- Member Since 23rd May, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 22nd, 2013
Nytaza
I am a huge MLP FIM fan it saved me. Now i am here writing fanfics for all of you.
Nytaza
Joined 23rd May, 2012 ·
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The characters are flat, there is little to no emotion, and it's full if obvious grammar and spelling mistakes.
It's not good, dude. It's really got nothing to do with the storyline itself, it had promise, but the execution was way off the mark.
Can't join the wonderbolts because of a nonsensical rule?
Murder your coltfriend.
Dashie logic
Apart from this being crap, you'd better rate it mature right now for the gore or you're going to really get into trouble.
1161587
Agreed. That should be the actual synopsis for the story.
I can see that the author enjoyed writing this, as the errors amassed around the torture parts, a clear sign of not having read the text again and just indulging.
A gore fic written for the sake of showing just how 'awesomely f-ed up' one's imagination is.
From a gore fiction perspective, this wasn't too good. Soarin was calm most of the time, there was no urgency or viable descriptions. The point of describing gore is to either show it to the audience or make them feel it. This text did neither.
Better luck next time!
In the meanwhile, I'm outa here!
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzgqavtr661r32ii0.gif
1161510 I'm sorry, I can't help my self.
You may mean 'Of'
Because of the comments - I'm not going to read
but a suggestion for OP, stop being a feget and write something worth our time
Edit: Read the story, it sucked.
but a suggestion for OP, stop being a feget and write something worth our time
1161902 Eeyup.
I think OP's ego has been severely destroyed by now.
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No but really, please LERN 2 ENGRISH!!! It was a good concept, but not executed well.
This story sucks!
Dont write anymore stories,and fix your damn grammer.
Fix that spelling of yours too.
Geez! Im disappointed at Nytaza for this.
Stop writing fanfictions.
1162275 Ouch, I'd hate for you to read one of my stories
Also, *grammar
Jesus, it's like Tommy Wiseau decided to try and make a gore fic.
In other words, story sucked hard
Horrendous grammar, countless spelling mistakes, and one of the worst executions I've ever seen. The idea has good potential for a gore fic, but your writing is so damn terrible that this is only painful to read because of the errors, not the gore.
So to sum things up:
1162403
That depends.
There are many things to be fixed here...
I would advise seeking help.
Another idiot brony who thinks he can become (in)famous in the fandom for copying Cupcakes. If you want to be (in)famous here's a hint: don't rip off Cupcakes, Cupcakes left a mark BECAUSE it twisted a beloved character and it was NEW. If you want to troll bronies make like Pattycakes and try something no one has thought of.
*sees rating*
*reads comments*
Yep, nothing to do here
1162571 On the topics of OC, at least it wasn't HiE.
The only HiE I would like would see would be if if the all the residents of both Equestria and Earth switched world.
Well that's fine since Dash isn't in a relationship with a Wonderbolt.
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Rainbow Dash has always wanted to be in the wonderbolts, but the rules state you cant date a wonderbolt and be a wonderbolt. Will Rainbow Dash's need to fulfill her lives dream get in the way of love?
Styrofoam cups are more sturdily constructed than this premise.
Interesting concept. I'll give you that.
Now to dig in.
Grammar.
Character development. Flatter than the prairies. And trust me, I live on them so I know they're pretty flat.
You forgot to add a mature tag. Big no no.
Ripping of Cupcakes. Bigger no no. There are a few good cupcake related fics out there explaining it's all in Pinkie's head or the likes. But anything that rips it off...
N.O.
Bad boy.
But as I said before the premise would be able to make a half decent fic. But it wouldn't be gore, it would be more tragic. I'm envisioning a secret romance between the two as they try to hide it from the other members of the Wonderbolts. Eventually Spitfire finds out and Soarin and Dash plead for her not to tell.
And then there was SoarinDashFire threeway. The captain agrees but it becomes public after either Soarin or Dash have an accident and the other saves them.Just my two bits.
Honestly, this could have been very good! The idea is interesting... the two Wonderbolts can't date publicly because it hurts their reputation or something? Although it makes less sense because it's SoarDash—unless straight couples on Equestria are like gay couples on Earth.
It's too bad you had to make it a mediocre gorefic. Oh well.
Honestly, this could have been very good! The idea is interesting... the two Wonderbolts can't date publicly because it hurts their reputation or something? Although it makes less sense because it's SoarDash—unless straight couples on Equestria are like gay couples on Earth.
It's too bad you had to make it a mediocre gorefic. Oh well.
...
Shit, is it bad form if I go to my ideas page and write down "Spitfire and Rainbow Dash have to hide their relationship from the public eye?"
EHR MAH GERD, SHER PISERNED SERIN, EHRMAGERD!!!
Fun fact: Cupcakes was the first fanfiction I had ever read, and was my first introduction to the brony community.
Let's see if I can recapture the magic of when I first read it, by reading this.
Fun.
Only eight-year-olds think extreme violence and tasteless gore is a replacement for quality. Let's hope you're at least good at sports...
1707999 Heh. Wow. That's some introduction!
Oh look, another shameful Cupcakes rip-off that the author writes to indulge in their sick, twisted, gore-filled fantasies.
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbt4rnO4EF1riib4qo1_r1_500.gif
1708869 I love your image.
dont turn this in to another version of 'Cupcakes"
im sorry but i cant understand some peoples reason for making a dark story in the first place i mean yeah you have to have so creative writing but what this person wrote completely ignores rainbow dash's characteristics and the thought process in which she thinks i don't think rainbow dash would do something dark and evil even though i have read some story people have mad of rainbow dash being evil it subsides my point her characteristics do not fit in a role wheres she is evil
sorry about that i meant made stupid keyboard