To truly know hell, to fully understand it, you must experience it for yourself. Unfortunately for the "hero" of our story, he's going to get a first hand look at what hell really is.
That was pretty good. I'm also really glad you made the decision to progress the story rather than dance around it with filler chapters about how David handled his first horse erection or some other ridiculous thing. Looking forward to seeing where you take this.
That was interesting but I half expect an average human being to control the darkness and pain then turn the tables as he screams ''that which does not kill me makes me stronger''.
*sighs* I have to say this twist at the end, should it persist, isn't much different from the other stories of having the protagonist along for the ride with Nightmare Moon until her purging. It really defeats the point if he's no better than Nightmare Moon and has to be purged too by the Elements. I sincerely hope this isn't what you meant by the protagonist growing as a character.
That said, I did enjoy what I read, I just am not happy with the future I foresee here.
Very nice twist, I wonder if when the elemnts are used the darkness in david and luna would be dispelled and it would end up with David possesing Luna.
Interesting. For once a human character who actually behaves like an average man, along with the mental fortitude of someone that was not exposed to the trials and tribulations that would make for a stronger psyche. Kudos for that!
Also, nice reason for the R63, it makes sense. Curious about how it will go now, though. I do half expect him to betray nightmare moon though, of only out of spite for her betrayal. Yes, he did become more powerful and stuff, but she did beguile him. No one as powerful as he has just become (even if only megalomania from his corrupted state) would let such slight go unpunished
74058617405995 To be honest, I always found the idea interesting if incredibly silly. Now, this is just my head canon, but I figured what happened with Luna wasn't something that happened literally over night, unlike with the Nightmare Rarity arc which seemed to stem from, like, a single nightmare and a little goading from the bad guys. So, yes, in concept, but in execution? Not so much.
7406136 It's a persona formed by the merger of Luna's mind with a creature of darkness that played on her jealousy and insecurities to tempt her into accepting a deal she really should not have taken. So, yes, it is Luna, just taken to an extreme. I mean, she wants to envelope the world in eternal night, which will kind of kill all life rather than force everyone to appreciate the beauty of her work.
It has to be Luna herself. ANYTHING else weakens her.
I cannot tell if you mean that NMM and Luna must be separate entities or if NMM and Luma must be the same entity. I cannot tell if you mean Luna's character would be made weaker through the EoH eliminating a parasite or through the EoH eliminating a portion if Luna's psyche.
Could you give me some detail on your perspective here?
While it man have been in character for NMM, it was also extremely stupid. Not only did she violate the trust of a being that had no reason to be disloyal, it gave him a reason to betray/exploit her in return as well as a possible means of opposing her. What if he decides he doesn't want to give the body back or trust her again, even if cured of the Dark Magic?
7406643 Well I guess she's fucked, because she's not known for her good decision making. This is the mare that wants to freeze the planet to make it love her, if you'll recall.
The planet didn't freeze over despite it being always nightime, after all. A pity we never learn why it doesn't freeze over, so I guess you can ignore that bit of canon if you really want.
7406877 Oh, god, I can't believe I forgot that particular part of the season 5 finale
Mostly I think it's because I really, really dislike Starlight Glimmer's motivation for being a complete toolbox, but yeah, I don't get why it chose to gloss over that little factoid. Oh, right, the episodes only last twenty minutes, so magic, I guess
Oh, but what type of magic? Is it a side effect of magic passively permeating everything so thoroughly that plants just plain don't need the sun, is it a case of constantly casting explicit spells (earth pony and unicorn) to keep it that way, or is it a one-time explicit cast? Is it dark magic that will eventually twist the inhabitants into Warpspawn? I WANT TO KNOW!
too bad, it's magic, that's all I'm saying.
: oops! looks like we're not sticking around long enough to find out, even though we really should have focused in on one universe, or made this a two parter! By the way, you make a cute pokemon when you're angry.
7406417 NMM cannot originate from an outside source. My best guess is that Luna wanted to her Celestia yet couldn't commit to hurting her own sister thus the persona of Nightmare Moon who could cross that line.
7406969 7406916 The sun and moon may have been parasitically linked. The moon glows warmly as it transmits the life giving traits of the sun. The sun dims from this transfer of power so much it gains a pale moon-like appearance and coldness.
