To truly know hell, to fully understand it, you must experience it for yourself. Unfortunately for the "hero" of our story, he's going to get a first hand look at what hell really is.
Ah've always been able ta tell when somepony is lying
This particular piece of exposition is trite as fuck, and isn't necessary. As in the entire concept of AJ being a walking talking lie detector. She could just as well say she thinks he isn't a killer and leave it at that.
so you want to know what i think about this chapter do you? well then i will tell you what i think about this chapter then!
your grilfreind is an https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqTHmzMk0Cw (4:06) for even trying to sneak a cliffhangerin . SHES EVIL I TELLS YOU PURE EVIL. SHES SO EVIL WE NEED TO COME UP WITH A NEW WORD FOR HOW EVIL SHE IS!!!!!
personally i propose Evul since the U is like two I's with a curvy bit at the bottom but also like the V which is like the main constant in evil so the U is clearly the V bigger and more evil cousin. fellow readers back me up on this.
luckily we have you Crensier protecting your readers form the Evul of your girlfriend. you foresaw her cliffhanger addition and thus decided to write your story as a flashback recap and there by letting us all know that David will be alright and foiling your girlfriends Evul plans and deigning her the chance to twirl her long, beautiful and jealousy inducing mustache.
i think i speak for all your readers when i say thank you, thank you for this great chapter. and for all the hard work you put into this story.
7643314 Honestly I couldn't even hazard a guess. It depends on my mood, how much pressure I'm under from real life issue, stuff like that, so it could be anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. Sorry I can't be very specific, but that's the way it is unfortunately.
7643271 Where did the concept of her being a lie detector even come from because it's bs and never comes up in the show? Heck it would have made the cake eating incident on the train over with in a few seconds (can't remember the name).
This is pretty much exactly the direction I was hoping you wouldn't go with this, but for what it's worth, you made it so short that it really had no chance to actually detract from the story and everything can progress to doing something interesting with the situation.
Damn this is amazing. If the ending came in a few chapters I wouldn't mind, but I really, reeeeaaally don't want it to end. I just hope that he either: A. Is able to escape just before his sentencing and tries to live a life on the run while re-discovering himself. B. Is forced to remain a prisoner until he's no longer a threat in Celestia's eyes. or C. Really any reason that doesn't involve him going to Ponyville to learn the magic of friendship.
I'll probably still read this no matter where you take the story, so either way a like and a fave, can't wait for the next chapter.
I'm a bit curious what you have planned since in the talking to the interrogator sections there has been a reference to Sombra's return, putting the storytelling a significant amount of time after these events so far. And while seemingly cured of the dark magic corruption, the protagonist is still depressed and cynical in such a way that suggests limited to no pony interactions.
7643271 7643355 7643367 Well, she might not be a walking Lie Detector but she could have once been a mafia during her "brief" stay in the city when she was young...And a liar tends to recognize other liars. This is the story that said theory was from.
As for being a Magical Lie Detector thing...It has to do with "Magical Elements" and what people want to see when they heard of it. A Magical artefact that doesn't actually give its chosen users anything is a terrible magical artefact, or not one at all. So the idea that AJ becomes a lie detector is bound to be born, given the high-fantasy setting.
Or it could also be the trait of the Apple Family/Apple Clan. An honest and hardworking family that seemingly present everywhere in Equestria (it says something about their success) might or might not have to struggle with liars of many forms will certainly build up a certain resistance to lies. They don't need to be particularly good at it. Just better than average ponies at recognizing liars.
Recent episode suggested that AJ was once a big liar, which gave fire to her being able to recognize a liar through her own experience.
I had read the first two chapters, when I got curious and had to make sure when he was meeting them. Now I saw something which I was not sure of if I like it, but it is only going to make sense if I continue reading from the start. Even if he has a lot of problems, I hope that if he is getting his own body or whatever, that he isn't just a pathetic execuse for a Stallion, which they can talk into anything they want, even if it should be something he completely hates.
I'm just not into the type of main Char, that is getting used for everything against his will, forced into some sort of relationship even if he didn't felt ready yet, a main char that they make fun of or tease him because "he" was the one that is in love again, and not the love interest.
