Equestria's Black Swordsman

by TheEveryDaySparkle

Chapter 5: Healing and Friendship

Guts was absolutely horrified. No, not literally. He just couldn't believe his eyes. There were so many furry creatures in her home. He was so bothered by it that he had to ask.

"Hey. Yellow one. Why do you have all these animals?"

Fluttershy was a bit scared at first. She didn't expect him to call her name so bluntly. BUt then she giggled. "They're my pets. I take care of all of them. Aren't they adorable?"

Guts' eyes widened. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. All these animals...were her pets?! She had a bunny, which was understandable. A bird? Also okay. But when e saw the bear, that was when he drew the line.

But then, a thought hit him, and he smiled.

"So, a beast tamer, eh?" So that was what she was doing with that manticore back there. "Sorry I killed your catch."

Fluttershy shuddered at the word 'kill'. It wasn't a taboo word. It was just...she hated the idea of any poor animal losing its life, even if it was to protect her.

"N-no, not at all. I couldn't tame a manticore like that. That only happened once, and even then I was afraid to do it. My friends had to support me. But I was finally able to get it to go back t the wild where it belonged."

He knew what she meant. She wasn't a tamer. She was just good with animals. Still a good thing though.

"I see." Was all he said in response. And then...

"Alright, lie down."

Guts looked up to see the pony pointing to her bed. He did as she asked, fully aware that he needed no help, however bad she might think his pain is.

"Now, I usually use these to help my animals get better, but i'll use them for you too." She smiled at him as she began to dress his head in bandages.

She blushed as she said her next words.

"Okay, now I need you to remove your clothes."

Having heard this before and gone through the motions dozens of times, he simply complied.

Fluttershy, who had not been expecting such a quick response, had to shield her eyes to avoid seeing anything "dirty."

She peeked out to find that he had only removed his upper body armor. She scolded herself for thinking such thoughts and returned to her check up of his body. He had scars all over and upon closer inspection of his face, one of his eyes were closed. Was he blind in one eye. She frowned as she found herself feeling bad for the stallion before her.

When she returned to looking over his body, she was suddenly a bit disappointed that he had not taken off more. His abs were more than just toned. They were hard, and dense with muscle. She took another look and noticed that his whole body was as she had just mentally described, from his forelegs to his haunches, as they bulged through the armor he wore She scolded herself for having such impure thoughts once more and, with a wave of her hoof and a few words, allowed him to dress himself.

"You're just fine. Just keep your head wrapped and you'll be A-okay!" She said happily.

She told him to wait where he was as she called her friends over one by one.

Considering she had gone on the other room to do this, Guts was left alone with his thoughts. He found himself thinking about how his crew was doing, and whether or not he would ever return to see them. He was snapped out of his revelry by happy squeals of delight from the other room as Fluttershy invited her friends over to visit.

Once she had called her friends over, she and Guts sat by the bed, waiting on them to come.

When they did, Fluttershy welcomed them inside and allowed them to see Guts for themselves.

"OH MY GOSH! Are you the new pony Fluttershy told us about?!" A loud voice seeming to belong to no one came out of nowhere and assaulted Guts' eardrums.

"You're so cool! Rainbow Dash would love you!"

Suddenly a pink pony with dark pink curly hair appeared behind Guts, causing him to grab Dragon Slayer in his teeth and turn to face her, which in turn caused her to cower away just a bit.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to offend anypony."

Suddenly another voice could be heard from the doorway.

"Pinkie Pie, darling, stop pestering the poor stallion. He obviously is not in the mood to be joking around."

Following the perky pink pony was a white one with a purple mane and a triple diamond Symbol on her flank that Guts could only assume was this cutie mark thing the zebra Zecora had told him about. She walked up to him.

"I must say however that his sense of style could use some work. Black leather...ew."

Yet another voice from nowhere spoke up from the shadows.

"I reckon his sense of style isn't what's wrong, Rarity." A new pony appeared, admonishing the now named Rarity on her priorities. She wore a bow on her tail and had on a stetson hat. She also spoke in a country accent. Guts hadn't heard many of those in a while.