The night lasts forever while still retaining the same 24(?) hour system: 12(?) hours of gently illuminating yet warm Lunar Night accompanied by the brilliance of Luna's Starry Sky, followed by 12(?) hours of cold Celestial Day poorly lit by the incredibly dim yet visually harsh Defeated Sun that only emits what spectrums the moon does not steal for itself.
Ponies now live their daily lives in sync with the life giving glow of Luna's moon while looking the gorgeous canvas of Luna's Night for guidance.
Celestia is daily brought into the sky before Luna retires to rest. Celestia is forced to watch from her prison in the sun as ponies stop their happy lives to take shelter in their homes from the relative cold of Celestia's uselessly dim yet harshly blinding Daylight that so obscures the starry night as the limited spectrum robs pony eyes of color and contrast needed to navigate the shadows of the Luna's Eternal Night,
7407718 Nightmare Moon cannot be an outside source? Is your stance against all forms of Luna possession?
Hybrid example 1: Luna creates an entity to absorb and take away her dark impulses that eventually becomes NMM and takes control through ghostly possession. Is this acceptable?
Hybrid example 2: Luna develops a secondary personality through magic to avoid reality, regressing into meditative inner dream world "happy place" while letting the artificial personality deal with stressful moments and disconnecting from her senses until the artificial personality gives Luna the "all clear", then the artificial personality develops enough to decide it has a raw deal and is able to name itself NMM and never tells luna "all clear" and Luna doesn't look outside her "happy place" until it is too late as NMM has used dark magic to take administrative control of the personality spell to stop Luna from turning it off then going on a "fuck you world/fuck you Luna" rampage while acting on Luna's own dark desires to steal more control of her magic. Is this acceptable?
Hybrid Example 3: Luna decides she has had enough of feeling depressed and decides to get out of it by using a dark magic ritual and potion spell combo for converting emotion into magic that is known to make the user go completely and delusionally insane until they burn out. Is this acceptable?
7407963 Ok, but were any of the three examples in the previous comment acceptable NMM origin stories by your personal standard for Luna's character? Ireally want to know if they stand up under your scrutiny, as a personal interest.
7407963 You do realize those two personas were brought on partially by the influence of outside forces working to create them, right? I mean, in the case of Two-Face it was an accident, unless his origin story has changed significantly, but with Darth Vader you had Emperor Palpatine actively working to influence Anakin into becoming his apprentice. Not saying that Anakin is blameless for his idiocy in falling for the manipulation, but it wasn't all him either.
You also missed the point: in the case of my proposed scenario, it's still Luna. Her emotions, motivations, personality and memories are still there, she's just become crazy evil. She still chose to accept the deal to get what she wanted and is still choosing to work to depose Celestia and enforce eternal night. She just has the influence of the Dark Side, if we're going with the Star Wars analogy, on top of it all, plus the influence of those evil forces still giving her terrible advice a la Palpatine, just not as badass.
7407738 Wow, that actually makes a great deal of sense. See, this is the kind of comment I love to see in stories, regardless of whether I've written them or not
David deserves everything he goes through for having a black alicorn OC.
7405418 Heh, cute
I also got an Apollo 13 vibe from this
I'm impressed that he knew a foal was a baby horse, some people wouldn't know that
NMM fooled him, as expected, but who is Artemis? I think we will see.
That was pretty good. I'm also really glad you made the decision to progress the story rather than dance around it with filler chapters about how David handled his first horse erection or some other ridiculous thing. Looking forward to seeing where you take this.
That was interesting but I half expect an average human being to control the darkness and pain then turn the tables as he screams ''that which does not kill me makes me stronger''.
Quite a twist. But Don't think that anybody would give up their freedom after that. David is going to be quite angry!
I also got an Apollo 13 vibe from this
7405511 yup and poor David he is soo gonna be angry with Luna after this. Or nightmare whatever she was.
7405500 I agree with that statement
*sighs* I have to say this twist at the end, should it persist, isn't much different from the other stories of having the protagonist along for the ride with Nightmare Moon until her purging. It really defeats the point if he's no better than Nightmare Moon and has to be purged too by the Elements. I sincerely hope this isn't what you meant by the protagonist growing as a character.
