chapter 2-end
CHAPTER 3
so the ponies lugged me over to canterlot. the view from the train was just beautiful. you could see most ererything in equestria. now they never tell you this in the show, but
the ride feels like forever! its something like a five hour trip from ponyville to canterlot if you take train.when we arived there canterlot was even more beautiful that the other
parts of equestria. there were fancy people and rushed people and people on walks just roaming the streets. it looked all organised like nothing ever went wrong. well i guess
that is kind of true. according to the fanfiction my little dashie criminals are sent to where i was, earth, but i dont know if all that fanfiction stuff is true. thier just made to
entertain people. its not like they really... know... what... thier... saying. OH MY GOSH! how did i not see this sooner? mabey the people who write those fanfics actully
were pony crim--- nahhh! its to... absurd, not to say that everything that has happened in the last five days was absurd and... well... not really expected, but i still refuse to
belive that criminals were alowed to keep thier memories. that would be crazy, unless. nahh! that couldnt be it! well. mabey... YES! IT HAS TO BE TRUE! there might have
been some crazy spell put over them (not on purpose) to let them have their memories kept. well why am i even thinking about this, well i AM thought. mabey i was ment to
ARRRHHHHG! STUPID THOUGHTS! TOO MANY IDEAS!, ideas, ideas, ideas, ideas, YES! IDEAS! thats exactly what i need to do, unless im just thinking this whole
demention up and it dosent exist. well Ooh! were almost at the tower of celestia! we walked up there and bowed before celestia. twilight stepped forwards and explained the
whole situation (whitch made me mad because she did'nt know everything.) celestia sat there for a couple of minutes thinking. then she spoke "i have had this instance
before but in an oposite. there was a time when rainbow dash" (rainbowdash gulped at this as she said her name) "was found by a... human" she said human like it was the
most terriable insult imaginable but i had other things to think about. OH MY GOSH! so my little dashe is real? then i scared when i thought of if cupcakes was real. "there
are some rumers... true rumers on earth about things." she smiled friendilly at pinkie pie as if she was saying that stories not real. "but i am afraid to say i know what i must
do. i must take this... human back to his home. i suddenly tenced and twilight, flutter, apple, rarity,and pinkie sighed as rainbow started to cry. "Why celestia? WHY?" she
whined and eventully got a responce from celestia. "because i must put him where he belongs and that is not here. she raised her horn, put it over my head and a white light
engulfed me.
CHAPTER 4-this is now from rainbowdashes PoV
oh no! the person i have been loyal too since i was a filly, the person i thought i could trust, the person that i looked up to, and the person that ruled the kingdom just
banished my b-(yes ill say it) boyfriend to some place called earth. i couldnt think, i just needed some alone time. i stormed out of the room while celestia just chuckled.
that cruel and evil allicorn! how could she do that and then laugh? i went as fast as i could back twards ponyville. i headed strat twards my house and prodused a sonic
rainboom exsept the rainbow was all gray and sad. i opened my door of clouds and guess what i saw? i saw thought! (the pony not the thing) he was uncontious laying on
my cloud sofa. i said in a whispered tone "thought! hey thought!" and his eyes began to wake. his first words as he woke were quiet and delicate but i understood what he
said: "is it a dream?" well i think it was a ritorical question so i just let him rest some more. i dont know why he was so darn tired, mabey teleportation was somethind
tireing. but the only thing that mattered was that he was here, and that this was most definetly not a dream.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
THE_END_THE_END_THE_END_THE_END_ THE_END_THE_END_THE_END_THE_END_THE_END
-now sorry if the story isnt the best. its my first and i just started writing my little storiesl
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....
mujs.manchester.ac.uk/moochan/src/1276532629431.gif
Let's get past 5th grade English before you try again.
^^^^ What he said ^^^^
This is too much like a ripoff of MLD.....
738384
738365
What they both said
I bet the author is a troll!
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/78/Trollface.svg/200px-Trollface.svg.png
sorry guys if ya aint like it, but instead of saying my story sucks, why not give me advise for cellestia sakes!
HOW IS THIS A RIPOFF OF MY LITTLE DASHIE? YA KNOW WHAT? IDE LIKE TO SEE YOU DO ANY BETTER!!!
738512
Buddy, check my story.
I have 30 likes, and only 2 dislikes; over 8,000 views, and 58 chapters. I think that's a little bit better than your's.
