Chrysalis has a dream when Luna shows up, delving into her character will ensue
(Chrysalis in cover art by jessicat0, all I did was put her on some mountains, will delete if asked.)
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 16th Feb, 2016
- offline last seen January 28th
Paper_Pen
Avatar done by @befishprod on twitter, check her out! I write comedy things, occasionally they're good.
Paper_Pen
Joined 16th Feb, 2016 ·
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Not entirely sure what happened there at the end as it sort of...I don't know just made no sense and was confusing.
There are a few grammar errors and spelling errors Also this seems like it should have all been a single upload and not a bunch of small ones.
I'm assuming this has a typo and you mean "yourself" so I'll let you know saying this will immediately turn people off to your work and automaticly dislike the work no matter how amusing it is.
Anyways mu basic advice is make this all a single upload, maybe get some.one to proof read it a bit as the few errors I saw are minor and easily fixed though a couple did male it a bit confusing as to who was speaking and try not to be rude to your readers.
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Thanks for the input, will make sure to work on being clearer in the future!
7407863 no problem this was an amusing story that got a chuckle out of me at the end (Luna's last line about Celestia being the Princess of the Sun and her mane being a Rainbow was hilarious)
This could have done with being a lot longer. The premise of Chrysalis turning Luna against her sister in her own dreams with carefully placed lies and suggestions is something I haven't seen before, so that's cool.
It feels like something that should happen over multiple visits to allow Luna to investigate the claims for herself and find 'evidence' (planted by Chrysalis and her hive) proving Celestia's guilt back in the real world.
Luna seems to accept what Chrysalis said far too quickly.