When a demonic pony comes to Ponyville, questions arise as to who the stallion is... and furthermore 'what' he is. As events unfold it is discovered that the legend of the Shadowmare race from ancient pony folklore is far from the truth. It is up to one of the two remaining Shadowmares to rise to the challenge and save the dying race from extermination. However, the only way to recover his full potential, Daemon, the last male Shadowmare in existence, must complete a daunting task... make friends with as many as he can. While making friends he also discovers something new to his battle hardened species... love.
Chapters (18)
something irks me about this. The blurb you wrote just comes off as the OC mary sue formula.
Especially with that "memory loss" cliche. but since I'm not reading it I won't judge it bad or good. I will say your blurb is though.
I haven't read it yet, put it on my "to read", but I did have a chuckle at the title.
Shadowmare? HE is a shadowmare? You do know what a mare is, right?
The description does make it sound mary-sue(ish), though.
Indeed it does come off as a mary sue but every story needs time
That was the worst description for a story. Ever.
The description ALONE turns me off to the story, not even regarding how "Gary Stu" the protagonist seems, coupled along with a very tired premise cliche.
766801 Shadowmare a play on words... it's like "nightmare". And as for him being a mary sue, he has reasons he can't or doesn't use his full potential at any given time. Using stronger than average magic reveals his position to the ones hunting him, he is very rarely found flying (I will go over why in a future chapter), and if he uses his strength in a fight... well you know what happens.
767500 If the description turned you off the story, why did you read it? When I see something I think I'll hate, I don't go, "hey that looks horrible! I think I'll read it!"
767593
I was merely trying to point out that a Mare in the context of the show is an adult female. :P
768355 And I was trying to point out that you shouldn't take everything so litterally.
767623
Can't really dislike something until you try it. Tried it, didn't like it. 
Don't hate your story. Just wish more thought/effort went into it.
768370
And with that, I'm out.
Don't use terms from the show wrong if you're going to make a mediocre story. If you made a great story, sure, but a mediocre one doesn't get the same breaks.
And I'm being nice when I say mediocre.
That's not even saying anything about the 'tude.
768476 Well I'm sorry that my efforts to impress you were in vain. Next time I'll try to make something to satisfy your "sophisticated" palate.
768556
Sure!
768520 Sorry if I came off as pissed but I'm just so damn tired of hearing the same old shit every time I get a review. Your comment just happened to push the wrong buttons. I have nothing against you, just everyone who keeps telling me that my writing sucks when I've been putting all my time and effort into it. I'm just looking for one positive comment or review, just to know that what I make isn't just a load of useless crap that everybody hates...
768610
Your writing is good, don't get me wrong. Your writing is a lot better than some of the other people who I've read stories from. It might seem like something small to you, but a lot of stories I have started to read don't even capitalize. There is no punctuation sometimes, either. Maybe that will be something that the mods will eventually do something about, though I do doubt it. The reason why I've been as harsh as I have been is because of the good writing. If you've read my stories, you'd know that I lack the same writing ability.
Your writing is good, but you're likely to receive some hatred for the content. I also received hatred for my initial description for my first story, and I thought about it and changed it a few times until it felt better to me. I would suggest that you take a step back, try to get the creative juices flowing as to the description and maybe a premise for a second story. This one isn't horrible, but I know that I'm picking up more on how to write the fanfictions better with each passing story. I'm working on a fourth and fifth story, and I feel that they're more MLP than the first ones that I wrote.
It's a learning experience, that we're all taking part in.
768670 I never said that I made it to be like the show. I have actually been trying to make it more "Adult" than it normally would be just to make it more appealing to people like me. If I wanted to make a harmless cartoony story I would have, but I like to take things into an ever so slightly darker view. I also figured that to make it more intense I would need to make more powerful characters, rather than piss people off by making the cannon characters like Twilight gain enhanced abilities for some unknown reason. There is a reason to my chaos, but if people aren't willing to give me a chance, I don't see the point in going any further.
i have no idea what this gary stu thing is the everypony here seems to be describing the charactor as and i dont want to know.
this story is great or atleast to me it is. very unique as i havent read any story anything like it and im supprised at the dislikes
the only bad thing i noticed is how he calls him self a shadowmare..... maybe shadowcolt could work better seeing as hes a guy?
but ur story anyway
also because of u i now have 3 songs to add to me i pod
anyway im looking forward to future chapters
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edit: just read the previous comments and i see why u called him a shadowmare... so never mind about that
772882 Thank you! Finally I get some good feedback for once!
Everywhere I've been it just been negative reviews and bitching. I was about to forget the writing thing and delete it all because of the crap I was hearing. However now that i see at least one person has something nice to say I'll continue... at least for now.
