Luna's PVE Experience

by unscrewedunicorn

Princess Luna uses an INT build.

Author's Note:

>chooses an INT build
>thinks it's gonna be easy

Enjoy my stupid story about horses and vidja games.

"Surprise!" The sun princess was truly in her element that night, beaming towards her beloved sister with a smile that could brighten even the darkest day. Celestia knew her sister would love it, as her sister had loved all of her gifts. But... that was before the incident.

And what a dark day that was.

"A video game? Wow. That's, uh... really thoughtful." Luna knew that being rude wouldn't help with the painful awkwardness of the situation. So instead, she clenched her jaw into a difficult and grimace-like smile. A smile she was used to, back when she was a princess.

I suppose I'm a princess again, too. Luna thought to herself, resentfully. But this is my second night back, does she really need to be giving me gifts? She glanced down towards the plastic box, hovering in her sister's golden glow. And really bizarre gifts?

"I know it's kind of... strange. But, I remember you loving these when we were fillies! Maybe this can cheer you up? Let you ease back into the swing of things?" Celestia still held her proud smile, but her eyes quite juxtaposed the rest of her expression. Her eyes were desperate, pleading and afraid. Seeing her sister like this, in her youth... Celestia had no idea what ten millenia on the moon had done to Luna, but her age was dramatically altered. It was too soon to tell if Luna's mind had aged backwards as well, similar to the rest of her body. Either way, she had heard from her advisers that Pony Souls 3 was a challenging game. It wouldn't be too condescending to give Luna a game meant for older ponies.

Luna paused for a moment, before levitating the gift towards herself. "I love it, Tia." She leaned forward and gave her (much taller) sister a half-hearted embrace. Only time could heal their fractured relationship. Perhaps this weird gift could be a good thing, and give Luna some time to herself to, as her dear sister aptly put it, ease back into this world.

---

Yes, indeed, it is called Lothric,
Where the transitory lands of the Lords of Cinder converge.

The mare's voice speaking was eerie, yet comforting. Perhaps it was simply the fact that it was an older mare speaking. And yes indeed, Luna liked the poetic-sounding lore of this fictional world already. She kept her wide indigo eyes glued to her PC's monitor, listening intently to the wise old mare. This world seemed far more sinister than Equestria, with the world filled with far more shades of red and grey than pink and green. In fact, this place... Lothric, reminded Luna more of the moon than anything else. The barren wastes, the jagged cracks in the soil, it all looked similar to her moon prison. She knew it should be disturbing, triggering in some way. But instead, it made her chuckle.

"Seems as if this game shouldn't be relatable at all. But here we are." Luna smiled, to nopony in particular. The massive, dry lands and the terrified, shaking pilgrims should have made the average pony gape in fright. She knew it was meant to shock the average viewer, to have them fear the prospect of being thrown into this vast and scary world. But instead, Luna felt welcome in this immersive alternate reality. She was ready for a challenge, and a challenge there would be.

As the view of the tombs began to fade into black, Luna wiped her brow, as if she was to began an arduous task.

"Let us begin."

---

"Does that stallion have a sword through his chest? That looks quite painful..." Luna found herself wincing at the sight of the grey, almost stonelike pony. He was well-armored, but unmoving. "Is it a statue?"

Luna's character trotted up to the bleak-looking thing, tentatively circling it with a curious look. All of the zombie-like ponies before had been thin, malnourished looking creatures. This.... whatever it was... was entirely different. In fact, this grey pony statue sat right in the middle of a large stone area, encircling naturally around him. All of these observations... it could only mean one thing. This thing must be alive.

"In an arena, I see." Luna smirked, her eyes narrowing in confidence. "Then a battle it is! I've been looking for a good challenge."

Seeing that she was prompted, the confidence-infused princess pulled the jagged-looking sword from the stone pony's chest.

