Chapter 6: The Mare in the Moon Part 2
The War Machine
Chapter 6: The Mare in the Moon Part 2
"Hey! Put me down!" the blue mare tells me angrily.
"Not until you apologise to Twilight," I reply.
She looks down and sees a frowning Twilight laying in the puddle with a pained groan.
"Oops, sorry about that. I kinda got distracted while I was flying," she says and I let her go. She flaps her wings and hovers next to me.
I walk over to Twilight and lift her out of the puddle. "Are you alright, Twilight?" I ask her. Scans show no serious external injuries other than a bruise on her right shoulder.
"Yeah, I'm okay," she replies.
"Hold on... I can fix this!" the blue mare says and flies off, only to return in seconds with a dark grey cloud. She then starts to jump up and down on it causing it to pour rain on Twilight. She grumbles as she's now completely soaked. "Oh, erm. How about this? My very own patented rainblow dry!" she says and starts flying around Twilight at a speed that looks like it should be crushing her organs against her own muscles.
She stops and while Twilight is now indeed dry, her mane and tail are all puffed up and tangled. The blue mare lands and snorts before bursting out in laughter. Spike also couldn't help himself and laughs as well.
I don't see the humour in it as Twilight looks miserable. She sighs and looks at the blue mare. "Let me guess, you must be Rainbow Dash?" she asks.
The now named Rainbow Dash stops laughing and jumps up onto her hooves and then hovers in the air. "Thee one and only! Why? Have you heard of me?" she replies and asks. This mare has a large ego on her.
"I've heard you're supposed to be keeping the skies clear. *Sigh* I'm Twilight Sparkle, and the Princess sent me here to check on the weather," Twilight says to her.
Rainbow Dash flies up to a really low cloud and lays back on it. "Yeah, yeah. That'll be a snap, I'll do it in a jiffy. Just as soon as I'm done practising," she replies.
"Practising for what?" Twilight asks her.
Rainbow Dash points to a poster of some kind on the wall of a nearby house. "The Wonderbolts! They're going to be performing at the celebration tomorrow! And I'm going to be showing them my stuff!" she boasts flexing her forelegs.
A smile then forms on Twilight's face. "Thee Wonderbolts?" she asks.
"Yup," Rainbow Dash replies with a grin.
"The most talented flyers in all of Equestria?" Twilight asks again with a bemused smirk.
"That's them!" Rainbow says.
"Pfft. Please, they'd never accept a pegasus who couldn't keep the sky clear for one measly day," Twilight tells her.
Rainbow frowns at her. "Hey! I could clear this sky in ten seconds flat!" Sshe tells her.
Twilight smirks and narrows her eyes. "Prove it," she dares her.
Rainbow glares at her and instantly takes off. The cloud she was on is instantly blown away and I’m forced to overclock my processors to keep up with her speed. She's moving close to two hundred miles an hour flying through the clouds and breaking them apart. I started a timer the moment she took off, just out of curiosity.
After the last of the clouds over Ponyville are gone I stop the timer. Ten seconds exactly.
Rainbow Dash lands on the nearby bridge and grins. "See? What'd I say! Ten. Seconds. Flat. I'd never leave Ponyville hangin'," she says.
"She's right, Twilight. I timed her. Ten seconds exactly," I tell her.
"See! Even the Big Guy agrees with me! Wait a minute," she says and hovers in front of my head. "Who are you anyway? You a Minotaur? I thought you guys hated technology... and where are your horns?" she asks me.
"My name is Adam, and I'm not a minotaur," I tell her.
"You're not? Are you a simian then?" she asks. "Yeah. You look more like them actually."
"No. I'm an A.I," I tell her.
"A.I.? What's that?" she asks with a tilt to her head.
"Artificial intelligence," I reply.
She's silent for a few seconds with a frown. Her eyes then go wide. "You're a machine!?" she asks with a grin.
"You could say that," I reply to her.
She flies around me and pokes me a few times. "This is so cool! What else can you do? Can you fly?" she asks.
