An idea borrowed from and inspired by a conversation with Pinkamen666.
If someone wants to draw cover art for this, I'd really appreciate it.
Queen Chrysalis had rejected reformation and escaped swearing vengeance following the reformation of her entire species. The world was saved and everypony could return to their normal lives.
Imagine Fluttershy's surprise when the dethroned changeling queen attempts to kidnap her again. It doesn't go according to either of their expectations and results in the starving changeling living with the quiet pegasus.
Fluttershy could terrify dragons and reformed a spirit of chaos, so surely she could help Chrysalis.
Rated Teen for a discussion on changeling reproduction.
Chapters (1)
Downvote on the principle of using the shit written season six finale alone. That garbage needs to die
7787146 that's a little harsh, did you even read the fic?
Well, you certainly have my attention. Also, is that one or two Undertale references I see?
7787919 Those references kinda wrote themselves, I just couldn't help it.
Thanks for commenting.
7787960 No problem. I love a good reformation story.
Hey, I just wanted to say that I'm really enjoying this fic. Don't let people's rude comments get you down. Some people arn't very kind. I can't wait to see what happens next!
7790172 glad to know you're enjoying this so far. It's my first proper attempt at a romance fic so I've been hoping others like it.
Proof-reading can be difficult, but you should at least run the chapters through a spell-checker before posting them to the internet. There were several distracting errors this chapter, such as using "pst" instead of "past" and "attin" instead of "attain", probably from the sticky keys you mentioned.
As for the story, so far it's okay. The idea's not particularly original but it's not overused either and I don't know if I've ever seen someone finish a Chrysalis/Fluttershy story. Unfortunately, while it's not bad, the story doesn't have the quality of writing to really grab a reader, either, whether by suspense, humor, cuteness, or whatever.
I think you probably have potential as a writer, I've certainly seen much worse stuff and I noticed you say this is your first attempt at a real romance, which makes this surprisingly good, since those usually turn out worse, but you need a bit more practice, maybe another look at stories of this type that really worked for you.
I feel like this scene would have had more impact had Fluttershy said "Yes."
7798054 given how long I've been writing fanfiction, it's kinda upsetting hearing that I haven't improved as much as I thought. Sounds even worse when I take into account that I want to be an author.
With that out of the way, do you have any pointers? I appreciate the criticism despite the fact that I'm getting worked up over it.
As for the scene you pointed out, I've been trying to write this so it's not as dialog heavy as my other works and while this is my first attempt at romance, I'm trying to build up to the actual romance so the story itself has a bit of a slow start.
I find this story interesting. Any chance you could continue it?
9643065
Probably, I do have a rough idea on how it'll go. Unfortunately I can't actually write anything and haven't been able for a while due to ongoing problems with the computer. Every reply, pm and blog post has to be done via my PS4.
Thanks for commenting though!