Unicorn
WD: The HiE Experiment
Chapter 4: Unicorn
By Wanderer D
“Wanderer D,” the human called. No. It wasn’t a human... it had... wings! Little purple-blue wings, and flowing hair full of stars, just like Luna’s! And it- he had a little horn sprouting from the middle of his forehead. “Wanderer D~” the humanized-alicorn sang. “You have to read my latest Harpflank and Sweets!”
“A- Arcainum?!” Wanderer D stammered, taking a step back and pointing a finger at the author. “But what... wait–” He glanced down. He looked human again... except, he looked over his shoulders, shaking a pair of little black wings. “No...” His hand went up to his forehead where he found a horn. “NO! It’s not true! It- it can’t be!”
“We’re all alicorns! Al-al-alicoooorns!” Arcainum sang as he skipped around Wanderer D, who was frozen in place his mind blanked due to shock.
“Not all of us!” huffed a tall, brownish-white stallion with a very very dark brown curly tangled mane. His eyes sunken in and his face stained with ink. “I’m my own ponysona! Isn’t it perfect?! Dum dum! Dee dum!” Meldazzar sing-sang as he started skipping around Wanderer D as well.
“And Trevel is Moonstone!” another unicorn, white-coated and wearing a cape announced, joining the circle of skipping ponies and humanized ponies, of which there were more, including the mane 6, with three versions of Twilight Sparkle.
“Pinkie Pie, I love Pinkie Pie!” Carmine’s head floated around Wanderer D, taunting him.
A pony in brown coat back-flipped out of the air and landed in the circle, joining the others while pointing at random things with his hooves, “That comma doesn’t go there!” Vimbert remarked. And he was right.
The circle grew bigger and bigger as the ponies and humanized ponies and alicorns and even parasprites started singing louder and louder.
“We are your circle, your circle, your circle! We are your circle-jerk buddies! Only you know what this is about, only you can understand! And yet you submit this crap and expect the world to like! So many references, so many shout-outs, so many badly-worded puns! This is so meta, dear D, you’d better just give up!”
“No–” Wanderer D choked. “No! I refuse to sink further into this! I will not do circle-jerking for any of my works! Leave me alone!”
A little robot bird swooped in and began pecking him in the head.
All of those around him started floating up and down, still spiraling in and out, each bumping Wanderer D’s head with a hoof or hand (or, in the case of Carmine, a bloody stump). “Circle-jerk! Circle-jerk! You can’t escape the Circle-jerk!”
“Leave me alone! I don’t do that stuff!”
“Circle-jerk! Circle-jerk! What do you call it then, writing us in here?!”
o.0.o
“Aaaaaah!” Wanderer D shouted, falling off his bed and slamming his jaw hard on the stone floor of Canterlot Castle. A hoof touched his forehead and he scrambled back, pulling the covers with him and making the pillows land on top of his head. “No! Step away from me! Don’t touch me! I don’t want to be a humanized pony! I’d rather be a mute diamond dog!”
“How is he doing?” Celestia asked.
“As expected,” Luna replied, her horn shining as the thrashing Wanderer D was levitated off the floor and deposited in the bed. He struggled against the magic until a second flash knocked him out. “He should be ready soon...”
Celestia nodded, casting a pitying look at Wanderer D. “Luna, you did warn him about this, right?”
Luna nodded. “Of course! I told him that his mind and body might not be ready for the magic and that he might have some... aftereffects from being able to suddenly sense it in its purest form.”
Celestia arched an eyebrow. “And?”
“And he just said: ‘Give it to me, baby,’” Luna sighed. She looked at the bed. “Idiot.”
o.0.o
The mare looked like Pinkie Pie... only her coat was gray and her hair black. A broken vase was her cutie mark. She sat, leaning back on a couch, looking with what could be considered mild amusement at Wanderer D. “Zo, tell me, messter D, vat waz yourr childhood like? Were you vullied for being ze ‘brony’?”
“No!” Wanderer D snapped, pacing inside his cage as he juggled a plushie of Trixie, a plushie of Daring Do and a plushie of Luna. “I was never bullied for being a brony!”
“Iz it not why you are herre then?” She seemed perplexed, scribbling down notes on her little pink notepad.
