• Published 2nd Jan 2017
  • 13,180 Views, 1,309 Comments

My Little Killing Machine - Tatsurou



Glados raises Gilda to be the perfect killing machine...and discovers that there was more humanity in her than Caroline alone.

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Final Program

Final Entry
New File
It didn't take long for Cave to completely restructure the Combine towards his goals and interests. It took even less time to convert Earth's solar system for resource mining, expanded living space, and massive food production. By the time the next generation of humans had been produced, Cave had the infrastructure in place to feed and provide for the next 100, assuming Testing didn't cull a good portion of the inept, incompetent, or otherwise useless.
Of course, with selective breeding and gene therapy, there weren't that many of that to begin with. Still, the Combine had left Earth with a limited gene pool to work with, so best to play it safe.
Speaking of the next generation, Gordon Freeman passed my evaluation, at which point I locked him and Chell in a room with cake, candles, comfy cushions, a plush bed, and the best romantic/erotic music collections from all of human history. Within the hour, they'd escaped the entire facility - leaving a path of carnage and collateral damage in their wake - and raced off into the untamed wilderness together to do things their way.
I was so proud of them.
Around the time their first-born daughter - Caroline - turned 7, Gilda began getting flashes of memory from another life. She kept looking for someone named 'Rainbow Dash', and grumbling about 'lamebrained ponies', only to have no idea what she was talking about by the time I asked what she meant. Thankfully, by then Cave had successfully located the world of her origin, and I had successfully installed the dimensional warp gates into the facility to make Aperture Fortress - as the flying form of the facility had been dubbed - fully functional as far as dimensional travel. We could warp there and back whenever - and however many times - we wanted. It was time to go claim the world Cave had gifted me.
Of course, there were still the locals to deal with. I would have to test their capabilities...
By the time you read this entry, I've probably already conquered a good portion of your world...or decided I didn't want to. You'll have to get back out to find out.
If you're still sitting there...video below.


Aperture Fortress warped into the air above the peaceful town of Ponyville. Given the size of the Fortress, it cast a shadow over the entire town that meant most ponies didn't realize that the sun had already risen. Gilda glanced down at the small town disdainfully as she stretched in her armor. "Ya sure she's here, Mom?"

"I am certain," Glados confirmed. "If she is someone important to you, logically she is important to this world, and this is where all the highest energy reactions have occurred in the past month for this world. By definition, she must be here...or this world doesn't matter, in which case this is where we'll find the best test subjects."

Gilda smirked. "Well, I'm gonna go look for her. Keep a hanger open in case I want to bring up anyone without wings."

"Of course," Glados confirmed with a smile. She was still getting used to the fact that she could smile, even after all these years. "Don't kill anyone potentially useful!"

Chuckling, Gilda took wing and glided down towards the town. Before long, she caught sight of a house made of cloud floating over the town, with a rainbow fountain pouring endlessly to one side. Deciding that was as good a place to start as anywhere, she settled down on the front porch and proceeded to pound on the front door...pausing as she realized the door was made of cloud, and yet didn't fall apart from the pounding.

After a time, the door opened to reveal a grumpy rainbow-maned pegasus. "What the crap?" she grumbled irritably. "The sun ain't even up yet-SWEET CELESTIA!" As she caught sight of Gilda, she backpedaled quickly, trying to slam the door.

Gilda wasn't having any of it. Charging in, she caught the pegasus in a headlock and proceeded to give her a firm noogie. "Damn I missed you, Dash!" she gasped out happily, laughing as the pegasus struggled in her grip.

Rainbow's eyes went wide as she recognized the voice. "G-Gilda?" she gasped out. "What the hay happened to you?"

"I got awesome!" Gilda proclaimed smugly, releasing Rainbow to strike a pose.

"Buck yeah, you did!" Rainbow confirmed, rushing around Gilda to take in every inch of her armored form. "Where'd you get the hardsuit?"

Chuckling, Gilda stepped back out of the house and pointed up.

Curious, Rainbow followed her out and looked up, only to nearly fall off the cloud. "Celestia's tits, what's that?!"