773939
id hate to see this story die it would just be a waste.
and to the ponys out there giving this a bad review i realy dont see y and theres only one thing i gotta say to you all.
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/4/25/dF2Eii53gU6QJakZzEyb-g2.jpg
(also WTF i just relised ive been typing with pony words without meaning to..... WHAT SORCERY IS THIS!)
you've a really good story here (despite the spelling, & a few grammar twitches) , and the links actually helped the impact of the story, since you seen to find the right songs.
It's a shame that there's not to many comments on this story.
that's all you got right now?
I want MoAR~
as for the "Shadowmare" thing that people are saying in the comments, I don't think you need to change that, especally since I keep thinking about the dark horse from Skyrim: Shadowmare, since I see it as a Name and not a definition of Gender.
As for the "Mary sue" stuff (I had to wiki it), I don't really see it too much, other than how quickly he recovered from depression in this chapter. I mean you have given him some flaws like his ever changing IQ (which is funny at times but can be confusing to how smart he really is), he lack of cooking skills, and what I find the most important in terms of plot device is his genetic flaw of being a heartless fighter. his genetic flaw can make the story really interesting if played right, like he is dealing with it but it doesn't mean the problem is gone..especially since Discord is still free at the moment
oh and be careful of word choose since I've seen a few words that isn't the right word you wanted to put down, Like you had put down "through" when you meant "Threw"
so that's what I've got to say about your story and keep up the good work
Yeah, I just want to point out that mare was originally mearh in Old English and was one of a few words for "horse." It did not originally have the strict association with gender, hence Nightmares and other mythological creatures with that element in their name, and Tolkien's Mearas (which is simply the plural of mearh). Shadowmares as the name of a race is fine. It's not misusing the show's terminology, MLP doesn't have a monopoly on words for horses...
I just wanted to comment on this one thing, since it turned into a big debate for no reason...I haven't read the story yet, and it's frankly going to be a while, because my read later list is over 4,000 strong, because I'm no kind of sane and want to read ALL the fics! So yeah. Sorry, no meaningful feedback for now.
..... well poisen jokes a bitch
great chapter with an interesting cliffhanger at the end
only thing i can see right now to improve on are some more spaces as compressed writing can be difficult for somponys out there to read
looking forward to the next chapter
shadowless_night
big wall of text, separate out the paragraphs start new ones every time the speaker changes
doing this will make your story a lot easier to read
another great chapter although now i have to add to my list of wants several torturing tools maybe some heavy weaponry an impenetrable shield to protect me the strength of luna celestia discord nightmare moon god jesus any other gods from any religion including games like Skyrim wich have deities and a way into the light mares base.
seriously after reading all that those (number of words that would of made fluttershy cry if i typed them)are gonna pay
now Im going on a week holiday with my family in 12 hours and wont have internet access so im going to sleep and when i get back there better be a chapter were those (pinkie pie breaks down into tears when her 4th wall powers pick up my thoughts) get molestias horn shoved so far up their flanks its sticking out there eyes! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!?!?!?
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files.sharenator.com/k67040_Kill_it_with_fire_RE_Titles_on_Posts_are_Soooo_Mainstream-s256x192-162844-580.gif
seriously if theres one thing that makes me angrier then fluttershy not getting loved by animals, its bucking child murder. even worse when he was forced to kill the kid. seriously i was begging in my mind for it to somehow escape
oh last thing celestia and luna wouldn't just turn a blind eye to a whole town being destroyed so... remember to incorporate there reactions or give a VERY good excuse of cover up for it as its not like no pony would notice
Well read you in a week (do you see what i did there ? mwa ha ha ha horrible pun ! ftw
)
860827 Okay, first of all, wow... that was one hell of a reaction. Second, the death of the filly was needed to show why the Lightmares need to be stopped at all costs (because they are a ruthless legion of mass murderers). Third, the city was pretty far away from Canterlot (since they use the Quick-Stream to travel) and there were no survivors so it may take a while for word to spread. And fourth, I will take as much time as I need to get the next chapter done. I work at my own pace, no one elses. However it does normally take me like a week to make each chapter so we'll see.
