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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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"The sun doesn't set until I TELL it to, sister."
Oh burrrrrn.
Moar hang in there little one AMAZING STORY
Damn You Monster Of Darkness
797491 That Goes For You As Well
Cranking out chapters like there ain't no tomorrow!
I like this story. Just don't burn yourself out man!
797527 I feel like a brand new writer lately.
I've written SO MUCH Princess Luna, this is like starting with a fresh springtime mare. :spartanshield:
But don't worry, I'll try to pace myself.
Wait the situation she is in seems familiar, Applebloom is going to pull a Leonidas!
Jesus fucking Christ how awesome.
797574 Yeah, and come walking out of the Everfree wearing armor made from the Alpha's hide.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Applebloom_lolface.png
images.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/10092722.jpg
1. Wolf stuck
2. Applebloom has a spear
3. Spartans
Where have I seen something like this before..?
next chapter
Big Mac and SS stare at Timberwolfs down from the top of the cliff.
They are prepared for war.
Stand by to charge.
“Victory will be ours before the dawn breaks.
Tonight we charge.”
Chaos and disorder sound of the attack.
Charging down the mountain frontal assault.
Yeh charging down a vertical slope how more awesome can you make it?
Can't wait for an obligatory shield bash! THIS IS EQUESTRIA!
This is one of my favorite stories, probably my favorite of the genre, but there's something that bothers me. I know this sounds morbid, but the plot would thicken substantially if Applebloom would have died out there. Applejack would've blamed Spartan Shield out of anger at the loss of her little sister, and the rest of the town would've followed suit because they needed a scapegoat, and the new guy would be perfect for that. So you could've had Twilight defending her new friend as it truly wasn't his fault, which would make sense, as she knows it wasn't his fault. But with Spartan Shield saving Applebloom, the opposite's gonna happen, and the whole town will like him more, which is still good, but doesn't give a reason to conclude the story. Not having written any majorly good stories myself, I can say I'm not the most likely candidate to be dissecting the issue, but it kind of stood out to me as a reader. It would've been an excellent plot device to smoothly end the story with a happy ending after Spartan Shield showed the town he wasn't evil by saving them from something BIGGER as he was on the run from the angry mob. But this way, the story gets to continue, so we get more chapters out of it Win win scenario either way
Scene from 300 at the beginning. I LOVE YOU!
And now your updating more often. That makes me happy
I do not think that wariyoshi is right. I love this story, but any death and I would defave it. Still,, great plot! CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS TIMBERWOLF FIGHTERS YAY!!!! Actually, maybe this wasn't a good idea...
797998
I can't agree m8 with the idea to kill Applebloom just to push forward the story. It would make it grim and dark. Furthermore it would deny the funny and satirical part of the story ( the comparing two so opposing to itself cultures as Spartan and utopia MLP).
I’m more interested what will happen when SS will be informed that his mortal enemies Lunar Stallions and Luna is back too. Did you noticed that nopony mentioned him that. He was told the battle was a draw and Nightmare Moon was imprisoned but no one mentioned that Luna and her boys are back too.
I just hope it wasn't gona be your big twist Aegis?
Shove the stick up the timberwolfs nose! That'll learn em.
You update so fast! I love it!
Maybe if Applebloom killed the alptha, she could get her cutie mark, I mean sure....it's harsh but hey, during SS's time, all they did was slaughter so it should not be so hrash as to the modern era, right? On another note, I think SS and maybe a bit of Rarity together would not be so bad, or maybe even SS and Applejack, I mean sure there is no romance but hey, it can happen right? By the way....LOVE 300!!!!
WRITER
Y U MAKE A 300 SCENE?!
its funny really, you have 300 likes as of now.
on a side note, short and sweet chapter.
798119 I know it would be grim dark as opposed to light comedy, but I thought it would make a smooth transition to where he could end the story in a decent amount of time But yeah, I was wondering about what happened to Luna but I thought that maybe Aegis is making this an alternate universe where she died or something? Still, I think Spartan should be introduced to her, it would make things more interesting
I think Spartan's going to find it a little hard to be completely mad at Applebloom when the rescue team comes by.... assuming she gets the "spear" and manages to I don't know... stab it in the paw or something?