“As if, I was dragged here because Luna, here” the little plush Luna squeaked when he showed it to the psychologist. “Poisoned me! I was not one of those miserable and pathetic ‘I was bullied and escaped to Equestria' HiEs.”
The psychologist shook her head. “You zhould not deny ze own experiences! After all, haw many of ze HiE fixz are ze result of a human being bullied into committing ze zuicide?”
“Oh, please don’t get me started with those!” Wanderer D sighed as Trixie massaged his back and Daring Do worked on his hooves with a file, except the one, of course, he was using to hold his Luna-plushie close.
“I vant to ‘ear all about itz,” the psychologist retorted. “Zere is much to ah... comprehend...”
Wanderer D muttered to himself for a moment before glaring at her. “You’re trying to make me monologue? What am I, a comic-book villain? Or Captain America talking about morals for that matter?”
The pony raised an eyebrow. “Who?”
Wanderer D sighed. “Fine. No, I really wasn’t bullied. I didn’t write myself at all into any of my stories because as much as I would love to be in Equestria, I like telling stories about others more than about myself, alright? My life is not so boring that I cannot do anything other than pony!”
“Really?” She shook her head.
“Sh- shut up! At least I don’t go emo and pretend life is too harsh in the real world and then try to get others to feel bad for me by writing myself as a freaking victim! There’s only one thing more pathetic than that and it is pretending to suicide to get attention!”
“You seem to have a... ah, shall we zay, personal peeve about it?”
Wanderer D sighed. “Look, the thing is, kids that commit suicide have real problems. Maybe the reason they are doing it is stupid for others, but the fact is, if they are willing to throw their lives away... there’s more to it than meets the eye. And here we have a bunch of idiots who want to project their little problems of being ‘misunderstood’ by people that honestly don’t care, into a character that has no background, no reason and no purpose other than being a victim who will suddenly find happiness in a magic land of unicorns, pegasi and talking ponies. It's Harry Potter all over again. And talk about projecting yourself.”
“But zurely, if zey are projecting themzelvez as you zay, zey too must be zuffering from zey’r problemz?”
“Your accent is getting either more heavy or worse or both as we speak, you know that?” Wanderer D asked, reclining on his throne while Trixie and Daring Do fanned him with huge leaves. Plush-Luna fed him grapes from the vine. “Yes, I don’t doubt that some of them might actually get bothered by non-bronies, but trying to get a pity-party out of others is not a way to deal with it.”
The world started shaking and the pony put down her pen down. “It seems we have run out of time.”
“Hey, you spoke normally!”
“Of course, I have been speaking normally all along, it was you who was hearing it wrong.”
“That doesn’t make any sense!”
“What doesn’t make sense is why you started telling me about bronies wanting a pity-party when I was talking about sandwiches!”
“That’s–” Wanderer D cut himself short and blinked. “Wait, what?”
“Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it,” the pony replied.
“Hold on, that’s Bill Bailey!”
“Sugar! Oh, honey honey!”
“Those–” Wanderer D shouted, sitting up in his bed and looking around. “... are the lyrics to... candy... girl?”
Luna lowered a trashy novel from where she was sitting and locked eyes with Wanderer D. She then meeped and hid it behind her. “W-Wanderer! Ah- I see y-you’re awake! And not violent! This is good!”
Wanderer D groaned and rubbed his eyes carefully with his hooves. “How long was I out?”
Luna arched an eyebrow. “Two days, which is a surprisingly short amount of time for suddenly finding yourself in touch with the ‘soul’ of the universe.”
“Meh,” Wanderer D shrugged. “I read a lot of fantasy.”
“Do you, now?” Luna shook her head in amusement. “Well, regardless, you are now a unicorn and able to harness the forces of the universe in what we call magic. Now, most unicorns go through years of training to–”
“Be able to cast spells, yadda-yadda,” Wanderer D interrupted, waving a hoof. “I have no need for a lecture! I know the secret of unicorn magic, I read ‘Through the Eyes of Another Pony’! I just have to wish, real hard for what I want to happen, happen.”
Luna seemed amused. “So, you believe that all those years of study unicorns go through are completely useless and a waste of time? That magical theory, casting circles and the theory of magical matter are nothing but ways to keep them entertained as they grow up?”
“Yes, that is exactly what I am saying,” Wanderer D nodded. “Now, watch and be amazed as I summon that apple over there to me.”