862004 Lol you can thank shadowless night for my fav and like as he told me about this story.
t.qkme.me/58ww.jpg
917656 eh hem i have just returned from my trip and ive only got this to say
*takes glasses off*
mother of celestia 120 chapters have updated.......
what is this sleep u speak off?
This touched me significantly, and this is the first chapter! Keep being an awesome writer
972544 Thank you, and I believe it gets better as it goes along.
973071 I would like to say, that I'n loving the plot of this story and the story itself, especially with the links you put in but you really need an editor or something to fix the sentences up etc. If you want, let me be your editor because I'm good with that sort of stuff and I would really love to see this story get more likes. Please consider what I am asking
..... ok ether A twilight needs to exsplain things in more detail in her future letters or B your celestia is a bit of a bitch... just saying cause she obviously doesnt know about the circumstance wich forced him to help raise Manehatten otherwise i doubt she would want to execute him
its a bit rude 
but then again now this gives us (the readers) an interesting thing to ponder wich is how celestia reacts to finding that infomation out. also if i were him id probably of ether A thrown the guitar at Celestia or B said Buck you and smashed it. so i probably would be in the same situation as him
looking forward to the next chapter AND IN THE NAME OF LUNA WHAT IS A GHOST DOING THERE?
(pinkie pie) OOO OOO doesitlikeparties?ibetitlikespartiesandcupcakeswithhotsauceormaybeitlikesdrinksmorelikepunchorappleci-
(me) PINKIE please dont invade my comments
(piinkie pie) okie dokie lokie
(me)...... by the way did u remember to bring cupcakes?
(pinkie pie) of course silly filly
(me) yay *bites one* GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HOT SAUCE
(pinkie pie) well shadowless_nights run off so ill finish this comment for him *gasp*maybehewillsmileandwewillbecomebestoffriendsifiwritethis!!!!!
well hes looking forward to the next chapter bye!
975495 Sounds okay to me. I was actually hoping to find someone to edit for me. It's hard enough coming up with the story and drawing all the pictures to go with it, so editing is the last thing on my mind when I finish a chapter. In short, I would be happy to have you as an editor.
975887 It's all part of the story. Things will (probably) work out in the end. Trust me on this. 
976635 Yay
I forgot to say this before but I'm picking up alot of League of Legend's champion names here :P
984324 yeah Ezreal is the name of a League of Legend's name that I was suggested to use by a friend. It's sort of a special treat for fans of the game. I liked the name and the character's look so I thought I would put a reference in. The name should be the only relation as far as I know though.
984379 Ezreal is my main and favourite character in League :P (As soon as I saw this when reading I felt that this story became 20% cooler).
984408 Well as far as I know I just used the name. Any other relation to the characters in the game would be a coincidence if there are any other similarities... haven't played the game but I have been told that I should when I get the chance.
daaaaw. enough said
Yeah pretty good, i'll make sure to keep up with this one
:D
1009396 I know you will Fluttershy person!
1011844
Still loving where this story is heading :P Take your time, can't rush perfection, well you know what I mean, so take your time if you need to.
Keep up the good work
.... i cant think of anything to post.... but i dont wanna not comment....
ooo ooo GENIOUS
when you do return to fight the lightmares ill send my most powerful platoon to help you!
1060599 Thank you, I will. I've actually been postponing this break for a while now, but I figured I had enough when I started feeling like Applejack at apple bucking season. 1061807
Uh... That's generous and everything, but I think I'll pass on those guys.
SHUT UP AND TAKE MY SMILES
TAKE MY SMILES AS WELL
1164949 Okay, I shall add them to my smile collection... right next to my bottles of unicorn tears (to be used only for emergencies) and my sword collection (because you can never have enough swords!).
1166305
You are missing one final thing in that collection of yours. There needs to be fire/explosives. You do not mess with the guy with tons of swords, unicorn tears, and a hell of a lot of fire to sooth the pyrotechnic soul. Or enough fire power to take out a small continent.