To Err Is Human...
“Oh? You know thessse poniessss?”
“Yeah, but why the heck are they here?”
I walked over to them and looked them over. Despite being a bit rough looking, both mares were obviously his former captors/friends. Just as Verdant had said they were both unconscious with Doc having green goop spread on her forehead. What I needed was for at least one of them to be awake so I could ask them what the heck they were doing here. What, I was curious!
“So they haven't woken up since you found them?”
“No, they just ssssleep and ssssleep and sssssleep. I had to make them eat and drink.”
“Alright, let me try something”
I crouched down until I was level with Orchid’s ears and cleared my throat before screaming as loud as I could the most obnoxious sound I could think of.
“BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!”
I kept on “beeping” as the two ponies started shifting and writhing. Finally they both woke up with Orchid shouting,
"I'm up! I'm up!”
She then blinked and looked at me in confusion.
“Jack?!”
“Yup. Now why the heck are you in the middle of the--”
“Doc!” She screamed before looking over at the mare who was groggily looking about. “Oh thank Celestia! How are you doing Doc?”
“My head is pounding and these sheets are a little too tight.”
Both ponies looked down and noticed that the “sheets” were actually a massive snake tail coiled tightly around them with a confused Verdant looking at them both.
“Um... hello?”
Both mares screamed and started flailing about which caused Verdant to scream and cling to the closest object she could, which happened to be me. As the two ponies retreated deeper into the cave, I had to deal with a panicked Verdant squeezing the life out of me while hiding her pony section behind me.
“Verdant! *gurgle* can't... breath!”
“Oopsssss! ssssorry!”
She loosened her hold on me but remained coiled around my chest. Orchid pointed to me with a look of horror on her face.
“J-jack! What is that thing!”
“Verdant, she's a friend of mine and the one who saved your lives from drowning and whatever is making you guys be all shiver-y.”
>Hypothermia.<
“Hypothermia!”
They exchanged looks before they both started shivering again. Orchid said through chattering teeth,
“W-what a-re y-you d-d-doing h-here?”
“Uuh...”
>Don't tell them about your new life in Featherborrow. They'll be obligated to tell the princesses and you'll have to go on the run again.<
~But what if they help you bargain for a better life with the Princess's sanction?~
Yeah... no. I'm not telling them.
“I'm here to visit Verdant. What are you here for?”
Doc chose then to speak up.
“W-We w-were r-returning f-from t-the o-old h-human c-campsite w-when w-we w-were o-ordered t-t-to t-track y-you d-down. W-We w-were t-told y-you ha-had esc-caped and w-were k-killing inoc-cent p-p-ponies!”
“Wait, the heck!? They think I'm killing ponies!?”
Orchid nodded before saying,
“Y-yeah. They f-found a t-t-train f-full of p-ponies killed by h-humans. B-but we kn-now it wasn't y-you. We're the only s-survivors we know of of the a-at-t-tack by a b-bunch of humans.”
I couldn't believe it. The Harriers were still at it. Why? What was their mission?
“J-jack! W-we need to ch-check for surviv-v-ors and g-get the m-medical equipment at the s-site.”
Oh great. And I'm really the only one that can go. Here's hoping the Harriers have moved on.
“Fine fine. How far away is the battlefield?”
“W-we fell into the r-river off a c-cliff. Hopefully w-we should be able t-to go in a s-straight line f-from the cliff t-to the battlefield. I'll lead you--”
“No. If you try to go you'll probably keel over on the way. You guys stay here while I go get your crap and look for any not dead ponies.”
I turned to Verdant and whispered,
“If I take too long bring them to the edge of town so they can get help. But like cover their eyes or something so they can't find this place again. One of them is a scientist and she’d probably try to cart you back to her lab or something.”
Her eyes showed momentary concern before she nodded and hugged me tightly.
“Come back sssssafe! I don't want my friend to go away forever!”
“I will.” I started out the mouth of the cave before turning back to Verdant and smiling, “Keep them warm, okay!”
She grinned before quickly wrapping around the two again. Orchid struggled a bit and said,
“H-hey! Let me go! Doc! Help me get this thing-- Doc?”
She looked over to see Doc trying to push herself lower into Verdant's embrace.
“S-so cold! Don't care!”
-------------------------------
~Why'd you tell Verdant that? About not wanting them to know where she lives?~
Cause I know scientists. Find something amazing and one of a kind and they impulsively capture and dissect it. I'd rather not have Verdant hanging in a laboratory somewhere.
>Only one we can trust to do the right thing is ourselves.<
~But they treated you fine!~
Only because the Princess wanted answers. That and Doc got attached to me pretty quick.
~Oh, alright.~
It took sime time but we... I mean I finally reached a cliff overlooking the river.
How the heck are we supposed to get up there?
>Climb.<
I groaned as I started slowly scaling the rough stone. It was slow going but after a lot of effort (and sweat.) I reached the top. I collapsed onto the ground and started panting.
