My Sister - Air Whip
The day I found out I was going to be a big sister, was the happiest day of my life. I was four, and knew how great the little colt or filly would be. Eleven months later, at Cloudsdale General Hospital, I walked into my mom's room with Dad to see her, not happy but sad. I remember the filly being a bright yellow and having a dark blue curly mane, I was so excited! I promised myself that I would be the bestest big sister ever! But, Mom was still sad, and Dad asked why. "Is the filly dead?" he asked, whispering so that I didn't hear, but I did anyway.
"No, her left wing... it's..." my mom couldn't finish the sentence, and she didn't have to. The filly opened her eyes, and tried to move her wings, only successfully moving one. My dad and I gasped, thinking that she was born with only one wing! But the wing revealed itself to have little to no feathers and one size smaller than her right one.
My dad demanded the doctor tell them why his daughter was, in his words, "A featherless wingless chicken!"
In which the doctor replied, "I'm sorry, Mr. Fast Dash, but your daughter's condition is permanent. And it's not as uncommon as you think. This happens to seven out of ten foals born each month."
After a week in the hospital, we took my sister home. Again, I was very excited for the aspect of some pony to play with, but my parents told me not to worry about playing with her. "At least not yet," were my mom's words. Which made sense to me even if I was four. But even as Air Whip got older, my parents wouldn't let me play with her. Soon enough she could walk and talk at one, when I learned to talk at two! I was amazed at how smart my sister was, but my parents ignored it. On her second birthday, I asked my mom if she could take us to the park to which my mom responded, "No, she's still too young to go outside. At least in this cold weather." I found that weird because it was the middle of summer, and I had vague memories of being outside when I was really little.
I did as I was told though, and played with Air Whip inside. She was a very imaginative pony when she was little, as I suppose all foals are when they're that age. Her favorite game was 'Air Ships' where we would be pirates in the sky and steal all sorts of clouds that hid treasure in them. Her favorite thing was when I explained that the cloud was making all the treasure fall because of the rain, and she had to catch all of it before it touched the ground below. I found that, even at six, I was noticing Air Whip trying to get Mom or Dad's attention and they ignored her unless they gave her food. I suppose if I saw that now, I would recognize it as abuse, and I guess it was. Air wasn't allowed outside, or snacks, or toys. Luckily, I wasn't that much of a brat, so I shared my toys and snuck snacks when ever my parents weren't looking.
I felt bad for Air, she was so optimistic back then! She didn't see the difference between her and me, and why would she? I loved her, and still do, with the deformity or not. My parents, however, they didn't care for her other than giving her the food on their table. Soon after Air turned two, I started Flight Camp and wanted my mom, dad, and Air Whip to take me to the camp. My dad and mom refused to bring Air with us, which I felt suspicious about, but I said nothing. What could I do? I was six! I quickly forgot it though, as my first day lead me to getting my first nick name, Rainbow Crash. But those colts would not forget the loss they made by me winning that race a few weeks later. I was the first to get my cutie mark because of that race, and they backed off the name calling for a week after that. Air Whip and my parents were so happy for me when I got home with a cutie mark, and was shocked that the rainboom came from me!
Then, school came around. And I couldn't shake the feeling that something had to be wrong. I was nine, and I was stating to realize stuff that my child brain didn't notice before. Like how every time relatives were over, Air had to stay in her room and either Mom or Dad locked her door. And I was never allowed friends over, my parents always made excuses as to why, but I was never satisfied with the answer. I knew at a young age not to talk about Air Whip, but up until I was nine, I never thought of why that was. But when school started up again after the summer, was really when things started to connected in my head. I had found it odd that Air Whip had been home schooled for all of her life, and I got to attend regular school for all of my life, so I asked my dad one night if Air Whip could attend school with me.
"No, Dash," he said firmly.
"But why not, Dad? She's super smart! Way smarter than me at seven, that's for sure. She understands the homework I bring home and we-" I tried to explain, but my dad would have none of it.
"Dash, you know why we can't do that," he said.
"You keep on saying it's about her not being bullied by foals, but I don't think that's it at all anymore," I protested.