Luna glanced at the apple, looked back at Wanderer D and took two steps back, casting a shield spell. “Go right ahead. I have the utmost confidence that you will achieve some sort of result.”
Wanderer D turned to look at the apple and concentrated. He could feel it, burning and cursing through him. Magic. He almost giggled. Magic! He felt the focus naturally trail to his forehead and was suddenly very aware of his horn as the magic shot out of it and wrapped around the apple.
“Wanderer D, I don’t think you should–”
“Never mind! I got it!” Wanderer D half-shouted. “I’ve got i–”
BLAM!
The windows imploded, showering the room in tiny crystal fragments. Luna’s shield sparkled as each small fragment collided with it and was disintegrated. When everything calmed down, she sighed, shaking her head at the empty bed.
“Wanderer D... you’re an idiot.”
o.0.o
The katana stood straight out of the ground, immutable. The only marker indicating that somepony was buried there.
Twilight Sparkle sighed. “Trixie, Daring... we should leave. I know you two insist on visiting his grave, but you have to move on. I know it’s been only a couple of days but–”
“Trixie knows,” Trixie sighed. “Trixie and Daring Do have reached an agreement and will travel together for a while.”
Twilight nodded. “So, you two have a plan?”
Daring Do shifted nervously in place. “Well, I want to explore this world... I know it’s very similar to mine but the treasures are different... and I love looking for secret places.”
Trixie nodded. “We did not wish to leave until we could give Wanderer D a proper funeral,” she said. “He died valiantly... again.”
“I’m sure that wherever he is he apprecia–” Twilight was interrupted by a magical swirl of energy materializing above them. With an explosion that sent them reeling, a figure landed next to the tomb.
A dark-blue unicorn stood up, his silvery-black mane falling back as he stood and shook his head. He blinked at the katana. “Hey, my sword!”
Grabbing it with his mouth, he yanked it out of the ground and raised an eyebrow when it came out slightly bloodied. “What the–”
“How dare you!” Daring Do shouted, tackling the unicorn as both Twilight and Trixie approached angrily. “How dare you take that sword! And wrench it out of Wanderer D’s neck?!”
“Wait!” Wanderer D shouted, spitting out the katana. “What do you mean my neck?! Didn’t you take it out of my body?”
The three mares glanced at each other.
“Wait, are you saying you’re Wanderer D?” Twilight asked. “But, that’s impossible! Wanderer D was a pegasus and then... a creature... that died with his own katana embedded in his throat! How do you expect to prove to us that you are him?”
Trixie and Daring Do nodded, looking curiously at him.
“Well, I’m sure I can find some crazy way of proving it that involves creatures that shouldn’t exist, time-travel or something ridiculous like that,” Wanderer D said. “But don’t worry! I have a katana!”
“What does that even–” Twilight started to ask, but was interrupted by both Trixie and Daring Do galloping past her and hugging Wanderer D.
“Trixie knew you would never leave her behind!” Trixie said, squishing the air out of him.
“And I knew I could count on you being idiotic and unpredictable!” Daring Do added, holding his neck tight and making his eyes bulge as he struggled for breath.
“So don’t do that again, you moron!” Both echoed each other as they glared at him.
“Or we will hug you to death!” Daring growled.
“Aaaairrrr!” Wanderer D wheezed.
Both mares dropped him on the floor, where he took deep gulps of air until he had his breath back to normal.
Twilight took two steps back. “Well... that was interesting! I guess you’re... you! And... Trixie and Daring seem to have all in order... I should... leave.”
With a sudden purple flash she was gone.
“Huh, she leaves when things start getting interesting,” Wanderer D muttered. He looked at Trixie, whose horn was slightly aglow with magic as she glared at Daring Do, whose wings were fully extended and was glaring back. “So, girls, mares, fillies? Uh... Trixie and Daring, what do you think of the new me?”
He turned around, letting them appreciate his navy-blue coat and silver mane and his impressive horn (which he had insisted should not be a cute little filly thing.)
They didn’t look at him although a small blush appeared on their faces. Wanderer D blinked. Had he done something embarrassing?
“It’s...” Daring Do hesitated.
“Trixie finds it...”
“Good,” they both finished together.
“Oh...” Wanderer D sighed. “Well, I guess next time I can go red and black. It’s terribly popular for beginners and unoriginal authors you know? Probably with dragon eyes! They make you extra special!”
