• Member Since 18th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Apr 20th, 2015

Zoodude255


What is there to say? i love MLP, Tim Burton, and many other dark sides of life. My dream is to become a director, but if thta doesn't work out, then script writing it is!

T
Source

Ow.
Head hurts.
What?
Oh god.
Please yes.
I’m in Equestria.
Everything is too bright to be earth normally. It looks like a cartoon.
Ow, need to shut my eyes again. It’s too bright.
Who knew pony’s eyes were so sensitive?
Wait. Pony’s eyes can’t be this sensitive…
I’m almost seeing…heat.
Oh god. I need a mirror.
There’s the lake. It’ll do.
I look in.
That’s not a pony.
That’s a dragon.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 31 )

Hm not bad.
A little rushed.
How dose he know how to flye? :rainbowhuh:
Stil good so far :twilightsmile::

676289
Well you see...Aliens.Jpg

On topic, I think this is a nice story, don't see why everyone hates it :pinkiesad2: But you'll work through it, I'm sure. On a side note, congrats, you got a stalker :raritywink:

It was alright, The formatting could use some work like using Italics to separate 'thought' from "speech." The only other issue and it's on the nit picky side, the name is on the generic side, but as long as the character doesn't venture into Sue territory, it could make for a good fic.

Peace Out.

Good enough, Me shall wait for more :pinkiehappy:

Two main things:
1. "Awakening" has an "n" in it.
2. Formatting isn't the best. Do two spaces to separate a paragraph.

Other than that, pretty cool. I'm interested in this dragon. I want to know more about him, which is a good thing. You created a character that's shrouded in mystery. Good job! :twilightsmile:

i like it cant wait for the next chapter

i swear to faust i just made thet squeaking noise

More dragon is always a good thing.

Rushed, but otherwise very good.

I'd prefer it if the pov didn't change so often, kinda rushed/short. Great story idea, can't wait for more. :heart:

This one seemed young, but she knew little about dragons, save for Spike. But this one looked like an adolescent; but unlike many teenage dragons, this one looked more like a shrunken adult, but extremely thin. slight overuse of "this one"

i suggest making less of those large pauses indicated by the lines. I suggest 1 space between each time a different character talks
and 2 spaces between paragraphs.

and it is a bit rushed, but i doubt i could do better, getting an editor or doing a few of the suggestions you have recieved and this could become a featured story!
my attempt at an HiE gone manticore fic was so bad i threw it out, and am not sure if i want to try again haha

(if you need an editor i wouldn't mind helping :twilightsmile:)

Could use fewer pov changes , but other than that, MOAR!!!!!!!

677219
you'd be my second then. i have no ide what happened to Grey bite, but i suppose i could use some help XD
676895>>676505>>676369>>676337>>676289
Thank you all for your feed back. I know it seems rushed. that's because i wrote it at 3 am in a burst of creativity.

677263
awesome, well just end me it through google docs or something and i'd be happy to leave notes on ideas or fixes.

I have a great vocabulary and spelling ability, I just lack creativity :ajsleepy:

like got a good idea going im usually not into transformation stories but looks like its going somewhere :applejackunsure:

How do you write so fast?!!! I'm currently stuck with writing my new chapters for stories that haven't been posted thanks to le lazy editor (RustyBucket had exams like I did but I still worked!) Then again it is slightly rushed but gets to the point. Metaphorically, as a bridge, it is a nice complete bridge. I've seen fancy, half made bridges but can you cross them?

Ten points to Griffyndor!

678881 I write fast because my head has so many ideas and it wants to write them all.

679481 It's ok to write fast like that, but I've found that if you re-read your own work you can improve it greatly. This is advice that was given to me and it has worked wonders.

I can understand the need to get your ideas down before they stagnate, but don't be in a rush to post.

Looks like an interesting story, but I'm worried that Claws with become a Mary Sue.

680145 I have no idea what a Mary Sue is. I just write what I think.

Usually what i do is i play out the entire story in my head as an episode. Then i write it. I guess that does make a seem a little fast.

i like cheese:derpytongue2: anywho i think you should hide charcoal from the rest like make it s big secret an when she in danger or something like that just have him burst out an save her when the others are there and BIG REVEAL:pinkiegasp:

680456
A Mary Sue is... difficult to explain. In fact, there's no one clear definition. But basically, it's a character who is infallible, or at least has very little flaws. Usually, they're cool and have a dramatic back story.

Although Charcoal Claws has the "cool factor" and "dramatic back story" appeal, as of now I believe he isn't a Mary Sue (or rather Gary Stu for the male variation). He is holding the urge to eat pony. He certainly has flaws.

Still, click this for an article talking about Mary Sues.

681280 Actaully, i was just going to invite Twilight over for tea. and when she asks what it tatses funny, fluttershy says "that's because its boiled in water heated from dragon fire" and twi's like "dafaq!?" :rainbowhuh:

stalking time:pinkiecrazy:

Axz

"Suddenly, I stop my fit of rage at becoming a dragon instead of a pony":facehoof:
why would you rage at that, after an alicorn a dragon is the best possible thing:pinkiesmile:

as for the story its okay, not a masterpiece but still a good read ill track and see where you take it, keep the chapters coming :)

730223 In our eyes, yes, but to ponies, Dragons are scary monsters. So, while when most people would turn into ponies and have great adventures, i turn into a dragon... i don't get pony adventures.

731374when is the next update

>> Joketheman Maybe flying just came like a natural instinct. Like babies with their natural fear of heights and loud noises.

Nice story with a good twist of dragonturned instead of pony.
I can't wait to see the others reaction of him. I'm sure Rainbow Dash will give him hell for just being a dragon. :rainbowdetermined2:

please make new chapter D:

Why haven't you made a new chapter yet did you just abandon this story for no reason, or did you have a reason and If you did can you tell me said reason.


Edit: this is an awesome story so far, please make a new chapter.

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