"Do you care to explain what it is then, Rainbow Dash? Because I would be happy to hear the reason you came up with," My dad challenged.
I gulped and continued, "I think it's because you're embarrassed of her! you keep her cooped up in here all the time, never mention her in conversation, and lock her in her room when some pony visits! You're abusing her!" I explained, shouting a little to emphasize my point at the end. "You say that you're keeping her safe from ponies that might tease her out there, but mean while you're denying her toys, cloths, friends, everything that a normal filly needs!" I explained further.
"Now listen here, young filly, we will not speak any more on this tonight, now go to bed" my dad warned.
I wanted to disobey him, I wanted to fight for my sister, but I knew that Dad and Mom would out smart me in any argument we'd have about the topic. So, I did what I was told, and went to my room. The next morning, I was silent, my dad was silent, my mom was silent, and Air didn't know it was because of her. After breakfast: I packed my books, packed my lunch, hugged Air Whip, and walked out the door. At school, I was distracted and all my friends noticed. They asked about it, I ignored them, and they eventually stopped asking and started talking about a filly we all assumed was missing. Fluttershy. I recognized the name, but I couldn't remember the filly I was defending the day I got my cutie mark. Rumor was that she fell in the town Ponyville, the one south west of Cloudsdale, and had set up a house there by herself and had been living there ever since her fall. Foals were also saying that she said that he said that she said that she said that he said that Fluttershy was coming to Cloudsdale for a visit. But I didn't believe that.
Turns out they were right, and that is when Fluttershy and I became the best of friends we are now. Every so often, I'd visit her in Ponyville, and she'd visit me in Cloudsdale, never at my house though. But most often, we'd write because Flutters was a really weak flyer compared to now. Air would help me with curtain spelling of words when I got stuck. And she was very optimistic to be helpful towards her older sister. "I love to help you, Dash, I love to be your sister!" She'd often say after I thanked her with helping me when I wrote letters. She lived through me a lot. I'd tell her, in as much detail as I could, about the day I had, and the ponies I talked to, and my homework I had that day. "Come ask me if you're stuck on a question," she'd often say when I mentioned homework. Air Whip never did get her cutie mark, and I felt pity for her because Mom and Dad would comment cruel things about her being a blank flank. She never let it get to her though, she was a really brave seven, she should have been though.
Air Whip's left wing never let her feel bad about herself either, though Mom and Dad never talked about it, I think she knew it was the cause of their cruelty. At eleven I finally told her what she already knew, "Air," I said. She was coloring a picture of Cloudsdale, everything I told her about it. In it, there was her, me, and Fluttershy, I talked about Fluttershy all the time.
"Yes?" the nine year old asked.
I sighed. Mom and Dad were both at work, so I knew they wouldn't hear what I was about to reveal to my sister, nor did I think that they would actually care. "Mom and Dad don't love you," I said, looking at her wing, than her herself.
"I know, Rainbow, I've known since I was four," She explained.
"You knew!? Wow, Air, you really are too smart. Why didn't you say anything?" I said.
She shrugged. "I know that you love me," she said simply.
I blushed, and a content silence filled the space in her room. That's how close we were growing up. She knew she didn't need her parents, because her big sister Rainbow Dash was there for her. I stuck to my promise of being the bestest sister ever! Now, I must tell my biggest regret, leaving home. The night before my nineteenth birthday, I was having a fight with my parents about Air Whip while she was in the living room listening to the radio. "She's fifteen! She can't be cooped up in the house like this anymore!" I shouted. We were in the kitchen, Air Whip was probably watching the entire thing, there wasn't even a door to block some of the volume.
"You have no right to shout at me, Rainbow Dash! I am your mother!" My mom screamed.
"She is our daughter, and we will treat her anyway we think is necessary!" My dad added.
"Abusing some pony her entire life is not the way a parent should not be treating their foal!" I protested, shouting back.
"Well do you even see her Rainbow Dash!? One of her wings don't have feathers, and is one size smaller than the other one! Plus, she's fifteen and a blank flank! Air Whip is monstrous!" My mom shouted back at me.