That said, I did enjoy what I read, I just am not happy with the future I foresee here.
Very nice twist, I wonder if when the elemnts are used the darkness in david and luna would be dispelled and it would end up with David possesing Luna.
I liked the padding.
Okay I have got to ask. Does this story support the Nightmare Rarity idea? Whether I continue reading depends on the answer.
Interesting. For once a human character who actually behaves like an average man, along with the mental fortitude of someone that was not exposed to the trials and tribulations that would make for a stronger psyche. Kudos for that!
Also, nice reason for the R63, it makes sense.
Curious about how it will go now, though. I do half expect him to betray nightmare moon though, of only out of spite for her betrayal. Yes, he did become more powerful and stuff, but she did beguile him. No one as powerful as he has just become (even if only megalomania from his corrupted state) would let such slight go unpunished
7405861 I hope not.
7405995 same here. but having creatures on the moon worry me.
Git gud David.
7405861 7405995 To be honest, I always found the idea interesting if incredibly silly. Now, this is just my head canon, but I figured what happened with Luna wasn't something that happened literally over night, unlike with the Nightmare Rarity arc which seemed to stem from, like, a single nightmare and a little goading from the bad guys. So, yes, in concept, but in execution? Not so much.
7405827 Sorry, but while sometimes padding can be entertaining I really could not think of any padding that would fit into that category.
7406125 okay then let me clarify.
IS Nightmare Moon a persona of Luna or a parasite?
7406136 It's a persona formed by the merger of Luna's mind with a creature of darkness that played on her jealousy and insecurities to tempt her into accepting a deal she really should not have taken. So, yes, it is Luna, just taken to an extreme. I mean, she wants to envelope the world in eternal night, which will kind of kill all life rather than force everyone to appreciate the beauty of her work.
7406168 then I'm out. It has to be Luna herself. ANYTHING else weakens her. Bummer since this could have been interesting.
7406180 If you say so. Sorry you feel that way, but I guess you can't please everyone.
Corrupted human in equestria? frak yeah
Artemis and Nightmare Moon sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. Although would that count as masturbation in this case since they share a body?
7406180
I cannot tell if you mean that NMM and Luna must be separate entities or if NMM and Luma must be the same entity.
I cannot tell if you mean Luna's character would be made weaker through the EoH eliminating a parasite or through the EoH eliminating a portion if Luna's psyche.
Could you give me some detail on your perspective here?
I say, I certainly approve of this new development.
7406417
He's saying that NMM and Luna have to be one in the same or else it "weakens her character".
7406484
Let him speak for himself.
Admiral Q Ponyform is a very active commentator, he is certain to reply shortly.
While it man have been in character for NMM, it was also extremely stupid. Not only did she violate the trust of a being that had no reason to be disloyal, it gave him a reason to betray/exploit her in return as well as a possible means of opposing her. What if he decides he doesn't want to give the body back or trust her again, even if cured of the Dark Magic?
7406643 Well I guess she's fucked, because she's not known for her good decision making. This is the mare that wants to freeze the planet to make it love her, if you'll recall.
7406670 maybe not.
The planet didn't freeze over despite it being always nightime, after all. A pity we never learn why it doesn't freeze over, so I guess you can ignore that bit of canon if you really want.
7406877 Oh, god, I can't believe I forgot that particular part of the season 5 finale
Mostly I think it's because I really, really dislike Starlight Glimmer's motivation for being a complete toolbox, but yeah, I don't get why it chose to gloss over that little factoid. Oh, right, the episodes only last twenty minutes, so magic, I guess
7406916
Agreed.
Oh, but what type of magic? Is it a side effect of magic passively permeating everything so thoroughly that plants just plain don't need the sun, is it a case of constantly casting explicit spells (earth pony and unicorn) to keep it that way, or is it a one-time explicit cast? Is it dark magic that will eventually twist the inhabitants into Warpspawn? I WANT TO KNOW!
too bad, it's magic, that's all I'm saying.
: oops! looks like we're not sticking around long enough to find out, even though we really should have focused in on one universe, or made this a two parter! By the way, you make a cute pokemon when you're angry.