"I weigh one point six tons. My jet systems can barely lift me an inch off the floor or just give me a small boost to jump higher," I reply.
"Awesome! Well, I need to get going; still need to practice and stuff. Hey, if you're all staying after the Summer Sun Celebration, we should all hang out some more," she says and does a flip in the air before taking off.
Spike looks at Twilight while pointing at where Rainbow Dash went. "She's amazing!" he announces thoroughly impressed. He then bounces her puffy mane in his hand and chuckles. Twilight groans and walks off. "Wait! It's kinda pretty once you get used to it!" he calls out to her.
I remain silent and follow behind them. "What's next?" Twilight asks him.
He looks down at his list. "Decorations at the town hall," he replies.
We head to the town hall and pass by my Trailer. Ponies are still around looking and poking at it, but other then that no attempts to get in have been made, not that they could.
We enter the townhall and I see banners, ribbons, bows, plants, and balconies everywhere. Why do they need so many balconies? Under the main balcony ahead of us is a white unicorn mare with an indigo purple stylishly curled mane and tail. Her mark is three blue diamonds.
"Beautiful," Spike says.
"The décor is coming along nicely. Beautiful indeed," Twilight replies.
"Not the décor... her," he says pointing to the white mare. "How are my spines? Are they straight?" he asks while straightening his spines. Twilight just rolls her eyes with a slight smile.
"Good afternoon," Twilight greets the white mare.
"Just a moment! I'm in the zone, as it were... Ah yes, sparkle always does the trick, does it not? Rarity, you are such a talent!" she says and turns to face Twilight. "Now erm, how can I help yooo- Whahahahaaa! Oh my stars darling! What ever happened to your coiffure?" she asks Twilight.
"Oh, you mean my mane? Well, it's a long story. I'm just here to check on the decorations and then we'll be out of your hair," Twilight replies.
"My hair? What about your hair?" Rarity says and starts pushing Twilight to the exit.
"Wait? Where are we going!?" Twilight says. "Spike! Adam!" she then yells at us for aid.
My processors glitch out again as Spike floats in the air and propels himself forward with his tail acting as a propeller in counter rotation. I try my best to ignore it before I end up blowing out a processor or two.
I follow them to a tall cylindrical building that looks like a carousel. "Welcome to Carousel Boutique," Rarity tells us. Huh, a tad on the nose...
She opens the door to let us in... but there's a slight problem. I can't fit through the door.
"Oh dear... I didn't think you wouldn't fit through the door, I'm afraid you'll have to wait out here while I attend to the poor mare's mane," she tells me.
"It's no problem at all, I don't mind, ma'am," I reply which gets her to smile.
They enter the building and I examine my surroundings. I see some kind of market with stalls and tents set up to the left. To the right leads back to the town centre.
I look through my turret's camera and the town centre looks calm. After a good hour, Twilight runs out of the building with Spike hot on her heels. I activate my jet skates just to keep up with them.
"What happened, Twilight?" I ask her.
"Well, as you can see, she fixed my mane and tail. Then she got me to try on a lot of outfits and dresses. She started to go a little over board so I decided it was time to leave," she tells me.
"By running out the door?" I ask.
She blushes and looks to Spike. "What's next?" she asks him and ignores me.
"Music, it's the last one," he says.
We head to the location and I hear birds singing in sync with each other. I see a yellow pegasus mare with a light pink mane and tail waving her hoof at them. Is she conducting for them?
"Hello?" Twilight says making the mare yelp and jump. The birds are also startled and scatter.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you and your birds," Twilight tells her.
The pegasus lands and slowly turns around and spots me. I have never seen a pony's eyes so wide and scared before. I tilt my head slightly and her eyes roll up into her head as she faints.
"I didn't even say anything this time," I say confused. Getting a chuckle from Spike.
"Maybe you should wait for us by the Trailer, Adam. We'll try to wake her up and talk to her," Twilight tells me.
"Alright," I reply and head back to the Trailer.