"My house," Gilda replied with a cocky grin. "Wanna check it out?"

"Boy do I!" Rainbow declared eagerly, leaping into the air. She then paused. "Hang on, I gotta get the others first, especially Twilight. She'd never forgive me if I left her out of something like this."

"Rainbow Dash!" an excited voice called up to the cloud. "Are we gonna go pranking again today?"

Curious, Gilda glanced off the edge of the cloud, catching sight of a pink pony with a poofy pink mane and tail. That's all she caught sight of - besides the pranking accouterments hanging off her head - before the pony leaped into the air with a scream of fear. "Cylon!" With that shouted cry, the pony dashed away.

"...friend of yours?" Gilda asked as Rainbow burst into peals of laughter.

"Yup!" Rainbow confirmed. "That's Pinkie Pie. Come on, I'll get them all together to introduce you! When you see all six of us at the library over there, join us!" With that, Rainbow took to the air, flying around the town.

Gilda settled down to wait. The expressions on their faces were bound to be priceless.


Gilda couldn't have been more right. Rainbow continued to laugh at the looks on her friend's faces. Rarity looked torn between fainting dramatically and cooing over how 'fashionable' Gilda's armor was. Pinkie Pie was still convinced she was a Cylon, and was thus trying to ward her away with garlic...for some reason. Fluttershy looked like she was going to faint at any moment, and was hiding behind Applejack...who seemed the most nervous of the group. Twilight was hyperventilating as she tried to ask all of her questions at once without stopping to breathe.

"Ya know, if you think this looks awesome, you should see inside!" Gilda pointed out as she gestured to the Fortress. "Wanna take a look?"

"Do I!" Twilight gasped out, finally stopping to breathe.

"Uh...there ain't gonna be any probing, is there?" Applejack asked worriedly.

"No probing," Gilda promised, "and we won't touch the cows or youngsters."

Applejack nodded. "Okay then, ah guess ah'm in."

"Oh, I absolutely must see the inside of such a fabulous structure!" Rarity cooed eagerly. "It looks so...otherworldly."

"No Cylon's kidnapping my friends without me on my watch!" Pinkie declared angrily.

"Well...if everyone else is going, I suppose I could go," Fluttershy allowed nervously.

Smirking, Gilda took aim and fired a Portal up into the open hangar far above. She then fired another portal into the side of the tree Library, linking the two. "This way," she offered, letting them all go first.

Once all of them had filed through, Gilda canceled her portals as the hanger closed.

"Welcome, natives," Glados intoned happily. "I am sure you have so many questions...and I will answer as many as I can with some files. I'm sure you're most curious about what has happened to Gilda, and these questions will be answered most readily...if you'll simply follow the white line." A white line stretched off across the floor. "Before I let you into the main areas of this facility, I'll need to make sure it'll be safe, both for you and for me. That will require some...Tests."



Project Gilda, File Closed

Author's Note:

It's been an enjoyable read...but everything has to end eventually. I felt it better to end this, rather than trying to stretch it on further.

Though I can guess many of you have this to say about this story:

Comments ( 129 )

alas another great tale must come to an end

Ponies doing the tests? More epilogue? Please?:twilightblush::rainbowkiss:

Oh please do a gladlos having a error message after testing pinkie pie

8037171 :raritydespair:Only 30k words of Gilda and GLaDOS awesomeness?

Of course the final chapter was uploaded at 4:00 in the morning...and of course I was up to read it.

d'awww the two most dangerous people in the Half-life universe gonna make babies gloriously dangerous babies! still not moving back into the universe until the exploding lemons are gone. That or G-man does something about this mess!

That is probably the most expansive Cave system ever made as Twilight and the gang is about to find out.

One of the best story I have read on fimfiction. It's stories like this one who wants me to be able to upvote and fav twice.

As much as I like this story, this was the place to end it.
Mind you, I wouldn't say no to an epilogue/omake/gaiden covering the events of the timeskip, or an AU "The continued adventures of...", but this story? It's complete.

So what's next?
Ember showing up on Miss Kobayashi's doorstep a few years before she gets drunk and ends up in the mountains?

