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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Scootaloo... Kisses... Stalkers... ALL THE THINGS
808598>>799117 I think you guys are the ONLY two that wondered about poor Scootaloo... poor thing.
Not only did my replacement French Press come today, but I got to enjoy its first glorious cup of coffee while reading another excellent chapter. I was surprised Applebloom didn't get her cutie mark for badassery, but the ending of the chapter definitely filled the void.
Because there wasn't a romance tag, I figured that the sexual tension between the characters wouldn't develop into anything more. What a nice little surprise I got this chapter.
808659
"Stick to the mission girls! Stick to the mission!"
"Nuuu I'mma run home and cry!"
"Nuuu I'mma hide in this crevice and cry!"
*gets cutiemark*
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
HAHA that ending just perfect.
Hot
Lol Rainbow Dash "Hot"
808621 Oh my.... I had no idea she was even gone. Shows how much I pay attention
Anywho, good chapter as always, can't wait for the next. =3
Ha, when the buzz of it all wears off, I think she'll probably need to have a talk with him about his overbearing forwardness.
“…Hot.” said a bushy tree nearby, in Rainbow Dash’s voice.
My sides! My SIIIIIIDES! Oh sweet Celestia that was funny!
Also, Scootaloo totally left her friends to die. But hey, cutie mark!
EDIT: Furking campers...
Awesome-O, I wonder if AB's cutie mark is a warrior one? In any case I foresee a perpetually good vibe for this story.
Wow..that was by far the BEST chapter of the whole story. I mean...
Emotional Spartan, Stalker Dash, and Scootaloo getting a cutie mark. Woohoo. By the way, Applebloom killed a motherbuckin' Timberwolf...with a stick...where's her monster slayer cutie mark?...Whatever.
You, my dear sir have done good, and you should feel good.
Survive all the things!
I love the way you like romance with it just being there and not overwhelming everything the characters do, I think that makes each shippy scene a little more powerful. Yeah I def got a little dry mouthed at that kiss description btw, well done.
So, we get to the end of the historical flashback. Finally, we know what took down Spartan Shield. I'll be honest, I was sort of expecting a casual shot from Nightmare Moon, but I would imagine that she had her hooves full with Celestia again, so it makes sense that it was a Lunar unicorn that did the deed. And the well-known creed of the Spartan Stallions would have worked against Spartan Shield in this case, since none of the Solar forces would have even thought to check the battleground for potential survivors after the fact. Although, even then, I would have thought that there would be a funeral detail sent out to recover the bodies of at least the commanders for burial in the city, though for the rest, if I remember correctly, burial on the battlefield was considered honorable as long as there was a marker for each soldier's resting place. Still, that was a great conclusion to the flashback.
Now, on to the current events. Nice setup with the pack of timberwolves milling in the clearing with the alpha sticking his head in the crevice I know Applejack's worried, but she deserved that glare from the rest of the rescue party for attracting the attention of the pack like that. The rest of the fight flowed nicely, I especially liked the little homage to the anime martial arts flicks where Big Macintosh dropped his yoke and got the massive crash as it hit the ground. Go, secret weight training regimen!
Two stallions of massive build looked like a pretty decent diversion while the girls went to rescue Apple Bloom, and that was a well-written dust-up between them and the timberwolves. I pretty much expected that when they got to the crevice, we were going to find that Apple Bloom had managed to pull off her planned attack on the alpha, though I'll admit that the filly's probably going to need some time talking about her first kill with some pony who has experience with that to actually deal with it, since it's such a foreign concept to fights in modern Equestria. Unless some of the Royal Guard have had combat fatality experience, I see her coming back to speak with Spartan on this matter, probably at the urging of Big Mac after a night or two of screaming nightmares.
So, this could be a factor that either strengthens the bonds between the Crusaders, or blows them apart. After all, Apple Bloom has had to face a personal demon that neither of her friends will likely understand at all, Sweetie Belle is going to be dealing with her own special blend of guilt because she ran off and left her friend without even thiinking about turning back to help, and Scootaloo is going to be way too focused for a while on her new cutie mark to really be listening to what her friends are saying to her. (Though I doubt that phase will last too long for her, she's usually seemed to be pretty good about getting back on track with her friends anytime something's pushed them apart at all.)
And then we have Twilight's own personal trial of fire where she proves her worth to Spartan Shield. Sure, he might have logically acknowledged that as a mage, Twilight was a powerful ally. But until she charged into the combat line and proved that her abilities could be used in a fight in a substantive way, I'm sure that he still saw her as overly soft. Now, he still might consider her soft, but he knows that there is solid steel under that velvet exterior. Where things go from here ought to be really interesting.
Oh, and a special dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/yay_red.png for a quiet day at work and an isolated IT workstation with net access. Makes catching up on my favorite authors a lot easier.