I wait inside for Twilight to return while playing a puzzle game on my Ovion. I've limited myself to a single processor to make the gameplay a bit harder on myself.
The doors open and Twilight is there along with the yellow mare. "Adam? Fluttershy here would like to apologise for, well, fainting on you," she tells me.
I power off my Ovion and place it next to the computer. "It's alright. I do look intimidating," I reply.
The yellow mare named Fluttershy steps into view but stays hidden behind her mane. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings... I just didn't expect to see somepony like you," she says quietly.
"As I said, it's alright. Your name is Fluttershy correct?" I ask and she nodded her head. "Thank you for your apology. I also apologise for causing you to faint, it wasn't my intention," I tell her.
"It's no problem. I'm used to it," she replies. How does one get used to fainting?
"Well, everything is ready for tomorrow. We've been allowed to stay at the Library until the celebration begins," Twilight tells me.
"Will I be able to fit inside?" I ask.
"We'll just have to see," she replies.
Fluttershy leads us to the Library which is a giant hollowed out tree. It appears to also still be alive. Fluttershy opens the door for us and Twilight enters while I manage to just squeeze in. It's pitch black in here.
I turn on my night vision and come face to face with that physics breaking pink pony hanging upside down from the ceiling trying not to giggle.
I quickly grab her by the waist causing her to yelp in surprise. Twilight then yelps from the pink pony's yelp which also startles Spike and Fluttershy.
Candles are lit and everyone can see me holding a grumpy looking pony upside down. "You ruined the surprise!" she tells me crossly.
"I was certainly surprised. I was not expecting to see a pony hanging from the ceiling," I reply and gently put her down.
"Eh, it's okay. Been awhile since I was the one surprised!" she says and giggles. She then hops in front of Twilight and greets her. "Hi I'm Pinkie Pie and I threw this party just for you guys!" she tells us.
Twilight looks unamused. "That's very nice of you, but I have something I need to look into before it's too late," she replies.
"Aw, but you looked so sad when you arrived! I thought a good party would cheer you up and help you make some friends!" Pinkie tells her with a slight frown.
"I have friends! Adam's my friend, Spike's my friend, and even the Princess is my friend. I'm just fine thank you," Twilight says and walks past Pinkie and looks through the bookshelves looking for her book.
Pinkie then looks up at me. "Was it something I said?" she asks me with a trembling lower lip.
I just got the feeling of Deja-vu right there. "That's normal for her. When something has her interest, she tends to focus on it more than anything else," I reply.
"Oh! I see. So she's looking for a book about something that really has her interest then?" she says.
"Seems like it," I say.
I look up to see Twilight having a drink, but her head then shoots up with a pained expression on her face. "Are you alright sugarcube?" Applejack asks her.
My processors suffer again as she leaps into the air and her mane and tail literally turn into fire as she bolts off up the stairs. Spike picks up the bottle she poured her drink from and reads it aloud. "Hot sauce."
"Ooooo," Pinkie Pie says and then tips it over a cupcake and then eats the sauce covered confection. Everyone just stares at her with odd looks. "What? It's good!" she says while chewing on it.
A few hours pass by as the ponies dance and play games while Twilight still hasn't come back down. The ponies have been asking me questions about what I am, where I came from, what do I do. The oddest question was if I could turn my head around in a complete circle, to which I can't. I couldn't go upstairs due to the fact I'd most likely damage them, so Spike went up instead.
After it was almost midnight, I excused myself from the party. I head back to my Trailer and prepare myself for what's coming: I get two Tac-90 pistols with ten magazines, Eight flashbangs, my Piledriver shotgun with three, twenty rubber-slug drum magazines which fires semi-automatically, these were here in case I was ordered to subdue a target at range or quell riots; should prove useful for attacking Nightmare Moon at range without killing her and I still have my loaded missile launchers.
Once I've checked I have everything and fully recharged my core, I head back to the Library and wait for Nightmare Moon to make her next move.