I blacked out for a second, and the next thing I remember is my mom laying on the ground disoriented with a bruise forming on her left cheek, and my dad yelling at me to leave! So I left, without even thinking, I left. Leaving Air Whip alone with those two animals, it doesn't even feel right calling them ponies.
The day of my birthday, I bought a house in Ponyville with the saved up money from my weather team job. I blocked everything I could that night out of my head. I did that by boasting how great I was, and found comfort in the Wonderbolts! The Ponies in Ponyville were quite forgiving about my behavior, and very supportive of my dreams. Pinkie even threw me a "Welcome to Ponyville Party", even though I didn't like her, or knew her back then. That's when Fluttershy asked me why my personality switched and why I came to Ponyville in such a rush. I told her I had a fight with my parents, but out of habit I didn't mention my sister.
One year later, I was finally ready, financially and otherwise, to face my parents again and demand that Air Whip live with me. Fluttershy asked if she was needed to be a crutch for me to help with the talk, but I politely refused. I knocked on the ponies's door four times before it opened. Two shocked and afraid ponies are who answered. I glared at them, and I could feel the shame they felt. I demanded they let me in, and they did. The house was exactly what I remembered. On the left was the living room: couches, radio, coffee table, and carpeting. On the right was the kitchen: dinning table, fridge, oven, cabinets, tile floor. Across from me was the washroom, my old room, me parents' room, and Air Whip's room. "We tried getting a hold of you," the stallion said, seeing me walk past them and to the couch. "Air Whip tried to as-"
"Where is she?" I asked, sitting down.
"We don't know," the mare said.
"What do you mean you 'don't know'?" I asked, flying off the couch and landing right in front of them, threateningly.
"We haven't seen her! She left one night and when we woke up, she was gone!" The mare explained further.
I smirked and asked, "How does it feel to have both your foals abandon you?"
They they lowered their heads to the ground, and I got my answer. "How long ago was it?" I asked.
"A month," the stallion said, his eyes never leaving the floor.
I left without another word and slamming the door behind me. I scheduled a month 'vacation' from work to go look for Air Whip with Fluttershy, after explaining the situation. She left her animals to be taken care of by Applejack, I didn't know her back then, nor did I care to, my sister was missing. A month later and no success. I had no clue where she was! I became depressed. I blamed myself for leaving her alone, for not caring about her enough to take her with me. Fluttershy tried to care for me, she even moved in with me in my cloud house above Ponyville. She fed me, bathed me, took away anything that might have harmed me, listened to me when I cried, she was my rock. It took about five months before my depression ceased enough to let Fluttershy trust me by myself. I still came to her when I had a really bad day though.
But that was around the time the Summer Sun Celebration was and I had Nightmare Moon to worry about. My friends helped me with my depression, and none of them knew that but Fluttershy. I still felt awful for not knowing where my sister was, but I wasn't as depressed as I was. My fears about Air Whip were shattered the day after the whole mess with Hoity Toity. I was walking through the town square with Rarity and Fluttershy laughing about the night before, when I casually looked to the right of me. I don't know why, but I'm glad I did! A Pegasus mare with a bright yellow pelt and a dark blue curly mane and my magenta eyes to match. "Oh, Celestia," I muttered. Fluttershy, sensing my body language turned to see what I was staring at.
"Is that her?" she whispered in my ear. I ignored her.
"Air Whip!" I shouted. And the mare turned to my direction.
She ran towards me, at first excited and happy, but then she turned angry and heart broken. She spit in my face. "A year, Rainbow Dash. You left me alone with those ponies for a year!"
"Air, I-"
"It's Air Whip to you, Rainbow Dash! You lost the right to call me that after leaving without me."
"Air Whip, please, give me a chance to talk about things with you!"
"No, Rainbow Dash. I don't need to know what you're going to say because I know that you'll just tell me what I want to hear, not the truth."
"But it is the truth! You have to trust me.
"I did trust you. I'm here to visit my friend Derpy. But if you want to talk, ask around for me in Dodge Junction when I get back."
She walked past me, and I started to cry. I know she heard me, and I know she didn't care. As I was crying, a wing wrapped around me, and in my state of hysteria I thought it was Air Whip. It was Fluttershy instead. Rarity, who had been silent during the entire exchange and the one outsider asked, "What just happened?" as timidly as she could. But Fluttershy must have glared at her into silence because no more was said on the matter. Fluttershy was the one that helped me home as well, and laid me in my bed like all those times when she lived with me.
~~~
Today is my first attempt at contacting my sister since we 'talked' in the town. I took a train because I didn't know how to get here by flight. I asked around the town, and was told here is the house my sister lives in. I knock three times before the pony on the inside opens the door, shame and regret on her face. "Rainbow, you know I-" she tries to say, but I cut her off with a hug. She hugs back. It's a good forty five minutes before either of us begins to let go. "It's good to see you, Rainbow Dash," She says. She lets me in.
"So, how did you do it?" I ask, genuinely curious.
She blinks, "Do what?" she asks, shutting the door behind me.
"Leave," I state.
"Oh! It was easy, I don't know why I didn't think of it when we were foals, I just snuck out the door!"
"Where you okay on the cloud?"
"A little wobbly at first, because of the unbalance of my wing, but I figured it out quickly."
"I always knew you were smart."
"Yeah, well, one of us has to!"
"Hey!"
Well, I am the main reason you graduated, am I not?"
"Mom and Dad helped a little."
"But I'm the one that helped you study for those big exams."
"Did they actually teach you anything while cooped up in that house?"
"No, I always just kind of knew stuff. They were too busy to pay any attention to me."
Air Whip walks to the kitchen and opens her fridge. "Want anything?" she asks.
"Water would be nice," I respond.
"You know what the most interesting part about being in the world is?" she asks.
"What?" I muse.
"Every pony looking at me like I'm crazy when I say I'm the sister to the Element of Loyalty's sister," she says opening a water bottle and walking across the room to give it to me.
"Well, you're the one who taught me how to be loyal," I explain.
"That's what I say, and then they look at my wing and shake their heads in disbelief," she says. I look angry, and I'm about to ask about the punks who dared to discriminate against my sister, when she says, "Chill, Rainbow, I'm excited about their reactions! It might sound strange to you, but it's refreshing to have ponies scoff at me who aren't my parents!"
"I guess that can be true," I say, sipping my water. "Any way, let's walk around the town! I haven't seen it yet, and I'm sure you are tired of being inside a house all day," I explain, getting up and putting down my water. Air smiles and nods, I know her so well.
I walk to the door and open the door, letting my little sister walk out before me. I close the door, and walk down the five steps to the ground. We walk around town, and Air Whip points out everything that she likes to do. Like run form the post office to the end of town, and sit in the park, away from the trees and fall asleep in the open. She loves being free, something that I could never give her and wish I had. She has made many friends too like Brooke Creek, Glow Belle, Eye Candy, and Golden Chariot. All Earth Ponies, all super smart. I never mention my depression to her, I never mention my break down in town, I never mention visiting our parents, and we never speak of her foal-hood. Why would I bring anything like that up? She's truly happy. Back then she was optimistic, sure, but she was never truly happy. Now, she is both.
Her friends are even helping Air find her cutie mark! "When I saw her blank flank, I was just heart broken, so I decided to bring all our friends together to do something about it!" Golden Chariot says, and I nearly burst into happy tears.
"I really like it here, Rainbow. I am finally free!"
"I can see that, Air Whip! Please, if you need anything, just write to me and I will be here."
"I will, please visit me as soon as you can!"
"I will. You too, okay, Air?"
"As long as you're not too busy saving the world or something," she chuckles.
"I'm never too busy for you, Air Whip!" I say.
She wraps her left wing around me as we wait for the train. "Take care of yourself, Air Whip," I say.
"You too, Rainbow," She says, tearing a little bit.
I look to her friends Eye Candy, Golden Chariot, and Brooke Creek. "Take care of her, and make sure she's happy." They nod at the weight of the statement. I don't think Air Whip ever told them about her past, but they all know how important living here means to her. They now know that her sister would not hesitate coming back here and yell at them for making her sister cry, at least yelling would be the least harmful thing I'd do. The train pulls up to the station and I step on, but not before I hug my sister goodbye.
Our visit has been refreshing and nice. On the way home, I think of her life, from the first day I met her on that summer's afternoon, to just now. "She made it," is all I can think. "She made it," I repeat. "She. Made. It." Tears of joy fall down my face. At first, one at a time, but soon multiple at once. Air Whip made it. Her life growing up was rough, and not nice, but I did my best and she did her best, and she has turned into an amazing young mare. She made it. The thought of it just excites me!
But still, I am sad that I couldn't do this for her sooner. In Equestria it is legal for a pony of seventeen to move out of their parents' house because they have their cutie marks by then, so I should have just turned seventeen and just left with Air. I walk off the train and all of my friends greet me home. I still ponder on this thought even long after I walk into my house. Guilt settles into my stomach as I fall asleep and dream of worlds of 'what if?' The next morning, I don't go into work and instead I look at the picture of Cloudsdale Air Whip drew the day I told her about the parents. I stare at it for hours. Every crease, wrinkle, crayon marking, but especially, I take special notice of the little yellow and blue filly in between the yellow and pink one and the blue and Rainbow one. 'What if' swims in my head over and over again like a pony taking laps in a lake. 'What if' this, or 'what if' that, even though I already know that it could never happen because I was too much a coward to do anything, but still those two words are in my head and they won't go away.
'What if', 'what if', 'what if, ''what if', 'what if', 'what if',' what if', 'what if'... "What if..."
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should be a comma. My Sister, Air Whip
Good story... I have to say that I wasn't expecting that, you did well, have a like
This story has some good potential, but ultimately there are some issues in the writing itself that bog it down. A lot of it seems to just be written like a stream of consciousness, jumping from idea to idea without a smooth thought process. You also have some inconsistencies here and there, such as tense:
You're using present tense in the first sentence, then using past tense in the next one. Format-wise you also have some inconsistencies with indenting and putting spaces between paragraphs. No one format is correct, though you want to be consistent throughout the work. One other thing is that you're including a lot of detail which is good, but sometimes just isn't needed:
Unless those things in the kitchen mean something to her (i.e. "I used to help Air Whip climb onto the table and I'm remembering that so that's why I'm pointing out the table because it's significant to me"), you really don't need to be including all of that extra detail; just saying "On the right was the kitchen" would suffice, because most people will put all those details into their mental image upon being told a kitchen's there.
Overall though, not a bad story. A really good characterization of Rainbow Dash that shows her loyalty and closeness to her sister, and even though it needs some cleaning up, it's just a lot of surface-level stuff. Nothing a good editor can't fix.
7644200 Thank you so much for pointing this out! Admittedly, I was unaware of this because I stayed up for two nights previous developing the story and just wanted it published. I will fix these mistakes right away and I am thankful you told me about this, otherwise I would be unaware as I said.
7644177 I'm glad you liked it!
7644163 Dashes basically work the same as commas, I can see how that would be confusing but trust me, it's grammatically correct.
Neat story, you get a cookie.
7/10
7644399 It's not but ok
... So it affects 70% of pegasi? Huh.
7644399
Sort of. Being technically correct is hardly ever really correct. In this case, the em dash is generally more emphatic or abrupt, like a sudden insertion within an already being spoken sentence. Commas denote a more level tone, which is what you want for this title.
As an aside, parenthesis, which are in with the other two, are used kind of like a whisper, or under the breathe. Like, "John ate the last piece of cake (and the four before that)." The last bit would be mumbled.
Fun!
This is a very good one-shot.
I'm guessing this is a mistake? Because it honestly made it hard to concentrate on the rest story.
Just like 70% of entire the pegasus population?
7647870 I pictured it like a teen's wing on an adult. Or a baby's wing on a foul. The size of her wing is significant enough for her to never fly. I know perfectly well what the wings of a Pegasus looks like.
