Integration Is Pointless

by OutOfTheBlue

Awkward

"...Oh crap! I killed her!"

>Hide the body! They can't pin it on you if she's gone!<

~Turn yourself in! You killed a pony! You belong in prison!~

Shut it! I got this.

I kneeled down beside the pegasus and put my ear to her chest.

...

"Crap I actually did kill her!"

No heartbeat, no breathing, I gotta do something fast!

>Run!<

~'Fess up!~

"Does CPR work on heart attacks? I had to learn it in school! I could save her!"

~Uuh... maybe?~

>JUST DO IT<

I hoped I was remembering it right as I pinched the mare's nostrils closed. I used my other hand to open her mouth and, after getting a mouthful of air and forming a seal with our mouths to avoid the air escaping, breathed into her, filling her lungs. I got another mouthful of air and forced it into her again. I repeated this two more times before clasping my hands on top of her chest and pressing down in a steady rythem. (Ah ha ha ha stayin' alive, stayin' alive.) After a few compressions (fancy talk for pressing her chest.) I put my ear back up to her chest and listened. Still nothing.

"Live dang it!"

I repeated the whole shabang a few more times before the pegasus gasped and sat bolt upright. I was so happy I wrapped her in a hug and started doing a little dance in place.

"You're alive! I did it! I DID IT! I saved your life!"

She screamed and darted across the room before huddling, shivering in the corner.

"Gyah! Don't panic! I don't know if CPR will work again!"

She sat there, absolutely terrified, as I slowly walked over to her. Finally, she spoke in a voice barely louder than a whisper,

"P-please d-don't h-hurt m-m-me M-mister hu-human."

I crouched down beside the terrified mare and spoke slowly and softly.

"Just calm down. I'm not going to hurt you. Are you feeling okay?"

She started cowering down more and said,

"What happened? Why wouldn't I be okay? Did I--!"

"Calm down. You just... um... died... a little. But don't worry! I saved you!"

Her eyes went wide and she gulped.

"I d-d-died!"

And then she fainted... I think.

~Check her again. Lets hope she's alive this time.~

>Might as well.<

I checked and found that fortunately she was still breathing and her heart was fine.

What do I do now?

~Uh... put her in bed?~

>Leave. Turn back into a pony and get on a train.<

I guess... both?

I picked up the pony and put her on a nearby couch. As she lay there unconscious, I couldn't resist patting her adorable head... and rubbing her fluffy belly. When that was taken care of, I pulled out the magicite and started sucking on it like before. With a flash, I was Jackknife again. The crystal's glow was significantly dimmer. I probably should gather more magic before leaving. I spent a few minutes stabbing random fruits and vegetables, leaving a mound of shriveled up, grey fruit in the trash can. With that out of the way, I was free to make my escape.

I hope that mare thinks this was all a dream. Or at least doesn't mention it to anyone important.

~Hopefully!~

>This is going to bite you in the butt so bad.<

As I walked the streets of Ponyville, I was glad that none of the ponies were--

"Oh my gosh oh my gosh OH MY GOSH!"

...Bob Saget.

>What?<

~It's a swear stand in.~

Suddenly I was accosted by a purple unicorn who started grabbing my wings and ears.

"A real live Nocturne! I've never seen one up close! Well, other then the night guard, but they were on duty so I couldn't ask them anything so--"

"Twilight! Watch out! That's the vampony I was warning you about!"

Oh crap it's the pony who caused the panic earlier.

The unicorn turned to address miss Pink hair shouts alot and... the three other mares with her. A white unicorn with purple mane and tale, an orange and yellow normal pony, and a blue pegasus with rainbow hair. I wonder if she dyes it that color? No way you get perfectly divided colors naturally. The unicorn sighed as she said,

"Pinkie, a Nocturne isn't a vampony. They just have unique physical characteristics that set them apart from the other three races. Because of these differences, little is known about them given how secretive they all are. I mean, nopony's ever even diagramed their anatomy because they couldn't find them! That is, until now!"

She turned to me and gave me the frickin biggest cheshire grin I've ever seen in my life.