And this is a rip-off of My Little Dashie, because the idea of finding a pony in a box, and your description is quite similar.
738512
Bad idea mate. Your calling out people on their stories even though the statistics do stand on our pages. Maybe your parents would pat you on the head but for god's sake this is the internet. It's a TERRIBLE idea to start throwing a tantrum here.
...and yes, this is strikely similar to MLD.
Well, that was awful.
dang i got 14 dislikes and only one like (from me :D) thats harsh.
You're raging, he gave you advice. I can't write for crap, but I respect people's opinions, and like to see my mistakes.
738617 For your story? No, it's not.
738628 This, and truly, liking your own story and proudly admitting it is just sad.
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-celestia-is-amused.jpg
my advice
1. make new story
2. get an editor
-Muxix311
*sees like to dislike ratio*
*reads first two sentences of description.*
fim.413chan.net/fim/src/132727056311-Hahaha_no.gif
Wow. I usually say this is a firefic. But calling this a firefic would be a compliment. That's just how bad it is.
738512:
Really?.......I mean, calling people out like that isn't a way to get on peoples good sides.
738562:
nc423.files.wordpress.com/2010/05/hi5rj5.jpg
THANK YOU.
Well that was completely shit. Please do the following:
1. Delete this awful waste of server space
2. Get an editor.
738562 Win!
guys, im so NOT SORRY I TOOK UP THIS SERVER SPACE AND WILL NOW TROLL YOU BUY SAYING I WILL BUT WONT (OR WILL I ) LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO
739219
Although that sounds a tad...erm...immature, I guess, it's kind of obvious from your picture, grammar, sentence structure, vocabulary, syntax, diction, etc, etc that you're very young. People are kind of being mean, but they have a right to because you posted a literary work on a public place. It's criticism, and it's justified. But I am thinking maybe I might message you, because had I gotten comments like this at a young age, I would have most likely been discouraged from writing (or at least, showing my work to others) and although I wouldn't have reacted how you did, I wouldn't want the same thing to happen to another new writer.
okay guys, i do admit my story kind of sucks, but thats no reason to go about ranting how the story is so terriable. i do admit there was no good reason for me to act that was twards your comments but i think ill just delete this and try to write a better one.
Wow this was deliciously bad. First off do something about that wall of text in the first chapter, do you have any idea how annoying that is to read? Your spelling was bad to the point where I actually found myself laughing, get a proof reader. The story's premise definitely sounds like MLD but you ended up in EQ so it's different but still more of the same from this genre.
Anyway you just need to put in more effort, and get someone to help you. I know the negative comments can be discouraging but you have to learn from the ones that provide help and strive to improve. Good luck to you sir.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhnnijkjsm1qec1ka.gif
Dang... i knew something was up with all these dislikes.
And before you hate on me author i haven't read you story yet and i can't wwrite either so don't say about if i could do better...
i'm laughing at all the comments
But is it really that bad?
738860
Ouch... Someone got told...
I would suggest improving the spelling and grammar, because how a story is written gives an impression. Also a more creative plot, things like this have been done before. Keep trying, you'll get it!
739390
The author just seems to be kind of new at writing, and there is definetely room for improvement, but I doubt anyone wrote any better when they were starting out.
I love and appreciate constructive criticism much like the things Dimondium did (well...except for the "wet dreams" comments. Erm...the author's kind of young. There was no better way to phrase that?) or even YeahWhateverBye, but the rest of them are kind of being forcefully mean, and just insulting someone because they think it's funny. Yeah, yeah, it's the internet, they have a right to criticize, I know. However, some of these comments just seem uncalled for.
739522
We should be using Constructive Critizism more...
739542
Well yeah :D Particularly if the writer is just starting out. I'd much rather prefer new writers aren't discouraged from becoming better and taking good criticism just because a few people on the 'net wanted a cheap laugh o.o
739563
Yea.
I hate it when people just off the bat say the story sucks and that person is the worst author ever.
Instead of making the author feel bad why not give some advice on how to make his/her story better. Learn from your mistakes.
Wow... The Story itself is o.k but all you need is a editor and to proofread. It's an o.k story. You'll get there eventually author!