Edit: Oh yeah, and I see that Scoots finally got her cutie mark. Guess she had a reason for all those attempts to try dangerous things in the Everfree. Wilderness Survival cutie mark, YAY! Does this mean that she will be a Pony Scout Ranger when she isn't on weather patrol duty later?
I admire Dash's dedication to stalking!
“…Hot.”
And Twilight's moment of awesomeness was great.
I'm actually glad you didn't tag it with romance. Takes some of the fun out of the story when you already know who's gonna get together.
Oh Scootaloo
enoug-force-to-knock-down-an-apple-tree-CRUNCH!
enough-force-to-knock-down-an-apple-tree-CRUNCH!
Only one I saw.
Good job, Aegis! Multiple levels of badassery have happened on the battlefield!
SS and Big Mac...fighting...side by side. Yep.
Apple Bloom killed a stick monster with a stick. Yep.
Scootaloo somehow got her cutie mark, although this might cause friendship problems later. She's Mare Grylls. Yep.
Oh, and the initial battle scene. Yep.
-Vivas Noctus!
Heh. I was wondering what Spartan's reaction would be when he realized that that "weak mare" he was staying with was actually powerful enough to send an Ursa scampering back to its mother. Hadn't quite expected that it would involve kissing. I loved that Applebloom actually managed to kill that thing, and Scootaloo's awesome twist ending was awesome too.
Now to see Spartan's reaction when he discovers that Luna's back to being co-ruler of Equestria. Everything's been a surprise so far. :)
I predict the next chapter will be about Twilight having a season-two style freakout about guys.
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120310215917/mlp/images/c/c6/S2E20_twilight_equation.png Yeah, like that.
So... Both and left applebloom to die.
Just assumes appleboom is dead without checking. She doesn't even try to help her at all, she just runs away. Coward. So much of a coward infact, that she reminds me of Sir Robin from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". Congratulations Sweetie Belle...
google.co.uk/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://politicalderby.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/sir-robin.jpg&sa=X&ei=MLnoT67vC4iBhQeIqfDbCQ&ved=0CAkQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNHS4rIvNN_T4sH0bKtBFsF74OKkBw
Seems more concerned with her cutie mark than potentialy, or at least attempting to save her freind's life.
808654>>808725>>808886>>808938
Yeah, there's romantic elements (har har) to this story, but I didn't set out to write a TwilightxOC romance, here. There's too many of those out there. I want to keep it a rather nonchalant and casual facet of the story, while we learn more about Spartan stuff, explore Spartan Shield's backstory, and keep moving forward with present day. I'm trying to keep a very "human" element to any shipping that goes on. I mean c'mon, he's been in Ponyville for.. what... three days? That's a little fast no matter HOW you slice it.
And yes, to everyone that is clamoring over Spartan Shield meeting Luna, that's coming up NEXT!
Loved this chapter a lot. The fight scene was great. The moment before that where Big Mac drops the yoke had me chuckle. Although in terms of humor, the part where Rainbow Dash is stalking them and sees Sparten kiss Twilight had me cracking up. In terms of Drama, Apple Blood killing her first Timber Wolf seemed realistic, and the scene before that with Sweetie coming home scared... Man, this story is just great.
Even this odd sexual tension with Twilight and Sparten works. It doesn't seem forced at all. My favorite part is at the end though. Cutie Mark Cruisader Wilderness Survivers! Go! But at the end, I'm just glad that Scootaloo is okay too.
Love it! XD
>Surround them. A phalanx was
Double space
>Drawing his xiphos (a shortsword of nineteen inches) in his teeth
How to inches dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Derpy_Hooves.png
>spraying blood across his glorious chest and upon the ground Even only two Spartan Stallions pressed together were formidable indeed
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia_O_O.png
>SMASH-he-bitch-slapped-one-of-them-to-one-side-thrusting-his-spear-forth-in-an-explosion-of-blood-and-gore
Spartan Stallions do not simply bitch slap their enemies dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Mr_Cake.png
>he-bucked-wildly-with-enoug-force-to-knock-down-an
>He-grunted with-effort
Y U PUT SPACE
>The beast yelped, pitching over with a doggish cry and impaled upon the ground
>Now and then a timberwolf would be launched over the treetops by Big Macintosh’s bucking, or pitch onto its side after a hard shield bash from Spartan Shield
Notice something?
>“…Hot.” said a bushy tree nearby, in Rainbow Dash’s voice
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Rainbow_Dash_lolface.png
>campfire-shaped cutie mark
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Scootaloo_lolface.png
TREEEEEEEE SAAAAP!!!
niceeeee for the win!!!
So scootaloo left her friends to be eaten by timber wolves? I know survivalists are suppose to be selfish but come on what a bitch. Oh no timber wolves run. Wheres applebloom? She stayed back? Ok use her as bait to run away. Wheres sweetie belle? She ran away in another direction? Good another distraction for the timber wolves. What to do what to do? Oh i ll go to zecoras for some tea and cookies. My little pony: friends are bait.