"Oh dear goddess..." For the first time since starting this game, she was genuinely surprised, shocked even, by the gore of the game. The zombie ponies before had just oozed out a little bit of liquid upon being struck with her parrying blade, but this was something entirely different. Luna knew the stone thing was alive, but not THIS alive. As her character struggled to yank the sword from the stallion's midsection, blood began spurting out in gushes. That was when Luna realized the sound design of this game was quite good, good enough to make her cringe at the mushy, gushy sounds of blood erupting from the mysterious pony's chest. Video games certainly have... evolved.

"Is the damn sword ever gonna come out? Yuck..." Luna stuck out her tongue in mock disgust, knowing that she was still rather pleased that this game surprised her. Albeit in a rather dark and gross way.

And then it came to life.

The armored grey stallion twisted its neck sharply, its limbs lurching forward. He seemed to be catching himself on the ground as he came to his senses. Animation seems to have evolved as well... very lifelike. Luna then proceeded to curse herself for ruining the immersive experience. Silly me... this IS a role-playing game, after all.

The game then introduced this mysterious bloody warrior as Iudex Hoofdyr. What an extravagant name for such a grey-looking stallion, Luna thought to herself. Perhaps this character, Iudex Hoofdyr, is some sort of hero. Maybe he was turned to stone for some sort of treason, or maybe he served in an army of TONS of Hoofdyrs! Hoofdyrses? Luna giggled gleefully, loving this sort of story-driven mystery. But as she was about to ponder more histories for the grey stallion, a giant stone crescent stabbed her through the chest.

Luna's character was hoisted into the air by the blade going through her torso. Blood, her own blood, splattered against the floor of the already reddened arena. Good goddess, Iudex was three times larger than her, at the very least! She should have expected something like this to happen. Especially considering the halberd he wielded was twice as big.

She was limp like a ragdoll, the massive halberd slamming Luna's character against the stone pavement. The very deft and brutal move had taken out about three quarters of her health! Goodness gracious... Luna gritted her teeth, rolling out of the way of the next halberd strike and drinking her much-neede Estus Flask. It was time to get to business, and her plinky parrying dagger would NOT do the trick.

The determined princess hoisted her sorcerer's staff into the air, shooting a crystalline blue bolt at the fierce stone knight. Luna watched as the bolt struck him, doing considerably more damage than she had expected. Iudex Hoofdyr staggered backwards, as if he was taken aback by the display of her magic prowess.

"Aha, soldier! I have discovered your weakness!" Luna exclaimed, dodging her opponent's angry, but slow, attacks. "My sorceries shall put an end to your miserable fight!"

Whoosh, whoosh, splat. Soul arrow upon soul arrow struck Iudex Hoofdyr, his health bar ticking down until he reached the halfway point. Luna didn't let up her attack, even as the stone warrior lurched forward onto one knee, looking exhausted and, ultimately, defeated.

"At only half health? Come now, soldier, you're better than-" Luna paused, watching as Iudex began to transform. "That..."

On the back of her opponent's back were four black tendrils. They had undulated like strands of hair throughout the course of their battle, leading Luna to believe that they were such. But as Iudex Hoofdyr rested on his knee, the horrific appendages grew to an unreal size. They wrapped around the tired soldier's head, causing the skull itself to cave in and explode into a new mass of living tar. Luna forced herself to keep observing, even though the sight was becoming more horrific than she could bear. In a matter of seconds, the tendrils wrapped around each other, taking the shape of a giant serpent's head, hissing and roaring madly.

"What are you?" Luna whispered to herself, backing up from the horror in front of her. "There's some dark power at play, something terrible..." And with that, she lept towards the monstrosity.

---

"Luna, I'm home!" Celestia's godly voice echoed through the halls of the castle as she fluttered up to her sister's chambers. "What a day I've had, you won't believe what Twilight Sparkle-... is that a guidebook, Luna?" She tentatively approached her sister, huddling in the corner of the room. "But... didn't that game just come out yesterday? And you haven't even left the castle!"

"I ordered it online, express express shipping." Luna said curtly before resuming her read. "Damn it! Nothing on how to beat the first boss! Is it supposed to be EASY?! The parrying dagger does NOTHING!"

"I... er... should I leave?" Celestia was inexperienced with videogames, but was certainly upset to see her sister in distress. "Maybe I can help?"

