• Member Since 6th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 4th, 2022

Fiend from the Darkness

I am a Lover of Shadows and Dancer in the Night. I am a Keeper of Nightmares and Bringer of Fright. I am a Creature of Darkness, in Pain I Delight


Finally finished for the week, Nightingale and Velvet decide to have a night of fun at a karaoke bar. They end up meeting some unexpected poines.

Written to take place with the Quill & Blade universe by Anzel and Crystal Wishes. It is not necessary to know there stories to enjoy this fic. This fic is also not canon with any of there works (do I really need to state that?).

Coverart by me.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 5 )

Moonlight is, and will always be, such a shit-disturber. Is nice to see Sun able to loosen up some around the ladies, even if it takes a few strong drinks to get there.

On the writing side, I'm going to suggest trying to practice showing more than telling. Instead of saying that Sun took and drink and loosened up, describe how his attitude is changing and let the reader infer that he is indeed loosening up.

6898514 Moonlight is Moonlight, and forever shall be! :trollestia: And Sun loosening up around a mare was fun. :pinkiehappy: Now if only he could find that confidence sober! :moustache::rainbowkiss::rainbowlaugh:

Thanks. I'll try to do better with the showing for my next story. :pinkiehappy: It, too, involves Sunny and a mare. :pinkiecrazy: I just can't seem to give the poor guy a break. :derpytongue2:

Fun little story! I love karaoke, and I need to find a dedicated karaoke bar like this one.

As far as improvements, you might also consider widening your word choice. I'm glad Lighthawk mentioned the 'loosening up' thing, because it's around there that I felt like phrases and words were being repeated a bit. A little synonym work can go a long way to keep it feeling like things are moving forward instead of a loop.

Much luv

Good story! Sunrider reminds me of me sometimes in some small instances. Just give me a Jack or Morgan or SoCo mixed with some good ole Coca Cola, and I will find it easier to chat with the ladies. The story itself was well written with very few typos. Short but sweet in length. Let's see if you plan on extending the story at all.

Pretty cute story. It need less repetition yes and maybe more description of place to have a better immersion. It was a fun read :)

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