Every other pony will be mad though...up until AB does this
Puppy dog look... works every time.
Oh looks like scootaloo fell down a plot hole again.
(where does that filly go?)
Seriously though this is one of the most enjoyable reads I've had in a while
Applebloom's cutie mark: Leonidas's head screaming "Sparta!!!!!"
No I don't mean Spartan Shield
Yes I mean the leonidas from the movie
Yes it doesn't make any sense
YOU SAY IT IS MADDNESS
WELL THIS IS...........you get the gist of it
You're quickly becoming one of my favorite writers.
-Vivas Noctus! Again!
Hahahaha Rarity thought Spartan Shield was going to eat her out lawl
797998 Comedy. Com-uh-dee.
798572 To show the storyline up to when Spartan Shield got turned to stone and how.
Green goo... ucky!
802951
Taking bets now, who here thinks AB is gonna kill the alpha timberwolf?
I think this is one of my new favorite fics!
Good show, sir.
Finally. I've read this whole story so far. I have to say, it is a great read with plenty of humor that had me a few times. But what I'm wondering is this, how do you make your fic so good? What do you do to make it more appealing to the masses to achieve reads, favorites, and comments. I'm a fanfiction writer myself, and for some reason, I just can't get many readers. How do you do this? I must be missing something... But what?
806095 Need tips? Sure thing!
#1 Bring a new idea to the table. I cannot count the number of "Discord is Back!" fics and "Oh no Rainbow Dash lost her wings!" fics. If you've seen it before, don't write it. Your creativity and originality are your sharpest weapons. All of my best stories started with 1-3 sentence concepts like "how did Luna's guards come to be?" and "What if Pinkie could use the Pinkie Sense to prevent the deaths of others?" and "could I write something Spartan-oriented, educate a few people, and NOT fall into the 'THIS IS SPARTAAAA' garbage that seems to surround them these days?"
#2 Read a Lot. Stephen King said it best when he said that if you don't have time to sit and read a lot, then you don't have time to be a good writer either. Its all about tasting what others have, deciding what you like, and writing it yourself. If you can't find a book that's exactly what YOU want, you write it yourself and bam-- there you have it. Also, have a look at some of the better writers here on the site. Hooveslikejagger, Device Heretic, Felstorm. Those guys are amazing and you could learn a lot from them.
#3 Education I won't lie, I'm a literature and education major in college. I am pre-dispositioned to write superior work to many others here. It's my habit to write 3k-5k words everyday for FUN, not just because I have to for school. Taking classes or signing up for a club helps, no matter if its high school or college or a local library club.
#4 Remember you're writing MLP, not Tolkien. Don't take it so serious. If you have an okay idea, sit and write it and publish it here. I wrote a single scene about Fluttershy and Big Macintosh cuddling after sex on their wedding night. Barely a thousand words, and no story to speak of. But it was still cute and adorable to some people. If you're not having fun with it, don't write it!
806166 wow. Thanks alot! I'll definitely copy those down. Looks like I still need to study. Thanks for the tips. It's always a joy to see writers help out other writers. Now, I'm off to study the art of writing! Thanks again!
>It was a nervous sort of pacing, as the conversation continues
Dat tense change
>Yoke of Harmony was around her neck
DOUBLE SPACE
>We’ll probably find at least one of the cutie mark crusader’s at Rarity’s house
One of their what? e.deviantart.net/emoticons/t/trollface.png
>he took off his scarf cape
>I’ll need a new scarf-cape
What happened to being consistent?
>Eight feet, blood red
Sorry, this is the future. Rarity doesn't use imperial. Try again! dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rarity_lolface.png
797491 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
806414
The tense changes because I tell it to.
Fuck your spaces, I'm Pinkie Pie!
Don't make fun'uh mah puh-sessions-ses-ses!
What's the fun in being consistent!?
:SpartanShield: : Rarity uses whatever measurement system I tell her to. Screw your "logic"!