It was now time to head to the town hall to begin the celebration and while Twilight questioned why I was armed, I used the excuse of being cautious after the timberwolf incident.
We're all gathered in the main hall and I stand at the back as to not block anyone's view. "Isn't this exciting? I've never been so excited! Except maybe that one time I saw you come out of that carriage in town and I went *GASP* but I mean really? Who could top that?" Pinkie Pie says to Twilight eagerly.
Trumpets begin to play and the birds begin to sing. A candle powered spotlight moves down and highlights a tan mare with a white mane and tail with a scroll mark on her flank is standing on the small stage. "Fillies and gentlecolts. As mayor of Ponyville, it is my great pleasure to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration!" she announces to the gathered crowd.
The ponies all cheer while Twilight looks more worried.
"In just a few moments our town will witness the magic of the sunrise and celebrate this, the longest day of the year!" the mare proclaims with a hoof outstretched rather dramatically. I notice Twilight looking out the window to the moon. I look and see some stars actually moving behind the moon and the image of the mare disappears; looks like it's time.
"And now, it is my great honour to introduce to you the ruler of our land, the very pony who gives us the sun and the moon each and every day. The good. The wise. The bringer of harmony to all of Equestria! Princess Celestia!" she says and points a hoof to the balcony above herself.
Rarity pulls a cord and the curtains covering the balcony open up, revealing no one there. "This can't be good," Twilight says nervously. Whilst no one is looking, I pull my shotgun loaded with the rubber slugs off my back. Twilight looks at me with worry.
"Keep calm everypony. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for this," the tan mare says.
"Ooo, ooo! I love guessing games! Is she hiding?" Pinkie Pie says and looks around.
"She's gone!" Rarity says, getting everyone to gasp in shock.
"Oooooo she's goooood," Pinkie Pie says. "Aaahhhh!" she then screams as a deep blue mist with little white dots expands on the balcony. Once it’s covered the entire balcony, it blows away revealing a black alicorn with a blue helmet, breastplate and matching shoes. Her mark is a purple splotch with a white crescent moon on it. Her eyes are teal with vertically slitted pupils.
"Nightmare Moon..." Twilight says quietly and Spike faints off her back.
The ten guards here try to subdue her, but she instantly knocks them all out with her mane and tail like whips.
Nightmare Moon looks around and grins. Instead of flat teeth, she has razor sharp fangs. "Oh my beloved subjects. It's been soooo long since I've seen your precious little sun loving faces," she says to everyone.
Rainbow Dash glares at her. "What have you done with our Princess!" she accuses her and tries to fly at her.
Applejack quickly grabs Rainbow Dash's tail with her teeth. "Whoa there nelly!" she says and pulls her back.
Nightmare Moon giggles with a cruel tone behind it. "Am I not royal enough for you? Don't you know who I am?" she asks.
"Oooo oooo! More guessing games! Erm, Pokey Smokes! How about, Queen Meanie? No, Black Snootie! Black Snootie! Mmmffpph mmffph!" Pinkie Pie says and Applejack stuffs a cupcake into her mouth to shut her up.
This apparently didn't sit well with Nightmare Moon. "You dare insult me so brazenly? I shall have your head on a pike to decorate my new throne room, you insolent little pony," she bellows and her mist like mane turns into a spear like shape and lunges toward Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie's eyes go wide and her pupils shrink in fear. Now I act.
I aim my shotgun at Nightmare Moon and fire a shot right between her eyes. Her attack stops as she pulls her mane back and cries out in pain. "Twilight, I'll keep her distracted, you know what you have to find. Go and find them quickly! I don't know how long I'll be able to hold her off," I order her.
"Wait... you knew she was coming didn't you?" she accuses me.
I fire another shot and hit Nightmare Moon in the neck making her choke slightly. "I'll explain later. You need to go now!" I tell her again.
"Fine, just be careful..." she tells me and leaves the town hall with everyone else while she levitates spike beside her.
I fire again and hit her in her left foreleg's knee joint, causing her to trip and fall to the floor of the balcony.
