a man from earth is alone living in a house and is a brony. he then finds a box outside on his doorstep.he just takes the box for granted but is it more than that? is there a way to escape the cruel world he lives in?
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 11th Jun, 2012
- offline last seen Jun 13th, 2012
BR0NI3
well im just a kid that enjoys being a brony and likes to write
BR0NI3
Joined 11th Jun, 2012 ·
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....
mujs.manchester.ac.uk/moochan/src/1276532629431.gif
Let's get past 5th grade English before you try again.
^^^^ What he said ^^^^
This is too much like a ripoff of MLD.....
738384
738365
What they both said
I bet the author is a troll!
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/78/Trollface.svg/200px-Trollface.svg.png
sorry guys if ya aint like it, but instead of saying my story sucks, why not give me advise for cellestia sakes!
HOW IS THIS A RIPOFF OF MY LITTLE DASHIE? YA KNOW WHAT? IDE LIKE TO SEE YOU DO ANY BETTER!!!
738512
Buddy, check my story.
I have 30 likes, and only 2 dislikes; over 8,000 views, and 58 chapters. I think that's a little bit better than your's.
And this is a rip-off of My Little Dashie, because the idea of finding a pony in a box, and your description is quite similar.
738512
Bad idea mate. Your calling out people on their stories even though the statistics do stand on our pages. Maybe your parents would pat you on the head but for god's sake this is the internet. It's a TERRIBLE idea to start throwing a tantrum here.
...and yes, this is strikely similar to MLD.
Well, that was awful.
dang i got 14 dislikes and only one like (from me :D) thats harsh.
You're raging, he gave you advice. I can't write for crap, but I respect people's opinions, and like to see my mistakes.
738617 For your story? No, it's not.
738628 This, and truly, liking your own story and proudly admitting it is just sad.
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-celestia-is-amused.jpg
my advice
1. make new story
2. get an editor
-Muxix311
*sees like to dislike ratio*
*reads first two sentences of description.*
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Wow. I usually say this is a firefic. But calling this a firefic would be a compliment. That's just how bad it is.
738512:
Really?.......I mean, calling people out like that isn't a way to get on peoples good sides.
738562:
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THANK YOU.
Well that was completely shit. Please do the following:
1. Delete this awful waste of server space
2. Get an editor.
Rubbish
738562 Win!
guys, im so NOT SORRY I TOOK UP THIS SERVER SPACE AND WILL NOW TROLL YOU BUY SAYING I WILL BUT WONT (OR WILL I ) LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO
739219
Although that sounds a tad...erm...immature, I guess, it's kind of obvious from your picture, grammar, sentence structure, vocabulary, syntax, diction, etc, etc that you're very young. People are kind of being mean, but they have a right to because you posted a literary work on a public place. It's criticism, and it's justified. But I am thinking maybe I might message you, because had I gotten comments like this at a young age, I would have most likely been discouraged from writing (or at least, showing my work to others) and although I wouldn't have reacted how you did, I wouldn't want the same thing to happen to another new writer.
okay guys, i do admit my story kind of sucks, but thats no reason to go about ranting how the story is so terriable. i do admit there was no good reason for me to act that was twards your comments but i think ill just delete this and try to write a better one.
Wow this was deliciously bad. First off do something about that wall of text in the first chapter, do you have any idea how annoying that is to read? Your spelling was bad to the point where I actually found myself laughing, get a proof reader. The story's premise definitely sounds like MLD but you ended up in EQ so it's different but still more of the same from this genre.
Anyway you just need to put in more effort, and get someone to help you. I know the negative comments can be discouraging but you have to learn from the ones that provide help and strive to improve. Good luck to you sir.
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Dang... i knew something was up with all these dislikes.
And before you hate on me author i haven't read you story yet and i can't wwrite either so don't say about if i could do better...
i'm laughing at all the comments
But is it really that bad?
738860
Ouch... Someone got told...