I could say something constructive... I didn't read all of it, It's far too much of a rip off of My little Dashie, but with very poor english. Adivce, wether or not you intended to write a story like that one, you should use less overused ideas, and try and think of a unique idea. and get a proof reader. or use an auto correct program. most of what i read was pretty much with this face
738860 And with that second sentence you just summed up My Little Dashie's protagonist. lol
739219 ಠ_ಠ
739522 This might be true, but I think that we (most of us) have better ways to spend our time than teach folks basic grammar. I mean, he doesn't use paragraphs, capitalize... How am I even supposed to read it?
739851
(Note: I don't actually know. It was kind of a slipped in guess because I have stupid habits like that, but I corrected my original comment because I'm fairly certain I'm wrong).
I know. I am only two years older than you, and when I was fourteen, I too had a great understanding at grammar, Mary Sue's and Stu's, sentence structure, character development, real life consistency, etc, etc, and English isn't even my first language. Back then, I basically knew every reason why Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Saga was the worst piece of crap to pass by a novel and I knew how NOT to repeat its mistakes. However, that doesn't mean I'm going to treat someone else without at least an inkling of humanity just because they're learning at a slower pace than I did. It doesn't justify rude comments, it's just a self-centered way of saying, "Look at me, I'm so much smarter than you!" I'm not saying you did that, of course, I'm not attacking you. You seemed to have at least tried to be civilized (at most points) but some people learn English grammar slowly or take a while in actively applying all the rules, that's all. It doesn't make them idiots or open to being treated like ones.
739929
I dunno, if teaching basic grammar is a pesky way of spending your time, I'm not exactly sure how actively insulting the author is any better (I guess it is because...it...takes less time?) I didn't say, sit down and lecture English 101. I just thought some of the comments were being far too mean spirited to someone who is just a beginner and is most certainly a kid.
However, I won't drag this out any more and keep repeating myself. I realize it's the internet, and we can point and laugh at other people however much we want to.
740051 It's true that some comments may have been going a little overboard. Probably most of my comments were a little too harsh as well.
738512images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120428071353/adventuretimewithfinnandjake/images/a/a7/Challenge_accepted.jpg
Oh wait...
739296 Although I do agree with you, the "kind of mean" doesn't exactly fit. I think they're being worse. Perhaps, seeing as I'm very bad a t critiscism, you get help our friend here out?
739350
If that's the case: MAKE SURE YOU GET A FUCKING EDITOR!
738921
You shall get your hive-five in the mail, within the next week dear sir.
Congratulations, your story received only 6 likes and 29 dislikes.
738512 Certainly.
jwsokol.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/staples-easy-button.png
738512 Honestly, doing worse would be a bigger challenge.
If you want advice I would suggest trying to flesh out the story more and not to try to rush the story which is what it seemed you were doing but all in all it wasn't that bad of an attempt
Being a new writer, I'm going to try to throw my two bits in with the rest of them here
Here are some simple rules on how to write a descent fanfic, at least how I may see it. If you don't that's fine.
1: Good characters and character development. If your characters not going to grow from what they have learned, what was the point of having the conflict in the first place. And good characters are obvious, you want to have someone who can connect with your readers, not, whatever they said, whiny, displaced, not very thought up.
2: Good conflict, I'm sorry to say, but this is very similar to Mld, I already helped another author with copying another story, Its not bad if one or two elements are used between stories, but if you basically copy what you read somewhere else, shrink it down a little bit, and give it a new name, its still the same story.
3. Lastly, Originality. Need I say more?
I am more than willing to help you get started on a project of yours as long as its from your mind, not someone elses. Good fan fiction spawns from good ideas, as long as you have those your practically set. If you need inspiration, that's fine, just don't use someone elses ideas as your own.
Good luck,
Thomas Rhoades
744954
It's funny because it IS a MLD ripoff that's written really well.
This is the worst thing I have ever read, your story at first has completely horrid run-on sentences, disgusting grammar, and worst of all it looks like a wall of text.
The sencond(?) chapter (even though it is called the third chapter?) has even worse grammar, misspelled words to almost the point of purpose, and the indenture is atrocious(every 2nd line even though the sentences aren't even finished).
Not to even mention it is a complete over-haul, even mentioning, of My Little Dashie.
This is disgusting because I believe If Rainbow Dash ever met you she would laugh her plot off just by the amount of spaghetti autism all over your face.
Thank you and I hope this ruined your day, you are the reason why everyone hates our fandom.img.ponibooru.org/_images/6fdc7f73f9b937eb89e58b4727ef2761/164221%20-%20autism%20meta%20neurotypical%20twilight_sparkle.jpeg