The two mares turned to stare at him. “Why the hay would you do that?!” Daring Do asked.
“Trixie demands to know who gave you a ‘potion of stupid’ so she can burn them into hell!”
“Calm down, girls, I was joking,” Wanderer D assured them. “I have no intention of falling that far.”
Both mares sighed in relief.
“Now, I have to continue my mission... and make friends,” Wanderer D stated. “Come on, girls, get close, I’ll teleport us to our destination!”
Trixie and Daring Do exchanged a glance but were soon standing with Wanderer D as he closed his eyes and gathered energy in his horn.
“Trixie is impressed, Wanderer,” Trixie said after a moment. “Teleporting requires a clear image of where you want to be, account for the distance and geography, the endemic resistance of the magical fields of the universe and consideration of the magical currents of energy that travel the leylines! And you have learned to do it in two days!”
Wanderer D’s eyes snapped open as the magic flared around them. “Wait... what? I thought I just had to wish really hard for the magic to work!?”
The mares’ screams were cut short the moment they began.
o.0.o
“Where the hay are we?!” Daring Do shouted, flapping her wings to control the spiraling of the trio.
“Trixie... Trixie thinks we’re in the in-between universes!” Trixie shouted back.
“Wow, look at all those colorful currents of energy!” Wanderer D said in awe as he floated along the others, kept in place and from spinning into a black-hole or nova by Daring’s wings.
“Idiot!” Trixie shouted. “How are we going to get back home now?!”
“Trixie! Calm down!” Daring shouted. “Think! There must be something we can do!”
“Hey, what are these silver strands we have attached to our bellies?” Wanderer D asked, hooking up a strand with his hoof.
Trixie’s eyes widened. “This could be our chance! Trixie thinks that Wanderer D didn’t throw our bodies into the multiverse! Just our souls, which are still connected to our bodies in Equestria! We can use them to get back!”
“Yes! Let’s do it!” Wanderer D cheered. A resounding sound, not unlike a gong, was suddenly heard all around them.
“What the hay was that?” Daring Do asked after a moment of silence.
“Trixie has no idea!” Trixie shouted. “But we should not stay any longer! Imagine you are being pulled back into your own body!” she instructed. “And concentrate!”
The three concentrated on going back and soon the silver strands pulled them down.
“It’s working!” Wanderer D shouted. “We’ve done it!”
“Don’t jinx us!” Daring Do shouted back, half-joking.
It was then that a purple, white and pink comet slammed into their strands and got stuck in them, pulling them further into the multiverse as it struggled to continue on its trajectory.
“That doesn’t look good!” Wanderer D shouted as the worlds shifted around them.
“We have to concentrate!” Trixie sounded panicked now. “We have to go back! Come on! It’s pulling us away from our bodies!”
Daring and Wanderer looked at each other in horror, then closed their eyes as they both hugged Trixie. The trio started to concentrate and the felt the comet slow down. They felt like they were swinging wildly and being pulled down into their bodies at the same time.
“We're being pulled apart!” Daring Do shouted.
“Keep concentrating!” Trixie ordered. “Even if we separate, keep concentrating on getting back to your body!” She felt her hooves slip a bit and opened her eyes. “Trixie will be waiting for you...” she said, staring straight into Wanderer D's eyes, which had opened when her hoof slipped out of his hold.
“Trixie!” Wanderer D shouted in horror as she was torn away.
“Make it back to your body so I can kill you for this!” Trixie shouted as she was catapulted away from them by the tension in her silver strand.
“What do we do now?” Daring Do asked, hugging Wanderer D closer. When she noticed his expression, she chuckled. “I... I don't want to slip and get lost, okay?”
“Sure,” Wanderer D chuckled. “Anyway, I think we should just concentrate like Trixie said.”
“But we still have that comet pulling us!” Daring Do pointed out.
“Only one way to fix this, then! Hold on!” Wanderer D said as he started looping the silver strand around his hoof and pulling them both down towards the comet.
“What are you planning to do?”
“I'll disentangle it!” Wanderer D grinned. “Isn't that awesome? If I knew how to write songs I would totally write all of this as a song!”
Daring Do rolled her eyes. “So we're doing what you did with the boats in Maredagascar?”
Wanderer D nodded. “Only without the violence!”