She gets back up with anger on her face. "How dare you attack me you pathetic creature! I will rip you apart limb from limb!" she roars out in anger and dives off the balcony. I max out my processors and aim for her right wing. I fire another slug and hit the middle joint, making her tumble to the ground.
She yelps as she slides across the floor, but I don't give her time to recover and I charge towards her. As she manages to stand back up, I punch her with my left fist in the jaw where an audible crack is heard. She reels back and stumbles a few meters. She recovers and glares at me with a sinister expression.
It would have been intimidating if it was used on anyone else, I was not programmed to feel fear.
"Oh I will enjoy ripping out your still beating heart," she slurs at me and tugs on her jaw, setting it back into place. Just like Celestia, she has accelerated healing.
I don't reply as a soldier doesn't boast or taunt their enemy, they just crush them with overwhelming force.
I search through my music files and play a song in hope that it would confuse her at first.
It's a song from a game made many years ago... but I feel it fits, considering the lyrics.
The instant the music starts, her eyes widen with confusion. I take advantage of the moment and power my back jets to full as I launch myself from zero to thirty miles an hour in an instant, draining ten percent of my core. Before she could react I tackle her through the building's wall and out into the street.
I then grip her by the throat and throw her as hard as I can into the fountain in the town centre. It crumbles as she goes through it. I slide to a halt and ready my shotgun.
She picks herself back up and I can see her right hind leg is bent backwards. She looks extremely angry with rage and glares at me. "It would seem I have underestimated you creature," she tells me and her leg snaps back into place. "I haven't had to fight this seriously since I fought my sister over a millennia ago," she says and her horn glows.
I shoulder my shotgun and pull the trigger.
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6738346 It's the future. Humvees are still used, but much more heavily armoured and has a larger calibre mounted gun. Why throw away something that still works? They're also used for transportation on the base.
THAT. CLIFF. HANGAR. ENDING. GG MATE.
The music just feels so right. Man, am i glad i have earbuds.
An update so soon! This is amazing! unheard of! Not only is he an author of better than average caliber (heh), but he is also not a procrastinator! Amazing!
Now to see if he is going to manufacture more machine malarkey to modulate the mob-like masses that miraculously maraud across this site!
Darn you Urimas Ebonheart!
Why do you keep making stories that I get addicted to? WHY!?
6738461 It's just what I do... I feed off it. Your addiction is my addiction!
6738464
So I'm just the junkie that gives you your fix?
And pulled the trigger. Only to see the pellets hit her shield which she just summoned around her. My steel jimmies were rustled after witnessing this.
6738469 You're more then that. Seeing others enjoy my stories is the drive that keeps me going. And those that hate on me, meh. It's their opinion.
The ten guards here try to subdue her, but she instantly decapitates them all with blades made from her mane and tail.
Dammmmmmmm. Also the ponies should be freaking out from this no? No reaction?
6738496 Hmm good point. I'll edit it to knocking them out.
Again a very nice chapter.
What I enjoyed most was the differences you write compared to the original episode, like Nightmare actually aiming to kill, rather than just scare and frighten ponies. Makes her seem like a real villain, rather than an overpowered bully.
Sweet action scene with NM and Adam! though, I think Adam's kinda out of his element and out of his league!
NM is a powerful enemy, able to use all manner of spells that can easily tear him to shreds, while Adam only has his guns and no magic, so he's gonna need to be careful with how he engages her
6738485
We hope that the knowledge that our previous comment was in jest, was acknowledged.
Tis good to know, my good author.
6738664 It was my good man. I shall now don my tophat and monocle and ride my penny farthing bicycle towards the sunset.
6738550
I don't think so, at least on the tearing him to shreds thing. He is heavily armored with material the ponies cannot (yet) recreate, and his basic structure is also highly reinforced. The only reason he was injured in the first place was because he was attacked by the military, with advanced weapons, en-force, and they specifically knew his specifications.