I would suggest improving the spelling and grammar, because how a story is written gives an impression. Also a more creative plot, things like this have been done before. Keep trying, you'll get it!
oh my god.
look at that wall of text.
739390
The author just seems to be kind of new at writing, and there is definetely room for improvement, but I doubt anyone wrote any better when they were starting out.
I love and appreciate constructive criticism much like the things Dimondium did (well...except for the "wet dreams" comments. Erm...the author's kind of young. There was no better way to phrase that?) or even YeahWhateverBye, but the rest of them are kind of being forcefully mean, and just insulting someone because they think it's funny. Yeah, yeah, it's the internet, they have a right to criticize, I know. However, some of these comments just seem uncalled for.
739522
We should be using Constructive Critizism more...
739542
Well yeah :D Particularly if the writer is just starting out. I'd much rather prefer new writers aren't discouraged from becoming better and taking good criticism just because a few people on the 'net wanted a cheap laugh o.o
739563
Yea.
I hate it when people just off the bat say the story sucks and that person is the worst author ever.
Instead of making the author feel bad why not give some advice on how to make his/her story better. Learn from your mistakes.
Wow... The Story itself is o.k but all you need is a editor and to proofread. It's an o.k story. You'll get there eventually author!
I could say something constructive... I didn't read all of it, It's far too much of a rip off of My little Dashie, but with very poor english. Adivce, wether or not you intended to write a story like that one, you should use less overused ideas, and try and think of a unique idea. and get a proof reader. or use an auto correct program. most of what i read was pretty much with this face
738860 And with that second sentence you just summed up My Little Dashie's protagonist. lol
739219 ಠ_ಠ
739522 This might be true, but I think that we (most of us) have better ways to spend our time than teach folks basic grammar. I mean, he doesn't use paragraphs, capitalize... How am I even supposed to read it?
739851
(Note: I don't actually know. It was kind of a slipped in guess because I have stupid habits like that, but I corrected my original comment because I'm fairly certain I'm wrong).
I know. I am only two years older than you, and when I was fourteen, I too had a great understanding at grammar, Mary Sue's and Stu's, sentence structure, character development, real life consistency, etc, etc, and English isn't even my first language. Back then, I basically knew every reason why Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga was the worst piece of crap to pass by a novel and I knew how NOT to repeat its mistakes. However, that doesn't mean I'm going to treat someone else without at least an inkling of humanity just because they're learning at a slower pace than I did. It doesn't justify rude comments, it's just a self-centered way of saying, "Look at me, I'm so much smarter than you!" I'm not saying you did that, of course, I'm not attacking you. You seemed to have at least tried to be civilized (at most points) but some people learn English grammar slowly or take a while in actively applying all the rules, that's all. It doesn't make them idiots or open to being treated like ones.
739929
I dunno, if teaching basic grammar is a pesky way of spending your time, I'm not exactly sure how actively insulting the author is any better (I guess it is because...it...takes less time?) I didn't say, sit down and lecture English 101. I just thought some of the comments were being far too mean spirited to someone who is just a beginner and is most certainly a kid.
However, I won't drag this out any more and keep repeating myself. I realize it's the internet, and we can point and laugh at other people however much we want to.
740051 It's true that some comments may have been going a little overboard. Probably most of my comments were a little too harsh as well.
fuck i couldnt read this i didnt know what was going on at all just all the text squished together
738512images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120428071353/adventuretimewithfinnandjake/images/a/a7/Challenge_accepted.jpg
Oh wait...
739296 Although I do agree with you, the "kind of mean" doesn't exactly fit. I think they're being worse. Perhaps, seeing as I'm very bad a t critiscism, you get help our friend here out?
739350
If that's the case: MAKE SURE YOU GET A FUCKING EDITOR!
738921
You shall get your hive-five in the mail, within the next week dear sir.
Congratulations, your story received only 6 likes and 29 dislikes.
738512 Certainly.
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738512 Honestly, doing worse would be a bigger challenge.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR