For many years explorer ponies have been out of a job. But one day a wounded pegasus stumbles into Ponyville and tells Twilight Velvet tales of a land unknown to all of ponykind. Word travels quickly and the Explorers Guild of Canterlot is sent out on their first mission in over year. What will this group find in this new, un-explored land? It is said that curiosity killed the cat, could that be true for a pony?
(A special thanks to TotallyNotCelly for all their help with this story!)
Chapters (10)
Well, this is interesting. Drawing inspiration from Mystery Dungeon, perhaps? I always like stories about Twilight Velvet being an active protagonist... though why she's putting up with Silver when she's both putting herself in danger and is one of the best-connected ponies in the world is a little mystifying.
Mechanically, it's pretty sound, especially for a first story. I do advise double-spacing your paragraphs, though. It makes it much easier to tell if you've missed an indent anywhere and just looks good with fimfiction's interface. Also don't forget to include commas before ponies' names when they're being addressed in dialogue.
You could probably also spend a little more time describing stuff- it's pretty fast-paced. But given the update speed, I imagine you're mostly concerned with keeping the story moving? Because that's completely forgivable. Nice work so far; I'm eager to see where this goes!
8055642 Thanks man, I'm really glad to be getting feedback and I'm especially glad I'm getting positive feedback. Next chapter is on the way ^^
Before I read this, I must know: Why have explorer ponies been out of a job? There are plenty of unexplored territories in the show, just look at the map.
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Just basing it off what I assumed from the seventh season. Most places seem to be explored, even other countries like yakyakistan.