Hillary Clinton
Hillary Clinton
Hillary had taken a different approach than her rival—rather than start from the bottom and work his way up, she decided to start at the top and work her way down. Her campaign managers had assured her that she had one advantage no other candidate did: she didn't have a dick.
She was going to fire that campaign manager, she thought, as she walked past rank upon rank of stallions dressed in glittering golden armor to have a private meeting with Prince Blueblood.
Hillary sat through a rather long-winded introduction, where Prince Blueblood listed off all his accomplishments, in a presentation that was actually accompanied by slides.
She shared a glance of solidarity with the bored-looking mare who was running the slide projector (every vote counted), and then pretended to be interested as Blueblood droned on and on and on and on and on and on.
Finally, he reached the very last slide, which was an artist's interpretation of him shaking hooves with Hillary.
“Let me tell you why you should vote for me,” Hillary began, but Blueblood held up a hoof to forestall her.
“Am I the greatest unicorn in Equestria?” He arched his neck, sending his golden forelock arcing dramatically back across his ear.
“I have not met a unicorn more great than you,” Hillary weaseled.
“Well, you have my vote, then.” Blueblood stuck his nose up in the air and walked towards the door. “Lacky, shake her hoof or whatever it is you commoners do.”
Hillary and Lacky shared a glance. “Do we have to?”
“We can say we did.”
“Good enough.” Hillary gave a polite head nod-and allowed herself to be escorted out of Blueblood's office.
She was still in pretty good spirits; after all, he had promised her a vote, and she was sure that his endorsement counted for a lot.
The next few days of her tour were a resounding success. Everypony she talked to was enthusiastic; they all wanted to hear her message. She got speaking engagements in every major city: Manehattan, Baltimare, Vanhoofer, Cloudsdale—*
Without a moment's hesitation, Hillary stepped out of the balloon to shake hooves with the mayor of Cloudsdale.
All around the landing zone, pegasi eagerly waited for her to re-appear—this was one of the best magic tricks they'd seen since Trixie had visited in a zeppelin. It was only after she failed to reappear after five minutes that an enterprising pegasus decided to make sure that she hadn't fallen through the cloud.
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I could see her making this mistake. Too bad this could not happen in real life.
OH BABY A TRIPLE!!!
:D these chapters are killing me lol. i'm so glad you did this :D
*I'm sure you can see where this is going
Down, it seems. Way down.
In Manehattan, a pony named Golden Sacks paid her 250,000 bits to give a speech.
7086624
You're welcome!
7086658
Eh, cloud cities are probably at a fairly low altitude, to make the commute easier. So not all that far down, really.
One bounce, tops.
I shall put on my sad face now.
Thank you. Just... thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hate politics so, so much. Thank you.
Wow. Wanna know the sad thing? I can actually see her doing this.
Yay! The two dumbocrats are dead! Still upset about Cruz, though...
I like where this is going.
...
Ah, missed opportunity!
~Leonzilla
7086719
7086815
This will cheer you up, I hope:
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/mlpfanart/images/e/eb/The_Great_And_Powerful_Trixie_duel_magic_the_gathering_Twilight_Sparkle.png
7087012
You're welcome!
7088157
So can I.
7088158
...sorry
While I find the idrection this story is taking to be frankly hilarious, I can't help but feel America would declare war after they learned their entire presidential party or whatever went to Equestria, and never came back.
Generic George Bush joke?
7088158
Woah! You really got us there! No way I can ever recover from that zinger!
Unlike Fluttershy, no butterflies were there to save her.
7089104
Or were there? Maybe Hillary is now some sort of butterfly goddess.
Just kidding, she'd dead.
7088456
Photosensitve Epilepsy warning probably.
derpicdn.net/img/2015/4/4/864637/full.gif
On a more serious note, Im always suprised and horrified to some extent at the whimsical nature of wishing others to be dead. That's just my option I guess.
7088335
Or else we'd figure that the Equestrians had done us a favor.
7089752
Yeah, that's a fair point. I wanted to keep it kind of lighthearted and funny, but I suppose YMMV.
7088456
A better response would have included the word "repooplicans" in some manner.
Politics. Is very difficult to bring yourself in believe in them even if their claims are true about fighting something unfair in the past. Trust i am talkinh for experience.
This is what happens when politicians try to stand on their platforms. You would think she'd know this by now!
7086624
You're not the only one they're killing.
7943842
You know what they say: if you can't learn to live with your politicians, at least let their deaths be entertaining.
"visit scenic Cloudsdale-for five seconds."
a sarcastic line i heard in a story by Estee. "that's why Cloudsdale has never hosted the Equestria Games."
10573754
See, that’s why Las Pegasus gets the tourists, they’ve got the cloudwalking spells enchanted into the clouds themselves. That’s important.
I mean, that’s a good reason why they wouldn’t (also, I think they’re happy limiting non-pegasus tourists to their city . . . I lived one time in a kinda ritzy area, and there was one street which wasn’t paved because the people who lived on it fought the county tooth and nail to keep it dirt so more people wouldn’t want to live there.