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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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If anyone wants me to write a clop flick about that Glory Log. click thumbs up on this post, if you think its the dumbest thing ever, click the thumbs down on this post.
I have no idea what I am getting into if this should pass.
7684492 If need be, your faithful proofreader will assist you in this journey.
7684492
Actually, I've heard that some wolves look for moss-colored logs to hump against during mating season if they can't find a mate, males as well as females. That could be false, maybe I'm mis-remembering my sources, but if it's true the whole Glory Log thing isn't as stupid as you might think.
So, I did just say "A bird in the bush." ... But I was staring at the second 'the' while I finished for about 5 seconds after trying to figure out wtf was wrong... I guess you got me, although I feel like I'm doing writers a favor by automatically correcting their stuff when I read it...
7684492 Splinters.
The too-common commas strike again...
Also, Sky and Dusty should probably be telling ponies a little more hurriedly about the herd of pony-eating things running around...
Are there anyy animators who read this,becasue beside the sex scenes this would makea great show to watch
awake SHE'S always
could SNIFF at
No need for comma here
FLOWER'S
went THROUGH
have BEEN so
One 'she' too many
she SEEMED comfortable
Celestia's power grows. I'm guessing she'll be a part of this birthing of a new life, and incidentally absorb a bit of the magic that blends the tribes together.
My only other real criticism is that, at times, there are too many ponies with their own little stories to properly keep track of.
Let me know if my catching of typos is too annoying.
I must say I love Sky's personality - her actions and reactions are a lot of fun to watch. I loved the part where she got fed up with the saddlebags and simply shrugged them off in plan sight, jumped on a bed and started preening while completely oblivious to her surroundings And she has the spine to stand up for herself when needs be - Dusty nabbed himself a good one, for sure.
I am a bit disappointed they took this long to reveal themselves - if nothing else, then the knowledge that there are tree-climbing, pony-eating(?), evidently telekinesis (or equivalent)-posessing creatures out there that destroyed Sky's whole herd in a single night should have been passed on ASAP. Though from the sounds of it Dusty and Sky are younger than I imagined (it's kinda hard to tell at times without knowing the actual ages of everyone involved), so eh ... I can see why, given he was taken with the (somewhat irrational?) fear the lot would chase Sky off, or worse. Glad to see that's not happening - and finally Dark and co know about those creatures. It's not the wolves they should be worrying about ... assuming there are any wolves left to be worrying about.
Hm, I wonder if that's how Unicorns might eventually enter the story - the herd seeking some additional help against the shadowy creatures, if it comes to that. Nighttime predators who, from the sounds of it, can either use TK or something similar that roots ponies to the spot? And numerous enough to decimate Sky's whole flock in a single assault? Yeah - I can't see this early earth pony society being equipped to deal with that, unless there were some very special circumstances that allowed them to take out the pegasi that they can't easily re-enact with the earth ponies. They may very well need the 'star ponies' help to deal with this threat.
And Celestia continues showing her nascent alicorn nature ... I wonder how long until she gets an extra appendage or two
All in all - good show, can't wait to read more of it!
Extra you not needed.
Accidental extra space between these two words.
7684859 The attack on Sky's "herd-flock" happened a year ago, and I didn't mention it, but also in another location, further north. So to Sky, it's old news that happened somewhere else. Also, teenagers are not known for being rationally smart about some things.
About the dark creatures. I will tell you and all who read this, that they do not use magic in any way. The way they can trap their prey is quite natural, and effective. They are dangerous, but not unbeatable. A pony with a spear would be able to face one, if he was prepared and ready. The dark creatures are just really good at striking fast and quietly, as well as trapping their prey and keeping them from fleeing.
The first meeting with the Unicorns isn't due to happen quite yet, it will be a little more time. I have the story worked out, and I believe that everyone will like how it goes. But I will say that it will not be because the earth ponies ran to them for help. Earth Ponies are fierce and stubborn by nature, think of Apple Jack and how she does things herself without going out for help.
7685207 got them, thanks
7684609 Hey, when you got morning wood, what else can you do?
Nice chapter, keep up the good work!
7685749 has the thought to use one's hoof not occurred to them yet?
7686480 Using a hoof, wouldn't have been as silly to write about.
7686882 ok agreed
They needed that long to figure this out?
Also, Bells explanations about what might happen if a mare is too young while giving birth was damn creepy. (Probably intended.)
Good story.
Can't wait to see what happens next!
7690756 The dangers of breeding a mare in real life too young are quite true. A mare can have her first heat as a yearling, and if she is bred too young, miscarriages are very common as well as smaller than normal birth sizes if the pregnancy is brought through to term, as well as a multitude of other problems. It is recommended that a mare not be bred until she is at least about 3-4 yrs old.
I didn't intend to make it creepy, I just wanted to add some seriousness, and drama to it.
7690796
Don't get me wrong, I believed you even the first time.
It worked. It worked good.
7685727
True, teenagers aren't known for being the most rational age group - and like I said, it's understandable why he would have other priorities, to a degree. I guess this miffed me a bit more than usual because, in times long past, "teenager" meant something very different compared to what it does today. A guy who isn't out of school yet in modern society would have already expended half of his projected life expectancy during stone age, and would have naturally been forced to mature more quickly and take on more responsibilities around the community.
Though I guess Dusty's development was also hampered by (as we later learned) a serious case of a helicopter mom, so I can imagine him being more sheltered (relatively speaking, given the herd's living conditions) and a bit more clueless compared to most other colts his age.
On another note, that's interesting about the shadowy creatures - the no magic part, I mean. I wonder how they immobilized the pegasi then .... natural webbing of a sorts, perhaps? Can't really think of anything else at the moment, though I am sure there are other natural means for catching prey from distance. But yeah, if no magic is involved then I guess the earth ponies would have a fighting chance.
On another-another note
Personally, I always find it somewhat awkward and immersion-breaking when authors try to assign real-life equine properties to the MLP 'ponies'. We are talking about literal alien mammals here after all, applying RL horse biology seems pretty weird to be honest ... and amusingly enough, as depicted the MLP "ponies" seem to have more in common with felines than with equines, going by bodily posture, mannerisms and range of movement
7685727 Hmm what could trap a pegasi, climb really good... ah that's right giant fucking spiders. BTW I hate spooders, but I'd be shocked at this point if there is anything else it could be.
I have a feeling the creatures might be changelings.
7684692
I'm thinking I might try and talk a few people I know into making an audio drama of this story... but there are several problems, one which you've already pointed out, being that it would be a very... mature project. Other problems is that it's a fairly long story, and still not even complete yet, and we've also collectively decided that we won't be doing any more MLP related content again, focusing on original stories instead... but this story might just be good enough that they may decide to go for one final pony project... provided it's okay with the author of course.
Those colts aint having children after that.