Sweet Celestia's Teats this story is so hilarious
Well, we're getting close to the point in the historical flashback where Spartan Shield takes his nap. Nightmare Moon was really working at swaying the Spartan Stallion commander to her side, guess she really did know quality horseflesh when she saw it. Frankly, with that little seductive circling she kept doing, I was more reminded of the scene in the movie version of Beowulf where he was confronting Grendel's mother for the first time. Nice to see that Spartan Shield had more resistance than Beowulf did to feminine wiles. And Celestial's shrugging out of the landslide and coming back with her line on who controls sunset was just perfect cinema gold.
Now, as for the current day events here: it makes sense that Twilight would check with Rarity first when seeking out the Crusaders, since she's the one whose home is closest to the Library Tree. I was a little surprised to see her place of business sporting the lable "Boutique Magnifique", when I'm certain that for purposes of canon, her buisness and home is called "Carousel Boutique." Did Rarity make a name change at some point in this version of the pony-verse? Anyway, it's nice to see that Spartan and Rarity didn't get off to a great start with one another. I figured that with her emphasis on feminine fashions, and Spartan's blunt personality, there were likely to be some conflicts of psyche between the two. Then, you add in Sweetie Belle, who is acting pretty much like Spartan would expect a young filly to be acting for once in this strange world, and we get to see a tiny little hint of his protective side again. I'm not sure that Rarity really appreciates what he was doing with his cape, or what he was telling Sweetie Belle, but that was really touching. And now they've got a direction to go to search for Apple Bloom. (Although, what's Scootaloo doing right now? All the Crusaders got frightened, but Scoot doesn't impress me as someone who'd just ditch a friend completely. I'm sure that we'll see more of her in the next chapter. And Apple Bloom's getting the acid test for her courage now. Frankly, if she doesn't hit something in all this that wakes up a cutie mark, she's been wasting her time on that branch of Crusading.
(Although, that whole bit with a youngser trapped by a fierce predator in a tiny crevice with a meager weapon just barely in reach soulnds a lot like another scene from 300. Do I scent a setup here? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/eenope.png
806450 a.deviantart.net/avatars/o/k/okayfaceplz.png
807163 dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Celestia.png
This is a low point in the story to me. Once again, the young, cute innocents are in danger, and the OC will prove his character to the entire town of Ponyville by saving the precious children. It would nice to see a stupid kid die for once to verify that Everfree Forest is actually dangerous. I say "stupid" becuase after so many fanfics with ponies venturing into Everfree and sh_t hitting the fan, I feel like they should have taken the hint.
I also don't feel like Spartan Shield's character has been portrayed correctly concerning the situation. After seeing the expectations he has of fillies, why does he suddenly become so stoic and sensitive to give Sweetie hope? I was under the impression he didn't know how to act around children, probably not even having much experience with it in his own time. Why would he even care so much about Applebloom? That's not to say he should start laughing maniacally, but why does he suddenly take it upon himself to go save a filly from a mess she got herself into? Don't get the wrong idea about me, I really do think AB needs to be rescued, but why does HE feel that way? Even though yes, it was the boys who were sent off into the wilderness to train, girls were expected to be pretty strong as well. He doesn't coddle children and have the same protective instinct for them as the ponies (and us humans) of today.
I'm afraid of being labeled an asshole for being one of the few commentors in this column for not going "AWESOME MOAR," and for going off on it in such length and detail. But I'm going ahead with it anyway, since I want to act on what I feel. That was the point of making an fimfiction account.
Wait a second...Yoke of Harmony?
...IS BIG MACINTOSH THE KEEPER OF THE YOKE!?
HOLYSHIT OMGWTFBBQ
Quick use skyfall... Wait wrong spartan..
“If you did not see her die, then she is not dead yet.” He said, frowning at her seriously. “Until you see something with your own eyes, it is not real. Understand?”
so even in spartan times
pics or it didnt happen LOL
I love this story! I've been marathoning it all evening!
One minor thing: Rarity's store is Carousel Boutique... where every outfit is chic, unique, and yes, magnifique.
like the story, but the rip-off of the 300 movie for each intro-bit is a little irritating. Still, you put a nice spin on each one to apply an Equestrian layer to it.
A spartan vs. a pack of timberwolves?encrypted-tbn2.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTYgxijUFfljNZoEUXY2JwABUd-UWwtDcT-HDzXTk-7xJR0Qu5r
is it strange that im reading this while watching 300?
Last chapter...BUCKING TERRIFYING!