7406969 She really does make an amazing Rapidash doesn't she?
7406417 NMM cannot originate from an outside source. My best guess is that Luna wanted to her Celestia yet couldn't commit to hurting her own sister thus the persona of Nightmare Moon who could cross that line.
THe best examples would be Two Face and Vader.
7406308 just changed that one thing. i I would be back. THat issue just happens to be my black flag item.
7406969
7406916
The sun and moon may have been parasitically linked.
The moon glows warmly as it transmits the life giving traits of the sun.
The sun dims from this transfer of power so much it gains a pale moon-like appearance and coldness.
The night lasts forever while still retaining the same 24(?) hour system: 12(?) hours of gently illuminating yet warm Lunar Night accompanied by the brilliance of Luna's Starry Sky, followed by 12(?) hours of cold Celestial Day poorly lit by the incredibly dim yet visually harsh Defeated Sun that only emits what spectrums the moon does not steal for itself.
Ponies now live their daily lives in sync with the life giving glow of Luna's moon while looking the gorgeous canvas of Luna's Night for guidance.
Celestia is daily brought into the sky before Luna retires to rest. Celestia is forced to watch from her prison in the sun as ponies stop their happy lives to take shelter in their homes from the relative cold of Celestia's uselessly dim yet harshly blinding Daylight that so obscures the starry night as the limited spectrum robs pony eyes of color and contrast needed to navigate the shadows of the Luna's Eternal Night,
7407718
Nightmare Moon cannot be an outside source?
Is your stance against all forms of Luna possession?
Hybrid example 1: Luna creates an entity to absorb and take away her dark impulses that eventually becomes NMM and takes control through ghostly possession. Is this acceptable?
Hybrid example 2: Luna develops a secondary personality through magic to avoid reality, regressing into meditative inner dream world "happy place" while letting the artificial personality deal with stressful moments and disconnecting from her senses until the artificial personality gives Luna the "all clear", then the artificial personality develops enough to decide it has a raw deal and is able to name itself NMM and never tells luna "all clear" and Luna doesn't look outside her "happy place" until it is too late as NMM has used dark magic to take administrative control of the personality spell to stop Luna from turning it off then going on a "fuck you world/fuck you Luna" rampage while acting on Luna's own dark desires to steal more control of her magic.
Is this acceptable?
Hybrid Example 3: Luna decides she has had enough of feeling depressed and decides to get out of it by using a dark magic ritual and potion spell combo for converting emotion into magic that is known to make the user go completely and delusionally insane until they burn out.
Is this acceptable?
7407955 the best way i could describe what I think the Luna/NMM thing is akin to Anakin/Vader and Harvey/Two Face.
7407963
Ok, but were any of the three examples in the previous comment acceptable NMM origin stories by your personal standard for Luna's character? Ireally want to know if they stand up under your scrutiny, as a personal interest.
7407988 yes since it's not really an outside source. so any of those can work.
7407963 You do realize those two personas were brought on partially by the influence of outside forces working to create them, right? I mean, in the case of Two-Face it was an accident, unless his origin story has changed significantly, but with Darth Vader you had Emperor Palpatine actively working to influence Anakin into becoming his apprentice. Not saying that Anakin is blameless for his idiocy in falling for the manipulation, but it wasn't all him either.
You also missed the point: in the case of my proposed scenario, it's still Luna. Her emotions, motivations, personality and memories are still there, she's just become crazy evil. She still chose to accept the deal to get what she wanted and is still choosing to work to depose Celestia and enforce eternal night. She just has the influence of the Dark Side, if we're going with the Star Wars analogy, on top of it all, plus the influence of those evil forces still giving her terrible advice a la Palpatine, just not as badass.
7407738 Wow, that actually makes a great deal of sense. See, this is the kind of comment I love to see in stories, regardless of whether I've written them or not
7408311 For Two Face I'm going by the animated version where Harvey repressed his negative emotions that creates Big Bad Harv.
Anakin Vader was still an internal choice. Anakin choose to become Vader, yes based on lies but solely his choice.
Add a romance tag and I'm in on this story
7409512 I'm kinda terrible at writing believable romances, so...yeah, doubtful it'll happen, sorry.