Clean Sheen Of The Mean Queens Dream

by Paper_Pen

Afterwards

Luna stared down at her sister, hate, vitriol, and love all swelled inside of her.

"Sister, we need to talk"

"Whats wrong, sister?"

"In the time that we were away, did you happen to have any, well, 'Unforgivable' relations with other cultures?"

"Excuse me?!" She yelled, full of offense.

"We meant war!" Clarified Luna, the word stuck to her mind as as a shoe to a hoof.

"Well", Celestia paused, thinking of how to make her actions seem less heinous, "you can't expect everything to be sunshine and rainbows in this world!"

"But you are the goddess of the sun… and your hair is a rainbow"

Chrysalis sat in her hive, tending to army of deceiving gnats. She recounted what she had said to Luna, the idea of her confronting her own sister with allegations of war crimes made her break down with laughter. She was truly the 'Active Threat' that they saw her as.

(This is only my second fan fiction, so please leave ways I can improve or go fuck myself in the comments! Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes, I finished this thing off around midnight to the tune of early morning Adult Swim)

Comments

[Scorch215]

There are a few grammar errors and spelling errors Also this seems like it should have all been a single upload and not a bunch of small ones.

so please leave ways I can improve or go fuck myself in the comments!

I'm assuming this has a typo and you mean "yourself" so I'll let you know saying this will immediately turn people off to your work and automaticly dislike the work no matter how amusing it is.

Anyways mu basic advice is make this all a single upload, maybe get some.one to proof read it a bit as the few errors I saw are minor and easily fixed though a couple did male it a bit confusing as to who was speaking and try not to be rude to your readers.

[Paper_Pen]

7407832
7407851

Thanks for the input, will make sure to work on being clearer in the future!

[Scorch215]

7407863 no problem this was an amusing story that got a chuckle out of me at the end (Luna's last line about Celestia being the Princess of the Sun and her mane being a Rainbow was hilarious)

[Naiba]

This could have done with being a lot longer. The premise of Chrysalis turning Luna against her sister in her own dreams with carefully placed lies and suggestions is something I haven't seen before, so that's cool.

It feels like something that should happen over multiple visits to allow Luna to investigate the claims for herself and find 'evidence' (planted by Chrysalis and her hive) proving Celestia's guilt back in the real world.

Luna seems to accept what Chrysalis said far too quickly.