't just say, "I'm going to ruin that person's life." They have a reason and I hope you at least read the next chapter. I've had a plan the entire time, don't worry.
8236127
Clever girl.
8236129
8236349
I tried out several different versions of several types of chapters but honestly, as much as this one is my least favorite chapter, it was the only way to reach the chapters I wanted to write, making way for more light hearted chapters. Trust me, I planned it all with all that you said in mind and hoped people gave me the benefit of the doubt. Sorry it was a bit disappointing, but it's just a transition.
8236379
Fair enough, but it's a big damned transition that deserved more than 1000 words, just sayin'.
8236398
Yeah, sorry. I've been busy lately and probably will have to wait a bit before I can write the next chapters. It's unfortunate that I can't have free time to write whenever I want.
8236255
True and wax maudlin, that's a good one.
8236372derpicdn.net/img/2012/6/19/10021/full.png
8236367
Well okay I believe you, I know there are some chapters that make only sense with the next one, maybe you could have done it better, but I still wait and trust you.
8236670
I'm going to have it all explained next chapter.
8236332
Oh, oh wait no! I'm sorry! That comment was not in response to your earlier one!
I didn't actually see your responses until just now...
But anyway I was trying to address some of the comments that I had been seeing about you "Lashing out" and that had struck me in my sleep addled state as entirely unjustified. I was trying to establish that anyone can do whatever they want with a story as long as in the end everything makes sense. If someone feels that a story is preachy or anything undesirable, then they can deal with it if they still care about the world and all the pieces fit together. I was trying to expand my point to be a general one that addresses not only this "issue", but many like it in a comprehensive argument (which I clearly failed to make, my sentence structure is atrocious!)
But let me be perfectly clear, I do not find your writing at all "preachy" or to be making use of strawmen or anything like that. I enjoy your story and I can't see any blatant tropes like that at work. And for that I think you should be proud, to have made a story world that exists not just to further a plot or a philosophical argument, but also for it's own sake.
I did not mean to make it seem like I thought your work reflected any such banalities, and I'm sorry if that is how I made it appear.
Aside from perhaps the slightly rushed relationship between Jack and Talion, I truly think that everything is going wonderfully (and even then, that is fairly well justified by Talion being slightly desperate to interact with one of the only ponies to show kindness to him and by Jack having a relatively fragile psyche as a result of "blue flower ate my brain then spat it out again" syndrome). Again sorry, I hope that clears that up...
...Now let me go and see if I wrote anything else stupid last night...
8236842
I need to learn to write my arguments down in short, comprehensive, sentences! Why do I always write a small novel whenever I try to say something!?!?!
Let's try this, I love your story, you da man, keep on keeping on please.
8236721
All of it will be explained in the next chapter, and you have thought out a plan for this story? I guess I could stick around for a few more chapters.
8236842
Naw, I got it.
8236858
M'kay.
8236997
Here's to hoping I don't crash and burn. (Although given I am now pulling double shifts at work, the next chapter will be a bit late.)
Well. I stopped reading for a few days and suddenly the tone took turn right into the bleakness. Did not see that coming.
I'm gone for a week, and the story is just jumpin'! But I don't understand where the pony racism has come from. Can someone explain to me what happened to make it occur or was it a bit forced?
8238342
I've been gradually trying to make the circumstances bleaker and bleaker. That's why I titled it what I did.
8238737
I'm planning on going into that in the next chapter. I planned ahead, don't worry. Although it will be a bit until the next chapter given how busy my schedule had just become.