8037239
...that's a rather silly idea.
Though speaking of Ember, I recently had an idea for a story putting her in RWBY.

:twilightsmile:"Wow, this place isn't half bad. I mean, it's not as cool as mine (gestures to her Flying Friendship Fortress), but it's pretty good for a first try."

Well, it had to end eventually, but damn, what a ride. Nice job, Tats! :twilightsmile: I'm glad I was actually able to keep up with this one! :rainbowlaugh:

8037249 I can't see Ember fitting in with that universe. Mostly because it's still got too many variables as it is.

As a SERIOUS suggestion, I'd have her be raised in the Fairy Tail Guild by the Guild Master in the few years preceding Natsu's arrival.

Another good tale comes to an end. But it was a great end nevertheless. :pinkiehappy:

"No Cylon's kidnapping my friends without me on my watch!" Pinkie declared angrily.

BattleStar Pinkie.
Now there is a funny thought. :rainbowlaugh:

8037249 I know little to nothing about RWBY except the guys from Roosterteeth are involved with it, in some manner. Thus I am intrigued to see you explore this setting in story form =D.

This story turned out a lot shorter than I had been expecting. I was expecting at least two additional chapters, but this ending is scientifically satisfying enough. Still given you were working on a sequel story, rather than basing it during the events of Portal and Portal 2, I think you did a good job.

...sequel...please...

Of course, with selective breeding and gene therapy, there weren't that many of that to begin with. Still, the Combine had left Earth with a limited gene pool to work with, so best to play it safe.

Decent point.

Within the hour, they'd escaped the entire facility - leaving a path of carnage and collateral damage in their wake - and raced off into the untamed wilderness together to do things their way.
I was so proud of them.

You would be.

Rainbow's eyes went wide as she recognized the voice. "G-Gilda?" she gasped out. "What the hay happened to you?"
"I got awesome!" Gilda proclaimed smugly, releasing Rainbow to strike a pose.

That is very correct.

Curious, Gilda glanced off the edge of the cloud, catching sight of a pink pony with a poofy pink mane and tail. That's all she caught sight of - besides the pranking accouterments hanging off her head - before the pony leaped into the air with a scream of fear. "Cylon!" With that shouted cry, the pony dashed away.

Eh?

"Before I let you into the main areas of this facility, I'll need to make sure it'll be safe, both for you and for me. That will require some...Tests."

Oh dear.

It's been an enjoyable read...but everything has to end eventually. I felt it better to end this, rather than trying to stretch it on further.

Agreed. Best end it on a high note on your own terms than try to artificially stretch it out.

This ending is at a suitable time. things wrapped up nicely, and didn't feel all that forced really.

another good story and another of yours for my favs. keep up the good work Tats.

Aww, no Tirek beat-down.
8037315 I've actually been tossing an idea around in my head about Ember in Fire Emblem: Awakening. Either found in the field with Robin at the beginning of the game, or raised by Emmeryn before then.

Edit:On the subject of Tirek beat-downs… I was just wondering if Infinitirek will remember all of those.

I can only imagine GlaDOS' reaction the first time Twilight passes up going to through a portal in favor of simply teleporting to the exit...

I saw the chapter title and had to look away because I got dust in my eyes. This is a wonderful story, I love it. Thank you for taking the time to construct this unique little slice of fiction for us.

This is by far my favorite as i am such a HUGE fan of the portal series. Like seriously, i gush over anything with portal with such ease. Im gonna miss this one.

Goodbye. Its been fun.

And now, i think im gonna go play some portal stories mel.

8032702 You're smart, she's smart. Why not hook up? For science! You're strong and she's from Russia. I bet if we fix your face and teach you everything about wrestling bears-

"But that's stereotyping!"

OK. Well, we can put you through testing early if CAVE JOHNSON RULER OF EARTH's opinion is stereotyping the reds. Like we care, after the Combine and headcrabs- I could pair you up with a nice headcrab and see how testing works!

"I vill return to Motha Russia!"

I thought so.

8037333 No. Tats said in the author's note that he's ending it here. Don't try to force him to make a sequel. He's not going to do it.