As for his weaponry, he already tested it against Celestia's defenses, and it was moderately effective. Not highly effective, but as we've seen, it is capable of doing damage to Nightmare Moon, who has no idea what he is capable of. At the moment, all he is using are rubber bullets, after all.
Not to say he'll be immune to damage, but I imagine he'll shrug off many hits from Nightmare Moon simply because she doesn't know what it would take to hurt him. Then it'll escalate, and he'll probably suffer damage, possibly may even start to lose, or at least give Nightmare Moon that assumption so she starts to boast. His goal is to get her to be distracted, and he doesn't have an ego, so whatever works.
6738762 Good point..., but still, there is her mist form. That can easily nullify the bullets, plus it allows her to hide in places perfect for ambushing him
Now it's on, and I've got popcorn! *munch, munch, munch* This is going to be an awesome battle!
Ugh... right when the music was getting good with the battle, a wild cliffhanger appears.
6738994 The music continues to the next chapter. No worries.
Real One: Is it strange that started to play that music when they saw that Celestia wasn't there?
6738994 Cliffhanger used Cliff Hang! It's Super effective! Critical Hit! Reader's Sturdy let it endure the hit!
6739070 you, you update frequently. I like that.
I would love to see him beat the living shit outta nightmare moon so bad the she runs and try to make peace with him, only to be incinerated my the elements. I love it when powerful beings believe themselves as top and everyone else is dirt and suddenly get the reality beaten into them. I love when stories have that. If you do that, that'll make my day. But anyways, keep up the amazing work!
I must say this story has me hooked. Just started the music and got myself sitting back ready for the fighting only to be struck by a cliff hanger. Properly one of the most effective cliff hangers I have seen.
Rating 9.8/10
Keep up the amazing work.
6739703 Well considering this isn't based on real life and is just a story... Your argument is invalid :P
6735718 That makes more sense I suppose. Glad I could give you an idea!
On the editors, I find even someone to just use as a soundboard can be great. You can still look over your own work, but sometimes that second opinion makes the biggest difference. It's just a suggestion of course, so long as you keep writing and learning, you can only get better.
Good luck to you!
I admit, I'm a sucker for stories starring robots/artificial intelligences. So far, I think you've done a fairly decent job, and I'm interested how this story will play out. I would like to offer my two cents on some constructive criticism if you don't mind though.
The one big thing that I'd like to warn you about, and something that I feel that a lot of authors fall for, is the excessive use of dialogue straight from the show.
I don't know if it's just me, but just taking things practically word-for-word from the show, reciting pretty much the entire episode and awkwardly shoehorning-in an additional character tends to break the immersion and flow of the story... at least to me. Admittedly, so far you are doing it a lot better than some of the other examples I have seen, even changing up a couple scenes a bit, such as adding the Timber Wolves (although admittedly they kinda seemed to come out of nowhere) and now this whole fight sequence with Nightmare Moon. Kudos for that.
I'm not saying to avoid all copied dialogue like the plague, I'm just suggesting trying to take an episode's story and coming up with your own twist or original dialogue; make things play out differently than they did in the episode you are drawing from. I'd like to see what you can do with the source material to make it your own, not just sit through an episode that I and presumably everyone else has watched already multiple times.
Admittedly, this is very hard to do, but I think it'll be worth it in the end. Whether or not you listen to my advice is up to you, especially since I haven't made any fiction for this site, but I wish you the best of luck nonetheless. Keep up the good work, and congrats on being featured!
Just a warning, try not to follow the show too closely because of the simple logic I have with those stories that do. If I wanted to watch the show, I'd watch the show. I'm hoping the story won't be "the show with slight changes that don't make a real difference and from Adam's perspective."
6739729 15
6739894 3.14
Well wasn't that epic. I absolutely agree with the song choice. Revengeance had an incredible soundtrack.
6741488 Yeah. I'll just rewrite the chapter.
6741295 That's canon if you include the IDW comics. It still couldn't force Luna to kill.
But that's not what I asked. From an author point of view, slaughtering characters just to prove you can is bad, or at least lazy, writing, at least when existing characterisation says otherwise.
