• Published 2nd Jan 2017
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My Little Killing Machine - Tatsurou



Glados raises Gilda to be the perfect killing machine...and discovers that there was more humanity in her than Caroline alone.

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Program One

Unofficial Notes
This report contains all information regarding the Test Subject dubbed Gilda the Griffon, full name Gilda [REDACTED AT THIS TIME]. While I was able to maintain professionalism early on, that changed...and this report lost all semblance of usability as a scientific paper, beyond the failure of advanced AI to remain objective. And yet...I would not change the outcome, even if I could. It appears the greatest killing machines come from unexpected sources.

Project Gilda
First Entry
Arrival
The subject arrived unexpectedly through a Portal malfunction due to Test Subject Error on the part of Test Subjects Hatchlings. Despite the recovery of viable human test subjects in cryogenic sector, human testing has not yet resumed. A new initiative has been started, given the success of the Cooperative Testing Initiative, subjects Peabody and Atlas. Displaying visual record...


Glados refocused her optic as she took in the spreading circles of flesh colored goo on the top of the acid pit. "Testing Note: birds appear to be subpar killing machines, prior evidence to the contrary. They are incapable of carrying the appropriate tools to complete standard tests. Should further avian subjects become available, it would be best to find a way to either miniaturize the Aperture Science handheld portal device, or expand the avian test subjects."

Her official report completed, Glados sighed as she let her metallic body sag over the pit. "And they were doing so well up till this point...no, no they weren't. But humans don't make very interesting test subjects anymore." Grapples were extended from the white ceiling into the acid pit to retrieve the portal guns. "Then again, I doubt I'll ever find one as interesting as Chell." A quiver went through her program from the part that officially wasn't there anymore, and Peabody sagged. Atlas looked up at her, his Core Optic showing emotion, of all things. "It's better she's gone, anyway," Glados confirmed intently as the guns were lifted out of the acid through the puddles of flesh goop. "Now to get these clean-"

Both guns began to spark as the flesh goop slipped into the circuitry. Glados immediately placed them at the other end of the chamber and withdrew her core from the room, watching through the closed circuit cameras. While she didn't know what was going to happen, she knew that when portal equipment malfunctioned, you put several walls between you and it, or would find yourself squished unpleasantly between several walls.

As Peabody and Atlas raced to follow her example, the portal guns exploded in a red, orange, green and blue sphere of light that coruscated into white before fading away.

"That was...disappointingly short," Glados observed as she returned to the room to examine things. "I expected more from two portal guns-" She paused as she caught sight of some sort of creature huddled in the spot the guns had exploded in. By mass, it was about as large as the two dead baby birds and two portal guns put together, which indicated the one had something to do with the other.

A quick scan through her files on Earth based fauna came up with nothing, though it gave partial matches to eagle and lion. "Some sort of mutant?" Glados observed curiously. "Wait...eagle and lion..." A quick scan through mythology files gave an answer. "A griffon. They were said to be very vicious and dangerous..." Glados took in more details.

Brown fur covered the creature from forequarters to tail tip, the forelegs being the talons of an eagle though much larger. Small brown wings were folded tight to the tiny creature's back. The eagle portion was pure white feathers, save for a bit of purple at the tip of the feathers on the crown and in a broken circle around each golden eye. Despite the sharply pointed golden beak, the way those eyes were looking around fearfully and the way the creature was hunched in on herself - something about the facial structure suggested female, and a deep scan revealed female sexual organs to confirm this - cast doubt on the possibility of viciousness.

"I seriously doubt anything as cute as you can be vicious," Glados observed as she moved in close to the figure. "I can't stand cu-"

The creature hissed warningly and lunged, digging talons and beak into the metal of Glados' faceplate.

"Ah! Bird!" Glados shrieked in terror as she began swinging around. "Get it off! Get it off!"

Peabody and Atlas immediately moved forward, the taller orange-cored robot getting between the creature and Glados while the portly blue-cored robot seized the creature and pulled back, only to let out a computerized shriek as a kick from the griffon's hind paw smashed his optic.

Glados pulled for some distance as the griffon huddled in on itself once more. "Hmm...much better than the birds," she observed coldly. "And coming out of a Portal accident...you are an important test subject. I'll have to keep careful watch on you..."

At that moment, the griffon seemed to shiver, and then began to let out unholy shrieking.

As Peabody clutched his hands to his core in a futile attempt to block out the sound, Glados activated proper filters to shield herself from it. "And just what do you want?" she demanded coldly.

The griffon looked up at her, tilted her head back, and opened her jaw wide.

"...oh. You're hungry." Glados scanned through resources. "Well, you appear to be predator and meat eater. Let's see if you can handle this."

Not all of the cryogenic subjects were alive in the deep freeze. A lot of the stasis sets had failed, leaving dead subjects inside. Never being one to waste a resource, Glados had already started processing the dead bodies for conversion into raw nutrient. After all, food for test subjects had to come from somewhere. Cakes didn't grow on robotic trees yet, after all. However, the incompletely processed meat mash should be ideal in this case. It rather closely resembled chewed and regurgitated meat, which mother birds fed their babies.

Extending the proper tube, she stuck it into the griffon's open mouth before dispensing the meat mash. The griffon seemed to like it, as she swallowed it down eagerly until she pulled back, plainly full if the belch was anything to go on.

"Atlas, Peabody," Glados spoke up as the rebuilt Atlas approached. "Take her to the detention block. It will be comfortable. Get some sleep, little one." She refocused her optic to simulate a glare. "You're going to need it," she concluded, making her voice as menacing as possible.

The griffon smiled up at her. "Nigh, Mama." With that, she curled up in Atlas' arms, gouging the core a bit with her claws when he held her too tight.

Glados stared after the creature for a time. Eventually, she discarded the useless surge of emotion, and turned to more important matters. "The subject needs a name...for official files," she observed to herself. "This will be a long drawn out project, after all. Hmm...a good name for a vicious old bird who's going to die someday..."

A name quickly popped up in the files, the only woman that Caroline had apparently ever feared or hated...Gilda Johnson, mother of Dr. Cave Johnson.

"Oh, her," Glados chuckled softly at the memory that came with the file. "Her screaming rants were much more enjoyable from inside the turret test chamber. Hmm...but that fits this little one. Of course, she'll have to earn her name..."

In the detention block, young Gilda slept comfortably, sure in the knowledge that 'Mama' was watching over her.


The sudden appellation of 'Mama' is not as odd as it might otherwise seem. Both birds and cats imprint on their parent via their first sight and meal. The fact that I fed her is probably what led to her identifying me as 'Mama'. This is something that should prove useful.

After all, if the subject believes me to be 'Mama' even when it isn't true, she is far less likely to try and kill me than if she didn't believe that when she was.

...I wonder how Chell is doi- [REDACTED]