Trump

"Really?" You ask her, an eyebrow raised.

"W-Well, I may have told Rainbow, that you accepted telling me about this..." She says sheepishly, a hoof scratching the back of her neck. "Then, Rainbow told Pinkie-" She gives a menacing glare at the cyan pegasus, "What?" but doesn't stop there. "-and then five seconds later everypony received invitation cards so... yeah. Sorry."

You simply look at the six mares, and give a quick sigh in defeat. Might as well roll with it. "Whatever, let's get on with it." The more the merrier. Or something. And then you walk to your chair and sit, getting comfortable while prepping the couple papers you spent an hour writing, just to be sure not to forget any important parts.

They all follow your example, plopping down all around you.

You watch silently, and they each give a quick nod when settled.

You cough, preparing your throat for the long speech you're going to give them. "Okay, so, it all start--"

"Oh! Oh! Wait!" She interrupts you, then throws her hooves in her mane, fumbling around it for a couple seconds, before taking them out, a bucket far too big to fit in there in her grasp. "Can't start a movie without popcorn!" She giggles before bringing a hooffull to her mouth.

You blink, watching her pooffy mane bob in sync with her movements.

A shiver runs through your back. It's not the first time you saw Ponk's witchcraft at work, but it still scares you. It terrorizes you, even, and only hers does it, you don't feel that way whenever you see Twilight teleport shit around or Rarity starts levitating stuff. There's something wrong with her, and one day, you'll have to do it. You will have to simply grow a pair, grab her, lean forward, and poke your head inside of there. To see what's on the other side.

"do it... do it... you want to do it... do it... come... join me... let us become one..."

"Anon?" Twilight's call stops the eerie voices echoing in your head, making you jolt up, blinking at her.

"Huh, what? Oh, right, the story. Okay..." You take in as much air as you can.

"So, it all started... when Spiderman discovered that the earth wasn't flat by looking at an apple falling from a tree..."

"And that, is how the God Emperor Donald J. Trump, helped by the free people of Kekistan, defeated the Matriarch Hillary and pushed back the invaders from the sea enen, freeing the normies from her tyrannical grasp, using the wonderful powers of memes and statistics!"

"Wha... what?! But that doesn't make any sen-" A raspy tomboyish cry cuts her off. "That was so awesoooome!"

"What?! No it wasn't! Why would Milo help Nigel steal the ISS Brexxit if-" But Ponk doesn't feel like letting her finish either. "Ohh! That part about the feminazis was soooo funny!"

"I admit that this God Emperor Trump sounds rather charming! Would you mind telling me more about him dear?"

"Ah' reckon, that fella has his heart in the right place!"

"Yeah! Tell us again about based Stickman and the fourth battle of Berkeley!"

"A-And, um, if you don't mind, about Tarzan and--" A loud scream stops flutters, her survival instincts kicking in, instantly cowering under the table trembling for her life.

"No! No no no! Thi-this doesn't make any sense!" Everyone stands there, blinking eyes open wide, worryingly looking at her. "You made it up! I'm sure you made it all up!"

You raise your hands with open palms. "Woah there, maybe I did add a tidbit of crunch here and there, but that was only to keep the audience on its toes, I swear I didn't change anything important." You're having a hard time hiding the grin creeping up the corner of your mouth.

"Oh come on Twilight, who cares! It was great!"

"Well I care--"

"Yeah! Why do you have to be such a party pooper!"

"What?! I was jus--"

"Now now, it's okay sugarcube, we know that you jus' can't stop yourself from being so picky about this kin'a nunsense."

Fluttershy finally decides to comes back up, her head poking up from below the table. "Um..."

"Not you too?!" She groans. "eeep~" And there she goes again. "He even said that his planet was orbiting the sun! This-this is heresy!"

In a castle somewhere.

"*Krsshh* Code red, this is a code red, the human just spilled the bean!"

"What?!"

"I repeat, code red, the goyim knows! W-what am I supposed to do?! Princess?!"

"Shut it down! Shut everything down, send the manticores!"

Years later

"You lied to me!" You don't have the time to greet her back.

You raise you hands in surrender. "Whu-what?? What are you on about, woman? I dindu' nuthin!" You blink, doing your best to act the part.

"You lied to me! To us! About all those stories about Trump!"

You blink again, for real this time. "Oh, that's what you're talking about... whew."

"Why? Why didn't you tell us the truth?" She says, stepping closer and closer. She's not really mad, just slightly upset. You know that face by now, it's the face of a pony looking for comfort.

And you give it to her, a hand cupping a cheek when she's close enough. "It was years ago, I was a different man back then Twiggypoo." You sigh, trying to remember the details and important parts. She leans into your palm, wanting more of your warmth, but still wearing her adorable pout. "I... I must've thought it wasn't important."

