Donald "The" Trump
Donald “The” Trump
His speeches packed auditoriums and schoolhouses. Ponies loved to hear how he was going to make Equestria great again, and donkeys loved his stylish hairpiece. He promised to build a wall to keep changelings out, and when some smartass* asked him how that would work, since changelings could fly, he said that he would build the wall taller, and the resounding cheer nearly brought down the house. A few rafters did shake loose, but they were held up by several pegasi until the speech was over.
His poll numbers reflected his stunning success. He quickly moved up the ranks, rocketing even further ahead when Cruz failed to show up for the debate in Appleoosa.
The groundswell of popular support soon earned him an invitation to Canterlot. He made the most of it, selling his brand to the masses. Ponies bought The Art of the Deal in droves, and bars started serving Trump wine. Trump steaks were still a failure, though.
The day before the Equestrian primary, he was feeling pretty good about his chances. Cruz still hadn't responded to his latest ad campaign.
He set up a platform on the edge of Canterlot where he'd give his final speech. Hundreds of stagehooves had spent the last week setting up for it. There were benches fit for every bottom, from royalty to the humblest dirt farmer, as well as a table where he could display his magazines, and—the centerpiece of his stage—a section of changeling-proof wall that jutted up into the sky like a giant middle finger.
Luckily, that particular imagery was lost on the ponies. Their rude gestures mostly involved lifting the tail.
He was halfway into his pre-victory speech when the shoddily-constructed wall collapsed on him, killing him instantly. In the inquest, it was determined that the stagehooves had assumed that his literal back-of-the-envelope sketch had been structural drawings, and nopony was found at fault.
To memorialize the occasion, they erected a statue in the spot where he had been struck down.
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Once agin totally in character, for Trump.
"*A donkey with a PhD."
Actually Trump does not hold a PhD -- he has a Bachelors from Wharton Business School.
I'm sure it is changeling-proof. After all, why wouldn't they just go around?
this line absolutely killed me LOL best line I've ever read .
"He promised to build a wall to keep changelings out, and when some smartass* asked him how that would work, since changelings could fly, he said that he would build the wall taller, and the resounding cheer nearly brought down the house."
A changeling-proof wall would consist of Trump himself. With all his love flowing back into himself, any changeling nearby would starve.
7086528
Cranky does, though. It's a little-known fact. He met Steven Magnet in grad school.
7086574
You can't just go around a wall. That's crazy talk!
7086641
If he builds a thirty foot wall, there'll be a market for thirty-one foot ladders.
... I... I don't even know.
A modest and tasteful statue?
You'd think they would have learnt something from the Spinal Tap tour fiasco!
Do Equestrian dirt farmers actually produce and sell soil?
Marry me.
This was pure excellence. I could say I wish that could happen to Mr. Trump in real life, but then I'd probably get a phone call from either Trump-brand security or the Secret Service.
NAH!
I wish that would happen to trump in real life!
Seriously, great work.
Changelings can climb walls in less than 15 seconds.
Well...He's at least dead. Too bad they built a statue of him.
This is even more hilarious with the Chrome extension that changes "Trump" to "Drumpf"
7087564
<nods> Probably of the envelope... it was his final gift to the world after all.
I'm never gonna get that image out of my head.
7088173 right.
Still good tho.
~Leonzilla
7086725
And you win the internet.
7087017
It could happen. Pony construction is pretty shoddy (probably due to all the rebuilding after monster attacks).
7087564
Of Trump? Modest and tasteful?
7087599
Equestria has a very lax building code.
7087691
Yes.
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/3/36/Applejack_on_top_of_dirt_mound_S01E19.png
Keep yer hooves off mah dirt!
7088022
That was sudden.
7088038
Many do.
7088053
The holes in their hooves act like suction cups.
7088169
They need something to replace the missing Discord statue
7088173
lol
7088185
That would be magnificent.
7088173
It changes drumpf to drumpf? How does that work?
Killed by his wall. How deliciously ironic.
We can dream...
Trump will win! dead or alive. and his hair is real! if it was fake why would he pick that hair!?
Guess Cranky now has a new wig to wear
"some smartass" = "donkey with a PhD"
smartass
smart ass
smart ass
That's some gooood pun right there.
7088053 Does that mean that if you were to build a wall higher than 15 light-seconds, changelings would violate special relativity?
7089157 Only matter is bound by the speed of light. Matter can be reduced to quarks and quarks themselves are made of information (information being the essence of existence and the most apt word often used by scientists). Information CAN travel faster than the speed of light. Therefor the information, as ripples in space-time, (which can also be created and destroyed) must have some binding property that allows the Changeling to directly interact with its own existence on a quantum level (as they demonstrate by shapeshifting.) Using these principles and other theories of information resistance and such we find that the path of least resistance will place the "changeling" directly on the other side of the wall. I have changeling in quotes because this is simply a clone created by the original before it destroys itself. Walls would be holistically ineffective unless the goal is making changelings experience and identity crisis.
Edit: This isn't entirely correct. See D48's reply for a more scientifically accurate analysis.
7088355
7088521
Pony construction isn't very good. I'm not sure I'd trust anything that they built.
7088526
Well, we'll know in a few more months, I guess.
7089113
I'm not sure he'd want to.
7089154
7089157
I'll say yes.
7089806
Now I have this mental image of a changeling looking at a wall and wondering what the meaning of life is.
7088526 we'll write it on his tombstone. "If the construction workers weren't idiots, he'd be president."
7089806 No, that doesn't work. I'm not going to go into details because I got this is my quantum mechanics course from a professor doing research in the field, but the short version is that information is inherently physical and therefore limited by the speed of light (which is why quantum entanglement cannot be used for faster than light communication).
That said, quantum tunneling is very much a thing and can allow matter to move through an infinitely high potential barrier, although like all quantum effects it does not work at the macro scale.
7089157 So, you propose building a wall that 4.5 million kilometers tall?
In the end, the Trump was stumped.
Hulk Hogan can run in his place, right?
On another note,
"Make Donald Drumpf Again!"
7087599 your edgyness meter be like media.tumblr.com/10430abfede9cebe9776f7de26e302e4/tumblr_inline_mjzgvrh7Uv1qz4rgp.gif
I dont like Trump and his ideals but i defiwntl dont like all the hate and campaign people do against him. Pretty pathetic if you ask me
7088038 "Empathy empathy put yourself in the place of me."
I think I know where all the likes came from...
Not to be Rude but in my opinion Trump doing his campaign in Equestria and The ponies agreeing with him brings shame to them
. Overall I loved it.
How do you cram so much win into so few words? At this rate, the density will become too hi and the whole site will collapse into a wingularity, you maniac!
Man, dude. This is just fricken funny.
It's hilarious in retrospect, that this satire is even funnier now that The Donald is President Elect.
Thank you for killing Trump now If only someone in real life would do that!
9038258
I don't know about actual killing, but I've certainly got my hopes pinned on the Avenatti/Muller team.
In the end, Donald Trump was so popular that he still won, despite being dead.
10193696
As recently as 2018, Dennis Hof was elected despite being dead. So it’s not without precedent.
MANY years ago i saw a silly newspaper comic: a reporter says she is going to interview "The Donald"...
and Donald Duck walks in!
*vomits black bile and excrement while spontaneously combusting*
That's because you can't raise your cattle on a diet of grain and hubris.