"With your help, I can make scientific breakthroughs the likes of which ponykind has never seen! Princess Celestia will be so proud of me! Now what do you say, ready to head to the lab? I'll be sure to pay you for your trouble."

I held up a hoof and took a deep breath as the five mares looked on in varying degrees of interest.

"No."

I started walking away before the unicorn finally registered what I said.

~You could have helped her.~

>No. Right call in that one.<

"Wait a minute! Why not?"

"Because I don't want to."

I was picked up in a purple aura as the purple menace pulled me closer. She looked a little frantic.

"But, but think of all the things I could learn!"

"I said no!"

I flapped my wings and flew off, away from the mares. As the purple one sat there, shocked, the orange mare said,

"Welp, ya tried. Ya can't force somepony ta let ya study them."

A few hairs fell out of place as the purple one started stammering,

"But Princess Celestia will be so disappointed! I need to make friends with him, learn a friendship lesson, and then write a paper on Nocturnes! I had it all planned out!"

The others backed away as the blue pegasus began shakily calming her friend.

"Calm down Twi, maybe... uh... try again?"

She snapped to attention, a manic gleam in her eyes.

"Yes! I'll try again! He'll have to stay once we all make friends with him!"

The others nodded, nervous smiles on their faces. As the purple one called "Twi" galloped off, they all breathed a sigh of relief. The unicorn smiled and said,

"Goodness, I was afraid it would be the "tardy" incident all over again.

--------------------------

I said my goodbyes to the Cakes and headed for the train station. As I got to the counter, I held the little bag of gold things the Cakes had given me. Apparently these were the credits around here. I looked at the list of names realized something. I still couldn't read pony. I had heard somepony mention some small town named Coltson, so with no other towns available to me, I made my choice.

"One ticket to Coltson please!"

"Alrighty, here you are. You're just in time, the train is leaving very soon."

Yay! Off on an adventure!

~Let's meet new ponies!~

>Let's get wasted so we can hide from the tragedy our life is now.<

I headed for the train when all of a sudden,

"WAIT!"

I looked back and... oh no. It's purple and her entourage.

"What?"

She gave me a pleading look.

"Stay here! We could all be such good friends and learn so much. You seem like such an interesting stallion that I'd love to get to know, so what do you say? Will you stay here?"

"Daw"s could be heard from several ponies around as Twi... realized she was talking to nopony.

"Where is he?"

The pink pony pointed at the train as it chugged away.

"The conductor was all 'all aboard!' and the bat pony was all 'bye!' and he's gone."

Twi got down on her knees and screamed,

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

(Meanwhile.)

Coltson here I come!

Author's Note:

Sorry about the delay, technical difficulties. Hopefully fixed now... hopefully.

Comments

[Silent Echo]

Yay! Off on an adventure!
~Let's meet new ponies!~
>Let's get wasted so we can hide from the tragedy our life is now.
Ha ha ha!!
You are so awesom!

[shinigamisparda]

This can only end poorly. And how is he going to refill the magicite?

[Fauster]

Great story.

[OutOfTheBlue]

8185108 No, you my dear reader, are awesome.

[OutOfTheBlue]

8185301 Who knows? Maybe he won't.

[OutOfTheBlue]

8185417 Thanks!

[Mix-up]

interesting chapter, interesting that the guy decided to avoid being introduced to the rest of the mane six.

[OutOfTheBlue]

8185756 Well he was in a hurry. Also I feel the "My human character becomes best friends with the mane six" thing is a little cliche at this point. Figured I'd mix things up a bit.

[Illi]

I really hope Twilight follows him.

[OutOfTheBlue]

8186326 MAybe... possibly... stop reading my mind.

[Nova light]

I'm late, what did i miss?

[General_Rommel]

>JUST DO IT<

[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXsQAXx_ao0]

[Spiritus Arcane]

8185756
Well given that it was established they were friends of Pinkie, AKA the mare who tried to cause a TOWN WIDE panic over him, I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with them either.

[OutOfTheBlue]

8213911
Thank you for noticing.

[Texus]

Now I kind of wish that would cause some funny rumors, Twilight looked like she accidently confessed her not existing love.

[OutOfTheBlue]

8222001
Oh, we'll return to Ponyville some day.