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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Your story is one of the ones that I wait all week to read, and when I finish the new chapter I'm still left with the feeling that, there should be more.
Now is 3 am where I live, I've read this chapter twice and already can't wait for the next one.
Very nicely done.
8211836 Thank you. Its kind and encouraging words like yours that keeps me going.
It is not noticable in the chapter that you have difficulties with dialogue heavy chapters. I daresay this is a great chapter and i cannot wait to see more!
I like how Dark decided to make them "prisoners" only after he saw the opportunity this presented. Nice chapter, if a tad short. This means, of course, you did your job to make me want more dangit!
I wonder if starless night fear (dream) of being forcibly (happily) taken by Dark Storm and becoming his unwilling (joyous) broodmare could come true đ
as HE leaned
Cut the last âtoâ
convincING
This scene reminds me a lot of the prequel to The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. There these couple of kids use magic rings to go to a nexus between worlds, made to look like a pleasant pasture filled with puddles and a large serene tree in the middle.
Not too sure how I feel about one of the precursor elements being Protection. Itâs not really a virtue one can aspire to. I guess Iâll wait and see if it meshes with the theme of the others.
he starts LEARNING what
I was A bit
All things considered, seems the element of bravery might be more fitting.
turning to THE two
stallions TO breed
Space after period
Three periods for a pause, and again you need a space before starting a new sentence.
What IS that
So on top of being a self entitled racist, sheâs also a sexist cunt. How likable.
Also periods at the end of old sentences.
When its a quote, you usually end the sentence with a comma.
GRAND, unless she suddenly turned Hispanic.
Space after period
racED
Yeah. Good luck with that, bitch.
Period at the end, but I also canât help but appreciate the honesty.
Iâve heard from a number of women who frequent porn sites tailored for women that the most common sexual fantasy women have is that of rape.
Dark is just every flavor of badass under the rainbow.
8212645
Its been years since I read those books. As I recall, the one you are pointing out is the The Magician's Nephew. I truly wasnât meaning to parallel that part of my story with it, that was a total fluke. I do admit that the evil storm of pure chaos was partially inspired by the Nothing in the Never Ending Story.
Do not read below if you do not want spoilers.
In my story, there are many Trees of Harmony. Each one keeping harmony with different aspects. Twilight Sparkle and her friends have the Tree of Fellowship. Each of their elements deals with the bonds the tie friends and or family together. Friends are loyal generous, kind, and honest, as well as wanting to have fun with each other. These are the things that makes bonds of friendship work.
There is another tree that Ash, Celestia, and more to come, are bound to. Their Elements will be based on a older and more primal Element. Celestia would be the Element of Light(life) Ash is the Element of Protection(guardianship).
(Cherished Ties) (Bountiful Wellspring) (Eternal Age) The answer to who they really are is in their name.
8212632
Starless Night is best described as a submissive. She wants to be dominated by a strong stallion. Of course she would be attracted to a powerful stallion like Dark.
8213289
I still think you could go with a better term than Protection. Maybe go with what you said, the guardian. The Guardian Sigil, or something. Sounds cooler, right?
8213323
I returned it to how I originally had it as the Element of Guardianship. It does sound more distinguished that way.
The struggle was certainly worth it, I for one very much enjoyed the chapter.
Only one more comment to reach 700 comments! So, who will it be the next comment-er to break us into the seven hundreds! Just think, it could be you!
8216137
But of course, happy endings usually have great costs. -Some idiot on the internet
Great chapter my good sir, may i have another ?
8216147
In the case of my story. That is not entirely true. Iâve put a lot of effort into each of my characters. All of them are special in their own way to me, and I am happy that others like you care for them just as much as I do. I am not a fan of those Tragedy, Dark, Horror stories I see others have written. I love challenge and adversity in my drama, not death.
8217225
Working on it right now. Itâll be ready in five min. Give or take a week or two
Wonderful chapter, I really like Dark's dealings with the unicorns. The dialog between them was great. You did a good job conveying emotions and thoughts so that I really got a feel for how things where going. on a side note, Starless reactions to Dark being a Stallion in charge was a nice touch.
8220715
Thank you for your kind words. Your positive remarks warms my heart. I was worried that the dialog was going to come out a bit robotic and flat, but thanks to all the encouraging remarks that many of my readers have given, I feel a whole lot better. You my friend get a thumbs up from me.
8220779
If it had, I'd've told you.
Great chapter!
I'm very curious what will happen next! Especially what you are planning to do with their new unicorn-prisoners.
(I would love to write some more encouraging words, but if I would be as good as I wish I would be I would write stories myself... So you have to be satisfied with this one.)
The reveal of Ash's destiny was quite a bit of a spoiler, at least in my opinion.
Other suggestion: Maybe you should update your description to mention that sexual themes are quite rare in this story. The current text doesn't reflect that in my opinion.
8228041
After 30 chapters, and 143,442 words, I don't think its too early to start revealing certain important things to the plot and characters. The reveal of Ash's destiny was quite a bit of a spoiler? Lol! Nope Its a bit more complicated than that little bit.