"Hi there, stranger, the name's Apple Jack! It's nice to meet'cha." She held out a hoof to shake, which Guts accepted cautiously. He didn't know these ponies well enough to consider them comrades, and for all he knew they could all be here to kill him, but judging by the way the yellow one shuddered at his mentioning the word 'kill', that was frowned upon here. Apple Jack took note of his strong grip.

"Alright, where's the pony who killed a mantincore all on his own?!" A very tomboyish voice piped from the shadows once more. Another Pegasus. She looked Guts over.

"You don't look so tough. I bet I could do what you did with my wings tied behind my back!" She may have said that, but as she took in his features, she began to think that maybe he was as tough as Fluttershy had said. He did save her after all. She took in his single eye, the second constantly closed. The grim look on his face, the armor he wore, his huge sword. It was as if he was a soldier back from a war, or a lone warrior, forced to fight for his life on multiple occasions against seemingly unbeatable odds. All of it just screamed cool, and she liked it. She didn't know how right she was.

"Oh, be quiet Rainbow. You're scaring him." A final voice filled the now non-existent silence in the room. A purple unicorn with wings appeared in the doorway as she slowly entered in to Fluttershy's home.

Then, as if she didn't even hear her previous words, she proceeded to pepper him with questions.

"So, how did you do it? Did you use that huge sword? How are you able to carry something so big without using magic? Where did you get that armor and what is it made out of? Oh, this is going to be such a huge discovery!"

"Girls!"

A small, yet intense voice spoke up through the cacophony of sounds. All eyes turned to one yellow Pegasus.

"You're asking too much of him! Can't you see he's scared and confused!" The small Pegasus yelled.

All of her friends backed off immediately. Guts was surprised at how forceful the yellow one could be.

"Good. Now, I'll introduce everyone. Mr. Swordsman, these are my friends. Sorry if they caused you any trouble."

Guts simply shook his head.

"Really? You don't mind? Yay! Now, everyone introduce yourself.

First, was Pinkie Pie, of course.

"Hi, there, Mr. Swordsman! My name is Pinkie Pie! But of course you already knew that, since Rarity said my name already!"

Then came the rest.

"A pleasure, Darling. My name is Rarity."

"Howdy, I'm Apple Jack!"

"Sup, I'm Rainbow Dash."

"How are you? I'm Twilight Sparkle. It's nice to meet you."

"And...i-i-i'm...Fluttershy" Came the last and quietest of the introductions. Then she spoke up a bit. "Okay, well, now that we've introduced ourselves. Why don't you tell us your name Mr. Swordsman. It'll be hard calling you Mr. Swordsman all the time, so I just assumed that you'd want to tell us your name to...make it...easier."

Guts sighed. Why was she so shy?

Then, just as Guts thought that, she started panicking.

"Well, that is... if you want us to call you that we can. You don't have to tell us your name if you don't want-"

He stopped her mid sentence. Then, he stood up on all four hooves and said, "My name...is Blood Hoof."

Comments

[PrototypeJ]

Awesome chapters, you are doing a amazing job. I can't wait to read the next one.

[Sk1Tz]

The first issue I see before reading the story is the amount of chapters you submitted with the story's publishment. You should always hold some finished chapters to release later, for it holds the reader's interest longer, as well as leaves them in thought a lot more. Plus it gives you more time to work on future chapters.

[TheEveryDaySparkle]

7791207 yeah about that. None of these were finished chapters beforehand. I literally came up with all this some three hours ago in the haze that is my author mode. It was always meant to stop where it did so I could continue from there. It just ended up longer than I expected. But at least it stopped where it was supposed to. Now I can give out more tomorrow. What you see as an issue, I see as a happy accident.

7791119 thank you for saying so. I'll be on it by tomorrow, I hope so you wont have long to wait.