Character death should be meaningful. Case in point, I've got a Canterlot wedding fic where Twilight kills Chrysalis, but it all derives from existing characterisation, not because Twilight has suddenly become a monster.
6741554 I don't see how this is different? The Nightmare Moon in this story is just a cruel individual. She tries to kill Pinkie just because she insulted her without meaning it with the names. She knocked the guards away at first as a show of force.
The guards attacked her during Adam's fight so she killed them. She's been trying to kill Adam during their fight as well.
Luna herself is actually a kind and caring pony. It was the parasite in control that is the murderer, though Luna will get the backlash from it.
Does that make more sense?
Sorry to say it, I'm just not a fan. You had a really great, really solid premise, but it's sorta been polluted with a lot of HiE military cliche's. Might be worth having a real thorough read through what you've already written and try and see how you can perhaps clean it up a bit, a lot of people have already highlighted certain issues this story has so far. Best of luck for future chapters and stories.
6741238 Cerebus*
It took me two hours to post here. I got to the page in 5 minutes.
this is me on my second date, just humanise it first ( i am not a pony )
The pegasus lands and slowly turns around and spots me. I have never seen a ponies eyes so wide and scared before. I tilt my head slightly and her eyes roll up into her head as she faints.
"I didn't even say anything this time." I say confused.
Okee...
The premise is well done, but the execution is slightly rushed. Writing more character interactions, or even introducing your characters in a more complex way that showcases the different facets of their personality, would not detract from the story.
I'm also afraid we do not all read 'gun mags', and your simple deceleration of weapon's names does not convey an image. Try describing it physical features or capabilities, instead of relying on the audience to know what you are referring to.
Overall, you have a solid plot premise, but your character needs fleshing out, if only to further investigate his typical reactions to different situations so that we have a better idea of 'who' he is.
Okay, I'm sorry... How big is this guy? Celeste said he weighed over a ton, and he's obviously bigger than ponies, and yet he's capable of using human sized weaponry? Not only that, he has to shoulder a shotgun, presumably to reduce recoil? Youre telling me he can launch a half dozen missiles without flinching, but a shotgun can potentially topple him with recoil?
I like the story, but I can't get over the fluctuating size.
6882076 i would assume hes around 7 feet tall and he weighs that much cause of his armor but yeah whats the deal with the recoil or maybe he shoulders it to get a better shot cause only his turret and missiles have targitng capabilities cause it said in an early chapter his hud had crosshairs in the center
*Sparkle,
I'm not sure if you're supposed to capitalize "princess" in this case, it's a title, after all.
Thee? I'm not a native english speaker, so I'm not sure if this is re-used old english or a new word. Or simply a typo.
7034432 Fixed.
And yes it's Thee. Ye olde English.
Twilight even pronounces it like that in the show.
6882076 huh... he must have a lot of stopping power in that shotgun... using it on any lesser target would shred them with rubber
Friend of mine in the military, I once asked him about beanbag rounds and rubber rounds... tells me they hurt, they hurt a lot..
7116067 not too surprising, considering the velocity they're launched at. Water supposedly feels like concrete if you dive into it too fast or from too high, so even rubber would feel damn painful at bullet speeds. Interestingly enough, a bullet is typically designed to cause blunt-force trauma rather than penetrative damage, presumably to cause as much internal damage as possible, so it's not much of a leap to wonder how much faster a rubber bullet would need to be propelled to achieve the same level of damage as a standard bullet. Here's hoping nobody ever tries to achieve that.
Uhh...
7345521 Thanks for spotting that, it's been fixed to They're.
This would flow much more naturally if you write it as follows:
"and my Piledriver semi-automatic shotgun with three twenty-round drum magazines loaded with rubber riot-control slugs."
(I'm still not perfectly happy with that, because of how it uses "with" twice in such a short span of text, but fixing that would require reworking the whole sentence so I can use "and" in place of the first "with".)