I don't want him to be the complete badass, but I never understood why the main chars often enough are some kind of .........small fry!?
I liked the story so far, and I guess that I know what is going to happen from now on, at least something that most likely could happen. As usually I just wanted to make sure, that I say something before the worst could happen.
Good chapter. But I'm really disappointed in seeing the clinchy elements (fix all) and how David ended up handling everything. (Ideas) He could have possibly vanished the nightmare away inside of his mind, or just taken over completely much like she tried to while they fought and then learned his lesion's through his own trial and error. It just seems like a lot of possible opportunity (Drama) wasted to me by doing something predictable as using the elements and never seeing the main protagonist fully coming around full swing to correct themselves.
after reading the last chapter before, which was really an awesome epic battle scene you created, this chapter had a lot expectations of it, I feel this follow up was a bit underwhelming in the ultimate climax of this story arc. I don't think the ending was bad, but I feel that their are elements that have been underplayed that could have help to understand better what Artemis was thinking art the time most noticeably how mental and physically exhausted he was which would have helped to show he wasn't thinking clearly, and was increasingly doing slip-up in his judgment calls and being clumsier in using his deadly brute strength again the mane 6. I also think, the tension between Artemis and Nightmare Moon about what to do now in their bickering, as well as showing how his mind was starting to unravel itself because he couldn't fuel himself with enough hatred anymore and was couldn't hide person he is under all that; which is a broken mess. I was a little confused as to why he tried to warn the Mane 6 about the Everfree forest, or that that soddenly decide to be mercifully with them, despite the fact that he had all ready mercilessly killed several ponies in Canterlot and as the mane 6 and Celestia insisted that he isn't a murder. This could be explain in the following chapters, hopefully.
Still, I wander how Nightmare Moon could now wrestle back control of her body now when she couldn't do it earlier? Was it because Artemis had never been this weak before that she could actually take over again, or was it because she knew that he had a latent savagery deep inside of him, that would allow him to comet acts that she herself couldn't even do, so he was the perfect tool for her. Still, I wander what the prophesy meant, was the escape fore saw? then why didn't Celestia prepared herself for it, didn't she believed it? Wasn't the reason why she sent Twilight to Ponyville in the first place? I wander what will be the effects of the Element of Harmony will have on both Artemis and Nightmare Moon. With there be twin foals? Would they still had each other? Will they console each other from the withdraw from dark magic? Will Nightmare moon be sent back to the moon alone because she became worst during her incarceration and this time she would truly be alone this time, leaving Artemis alone with the fallout of what happened?
Even doe Artemis was not in a rational state of mind, and couldn't be held responsible for his actions, I am not sure that he can go Scot-free because of the political situation, he did try to commit majestcide/deicide, princess Celestia, with would normally be an automatic death sentence. I think he would ave to serve at least a symbolic sentence. I wander if the Royal Guard will want him dead for what he did, despite Celestia vouching for him.
I wander what will happen to Artemis at the Nightmare Night event?
Still, this was a good read and I can't wait to read the next chapter.
The ending felt a bit like the climax scene for The Hulk and NNM's rainbow blast to the face. I liked it. I'm intrigued as to how Dave will end up-- I mean, we know how he ended up, sorta... but it's like reading a censored transcript during the parts where he recalls the past to his interrogator. We only see his reactions, his voice, nothing at all of who is interacting with him, where he is, or ever what's become of the human-turned-alicorn. By inference, it sounds like it's Celestia, a dungeon cell, and either an alicorn or back to his human form.
This has to be possibly the best storys playing arround with the Nightmare reincarnation idea so far. Infact i would go as far to say that this might even trump substitute demon in my book.....so far any how
.....OoO and before i forget i think i might go more indepth as to whhyy exactly i like this story muutch later...or next chapter who knows.
Well thats enough runnin my mouth for today rember to avoid swords there bad for youre health!
7650707 I'm completely fine with that. The reason I wrote Sub was because all those stories had the MC being friends with everyone at the end with no real reasoning. This one is exciting, it makes sense to me, and so far has been enjoyable. I like seeing what David's presence changes.