[Krozairofequestria]

The writing isn't bad, but I couldn't keep going after chapter 4.
The on off Guts character was just killing it for me, I thought at the start it was already not really Guts but later it become really clear how on off his character is.
Next is the chapter size. you should try to aim for 1k+ for a prologue and 2k+ for chapter.
So now why chapter 4 killed it for me.
How can it be that Guts only now takes a look at his blade? How comes he is so fixated on civilization? How can he know that he need to grab his sword with his teeth? How can he fight this way? why not grabbing it with his hoofs? Why even going to the Town when he isn't used to his body? There are so many things on chapter 4 alone that i gave up half way through it.

Don't get me wrong, the idea is great your writing is not bad. But character and Plot are as important as the first two. And a solid law for your world would be important too. But the way it is now it is nothing for me.

[TheEveryDaySparkle]

7791267 if you couldn't keep going after chapter four, then how is this comment on chapter five. Yeah, I tried to make him as Guts as possible, but I needed to go with the flow. I'm not just going to use him as a standby though. I suppose I could have taken into account the fact that true Guts uses his hands. The civilization thing I could tell was out of character. I didn't know how to make it as to where it would sound right. The sword thing I thought was perfectly timed though come on. Now, as to it having killed the story for you, fine. If ya don't like it don't read it. I tried and failed with you. That's all there is to it.

[Krozairofequestria]

7791279 why on chapter 5? I have no Idea I wrote the review (not chapter) on the main story page not a specific chapter.
doesn't mean he needs to be Guts on and off, I mean why so angry at discord when he has the most ridiculous name already accepted and all? Why go even in the first place? Casca is not save and Griffith is still breathing. This is before he developed a reason not to go after Griffith.
For the civilization part you could have the town burning and Guts going there because of the screams.
The sword would have be perfectly placed if not for the fact he was with Zecora before this and she was taking care of his wounds. If she did this she would have to peel him out of his equipment and he would have needed to put it back on. There he would already have noticed this fact about the weapon being off.

Yea I won't keep reading, just wanted to give you my honest opinion on the part i have read.

[JarlPypBoi]

I went into this story doubting it would surprise, and at times it almost did but it never popped in a way that made me love it, between plot holes and grammatical errors I felt overwhelmed so here's some advice from one shitty writer to another less shitty author.

I recommend finding an editor ASAP. When I started writing here I knew I needed an editor, I'm a closet brony so I can't just show my story to anyone, I looked around in certain groups and eventually found someone, and other than having someone in my corner to fix my grammar and plot holes I had a good friend who isn't scared to tell me how retarded my stories are sometimes.

I also recommend putting more time into your works, I usually reread my story three times before reluctantly accepting it's as good as it ever will be.

I also reccomend not sassing people who critique your work, I read the other comments and I have to admit that you came off kind of assholey, next time just say 'duly noted' if you can't think of anything nicer.

Hope I helped my dude, keep it for realzies!

[Mr mustash]

not bad I will be tracking this story now.

[Purple Lightning]

This is pretty decent, I actually like the way you're making Guts to act for the most part, as I like to think he is the type of character to adapt to the situation and role with it. Sure he could just be all cold and jerky, but why would he? After a god brought him to what is supposedly a world of peace and meeting only others who sincerely want to help him as much as possible, I like to think this is not too far off from how the character would really act. If I had one niggle it would be that it feels like things are happening a bit too fast, but it's not that huge of an issue, as you are using a character with an established story and personality, if this was a story with an OC as the protagonist it would be a different story though. Also while writing this I remembered another little niggle I had, which is when you where trying to describe how Fluttershy found him attractive but the way it was written was as if he was a human, rather than a pony. Again not really a huge issue, at the end of the day it's a fairly decent story with a nice premise, so keep on keeping on.

[Autumn breeze24]

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!! Please!

[Helljumper206]

7791279
I think you did a pretty good job Guts softer side. Are their any plans to continue this?

[TheEveryDaySparkle]

9018305
No unfortunately

[DarkKing2]

9019231

WE NEED MORE PLZ

[TheEveryDaySparkle]

10091886
I'm very sorry. It has been a while since I did this story and I do not remember very well what I had in mind. I do not think i will be returning to this any time soon. However, If you'd like, feel free to look at some of my newer stories.

[DarkKing2]

10092136
It's still a good story though.