The helheim forest has come to another world and along with it a new war for the golden fruit has began Kouta brings a new armored rider to help the people of this world.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 15th Nov, 2014
- offline last seen May 21st, 2023
RealJoke Pota
Sup I'm Pota and hope you enjoy my work & can becomes friends anywho ciao!
RealJoke Pota
Joined 15th Nov, 2014 ·
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Well interesting I can already tell ranbu escalation is sai's theme. ... wait I know of a displaced by the name of Kai and now there's sai. What is with new displaced having names rhyme? Add in Mai from gaim there is three people with that in these rider stories! What next yai and vai? Sorry just realized a trend that's now going on lately.
7006625 Lol well if you haven't read my blog before i got this story up then i'll let ya know Sai is kinda of Kai's Displaced brother just they have different Dads Hence there different last names , but its nice to see you again my friend hope you enjoy this one like Magical Tripping Ride!
7006715 same here though seriously similar first names? That will be quite confusing when the two eventually meet up. I'm thinking both are in the same universe just different sides of the mirror. I mean think about it if both were together and someone called a name in the distance and both not hearing it correctly end up talking in unison confusing everyone. That always seems funny when that kind of thing happens.
7006828 he knows too much
but yes it will be funny and yes they on each side of the mirror solo you can guess a a little meet up soon
7008339 from what I seen of the characters and a pretty good read on the personality and your own admission of both being related it wasn't hard to figure out. The both sides of the mirror one was just a shot in the dark though but a very likely event even then. Displaced cross over a lot so it's not hard to see. And trust me your not the first person I surprised by this accurate guess of what will happen in stories. It's kinda like psychology mixed with probability in a way. My way of thinking is by looking at past actions of a person and if I understand the personality well can kinda see how they might act at a later date. It's why fan fiction writers can write certain characters very well like rainbow dash. It just depends on if the writer does have something in common personality wise to better write the character in their shoes. I been doing this for years subconsciously and only realized this process when I first completely guessed correctly what would happen next in a story. The whole chapter. Though this means I'm a bit of a natural at psychology in a way. Seems to just work with fiction for now in my case but I'm sure if others can do the same you would be surprised how much collaborative works like the crossover events with displaced go quite smoothly. This is why psychology is one of the unsaid requirements to be a writer.
7008715 yeah...big words …...
but yea I can understand that somewhat I think...
Judged from the title alone I'm gonna say this is based on Fourze.
I'm not familiar with the original material here, but the problems present in your other stories are found here as well. Your spelling is bad, as is your grammar and dialogue. One of the most important rules of writing fiction is to make the protagonist(s) likeable. Or at the very least sympathetic. The OC here, well, inspires neither.
7009911 Okay i get you're trying to help good on ya but you really don't need to do this whole thing on all my stories, yes there gonna be terrible sadly terrible , grammar is gonna be bad same for spelling never was good with it but that's what trial and error is for ya know , later on in the future when I'm maybe better at writing I'll be able to come back and redo these and make em better so please stop its not hurtful just
idk just if you're gonna be helpful please Pm me or try to make the comments more nice or say what im doing wrong in a better way where I don't mistake it as disrespect thank you and have a wonderful day or night 
7009968 Terrible spelling and grammar aren't "trial and error", they're evidence that you either need further/remedial schooling or a really patient editor. Furthermore, critiques aren't supposed to be nice and sensitive to your feelings. If you can't handle "negative" feedback, I recommend rethinking your choice of writing.
7010861 didn't say I couldn't take it but yes I need an editor bad cause I s**k just what I meant was make it where you sound more like you're actually trying to help and not trying to be a d**k cause I don't want to call ya that Idk u nor have we meet so no right for me to say that you are, thank you and have a nice day
...oh boy...Let's see. First off, yeah, hate to agree with anyone being a negative nelly over here, but you do need an editor. That said, I noticed a few other things that might need some work.
First off
. Took that right from your chapter, and sadly, gotta correct you there.
Lemon Energy is ELS-01
Cherry Energy is ELS-02
Peach Energy is ELS-03
Melon Energy is ELS-04
Now, with that said, the kid I suppose is someone you'll build up in later chapters. However, if I may suggest a few things, one absolute must is, either with your editor or someone else, go over the adventures you want to have. While doing this, you and this other person can go over how your character reacts to things and flesh them out a bit. Is you guy at all like Kaito? Does your guy WANT to be like Kaito? Or is there someone else he may seek to emulate as a Rider? Or is he just gunna be himself, flaws and all? These are things I think might be good to go over.
That said, the idea isn't bad, and Baron being the main Rider is interesting. I'd suggest he get the Musou Saber with his transformation, as that to me was a sign of a "Main Rider", or one who had the real potential of gaining the Golden Fruit...though that's just my own head cannon honestly. I think this can go places, just get some help in the editing department and remember to bounce ideas off before writing them or as you are writing them down, to best develop your characters.
Good luck, and remember, THIS IS YOUR STAGE NOW!
I'm really sorry if I'm annoying you, but when will you upload again?
9263073
When I get a computer to properly write a new chapter.
Unfortunately it's taking time for me to get a computer, Sorry for such a long wait!
7228622
Thank you for pointing out that error which I will fix of course, Also i agree with you on everything which is why I haven't updated my story in so long (Plus no computer) I've taken that time to try and improve my writing along with trying to find an Editor through friends and such.
Thank you for your advice and have a nice day!