7651101 seems like most stories i see are kinda unrealistic in how fast the charicter is forgiven. Thankfully stories like substitute and so far it looks like this as well are cut from a diffrent cloth it seems! All too often i see stories that are like(Oh hay youre a potentaly demigod dangerous bent on genocide via a celestial object with a potental Thousand Years worth of killing expereance? Cool lets be best frends on the acount that i can tell youre a gooOoOdd person after like *checks watch* ehh five muinutes of seeing you! Now run along you genocidal threat you YORE GOING TO MISSS TEA TIME!!!)
Sorry....i went some where for a second there Well in any case i think this is a breath of fresh air or mabie not lets see what the futre holds.....hopefully not swords i hate those...
when did Celestia find out about David's name?
Nevermind I checked
This particular piece of exposition is trite as fuck, and isn't necessary. As in the entire concept of AJ being a walking talking lie detector. She could just as well say she thinks he isn't a killer and leave it at that.
Great chapter. I wish for moar.
so you want to know what i think about this chapter do you? well then i will tell you what i think about this chapter then!
your grilfreind is an https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqTHmzMk0Cw (4:06) for even trying to sneak a cliffhangerin . SHES EVIL I TELLS YOU PURE EVIL. SHES SO EVIL WE NEED TO COME UP WITH A NEW WORD FOR HOW EVIL SHE IS!!!!!
personally i propose Evul since the U is like two I's with a curvy bit at the bottom but also like the V which is like the main constant in evil so the U is clearly the V bigger and more evil cousin. fellow readers back me up on this.
luckily we have you Crensier protecting your readers form the Evul of your girlfriend. you foresaw her cliffhanger addition and thus decided to write your story as a flashback recap and there by letting us all know that David will be alright and foiling your girlfriends Evul plans and deigning her the chance to twirl her long, beautiful and jealousy inducing mustache.
i think i speak for all your readers when i say thank you, thank you for this great chapter. and for all the hard work you put into this story.
7643278 My girlfriend says: "Thanks for the compliment, it was all in a day's work. Your comment made me smile~"
I'd also like to say thank you and that I'm glad you've been enjoying the story thus far
7643298 at a guesstimate, how long will the next one take?
7643314 Honestly I couldn't even hazard a guess. It depends on my mood, how much pressure I'm under from real life issue, stuff like that, so it could be anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. Sorry I can't be very specific, but that's the way it is unfortunately.
7643318 more we need more lol more please
7643271
Where did the concept of her being a lie detector even come from because it's bs and never comes up in the show? Heck it would have made the cake eating incident on the train over with in a few seconds (can't remember the name).
7643355
MMMMMYSTERY? I think? It's just low quality fannon.
7643355 Oh, wow, I don't know where I got the idea either now that I've given it some serious thought. Damn, oh well, guess I have to make an edit
No it's here and now I have to wait to see the end of his interogation.
7643379 more thank-you please
Come back next month for the thrilling conclusion of: To Know Hell!
Is this going to continue after David is done retelling the story or is it just going to end in the next couple of chapters?
This is pretty much exactly the direction I was hoping you wouldn't go with this, but for what it's worth, you made it so short that it really had no chance to actually detract from the story and everything can progress to doing something interesting with the situation.
Damn this is amazing. If the ending came in a few chapters I wouldn't mind, but I really, reeeeaaally don't want it to end. I just hope that he either:
A. Is able to escape just before his sentencing and tries to live a life on the run while re-discovering himself.
B. Is forced to remain a prisoner until he's no longer a threat in Celestia's eyes.
or
C. Really any reason that doesn't involve him going to Ponyville to learn the magic of friendship.
I'll probably still read this no matter where you take the story, so either way a like and a fave, can't wait for the next chapter.
7643587
I'd vote C out of those options, but I doubt the author doesn't have that planned out by now.
Ugh, I need more! I can't wait to see what happens next.
A jab about how history is written by the victors would be appropriate.
The
rein?