7655882
That's... Not what I was saying. "Seven out of ten" means 70%. Which would mean that the majority of pegasus ponies suffer from this condition. Which would make no sense whatsoever. Which is why I'm guessing it was a mistake.
7655910 It wasn't a mistake, I assure you. The numbers were meant to be high so that the reader could see that it really wasn't a huge deal, it's a common thing that happens, but the parents didn't accept it because it happened to them. They had to live with the fact that their daughter wasn't perfect wasn't what a pegasus should look like. So, they did what they thought needed to happen, forget she existed so that they would have to face the fact that their daughter was different.
7655983
That's just it. She's not different. She's literally normal if only 30% of pegasi are born with fully working wings. At that point it's not just relatively common, it's the norm. She's the majority, while there's only a small percentage of healthy pegasi. It... really doesn't work. Especially when there's not even any other pegasus with a deformed wing in the story, which statistically is pretty much impossible.
7656157
The reason I didn't put another pegasus in the story like Air Whip is because their parents hate them so much. Before Air Whip, both of their blood lines were full of pegasi with regular wings. So to put one in their life and have it be their daughter, was just enough to show how terrible the parents are to her. That does not mean that there are no more like Air Whip, they are just irrelevant to the story. I put Air Whip as the majority to show the parallel to the way gays are in the real world. There are gay people coming out more and more. And more people with homophobia are trying to stop this from happening, but they are still out numbered. And homophobic parents treat their gay children as crap. Now place that analogy in this story, but instead of Air Whip Hiding who she is from her parents, her disability is for the whole world to see. But neither her or Rainbow Dash treats it like a disability, only her parents do. The fact that 70% of pegasi have this disability is not really important to the story. The point is, that the parents knew how common it is, and still treated her like crap for it. Like it was Air Whip's fault she was like this. That is why the numbers are so high. That is why I didn't place another pagasus like Air Whip in the story. That is why I made the parents like they are. That is why I made Rainbow Dash and Air Whip like they are in the story.
Do you understand now??
Parent who treat their Children like Rainbow & Air Whip's Parents treated little Air, have in my opinion at least absolutely NO right or business calling themselves Parents at all.
As for Rainbow's emotional breakdown in town after finding her Sister after being apart for so long, she failed / let her Sister down she knows it. Plus it shows that she seriously regrets it. The fact that Rainbow loves her Sister definitely shows in how she keeps saying / thinking "She Made It" in regards to her Sister Air Whip. I may be stating the obvious & in fact I definitely am when I say, Rainbow Dash is extremely proud of her Sister Air Whip.
Awesome job on your Story. ?
7671488 Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and picked up on what I was putting down, though it was quite obvious as you pointed out. I'm glad to see the passion you feel for this story and in the characters I put in them. Especially the break down scene, which was the hardest to make believable, and I think I could have added a little more, but I am wonderfully supersized that you enjoyed it.
7671625 ;) You are most certainly welcome & honestly I am a bit surprised myself as I am usually not that observant. Oh well you learn something new everyday I guess. :)
A truly emotional piece.... the family ties are either incredibly strong or weak, and it's shown beautifully. The pacing could use a little work, but the abrupt way Air rejected Dash was very well done. I enjoyed the way they made up, as well, and I hope everything goes well for them in the future...
Good job!
Despite being good enough to fave, it feels like there should be one more scene near the end, yet I have no idea what that scene should be.
8088138 If you figure it out, please tell me!! I'd like to know your thoughts!!
After rereading it, here's what I think the story is missing:
A scene where RD introduces Air Whip to the others outside of Fluttershy.
8148964 That would have been nice, wouldn't it? But given the situation, it would have been a little inappropriate.
Plus, she didn't even know Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash just talked about her all the time!
I like the idea, it's great story development and character building, but the situation never really calls for it...
sorry...
8149751 Eh, it's okay.
Maybe this story should get a sequel where circumstances allow the 5 of them to meet her.
Just a thought.
8149758 As I have stated before, this story is finished. i was not planning on writing a sequel for this fic. But I give you permission to use my character in a situation that allows her to meet the rest of the main 6, just give me credit for the character.