“Here, I'll help,” Daring Do said, grabbing him with her hooves and flying them both down towards the comet.
“That works!”
“Of course it does! Don't you remember the Temple of Cracked Muffins?”
It was Wanderer D's turn to roll his eyes. “Don't remind me! At least this time you're holding me tight!”
Daring's reply was a slight darkening of her cheeks. “Don't get used to it!”
“Celestia forbid!”
Finally they were close enough to the comet that they were able to grab onto the silver strands around it.
“Hey...” Daring's eyes went wide. “This isn’t a comet! It's a filly!”
“Oh, horseapples!” Wanderer D shouted. “Get her out! Get her out of the strands!”
Daring Do started doing her best to do just that. “What's wrong? Shouldn't we save her?”
“She's fine! It's not her I'm worried about!”
“What are you worrying about then!?” Daring Do asked.
“HIM!” Wanderer D shouted, grabbing his own silver strand with his teeth and pulling.
“Who?!”
Wanderer D didn't look away from the loops, he just pointed out at a seemingly random direction.
Daring Do followed his hoof and stared at a huge shadow that seemed to unfold towards them. Fiery purple-red eyes glowed with malice and rows and rows of fangs glinted as they reflected the lost light of stars.
“The hay is that thing?!” Daring Do shouted in panic.
“Not what! Who!”
“Who is that thing!”
Wanderer D was about to reply when the filly opened her eyes and stared right at him. “Uh... never mind! It's a spoiler and spoilers are NOT good!”
“What?! The hay, Wanderer! This is not time for jokes! It's almost on us!”
“Help me get Sweetie loose!” Wanderer D shouted. “He'll leave us alone!”
“We can't leave the filly with it!” Daring Do smacked Wanderer D on the back of the head.
“That really hurts! You've got hooves, you know! They're hard!”
“Stop talking and untangle her!”
“No! We need to talk!”
“This is not the time!”
“It is most definitely the time! The more we talk the less likely it is to reach us!”
“That does not make sense!”
“We're in comic-book time! We can talk as much as we want before the piano falls on our heads!”
“What?! What piano!? That thing is not a piano!”
Sweetie ignored the pair and looked down at the strands. “Okay you two, shut up and hold on.”
Her horn flashed with a mixture of pink, white and purple-red energy and suddenly they were yanked away.
“No! Sweetie, you have to get loose!”
“I'll be fine!” Sweetie retorted.
“Oh... horseapples,” Wanderer D sighed.
Suddenly everything went completely silent. The three ponies looked at the shadow creature and realized that the multiverse had quieted down because it was roaring in anger. When its jaws closed and its malignant eyes flashed, Daring Do dared to speak.
“That thing is really, really scary.”
It was then that everything flashed around them once more.
The creature growled a sound that erased light and hope for miles around, then, reaching up with a shadowy claw, it threw something into the multiverse, following the trail of his objective.
o.0.o
Wanderer D's eyes snapped open and he shot up to his hooves. He looked around in a panic and noticed all three of his companions were fine. That was good. They had to go find Sweetie Bell!
Wait.
Three?
“Oh... no, you've got to be kidding me...”
“T-Trixie demands to know where that moron, Wanderer D is...” Trixie groaned, slowly standing up.
Daring Do jumped to her hooves, looking around just as wildly as Wanderer had done earlier. “Where is that thing?! Is it gone!?”
“Ugh...” Lati groaned, pushing herself up and slowly levitating a couple of feet off the ground. “Did anyone catch the name of that Rhyhorn that tackled me? I'm going to look him up and teleport his ass into a live volcano...” She opened her eyes and stared at the three ponies. “Oh, Lugia... I've finally lost it, haven't I?”
Trixie and Daring Do took careful steps away from the purple and white creature as it levitated and looked curiously at them.
Wanderer D sighed. And proceeded to find a tree to bang his head against. It cracked after the first hit, so he decided he needed more.
“Wanderer!” Trixie shouted after the third (or was it seventh? He lost count after the second one) bump. “Stop doing that and help us deal with this... thing!”
“Hey!” Lati growled as Trixie pointed at her with her hoof. “This thing has a name!”
Wanderer D stumbled away from the tree and approached the purple latias. “Uh... did you learn double-time? Why are there two of you?” he asked to the left of Lati.