Sure, rein is more horsey, but it's not right here.
piqued,
and My Little Pony?
dagnabbit
7643627 aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I won't stop screaming until you post a new chapterrRRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
7643698 AAAAHHHH ME TOOAAAAAAHHHHH
7643698 AAAAHHHH ME TOOAAAAAAHHHHH
7643698
7643740 LOUD NOISES!!!!!!!
Please still be an awesome misunderstood will soon be a villain but then be a less evil not actually a hero stallion nightmare moon look alike.
Being a hero sucks, being a villain with purpose is something more than a hero made to defeat villains.
More!
What a cute cliche chappy lol.
Still it worked well. :P
Thanks fer sharin!!
That was cool, now this is how you reform a villain hasbro learn from fanfiction!
I can't wait to see his first pinkie party.
7643318
I'm a bit curious what you have planned since in the talking to the interrogator sections there has been a reference to Sombra's return, putting the storytelling a significant amount of time after these events so far. And while seemingly cured of the dark magic corruption, the protagonist is still depressed and cynical in such a way that suggests limited to no pony interactions.
7643271
7643355
7643367
Well, she might not be a walking Lie Detector but she could have once been a mafia during her "brief" stay in the city when she was young...And a liar tends to recognize other liars.
This is the story that said theory was from.
As for being a Magical Lie Detector thing...It has to do with "Magical Elements" and what people want to see when they heard of it. A Magical artefact that doesn't actually give its chosen users anything is a terrible magical artefact, or not one at all. So the idea that AJ becomes a lie detector is bound to be born, given the high-fantasy setting.
Or it could also be the trait of the Apple Family/Apple Clan. An honest and hardworking family that seemingly present everywhere in Equestria (it says something about their success) might or might not have to struggle with liars of many forms will certainly build up a certain resistance to lies. They don't need to be particularly good at it. Just better than average ponies at recognizing liars.
Recent episode suggested that AJ was once a big liar, which gave fire to her being able to recognize a liar through her own experience.
I had read the first two chapters, when I got curious and had to make sure when he was meeting them.
Now I saw something which I was not sure of if I like it, but it is only going to make sense if I continue reading from the start.
Even if he has a lot of problems, I hope that if he is getting his own body or whatever, that he isn't just a pathetic execuse for a Stallion, which they can talk into anything they want, even if it should be something he completely hates.
I'm just not into the type of main Char, that is getting used for everything against his will, forced into some sort of relationship even if he didn't felt ready yet, a main char that they make fun of or tease him because "he" was the one that is in love again, and not the love interest.
I don't want him to be the complete badass, but I never understood why the main chars often enough are some kind of .........small fry!?
I liked the story so far, and I guess that I know what is going to happen from now on, at least something that most likely could happen. As usually I just wanted to make sure, that I say something before the worst could happen.
Need more. Urgently. Your girlfriend is pure EVUL for making us hang like that, you know
Good chapter. But I'm really disappointed in seeing the clinchy elements (fix all) and how David ended up handling everything. (Ideas) He could have possibly vanished the nightmare away inside of his mind, or just taken over completely much like she tried to while they fought and then learned his lesion's through his own trial and error. It just seems like a lot of possible opportunity (Drama) wasted to me by doing something predictable as using the elements and never seeing the main protagonist fully coming around full swing to correct themselves.
Just my 2 cents worth.
after reading the last chapter before, which was really an awesome epic battle scene you created, this chapter had a lot expectations of it, I feel this follow up was a bit underwhelming in the ultimate climax of this story arc. I don't think the ending was bad, but I feel that their are elements that have been underplayed that could have help to understand better what Artemis was thinking art the time most noticeably how mental and physically exhausted he was which would have helped to show he wasn't thinking clearly, and was increasingly doing slip-up in his judgment calls and being clumsier in using his deadly brute strength again the mane 6. I also think, the tension between Artemis and Nightmare Moon about what to do now in their bickering, as well as showing how his mind was starting to unravel itself because he couldn't fuel himself with enough hatred anymore and was couldn't hide person he is under all that; which is a broken mess. I was a little confused as to why he tried to warn the Mane 6 about the Everfree forest, or that that soddenly decide to be mercifully with them, despite the fact that he had all ready mercilessly killed several ponies in Canterlot and as the mane 6 and Celestia insisted that he isn't a murder. This could be explain in the following chapters, hopefully.