Oh man am I out of shape. Run every day for years and barely keep thin but stop for a few weeks and suddenly you lose it all.
~Oh the joys of not having a super fast metabolism and having bad stamina to begin with.~
>Okay... I feel like this joke is too easy.<
~What joke?~
>About the last thing you said.<
~About having low stamina?~
>It's the same thing your ex said isn't it!<
~...I am a fool.~
I slowly stood up and started going in a straight line in one direction. I walked... and walked... and walked some more before I heard a commotion a little ways away. I crept cautiously through the underbrush before carefully peaking out from a thick bush.
There in the clearing were two of the Harriers. I froze and slowly shifted to a more hidden position.
If they find me I'm dead! I've just got to stay quiet and wait for them to move on.
They were talking about something. One was obviously the lady from before and the other was glasses dude. I kept my breathing regular and listened.
“So any luck on that new teck you've been working on?”
“Yes, actually. Allow me to show you. Look... there. See that bird?”
“Yeah. And?”
“I just switch it on and... voila! Thermal signature right there. With this we can now add thermal targeting to our scopes. Hopefully that will... hold on. I'm getting a large heat signature from right there.”
My heart dropped and I froze. I moved behind the tree and tried to think of a plan.
~Turn into a pony and fly away!~
>Worth a shot. Even if you can't fly off, you'd still be a smaller target.<
I nodded and grabbed the magicite from my pocket. It was glowing brightly from its last recharge and I popped it into my mouth and absorbed about half of the magic inside. I was then Jackknife and was about to attempt to get away when I heard the lady say,
“We've got Trace watching the tree so if it tries to escape he'll snipe it. Lance, go check it out.”
“’Kay.”
I froze as the footsteps got closer. What should I do! What can I do! Either way I'd get a bullet to the head and--
~There is a way. Stay put and do as I say. We need a ponies ultimate last line of defense.~
>Huh?<
~Beg.~
Like shout “Please don't kill me!” really loud?
~No, face where he's coming from and tilt your head slightly to the side. Crouch down a bit and make you eyes go as wide as possible. Now, look up and frown a bit while pursing your lips. Next, flop your ears down and hope he has a heart.~
I don't know.
>It's worth a shot.<
I did as instructed and waited. Soon the human walked right in front of me and looked me dead in the eyes.
There is no way this will--
“Daaaaaaw.”
“What is it Lance?”
“It's one of the natives. And it's so adorable! Can we keep it! Please! I promise I'll take full responsibility for it!”
“Enoch? What do you think?”
“We haven't been ordered to do anything other than hold this position since we were instructed to eliminate that military unit. I don't see why not.”
“...Fine. But if that thing makes a mess I'm personally going to kick your ass.”
The soldier in front of me, Lance apparently (he was the dude with the spear or... lance over his back. Was that why he got that name or was he already named Lance before he started using a lance. And why was he using a lance!) pumped his fist and crouched down to be eye level with me.
“Don't worry little guy, I won't let those jerks hurt ya. Come here.”
I didn't resist as he picked me up and walked towards his fellow soldiers. By now the rest of the Harriers had arrived and were looking at me from behind their helmets (well, except glasses dude.)
>Nice. Instead of being dead we're their prisoner.<
~It could be worse!~
“Although you should probably knock him out so he can't do anything stupid. Safety measures and all that.”
...I freaking hate you two.
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8213195
All according to plan.
Daaaawww! The best line yet! He just needs to get every pony to do the same and nopony will ever get hurt again!
8213394
Imagine how difficult it would be to actually live in a world with ponies. You're walking down the street and suddenly a pony gives you that look and says,
“Can I has your wallet?”
8213433
My response would be " daaaawww! You're so cute! Here have a few bits". Reaching into my wallet I realized I have no more bits . looking back over my shoulder a line of ponies behind me formed suckering bits out of every human they come across. Funny thing is , I don't remember giving any ponies money, but the way they are waving to me says otherwise.
Wait, won’t Jack have to recharge his crystal? How’s he gonna do that? Is he going to drain the life force of the Harriers?!
8213460
True.
8213468
And thus we reach the main problem.
To err is human...
To be freaking adorable and melt hearts is equine.
8213503
Wow, that actually rhymes with the actual saying.
Well there goes that nice job and all those horny mares.
8213656
Never doubt Jack's ability to bumble his way through any problem! With courage, skill, and a lot of dumb luck you can triumph over anything!
Ha ha ha!! I Love this so much!
Your a awesom writer keep it up.
i bet he'll struggle out of their grasp before they knock him out, then Lance will be all like: "Hey! You guys scared him!"
8213970
I appreciate the compliment.
8214220
I dunno, I'm deciding between two possibilities.
Sometimes such a plot is nice, but I often find myself wishing those action parts to be over, here I can't decide what I want.
Every situation seems to offer something nice here.