The 2016 Presidential Campaign Goes to Equestria

by Admiral Biscuit

Prologue

The 2016 Presidential Campaign goes to Equestria.
Admiral Biscuit
April 1, 2016

The greatest show on Earth was on the road!

Not the circus, but the 2016 Presidential Campaign—which is very much like the circus, but without clowns.

. . . A sad and tragic version of the circus.

It turned out that there was a minor provision in US electoral law that Equestria legally counted as a state, and got a larger number of delegates than any other state. That provision had been set forth by Thomas Jefferson, and largely ignored, until colorful talking ponies were discovered to be streaming out of the Enrichment Center. A hasty Supreme Court case later—deadlocked until Zombie Scalia cast the deciding vote—and the Presidential hopefuls had no choice but to take their campaign on the road, hoping to sway ponies towards them. After all, it was still anybody's election.

SuperPACs tried to flood the Equestrian airwaves with campaign ads, only to discover to their disappointment that there were no airwaves to flood. Bumper stickers were briefly in vogue, until it was discovered that teenage colts liked sticking them on other ponies, and it didn't take too long before the candidates decided en masse that they'd rather not be associated with a horse's ass.

Thus, the only reasonable solution was to hold a debate in Equestria, moderated by none other than Princess Twilight Sparkle. She was, after all, not only well-respected by all the ponies, but she also had a political connection in the US.*

Before a debate comes pressing the flesh, so to speak. The presidential candidates got in their official campaign busses and made their way to the de facto fifty-first state.

Author's Note:

*See Twilight Sparkle Marries Barack Obama

Comments

[Eruantalon]

That provision had been set forth by Thomas Jefferson, and largely ignored...

Everyone thought he was talking about horses and horse-riders, maybe? After all, that's the only possible meaning of "Equestrian," right?

(Apparently Zombie Scalia has abandoned originalism? Or maybe his undead status has given him insight into Jefferson's actual private talks with ponies...)

[Sunset_Shimmer83]

i usually never read stories with chapters with low word counts, but i'm making an exception for this. i just have to see how equestrian reacts to trump

[Skeeter The Lurker]

Oh my god you actually did it.

~Skeeter The Lurker

[Alaborn]

Or fifty-eighth (fifty-ninth) state, if you're Barack Obama.

[Admiral Biscuit]

7086553
I envision the relevant passage reading something like "Equestrian ponies get 1000 electoral votes," and it just being something that constiutional scholars ignored for several centuries, figuring Jefferson was drunk when he wrote it.

7086587
Make Equestria great again

[Fruiting Body]

... made their way to the de facto fifty-first state.

*Puerto Rico sad face tears*

[Admiral Biscuit]

7086887
They just get screwed, don't they?

Hell, so does DC. They even used that as the motto on their license plates.

[Lance Skyes]

I stared at the link in confusion for so long before I realized...

[Leonzilla]

Zombie Scalia cast the deciding vote—

Oh, OH! that's so funny. Oh, OH I CAN'T BREATHE.

Twilight Sparkle Marries Barack Obama

Given that this is Admiral Biscuit we are talking about I wouldn't be surprised if this fic ever became legit.

~Leonzilla

[Admiral Biscuit]

7086694
Of course I did!

7086696
I remember that!

7087994
I actually was going to write that story, but decided that I didn't want to deal with the fallout.

7088175

Oh, OH! that's so funny. Oh, OH I CAN'T BREATHE.

You know a story's gonna be good when it starts with Zombie Scalia.

[MrAquino]

You mother f**ker... Well played.

[Admiral Biscuit]

7088805

[Xuncu]

pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw5621_huge.png

[Dragonlover553]

Yep, just gonna retroactively annex what appears to be a dictatorship of... um, that one, really* pointing at Celestia*

[redandready45]

Zombie Scalia?

Oh God! You're KILLING ME!

[MakoBecket]

Wtf did I just read, ITS DAMN FUNNY.

[nothingtoseehere]

The presidential candidates got in their official campaign busses and made their way to the de facto fifty-first state.

Thus pissing off Puerto Rico, Guam, the US Virgin Islands, American Samoa, and the District of Columbia so hard that their populations all collectively shat themselves with rage.

[Crocoshark]

but without clowns.

What about Donald Trump?