Scootaloo, you fucking!
And Spartan! I though better of you!
And twilight, how could ya! The book are more important.
>.>
GOD MAN TAKE MY FUCKIN MONEY
i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd18/tailsfanatic/My%20Little%20Pony/reaction/q6sPu.jpg
809127 Oh now I know -THAT- won't go down very well.... oh dear...
"Hello there, I am-" starts Luna.
"Have at thee! Raaargh!" yells Spartan Shield as he charges towards the Princess of the Night, barely being held back by Twilight's magical powers
809915
My little pony: Friends are bait... that's priceless. priceless, i say!
Ooooh Spartan Shield vs Luna! GO!
Not bad, but i didn't like how you wrote the combat section between Shield and the Timberwolves. Felt hard to follow.
I pictured the battle in 300 style cinematography. Would be so awesome if someone made an animated version.
Hm. This chapter raises a few questions:
1. How did Applebloom get enough force behind the "spear" to kill it? She hardly seems to be strong enough to do so.
2. Why didn't Twilight just levitate the timberwolves out of the way?
3. Where was Scootaloo when the timberwolves attacked? I assumed that she was with the other two, but that raises the question of why didn't she ask Zecora for help? Seeing one of your best friends being horribly mauled by timberwolves isn't something you are likely to forget.
Don't get me wrong - this is an awesome chapter, and I eagerly await further updates, but there were a few details in here that didn't quite make sense.
Big BADASS Macintosh YEAH!
The only thing I find questionable is their choice to hold a conversation IN THE CLEARING immediately after the battle. The armor saved AB from dying instantly, but it's still mentioned that she's been cut. Considering that she's been crammed in a tight space, battered, sporting a still-open wound, and actually had some other creatures blood spilling on it, I'm not sure why they're still sticking around in the dangerous forest. Combined with the psycological turmoil, I don't even see how she's capable of holding a conversation!
Also, I understand that Big Mac pushes himself, and can hold his own in a brawl, but where did he learn to FIGHT multiple opponents in such a manner?
But Aegis, I love what you do. I hope you listen to all the predictions/suggestions about the CMC. This is how I imagine SS would judge them:
"Applebloom:
Con - Froze at the sign of danger, despite calling yourself an "adventurer." Spent most of ordeal cowering. Forgot about one of your friends.
Pro - Your first kill!
**Gives piece of armor**
Sweetie Belle:
Con - Ran at the sign of danger, despite calling yourself an "adventurer." Abandoned your friends. Broke down crying by your sister.
Pro - Navigated your way back home.
Scootaloo: (Dear Celestia these names...)
Con - Ran at the sign of danger, despite calling yourself an "adventurer." Abandoned your friends.
Pro - Survived in the wilderness like in the agoges of old, and earned your coming-of-age mark.
(also I kind of owe you one for forgetting about you)
**Gives piece of armor**
In short, you are all pathetic in your own way!"
And now for my own prediction/suggestion!
Rainbow Dash: (approaches Spartan Stallion) Sooo... You and Twilight... You guys doing it?
Spartan Stallion (to himself): Hmm... Twilight did not reject my advancements, so I suppose I will continue to court her.
Spartan Stallion: Yes, we are doing it.
810221 Lauren Faust is the creator of MLP: Friendship is Magic. So, in Fan Fics she's often referred to as "God."
811380
The "Yoke of Harmony" is what many fan fic writers refer to when one pony is using all six elements at once. Since you can't wear six necklaces without looking like a moron, it becomes a yoke.
.809915 Children do a lot of selfish things when they are frightened or angry. They just happened to run in different directions.
.810518
1. Try stabbing yourself in the back of the mouth with a drinking straw. It doesn't take much.
2. Because then there would be no battle scene. We have a SPARTAN STALLION here, you gotta let him fight some.
3. The text explicitly says she ran a different way than every pony else. That and she's like, what... 8-10 years old? Of course she forgets all about her friends when she gets her cutie mark.
809451
Reading/Enjoying Fan Fiction: If you're hunting for double-spacings and typos, you're doing it wrong.
811664
1. Timberwolves are wood, which is a bit harder than flesh.
2. That fight scene was pretty awesome.
3. Re-reading the first part of the CMC arc, it is indeed right there, with its own line to boot. Next time, it may be a good idea to actually read what I am reading.
.......was used already but i dont give a timberwolves rump.
-throws wads of cash at the computer screen-
i227.photobucket.com/albums/dd18/tailsfanatic/My%20Little%20Pony/reaction/q6sPu.jpg
811762 I'm not looking for them. These things stick out worse than sore thumbs dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
Next chapter ?
YAY GO SCOOTALOO!!
yay xD Scootaloos cutiemark xD i was like yay :D