Changeling queen

On a beautiful morning that seemed like any other normal morning in Ponyville, Twilight Sparkle receives some news from Rainbow Dash regarding a large army of changelings. But this time, however, they do not want to destroy and kill.

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ArtichokeLust

ArtichokeLust #1 · Aug 10th, 2016 · · ·

Ooh! You need help with descriptions! That's about it.

It's a fun idea, but I can't really see what's going on in my mind's eye when I read, and I have a really, really vivid imagination.

Okay, so, a game: try describing a picture, and then I'll expand it, and let's see if the picture matches the description. I'll go first. I just have to explain this picture: https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/9/29/731901__safe_oc_magic_love+heart_changeling_telekinesis_goggles_steampunk_artist-colon-ende26_changeling+queen.png

Despite what many ponies thought, there was far more than just Chrysalis' hive lurking behind the friendly faces of seemingly normal Equestrians. No, there were many, many hives.
Now, several things set these hives apart. You could say each hive had its own 'gimmic', or it's own take on what love was. For Patina's hive, that gimmic was creation, specifically technological creation.
At present, Patina herself was working on a device that would extract the creative love that flowed from the entrepeneurs and inventors around them. The device, mounted on a pedestal in the center of the room, which the queen herself continually poked and prodded with her screwdriver, was much like the crystal heart, if only the crystal heart were made of plates of bronze.
To get a better look, Patina lifted her mechanical leg to her face and pushed her goggles up, pushing her bronze hair back with it. With that done, she continued tinkering with her heart, letting the time fly by as she stood there in her bronze warehouse.
Beside Patina was a circular hatch. It was always left open, because she always welcomed company. That's why she started smiling when she heard the hoofsteps of one of her drones. She wasn't sure which one it was, but he was carrying some of the parts she needed, so it was a good drone.
"My queen." The drone said as it levitated the cardboard box of gears and pipes towards Patina.
"Oh, quit it with the formality," Patina said softly, her eyes still on the machine in front of her. "we're not in public. Just call me by my name... What is your name drone?"
The drone perked up. He was obviously still getting used to Patina's kind treatment. "Differential, my que--"
Patina only smiled.
Throughout the entire exchange, patina could never peel her eyes from the mechanical heart in front of her. After all, she was filled to the brim with the love of creation.

Bonus points if the mental picture is more vivid than the picture.

Razzy

Razzy #2 · Aug 10th, 2016 · · ·

Huh, interesting start.

I hope Chryssie is alright, though.

RainbowdashieCloudsdale

RainbowdashieCloudsdale #3 · Aug 10th, 2016 · · ·

7468609 well.... spoilers below:

not going to tell it yet.. sorry.. XD

RainbowdashieCloudsdale

RainbowdashieCloudsdale #4 · Aug 10th, 2016 · · ·

7467751 wow... that's impressive what you do there. well.. my English isn't very good.. okay.. I know simple English which is enough to write a story like this but the words you're using are... yeah.. a bit too complicated...

I'm from holland and I learned my English from an American friend which I skype and chat with, and I learn a lot of English from that. and I learned a lot of English from games and movies.

I would really like to learn a lot more complicated English but I'm working on it!

and I changed the description a bit (my editor gave me some advice)

And... I hope you enjoyed the story!

ArtichokeLust

ArtichokeLust #5 · Aug 10th, 2016 · · ·

7469794

Oh, no, your English is pretty good. It’s actually better than many other writers' I've seen in this site. I can understand not knowing a few words though.

To be honest, I don't think being able to describe a scene depends solely on your experience with the language, especially if you can look translations up. Then again, I've never tried writing a story in another language.

Doctor Tex