- Member Since 11th Jan, 2016
- offline last seen April 19th
Shimmering Thunder
Because there is sadness, we cherish happiness. And because there is anger, kindness is born.
Shimmering Thunder
Joined 11th Jan, 2016 ·
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This is a really good story. Can't wait to see more of this!
I feel as if the story is at a good pace but at a bit of a fast pace but that's how I feel. I don't know if that's because I'm a fast reader though
But otherwise, I haven't noticed any grammatical or spelling errors so keep up the good work!
7571130 Thank you, I have the 2nd chapter ready to go, but I'd like to have an editor to check it out first, just in case. Doubting myself as always..
The pace might be a bit fast for some readers I guess. I'm pretty slow reader myself, however I like to read slower paced stories.
Thanks for your feedback, I'll do my best!
Once again, another great chapter.
Not much to say this time so keep up the good work
7579779 Thanks! I'm really glad you like it
3rd chapter is almost ready, I just need to decide something and double check everything. It should be released later this week.
Hm... seems like Ponyville hospital started cooking better food. Probably the only hospital in the world, but I'll get to that later. First, let me apologize for taking so long to get back to you.
This chapter was an enjoyable read and I'll hopefully get to the next soon
From the hints already dropped, I bet this is gonna be a great adventure. Pony coming from a far off town where Celestia is mostly unknown and the local affairs are unknown to her... the are many questions floating around, I'm looking forward to learn more. Shimmering seems like a relatable character and pretty strong one, walking on despite what he endured. Also, I wonder if his mane will play a significant role later.
Style-wise, I haven't found anything that would limit the readability of the story. In the first third or so, I feel like there was missing or sometimes redundant punctuation in the more complicated sentences. However, you know I'm not a native speaker myself and this is a really thin ice for me. If you want, I can redirect you to a friend that's far more skilled in that matters.
Second thing I'd point out is the hospital. It's quite uncommon to have the nurse offer you if you want to stay or go home early - just remember what happened to Dashie when she wanted to stay longer. Though I admit she was not as injured... The same goes for Nurse Redheart's behavior... it's not really common for nurses to serve as personal psychologists, they have other patients to attend to. Still, this is a hospital in small country town in the land of friendly ponies, so some it can be justified probably
Still, those weren't things that would make me stop reading. So, what could be the issue with the story having so low views? People on this site are generally cautious when it comes to OC stories. Once they are in, most have nothing against the character. However, when they come to the main page and have to choose from a story declaring it's about OCs and story declaring it's about Princess Luna, they'll most likely go for the second option. So what to do with it... first, cover art. A picture of a crying pony printscreened from ponymaker. That's not what will spark anyone' attention, is it? If you want, we can discuss it through PM and I can try to draw some.
The same goes for the description, my experience is that when you mention (and give spotlight to) a canon character in the description, it's likely for more audience to come in. Example of what I have in mind: Badly injured stallion appears in Ponyville. Now it's up to Twilight and Nurse Redheart to protect their home from an army following in his wake.
7936956 Thank you so much for the reply!
Yeah, people don't usually like the hospital food all that much. Fortunately, my experience has been a somewhat better. That, or I'm not as picky as I think I am.
Shimmering isn't really that strong physically. While it's safe to say he's not the weakest pony either, he'd never win RD in a race. But he's decent, considering what he does for living.
I recently read first two chapters and I'm not pleased with them either. I fixed few things here and there, (I'm not sure if you read it before or after that) but I'd love to get another pair of eyes to fix whatever there's left. I have grown a lot since I started and was almost ashamed how I handled some things on the beginning.
Hmm, it's been a long time since I saw that episode.
I don't remember much about it, so I might have to watch it at some point. I can't even remember if Redheart was in that episode. But as you can see, Redheart is a big part or my story. You'll just have to read more to find out what's going on.
Personally, I think it's the title of the story combined with the fact it's an OC story.
But you might be right about the cover art too. Personally, I love it. But if somebody wants to draw me a better one, I'm all in! 
You are probably right. Besides, I don't like the current description either. I'll tell you more via PM.
Nice chapter, great mental development for Shimmers
Twilight at the beginning sounded a little too excited, more like Pinkie than the awkward unicorn we know, but oh well...
7939326 Thanks!
Yeah, I might have gone a little bit out of character there. Originally, there was something more that I never published because I thought it was too awkward. I guess I made her more jolly instead. Not my proudest part of the story anyway. 
7939360 I see
Good chapter, so far the most enjoyable of the three. Twilight still seems a bit off to me and there is still a slight mess in tenses - notably in the verb ask, the flashback part and the ending.
Anyway, it was great to see Shimmering's past and more onservations from Ponyville.
Great twist of the plot, now the adventure can begin
I like how detailed you made Nurse Redheart. At first I was afraid of the relationship that was building up between her and Shimmering, but now I feel it's fully justified.
Grammar-wise, mostly tense related issues again, especially the last chapter.
7942179 Thanks! Yeah, I'm aware of those things and I'm going to fix them later this week hopefully.
I figured that people would like to know what happened.
7942275 Thank you! I'm quite happy with her as well. To be honest, It's one of my favorite things on the story so far and I enjoy writing her. Hopefully I can get back to drawing board soon.
Yeah, I'll practice those tenses from now on and try to learn something in the process.
7945269 You're welcome
Basically just remember to keep all the 'action' verbs in one form.
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
8313873
That is actually a pretty interesting question.
Shimmering would have a pretty generic male voice. It's hard to compare it to anything as the show has only so many frequently talking stallions. Probably something like Thunderlane, or Caramel.
Leaf Trotter would have even deeper and calmer voice, almost like Shining armor, but not quite, not so "royal". Somewhat raspier, perhaps. Put some of Braeburn's accent in there and it should be pretty close.
And when it comes to Crescent Rain, all you have to do is take Twilight and tone it down just a bit. Soft voice, but not as soft as Fluttershy.
I hope that answered to your question.
8313982
Shimmering is short for Shimmering Thunder, right?
8462794
Yes, that is correct.