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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Closeup of Bell's Cutie Mark.
snag.gy/alhIqM.jpg
Twilight Aurora
Flutter Sigh
Lightning Flash
Applebuck
Just two more to go.
patriarch of the apples
I'm sorry, but I just can't get past the third paragraph. Can you make a relevant blog post when it's been edited?
8843537
Ohhhh. I see what you're doing there!
If you didn't say it I'd have figured it out long after it was obvious.
😉
I might be wrong, but I don't think those commas are needed.
to the east
Did you mean wiggle? If her rear is giggling, I'm concerned. XD
ladybugs in the grass
This 'as it' should be cut. I even suggest maybe changing the 'as' in: "as her strong feminine scent" to a 'while' making it read: "while her strong feminine scent"
It reads a bit better to me that way, but can likely remain as is. The 'as it' really needs to be cut though.
bucked
I know I'm not as good as Peer, but if you ever need my help as a sorta 'back up' editor, feel free to message me.
8843537
I'm really looking forward to Pinkie's ancestor being born.
Gotta say I don't know who in this story will end up as Rarity's ancestors.
So begins a legacy of greatness!
8844386
Thanks for pointing out those typos. It would be awesome if those were just the only ones, but alas, its likely only the tip of the iceberg. Even when a chapter goes through the edit process, about a dozen typos always sneak through, and with this being the raw chapter, its going to be much worse. I finished this chapter back on March 25 and Peers told me he could get to it by April 1st, so I waited, then it got pushed to the 3rd, and now its going to be the 8th.
8844351
Sure, no problem, though readers will likely have most of the errors found before then anyways. Last I was told, it was going to be the 8th when my editor was going to get to it, but it may be pushed further back.
8845125
I love the story so much I'm willing to read it proper then as it is, unless you want me to edit it. I do that often, too.
No one's mentioned the picture I made. Sad face😡
8845815
I admit. I'm a bit biased about Earth ponies myself. Just look at my avatar. There's something about having nothing to rely on but a good heart and hooves.
That picture is amazing. I’m impressed. Great chapter.
8846068
Thank you. At least one person appreciated the work I put into it. That makes me happy.
Random question:
Would these ponie stallions have beards?
8846924
That is a interesting question. Normally you would think that ponies wouldn't have beards and sideburns, but somehow in the show they do. I decided to keep that aspect in my story ambiguous by occasionally referring to them as looking scruffy. Whatever this means to readers, I leave up to them to picture in their minds. Personally, I think of them as looking unkempt, but not sporting full beards or mustaches.
The mares are a different mater. In the beginning, they too were a bit scruffy, but now, they are taking regular baths and bushing their manes and tails out as well as making the first fashion choices like simple jewelry, wearing feathers and shinny things as well as braiding and trimming the lengths if their manes and tails.
8846976
I see what you mean. On the one hand, they probably would because shaving was not on the reg.
I suppose one could argue that not unlike people of Asian or Native American descent, ponies don’t have exceptionally thick beards and that over time breeding with other tribes, even species, as well as potentially the use of magic for the sake of style had a part to play.
It might be an interesting concept to touch on later . Like perhaps it’s the Crystal ponies who had facial hair.
Thanks for the clarification!
Loving the story!
8845678
I saw, and love the picture. I just hadn't gotten as chance to comment on it. I have been really busy. This was another enjoyable chapter. I feel for Strongbuck, I saw my own Daughter cut and pulled out of her mother (my wife) and it wasn't really pleasent.
The start of the Apple family. I guess you can say Applebuck came into the world swinging.
8852266
Thank you. Great to know you liked it! One thing confuses me. You said your own daughter cut and pulled out of mother. Did you mean she was cut and pulled out of you? Or was she a sister? Or was she cut out of her mother and you adopted her? That comment left so many ???
8844351
Now the edit is being pushed back to the 10th. Sorry.
8852403
My bad about the confusion. My wife at the time had to have a cesarean. I was there when they pulled her out. It was a little bit of emergency thing. But the major thing is my Daughter and her Mom where fine in the end.
8852415
Ah! That makes sense. I'm glad it all worked out.
applebuck? hello applejack
8856318
Strongbuck- Applebuck. Who didn't see it coming, right?😏
8856512
precisely. and with him starting an apple tree orchard? and aurora being fused with the element celly had, and being a unicorn? hello twilight. all the pieces are falling into place, with that colt being loyalty.
A small squirrel trying to chase a big stallion away over a few nuts?
It must be nuts... (Pun intended.)
*apple intensifies*
(Especially after reading the name of the foal.)
Talking about them: Will we ever see any of the again?
Easy: Trouble.
Trouble for you.
Good chapter!
I enjoyed reading it.
Let's see what happens next.
I'm sure one time or another the other unicorns will take notice of the village...
Found a few typos:
Should be "told".
Quotation mark placed wrong.
The the had been doubled!
8860601
Will the exiled ones ever be heard from again? Hard to say. I've had an idea of a side story that involved them, but I'm not sure yet. It would eat up a lot of chapters and time to tell it, and it would focus on Ash for a long time.
Firstly, if the editor has done his work, you should drop the author's note already.
tiring. However, three
sUPportive
of A nearby
How? I thought she was blind.
What's an enchantress? Basically a fuck-you to her old life of misery and a declaration of pride in her new allegiance to the earth ponies. Am I wrong?
back
throbbING
Strongbuck'S
patch OF grass
for wolf
continuED
stallionS
With what?
cut the quote
snugglING
startED, also cut comma
cheek AND causing, cut commas
8862811
he says he's going to do it tonight. I'll update the notice when it's done.
How? I thought she was blind.
She's bonded to the fragment of Celestia's element. She can see in a special way. Instead of light she can see life. To her everything shines around her with colors except anything not alive, which stays dark.
8845216
Okay. It's been edited. It's now safe to read.
8863736
yay!
8863287
Just curious. Which way did you think it was going to go?
Nice chapter. I especially liked that there will be a second tribe. it has been a bit too safe for some time now with everypony spreading out and claiming land. It is a bit too early for empire building but I like politics .
welcome to the world Applebuck
the first apple in a long line..
20/5 adorable and awesome.
Everything in this story is done tastefully and accurately and I respect you so much for that.
Keep it up, please!
Oh yeah, tinder is used for fire.
You've missed a couple paragraph ending periods, and have a floating quotation mark but that's the worst of it I can think of.
I just can't get over the end of this chapter!
Tinder, not tender