Still, I wander how Nightmare Moon could now wrestle back control of her body now when she couldn't do it earlier? Was it because Artemis had never been this weak before that she could actually take over again, or was it because she knew that he had a latent savagery deep inside of him, that would allow him to comet acts that she herself couldn't even do, so he was the perfect tool for her. Still, I wander what the prophesy meant, was the escape fore saw? then why didn't Celestia prepared herself for it, didn't she believed it? Wasn't the reason why she sent Twilight to Ponyville in the first place? I wander what will be the effects of the Element of Harmony will have on both Artemis and Nightmare Moon. With there be twin foals? Would they still had each other? Will they console each other from the withdraw from dark magic? Will Nightmare moon be sent back to the moon alone because she became worst during her incarceration and this time she would truly be alone this time, leaving Artemis alone with the fallout of what happened?
Even doe Artemis was not in a rational state of mind, and couldn't be held responsible for his actions, I am not sure that he can go Scot-free because of the political situation, he did try to commit majestcide/deicide, princess Celestia, with would normally be an automatic death sentence. I think he would ave to serve at least a symbolic sentence. I wander if the Royal Guard will want him dead for what he did, despite Celestia vouching for him.
I wander what will happen to Artemis at the Nightmare Night event?
Still, this was a good read and I can't wait to read the next chapter.
I like how it ended, I just don't like the fact that it has ended :(
Great chapter!!!
That. Was. AMAZING! !!!!!! By far the best chapter yet. I really can't wait til you write the next one. Hurry up, eh?
7643318
The ending felt a bit like the climax scene for The Hulk and NNM's rainbow blast to the face. I liked it. I'm intrigued as to how Dave will end up-- I mean, we know how he ended up, sorta... but it's like reading a censored transcript during the parts where he recalls the past to his interrogator. We only see his reactions, his voice, nothing at all of who is interacting with him, where he is, or ever what's become of the human-turned-alicorn. By inference, it sounds like it's Celestia, a dungeon cell, and either an alicorn or back to his human form.
This has to be possibly the best storys playing arround with the Nightmare reincarnation idea so far. Infact i would go as far to say that this might even trump substitute demon in my book.....so far any how
.....OoO and before i forget i think i might go more indepth as to whhyy exactly i like this story muutch later...or next chapter who knows.
Well thats enough runnin my mouth for today rember to avoid swords there bad for youre health!
7650707 I'm completely fine with that. The reason I wrote Sub was because all those stories had the MC being friends with everyone at the end with no real reasoning. This one is exciting, it makes sense to me, and so far has been enjoyable. I like seeing what David's presence changes.
7651101 seems like most stories i see are kinda unrealistic in how fast the charicter is forgiven. Thankfully stories like substitute and so far it looks like this as well are cut from a diffrent cloth it seems! All too often i see stories that are like(Oh hay youre a potentaly demigod dangerous bent on genocide via a celestial object with a potental Thousand Years worth of killing expereance? Cool lets be best frends on the acount that i can tell youre a gooOoOdd person after like *checks watch* ehh five muinutes of seeing you! Now run along you genocidal threat you YORE GOING TO MISSS TEA TIME!!!)
Sorry....i went some where for a second there Well in any case i think this is a breath of fresh air or mabie not lets see what the futre holds.....hopefully not swords i hate those...
Curse you and your cliff hangers.
Looking forward to the end(?)
Have you seen the musical " the Moon rises" preview on YouTube?
7667437 I might have, why do you ask?
7668865
is basically the opposite of princess lullaby. I wonder if you wanted to make for Artemis a musical number all for himself just for kicks
7670380 I don't think I could manage that, to be honest. I'm no good at writing music, I'm afraid
The only thing I care is RareXArty in the ending...
Make another chapter! Don't leave your readers hanging.
7719555 I am currently working on it now that I've managed to pull my head out of my butt, so no worries.
7720616 As Rainbow Dash would say 'So Awesome' I can't wait to read it.