"Not important?! But that's the story of a whole civilization! Of your species as a whole!" She reaches out with a hoof, placing it on top your hand. Her pout fades and her caring expression take its place, eyes fixed on yours and muzzle scrunching slightly.

"And?" Her lips part, but no words come through. "I couldn't go back Twilight, I knew I couldn't. And even then, I don't think I would've wanted to, this place is great." You smile, doing your best to reassure her, to make her understand that you mean it.

"And, to be quite honest, it was really, really funny. It was just a joke, I swear."

"A joke? Funny? What's so funny about saying that the earth was orbiting the sun?"

"Huh? Oh, no, that part was true."

"*krrsh* Code red! I repeat, code red! *kshhr*"

"SHIT!"

Author's Note:

This was silly.
I am so sorry.

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Comments ( 29 )

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Dinodisneylover1

Dinodisneylover1 #1 · Apr 26th, 2017 · 7 · 1 ·

Human tails? Humans don't have tails. They have big, big bottoms that they wear with bad shorts. They walk around going, "Hi, Helen".

Dinodisneylover1

Dinodisneylover1 #2 · Apr 26th, 2017 · 2 · 30 ·

By the way: Fuck Trump.

Sorry, sir. I may not be from America, but I'm on the side of justice. I'll always will be on the side of Obama and the democrats.

Locky

Locky #3 · Apr 26th, 2017 · 1 · ·

8122227
Well at least you're funny

Dinodisneylover1

Dinodisneylover1 #4 · Apr 26th, 2017 · 1 · 3 ·

8122233 Why, thank you. I took it from FernGully. I saw the title and I just couldn't help but say that quote.

Look, about that last comment: I'm not a guy that looks for trouble, but those elections had kind of an impact not just on me but to almost the entire world.

Locky

Locky #5 · Apr 26th, 2017 · · ·

Holy molly, reread and fixed a dozen issues.
I'm never posting a story again without reading it twice, sorry about that guys.

Dune-Fan

Dune-Fan #6 · Apr 26th, 2017 · 1 · ·

8122222 Nice Ferngully reference.

DominiusTWD

DominiusTWD #7 · Apr 27th, 2017 · · ·

im surprised out of everything he potentially said that twilight held onto the sun and earth thing the hardest. also, why manticores?

Locky

Locky #8 · Apr 27th, 2017 · · ·

8123822
Yes, because denying Celestia's power is heresy and punishable by deat-I mean, by thousand years banishment somewhere far far away.
And, first thing that went through my head.

pahnazd

pahnazd #9 · Apr 28th, 2017 · · ·

Don't be sorry, this was great
A lot of laughs condensed into a short story. Good for starting the day with

Just... once or twice you started describing an action without saying who did it, making it a bit confusing before I figured it out (the part where Pinkie grabs popcorn, and later when Twi jumps in saying that it's all nonsense at the end of humanity's story of epicness)

Locky

Locky #10 · Apr 28th, 2017 · · ·

8126191
Yeah, I'm still trying to figure out how to correctly use this 'style' while limiting this kind of confusion.
I knew people would get mixed up with the two examples you gave, but eventually you figured it out, so I guess I didn't get it wrong.
And thanks mate

pahnazd

pahnazd #11 · Apr 28th, 2017 · · ·

8126341 Well, you definitely didn't get it wrong, but you didn't get it exactly right either. Not flaming, just trying to be helpful.
Instead of starting the sentence with "She" when you change focus of characters, you could have used the character's name. Makes it much smoother and less confusing!
Then again, in Pinkie's case, you could probably blame it on her 4th wall breaking skills and wanting others to be confused

LK-52O

LK-52O #12 · Apr 28th, 2017 · 2 · ·

We are going to build a wall and make Tumblr pay for it.

SunBlaze

SunBlaze #13 · May 2nd, 2017 · · ·

Returned here after sometime sees this

Not disappointed

Vaalintine

Vaalintine #14 · May 4th, 2017 · · ·

The first time i read this it hirt so bad I couldn't finish. The second time it gave me so much autism it made me double autistic.

Do more.

Edit: is this in the same universe as your other stories?

Locky

Locky #15 · May 4th, 2017 · 1 · ·

8139389
Hurt?? Whoa, I always thought I'd piss people off, trigger them and/or make them laugh, but hurting is a first.
And yes, this one is canon towards the TwilyxAnon fics. Maybe I'll retcon Celestia's jewish plot, but other than that everything is rather harmless plot-wise.
Also I do intend on making more, but I feel like I need to get better at writing before writing more of 'this story', I really want it to be special.
I'm working on 4-5 different fics right now, with only one of those being in this canon, others being random shit and/or alternate stories/universes. Mainly smut tho.

Vaalintine