- Member Since 10th Jun, 2015
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PuzzlingInsanity
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PuzzlingInsanity
Joined 10th Jun, 2015 ·
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A little fast paced.
Actually not a terrible read though, if ya got someone to help you with editing and the like, and spent a little more time on development and stuff, ya could turn it into a decent story.
It will might your 5k word short into a 30-40k monster though.
*reads next chapter*
Yeah, I see some potential in this, if ya changed the week to a month, stretched out the development and put some more details and length to the backstories, ya could make this into something unique and intruiging.
As it is it's a good start, honestly the biggest things in writing are time, experience, and (somewhat) original ideas.
Definetly a refreshing take on the old I date fluttershy concept.
Neighs of our lives.
Play on days of our lives?
7120691 Yes.
This seems slightly fast for Special Somepony... But then I remember the beginning of the movie August Rush, where two characters that literally only just met, well... sleep together on the roof of the (club?) building they'd met. When used correctly, fast pacing works well. And I see it here. On to the next chapter! ...after art class ^-^
Hm.. Details.
I-wha-
I'm just kidding. Transition between the two rooms would be nice. And details! Details everywhere! ^-^
There's either a dining table in the bedroom, or a bed in the kitchen... what...
You need to catch a lot of cats.
...Why is that, you ask?
for de tails, of course!
7144929 Nice pun
You should check out my page ^-^ You may see something familiar.
*winces* self-done ear piercings... Reminds me of that one thing from The Parent Trap. Yikes.
Fantastic little story! The only other thing I can say about that is, details! Sensory details, what the room/area looks like, what sounds, what smells, etc.
All in all, in the end, this was a brilliant story. Don't let anyone else (Even Hood) tell you different.
~Spirit
I feel as though I offended you with Hood's comment
If I did, I am very sorry and I will have a stern talk with him (sort of).
7157842 You did.
7158348
)
...Oh. Well, shoot. I am so sorry. Listen, it was a brilliant story and I loved it. Hood's opinion is not my own. He's sort of a separate persona inside my head, he's basically all of my condensed negativity. Please don't listen to him. He's rude and has no tact. I usually only look to him for brutal honesty, kind of like Rainbow Dash, but 20% ruder. (poorly timed puns, yaaay...
I feel so bad, I'm so sorry! I'm still kind of learning about friendship (I grew up learning some poor things about interacting with others), and I guess I screwed up pretty bad... *sniffles* Shoot.
I hope you can somehow forgive me.
Yours,
Spirit
7158438 I'll be alright. *brushes away a tear*
7158444
*cautiously hugs* I... I removed Hood's comment. (He's going to be ticked at me later, but I don't care) I don't know why I really let him in the fir-
...
Celestia damn it, I think he did it on purpose that bucking little- *sighs*
Hood is in no way on my side. He does this kind of thing often, he leads me to ruin every opportunity he can get... But, that's no excuse, I-I should have realized it, I should have known he was trying to- *stops myself, sniffling* I'm sorry... I'm so bucking sorry....
Is there anything, anything at all I can do to make it up to you? Name it and I'll (try to) do it. Anything. I-I owe it to you.
7158463 *reciprocates hug* Well... how about a story where Shattered Heart and one of your ponysonas attend an Applewood Undead concert. (Pun on Hollywood Undead) You write clop?
7158848
...Slight problem with that.... I've no idea what Hollywood Undead is. ;-;
7158960 A rap rock group.