"If you can make sense of this... this OCTOPUS of a soldier, then sure!" Luna gestured to the picture of Iudex Hoofdyr, valiantly fighting with an armored knight.

"Well... have you tried swinging the sword, like he does in the picture?"

"Don't be silly, sis. I'm playing as the sorcerer, not the knight."

"Maybe you're supposed to play as the knight."

Luna turned to her sister with a scowl, leaning in close and gritting her teeth.

"The knight class is for fuckin' skrubs."

Comments

[Quillian Inkheart]

This synopsis had me dying. I must read.

-inkheart

[unscrewedunicorn]

7358649 Hope you enjoy, mate.

[Spider8ite]

Okay, but that synopsis... First Gamer Luna story I actually enjoy, before even putting my eyes on the text.

You go, Unscrewy :3

[unscrewedunicorn]

7358681 /)^U^(\ Thanks bby!

[nwithan12]

"The knight class is for fuckin' skrubs." ya don't say??

[Isumo1489]

Whoa...damn, then again, I'm not the biggest Soul Series player. I puts around in Bloodborne occasionally, I'll leave the playing to proper players and eye up the Let's Plays. That said...DAMN Luna be HARDCORE!! After how long on the moon? Yup, she's a badass.

[unscrewedunicorn]

7358926 Dark Souls ruined my life, save yourself while you still can.

[unscrewedunicorn]

7358777 True shit fam

[Isumo1489]

7358930

Eh, my primary gaming is in stuff like Fallout 4, DOOM 2016, Witcher 3, and Borderlands game...trust me, Soul Series is a once in a blue moon thing for me. Besides, I like my controllers intact for playing games.

[unscrewedunicorn]

7358950

>Witcher 3
>Borderlands
Good taste.

[Pony on Wheels]

This story became unrealistic the moment Luna fired a soul arrow without being punished.

[Who needs sleep]

real men play through as bare knuckle deprived... all other classes are for skrubs who need to git gud.

*cries in the corner because that means no uchi*

[drake565]

Luna confirmed casul, git gud.

[unscrewedunicorn]

7359350 No raw uchi no life

[unscrewedunicorn]

7359315 Taste the smackdown, INT skrub

[unscrewedunicorn]

7359593 wht r u... a casul?

[drake565]

7362973 I'll bet u leveled dex, you fukin faget.

[unscrewedunicorn]

7363523 B-but uchi...

[Thebaconpiggybank]

Dude. I have an idea. For a story, you should have Luna be a pro at Darksouls and have Celestia play for the first time or something. Or ya know, you could make it to where Luna dreams Darksouls. I dunno. I just wanna see Luna be a god at Darksouls and have Celestia rage. Maybe even have a joke about Black Sunshine.

[unscrewedunicorn]

7669184 Good idea! I'll get to work on that, since I haven't written in a while <3

[GeorgeOfTheJungle]

"It's ok Luna. As a long time Soulsborne player, let me give you some advice that will make the series much more manageable."

*Leans in and whispers*

"Git gud"

[fluttershyfan3030]

hey luna i'm a novice souls player i have some more advice i too play as a sorceress my advice look around the area and find firebombs or black pine resin also use your dagger to get in parries and backstabs when in second phase of fight target use your soul arrow and when boss only has a tiny sliver of health go in close and deliver the final hit with your dagger that's how i beat the first boss yes it's tedious but worthwhile in the end

[HB_DS2013]

My current run in Dark Souls 2: Scholar of the First Sin is a lv 40 Warrior with a Battle Axe+4 as my main weapon and a crossbow as my sub. I've died so much, but more from fall damage than being killed. I've heard about how it's easy to get triggered, but that hasn't happened to me so far. I consider Old Dragonslayer easier than Dragonrider, though.

Also, deprived is for the hardcore players.

[HB_DS2013]

7363842
7359593 How is the DEX stat for casuls?

[Wingy San]

This story is so nostalgic
i remember my first fight with Iudex Gundyr
mmmm... dat 12 deaths :)

[Paladin Redflare]

Silly casuls