Trixie rolled her eyes and her horn lit up for a brief second, a similar light shining around Wanderer D's head. He blinked and looked at the real Lati. “Oh, there you are! Um, listen, Lati, you might find this hard to believe but–”
“Why am I not surprised you know her name?” Daring Do sighed, approaching the pair, followed by a slightly amused Trixie.
Lati blinked at the strange ponyta creature. “Wait, how do you know my name?”
“It's a long story and–” he stopped when her eyes started glowing. “No! No mind-reading! Bad latias! Bad!”
Lati's eyes lost their glow. “Fine,” she sighed.
“Anyway, I think we should be able to help you get back home,” Wanderer D continued. “But let me assure you, you haven't lost it. You're not crazy. Well... not yet anyway.”
Lati growled and glared at Wanderer D. “What do you mean, 'not yet'?”
“It's complicated!” Wanderer D said, shifting from hoof to hoof. “Look, you're in another world, there are no Pokemon here, nor are there any humans...”
“Other than you,” Trixie muttered.
“Other than me,” Wanderer D acknowledged.
“You don't look like a human.” Lati's statement was followed by her hovering around him. “Nope, you pretty much look like a ponyta to me.”
Wanderer D rolled his eyes. “I was human once, okay? Then I wasn't, you know the feeling.”
Lati hovered in place for a moment then nodded slowly.
“Do you feel lost in this conversation?” Daring Do asked Trixie. “I feel lost. I feel like I got lost in between worlds again. Is that normal?”
Trixie sighed. “Trixie thinks that the longer we hang around Wanderer D, the less the world will make sense.”
“Anyway, if I am correct, you are not the only one lost here,” Wanderer D said, ignoring the two mares.
Lati blinked. “Wait, you mean there's another Pokemon in this world?”
“No,” Wanderer D said. “There's a little filly that needs to be able to get back to her journey for the good of the multiverse.”
Trixie, Daring Do and Lati exchanged confused glances. “Wait, what?” Trixie asked.
“You don't mean...” Daring Do's eyes widened.
“I mean exactly her,” Wanderer D sighed. “We need to get Sweetie Bell... preferably without Rarity finding out her sister has been replaced by her interdimensional counterpart who might or might not–”
“Who might or might not... what?” Lati asked.
Wanderer D shook his head. “I'll tell you on the way.”
“Where are we going?” Trixie asked.
“Ponyville.”
o.0.o
“Sweetie Belle, I must insist you don't do this,” Rarity said nervously watching over her sister as she somehow levitated a few plates and some glasses.
“If my theory proves correct, we should have a few guests arriving soon,” Sweetie Belle said, taking a quick glance at the waffle mix, then another at the pancake mix. “And I'm starving! What we need are some prince and princess-approved waffles and pancakes!”
Rarity bit her lower lip as the stove was turned on and the fire lowered to a perfect heat for the frying pan and her waffle grill was brought out and buttered up, ready for the mix. “Where... how did you learn to do this!?”
Sweetie paused for a moment. “Well, it was a couple of places, really, but I started levitating things when Twilight took me as an apprentice and–”
“Halt!” Wanderer D ordered, barging into the Carousel Boutique. “Don't tell her, Sweetie!”
“Excuse me!” Rarity was in his face a second later. “Who are you and how dare you enter my shop like that?”
Wanderer D stared at Rarity in silence, making the mare slightly nervous.
“Well?” she demanded.
Wanderer D stared at her.
“Wanderer!” Daring Do growled, smacking him on the back of the head. “Stop being rude!”
Wanderer D groaned and shook his head. He looked up at Rarity and gulped. “Uh-um... I- I'm sorry... uh, Rarity... I... uh... pretty...”
Another smack, this time from Trixie. “Trixie demands you snap out of it and look at her like you look at Ra–” She stopped when everypony looked at her with raised eyebrows. “T- Trixie means, snap out of it!”
“Right, right!” Wanderer D growled, glaring at Trixie before turning to face Rarity, who seemed really confused. “R-Rarity I-uh... best pony...”
SMACK!
“Ouch!” Wanderer D growled, glaring at Lati, who smirked back.
“I can do it again, if you want,” Lati cheerfully said. “In fact, here.”
SLAP!
“Hey!”
SLAP!
“Stop–”
SLAP!
“Would you–”
SLAP!