Well, you're not wrong. The ending seems fitting for how GLADoS has no time for shenanigans. Detail what is important and let science take care of the rest.

8037450
After the first time that happens, GLADOS just has to say that personal teleportation is not to be used within the confines of further Tests, or else Celestia will get a bad grade. Not Twilight will get a bad grade, but Celestia will. Because she obviously taught Twilight that cheating was good. And that is terrible.

Curious, Gilda glanced off the edge of the cloud, catching sight of a pink pony with a poofy pink mane and tail. That's all she caught sight of - besides the pranking accouterments hanging off her head - before the pony leaped into the air with a scream of fear. "Cylon!" With that shouted cry, the pony dashed away.

What? Does Gilda look like a centurion? I guess she does. But wait, does Aperture Fortress look like a Basestar? That's another good question. I wish I could see it.

But when I saw the paragraph, my eyes snapped straight to the word "Cylon" and I nearly spewed my drink. I've been looking for BSG media for a long while, and saving going to Netflix for last, I couldn't find anything, but here you come, setting off my alarms. Please tell me you're going to do Battlestar Galactica. Old or new, I would be totally okay with it. I'd help in writing!

8037249 I don't think I could handle a PWNY-verse styled story involving RWBY... Unless certain parts of season 3 are averted anyway. Too many feels.

It ends in testing..... of course it ends in testing.

Is it wrong to want a spinoff of this seeing Freeman and Chell's adventures in Equestria?

8037530 You're assuming that GlaDOS knows anything about Equestria, let alone who any of the ponies are or why/how certain individuals may or may not be intrinsically important to the continued existence of the world/multiverse (the latter because this is a PWNY story after all), let alone who taught Twilight.

Besides, half the point of the Testing chambers is to test the subject's problem solving skills and natural abilities. More likely after re-booting after de-fraging from the crash induced by such blatant disregard for the laws of the universe she would try to test Twilight's limits on teleportation both to find out how it works so it can be replicated and out of spite for making her crash...

On that note I almost feel sorry for her when it comes to trying to figure out HTF Pinkie Pie works...

8037615
I assume nothing but the potential for hilarity and/or Twilight-Crazy-Times! Though now I want breakfast...

Blueberry muffins sound good? I'm more of a whole-grain-apple-cinnamon sort. :pinkiesmile:

Of all the ones I've read so far, this is the ending I'm most concerned about.

If you're still sitting there...video below.

How do you know I'm not standing? :trixieshiftright:

All good things have to end.
This was fun :rainbowkiss:

Dammit, I catch up only to have this thing end straight afterwards?! Man, was I behind. :twilightoops:

8037315 givin the show only has the equivalent of a season and one third (in RWBY 3 volumes = 1 season of a normal show) their not really not a lot work with

8037649 I'm rather partial to banana oatmeal raisin myself.

Is it too much to request a side story for testing the ponies? Please

"IT'S A TRAP!!"

But yeah, yet another good conclusion to another good story :rainbowlaugh: Pinkie Pie with the Battlestar Galactica reference.

Commence Cooperative Testing Iniative 2.0!

8037530
Nah. GLaDOS has already demonstrated that proper cheating is part of the tests! :pinkiehappy:

Thanks for the fic, Tats. Eagerly awaiting what you start next.

And another PWNY-verse tale has come to a close. Looking forward to the next one.

reaction to this chapter as a whole (edited: 5/1/17): Huh: I wonder how the *other* members of the PWNY crew will react to this family...
reaction to Gilda reuniting with the others: well, nice to see them getting along...and I can already see Twilight getting along swimmingly with the family; that said, they better be careful with how they interact with Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and/or the CMC members: something tells me that Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash wouldn't hesitate to reach for a magnet if they feel that one of their respective companions has been threatened/slighted...
reaction to Chell and Gordon having a daughter (edited: 5/1/17): see below:
(nods) Yeah, I can see it...
:pinkiehappy: I ship it higher then Gilda's new house!
Uh, Pinkie: I can't say I disagree, but was that really necessary?
:pinkiehappy: (singing) I don't care: I ship it...

Just like Portal. Short and sweet.

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