• Published 3rd Jun 2012
  • 2,350 Views, 163 Comments

Why Humans should never be allowed in Equestria - Rainbow_Dashtruction



A comedy story of two teens entering Equestria

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Authors Notes

(This is obviously not part of the story, it is my reflections of my experience writing it, and if you’re going to talk about spoilers, make sure you put them all in this chapter’s comments, you have been warned)

For a first attempt at writing, well anything, I am happy about how this turned out. Maybe it’s because I didn’t do a generic HiE like half of this website’s first time writers. Maybe it’s because I put some work into it to make it a little better written then if I hadn't. All I know is I believe the last chapter and epilogue are far better than previous chapters. Since you can see from the release dates how I have slowly gotten better at writing, with the exception of the terrible third chapter, Wasteland, and the alternate ending I made for people who didn’t want the sad ending.

Perhaps this story isn’t the most well written, but for a first time effort ever, I think I did pretty good, I didn’t expect Short Skirts & Explosions level praise, although if he had commented I probably would have broken my computer screen in the resulting excitement. I also know that just because a story is unknown, didn’t get many views is simply wasn’t well known, doesn’t mean it’s terrible. I learned that from the absolutely INCREDIBLE fan fic The End of Ponies, which has recently had a side fic named Red Wings that even with a blog post that can only be described as “Swagadelic” by SS&E himself, only had about 350 views last time I checked (few days after release).

What can I say about writing? I’m a new writer, I can’t exactly make an English lesson on how to make a good story, but I can give you one good and slightly obvious tip: Imagine the entire scene In your head before you write, then try to write, I don’t mean figure out what will happen, that’s something you should always be doing, I mean fully imagine it in all its beauty and colour. (or in cupcakes case all its horror and fear)

When you want to try and make a character emotional, try and imagine yourself in the same situation, removing all bullshit about how you wouldn’t be affected and would keep on rolling. The idea that James (yes, obvious self-insert) becomes less talkative and general distant when sad is based off what I do when something saddens me. The only time I ever have burst out in tears from something was chapter 7 of Background Pony.

On the topic of self inserts, I believe there is nothing wrong with them if you aren’t using it to create “OH I MEET FAVOURITE PONY AND WE LOVE EACH OTHER AND FUCK A LOT LOLOLOLOL” bullshit. No one wants to read that. I put me and my friend Scott into this story because I find creating characters hard, of course with Scott, I didn’t base anything off him really aside from the name, since naming people is HARD.

Oh and before I end these notes, I was completely bullshiting about me hiding sadness under an asshole exterior, I’m really an asshole because it’s really fun.

Comments ( 49 )

Its over, my fic is finally done, and I could not be more happy.

934422 I just can't take you serious about thinking it was sad with that account pic.

why did i read this it was so weird but so good somehow.

1018476 So I'm assuming that's a support for the trilogy I plan to turn it into? :pinkiehappy:

And yes, I already figured out how I can continue a fic a purposly intended to have NO possible sequels, since I killed off the entire mane 6 plus Celestia, destroyed every city that is shown in detail, and killed off one member of the duo.

1018869 you can always say that the story was just a dream, a game people are playinging, or have another alt ending saying that every body there excluding the duo were clones and the real people were in a bunker in the center of there planet. there thats enough for a sequel for you to make.

1019071 I already have a absurd way to fix it. If you want a little hint, it involves time travel. And I believe in the End of Ponies time travel, as in you can't change the past nor future, as everything you change will create what happens in the future anyway.

And I am also using that as a major story point of the third story. Hopefully that doesn't spoil too much

1019137 time travel to the future or past?

1019472 Because going to the future, effectivly removing the few show related things left is such a BRILLIANT idea. I wish sarcasm could be typed :ajbemused:

1022838 I feel you on the sarcasm font. Also that ending was strangely emotional for me, and I don't normally get that emotional.

1095669 So I assume your all for me continuing to write the sequel :ajsmug:

1096045 I believe I am my good sir. If only to see how you pull off this time travel that you were talking about.

1096045 Also, I nearly forgot. Even if I had no reason to call them idiots, I would still call them idiots. If the Doctor offers you a ride in the TARDIS you take that, over jumping into a wall of trans-dimensional energy. Sincerely, your newest follower.

1096153 You want to know the funniest part? James and Scott are based off me and my friend Scott :pinkiehappy:

And the docter looks fucking creepy to anyone who isn't used to the show or his tweed shirt. And for the sake of the joke, neither of the two have seen the show.

And its nice to know I lured another foolish morsal into my trap which is my fan fic.

1123863 Your just insulting me because I insulted your terrible fan fics you put 0 work into. I am not gonna be stupid and say this is a great fic, that it deserves 200+ likes and a feature box, if it had, I'd eat a shoe. Its a DECENT fic, it will bring some laughs but it isn't gonna be a riot. Remember this fic proberbly took a collective 10 hours to write, not including thinking of the idea. While yours was proberbly 2 hours including thinking of idea. Yes I cant spell proberbly, you cant spell a lot more words.

My comedy style is also a very offensive style. It is a style that requires the person to laugh at themselves (and tell when something is just being playful offensive or actually trying to offend someone). So lots of people won't like that and thats where the majority of my dislikes came from (going from the one comment, by EXOLIEF (who also wrote the mutli featured clopfic: A week in Ponyville), that bothered to say why)

The ending has been called ripped off from Arkham City, that was accidental, I played Arkham city probs 1 month ago, and wrote this fic about 3 months ago. The ending are a coincidence.

If you have a reason to why my fic sucks, I will accept that as constructive critism, if you don't tell me why, your a complete asshole. And thats my job (although I do give constructive critism)

1125394 I didn't insult you, I said your fics were terrible and MULTIPLE reasons why they were terrible. You read my fic and said "THIS SUCKS" and left. Completely different things. Can you please tell me why my fic sucks? Help me write the sequel. Yes I'm writing a sequel, already 6 chapters into writing. And please tell me, how much of my fic did you actually read.

1128836
1. Made a comment on how you were saying your previous fic was better, which the quality of writing was far worse.
2. Made a comment on your inability to put full stops, something I DO put in.
3. Make a comment on your inability to write with proper grammar, describe anything properly, then made a smart aleck comment :ajsmug:
EDIT: Make comment saying how unreadable the fic was due to the problems in 3. that make it unreadable.

1128358
Saying your a bad writer IS technicly a insult, but remember, I also said why your fics were bad. If I were to just come in and say "YOUR A TERRIBLE WRITER AND DESERVE DEATH" then leave, THAT would be a dickish move.

And even more, how could you not follow my stories plot? It isn't exactly complex :ajsmug: And I do make sure to have a working story.

And Puncuation is HEAVILY required to be readable, you should never release a fic without it. If you want an example, Ill put a segment of my story here then remove the puncuation. Tell me which is more readable.

“Sorry” replied James, “I didn’t think trusting a guy in a tweed shirt saying his blue telephone box could help us travel the universe would be smarter than jumping into a magical glowing purple wall!” The duo finally reached a destination, and were flung from yet another rectangular portal, and landed safely on their backs on soft green grass. As they started getting up, a dark figure emerged from the portal behind them. James immediately rose to his feet, yelled “wrong dimension Steve!” and round house kicked the figure straight back into the portal.

Note: looking back on it now, I remember how much I improved over when I started writing. God I was terrible, anyhow.

sorry replied james I didnt think trusting a guy in a tweed shirt saying his blue telephone box could help us travel the universe would be smarter than jumping into a magical glowing purple wall the duo finally reached a destination and were flung from yet another rectangular portal and landed safely on their backs on soft green grass as they started getting up a dark figure emerged from the portal behind them james immediately rose to his feet yelled wrong dimension Steve and round house kicked the figure straight back into the portal


Confusing? I thought so.

1130618 You put a fic which had a complete lack of grammar, puncuation, had tons of spelling mistakes and was confusing and hard to follow. You DID put 0 work into it. That is obvious. If your still editing it, WHY ARE YOU DIDN'T YOU DO THAT BEFORE YOU RELEASED. For example, I finished my first 6 chapters of my fan fic about 2 weeks ago, I havn't released, Do you know why? Because my editor hasn't sent edited copies back. Even then, my fic has FAR FAR FAR more punctuation and grammar which I wrote as I wrote the fic. WHY DID YOU NOT PUT ANY PUNCUATION OR GRAMMAR IN. You should be naturally doing that as you damn well write.

Maybe you DESERVE to be insulted for the horrible state you release or write your fics. And really, your fic is barely 1000 words, editing takes about 20 minutes. Don't come over here and compare my fic as if it was the same damn quality as your uncoherensable (stupid useless chrome spell check) fics. That is insulting to anyone who has ever bothered to put some damn work into their fics. And YES, I'm insulting you now, because your a mess of a writer who doesn't realise "Release" does not mean "When the thing is sort of finished"

Even if your the type of "I write because it is fun" type of writer, your still leaving your fics in a sorry state that is worse then it should be WITHOUT editting.

EDIT: Ironicly, I made tons of grammar mistakes in that comment :ajsmug:

1130723 That would make sense. Firstly, my first fic, DID NOT USE EDITOR. Secondly, never post a rough draft, and that isn't a rough draft, a rough draft does not mean you can ignore all common sense when writing. Finally, no one will ever like it because no one will ever read it, your fic don't get updated on list if you just edit a chapter, it remains unknown and down votes because everyone thought it was terrible. You CAN make edits when people find mistakes, but you just didn't bother to put work anywhere in the chapter, so people who simply go "TERRIBLE, I'm leaving and not coming back"

1130499 you have a point there... most of the plot consisted of me getting bucked in the balls :ajbemused:

1130704 Oh the irony.:pinkiehappy:

1134460 The first 3 chapters had you being bucked in the balls. Then I had similar scenes later making jokes about how your not being bucked in the balls anymore. And yes, you get bucked in the balls in the sequel. By a small filly. Your reactions have not improved since fic 1. :rainbowlaugh:

1134460 Don't, there is more ball bucking in fic 2. Just be happy I believe you only get bucked ONCE in the 6 chapters I have written. I get treated worse in fic 2, but I also will get a more heroic ending. So I guess everyone is happy. Oh and you arn't the guy who sarcrifics his life to save Equestria anymore, your now just a useless twit. But you do more shit them me, I do the easy shit.

EDIT: stupid browser said I hadn't posted the previous one properly. So I repeated a bit of shit in this one. Stupid chrome

1134947 why are you obsessed with my balls...:rainbowhuh:

You keep bringing them up in conversations. Is there anything that you are not telling me?

1134967 No, I'm more obsessed with ending their existance.

1137219 why would you be so cruel :fluttershysad:?

1137250 No, why would *reads list* Lyra, Rarity, Fluttershy, Fluttershy again, (I missed one) Big Mac and Applebloom be so cruel :ajsmug:

1137219 Fair enough, I suppose.

730306 Hey replying to an old comment of yours. Trottingham isn't even in Equestria :D Offical map says so

730333 (replying to an old comment) :facehoof:

690251 you know, for 14 weeks now I have been trying to understand whether that comment was positive to my fic or against it. Some day I'll figure it out.

Will this story suck because of it's title?

1250792 No, the titles sucks, the description sucks, and parts of the introduction sucks, the rest is comedy gold I tells ya.

1250921 Ok, right, i'll try that after I read some other stuff... some stuff is really fuckin' funny... some stuff just pisses me off and makes me want to smash Ponies in the face.

1253485 that was very cheap wood, also she had just been stopped by Big Macs hoof, while she was going damn near super sonic speeds, that is gonna fucking hurt. Also, she was launched through STONE pillars, do you know how thick I should of decribed them, 1.5 metre diameters, if she survives that, she my friend, is a badass.

Oh wait, she is a badass, huh.

That was really annoying to read.
1254822 Yeah, so she should've survived... also the ground is much thicker, packed with stone, dirt, minerals, and hard things. But she still smashes into it at like 800-1500 mph. RAINBOW DASH CANNOT BE DEFEATED.

1255181 I believe when someone can essentially stop her with his hoof when she is going 800-1500mph (isn't that well over the speed of sound?) that he can damn well kill her easily. Would you have prefered him to beat her mercilly on the ground first? You sick barstard.

I originally planned however to have her die by half the building to collapse on her flank, but that posed other problems. Mainly how the fuck could she be lifted out by something like that? But that would of made more sense to why she got killed.

Other ideas included things such as he ripping her wing off and chucking her off the castle, or hanging her somehow in the same scenario, but that was too brutal for my likes, I saved the brutality for the sequels.


And this comment gives me an idea, Ultra power James vs Rainbow Dash?

1255377 If she's moving that fast in the first place then she's as durable as a jet that can move just as fast. A jet can go through Big Macintosh the Zombie with his eroded flesh and bones plus some stone pillars.

You can't stop Dashie, just saiyan.

1255395 I said the zombies wern't rotten, and big mac basicly gains a strength buff from his zombiefication, because he loses all restraint. He already is a tank, so he should be a motherfucker of a tough guy to defeat, and Dashie is still, while super fast, a pony, she still has restraint, which inherently makes her less willing to kill, and she is still far lighter and less you know, metal then a jet.

And ultra powered James is a motherfucker of a hard guy to kill, you will see when I actually put him in the sequels.

1255443 Barn....ground....smash....super-sonic speeds.... Rainbow Dash.....charge.....immunity.....level 90 fury warrior.

1255483 Against ultra powered James?

Yeah, one does not simply destroy ultra powered James. I would say why, but that would spoil the sequels, and give you no reason to read them.

Of course, RD doesn't go down easy.

How bout this, I'll put a Deus Ex Machina in the sequels (which go back in time) where RD takes an injury, which gives her some permanent pain which prevents her being unstoppable. You ok with that? Will that shut you up?

1255538 Wtf is a Deus Ex Machina?

1255560 It is a contrived event or introduction of object or character that is used to get around a plot hole, or direct the plot in a otherwise impossible direction.

The Dues Ex games are called that because the auguments are pretty much robotic Dues Ex Machinas for the human body. Need to jump over a 3m fence? Get a leg Augument. Need to become a better shot? Get a accuracy augument.

Of course, some items are running Dues Ex Machinas, such as the sonic screwdriver in earlier Docter who episodes, they used it so much the producers told them to make the character lose it so they would be more creative :rainbowlaugh:

1255601 Sorry, don't watch Doctor Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey Whoozlesn'boozles. Played Deus Ex: HR, needed augments to make Adam more like Sam Fisher. But I really needed something that wasn't an augment, I needed body armor to protect me from more than 3 bullets.

1255657 Yeah, the game had that, its called a armor augment.

And my fics COVERED in these things, hell, I introduced some backstory to what the duo did before Equestria for the SOLE purpose of allowing them to use skills they honestly shouldn't have or know how to do. This happens tons throughout the fics. For example, Fluttershy appears on the flaming piece of cloudsdale so I could separate the duo from Pinkie Pie and Applejack (I cant write Applejacks accent for shit). And Pinkie is a Dues Ex Machina because she saves them from the destruction of Cloudsdale. Twilight knows combat magic because I needed something to kill Pinkie. Pinkie has guns because I needed guns. Pinkie Pie has infinite ammo clips because this aint a dramatic war story. They kept the ammo clips because they could be used later on to survive the mob and Celestia.

Now of course, aside from Pinkie being Pinkie and the infinite ammo clip and stuff thats random chance, the changes to the characters will be explained in some way in the sequels. Things like drug user Spike, combat mage Twilight, gun nut Pinkie Pie, killable Rainbow Dash, and thats pretty much it.

NOTE: I'm trying not to spoil the sequels, since obviously they havn't been released.

Hurr, hurr. Don't screw with humanity.

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