“I said–”
“Okay, enough!” Sweetie shouted. “Now, all of you, sit down and eat! We can talk this over breakfast.”
Rarity blinked and looked back at her table, which had a pile of pancakes, a pile of waffles, orange juice, jam, butter, honey and a selection of breads all arranged on it. It even had a vase with a little flower sticking out of it.
She passed out.
o.0.o
The group sat at the table. Sweetie Belle had levitated her sister into her room and laid her down on the bed. Now, they all stared at each other in silence as each plate was served and passed around.
“Okay,” Lati said as she picked up a knife and used it to spread some butter on her pancakes. “I want to know exactly what's happening and where I am and how I got here.”
Sweetie Belle nodded, levitating some honey and letting it drizzle on top of her waffles. “This is also the first time I have seen anypony in-between worlds... or even been aware of what was happening before I arrived.”
“And I want to know how you know so much about them and about ponies you've never met before!” Daring Do said, taking a moment to sip her orange juice.
“Trixie wants some jam,” Trixie said. “Please pass the jam.”
The jam exploded.
The four females looked at Wanderer D, whose face was covered in jam, as he glared up at his horn. He sighed. “Oops?”
“Really,” Sweetie Belle's horn flashed and Wanderer D's face and mane were suddenly clean. “You're such a child.”
Trixie and Daring Do snorted.
“From the filly's mouth,” Daring Do grinned.
“Trixie couldn't have put it better herself!” Trixie giggled.
Wanderer D snorted. “Well, she had to learn something from you, Trixie, did you know you taught her some of what she knows?”
Trixie's eyes spaced out and she looked blankly at Sweetie Belle, who grinned and shrugged. Trixie slowly turned her head to look back at Wanderer D.
“What can I say?” Wanderer D shrugged. “It happened.”
“But that doesn't explain–” Daring Do began to say when the door to the Carousel Boutique opened and Twilight entered the shop, followed by Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, all of whom stopped short at the sight of a strange unicorn with a katana strapped to his back, Trixie, a bird-dragon-like creature and Daring Do having breakfast with Sweetie Belle.
“I-is that...” Rainbow Dash stammered, eyes wide. “D-D-D-Da-Daring...”
Twilight's hoof went up to her face as Fluttershy blinked in complete bewilderment next to her. “Wanderer D,” Twilight growled. “You are not making my life any easier.”
“Rarity's upstairs, unconscious,” Wanderer D supplied, chewing on a piece of pancake. “Hey, this stuff is good!” he said, turning to Sweetie Belle, who smiled.
“Princess Celestia's favorite pancakes!” She beamed proudly.
Twilight really, really, really wanted to ask some questions. Some really, really, really specific questions, but remembering Princess Luna and Princess Celestia's orders she gritted her teeth. “Come on, girls, let's go get Rarity.”
“But... but... it's D-Daring Do!” Rainbow Dash shrieked. “It's freaking Daring Do! We can’t just go!”
Twilight sighed. “Princess Celestia's pretty much ordered me to avoid anything that had to do with Wanderer D until their experiment is done... and this reeks of Wanderer D's influence.”
“Geez, Twilight,” Daring Do rolled her eyes. “Nice to see you again!”
Rainbow Dash turned to look at Twilight. “You knew!? But! Twilight! It's Daring Do! How could you not tell me?!”
“I was going to!” Twilight groaned. “Why do you think I called you for another meeting?!”
“Oh...” Rainbow Dash sighed.
“Daring, why don't you give your fan an autograph? I'm sure you can talk to her later,” Wanderer D said.
Rainbow Dash's eyes lit up as her hero wrote her a short autograph. “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! This is so awesome!”
“Wanderer... should I be worried that Sweetie has joined your little group?” Twilight asked.
“Yes, actually,” Wanderer D nodded. “For you see, this is not the Sweetie Belle you know, she’s actually an interdimensional Sweetie Belle that, guess what? Was your student in another world! And she’s been learning new stuff from different versions of you in different worlds! Isn’t that really interesting? Also... isn’t it too bad you cannot ask questions or interfere with my stuff?” Wanderer D grinned.
Twilight’s eyebrow twitched.
“Twilight?” Fluttershy asked, making sure her friend was between herself and the strange unicorn. “Didn’t you say that Wanderer D was a pegasus?”
Twilight groaned. “He was... but now he isn’t and–” she shook her head. “You know what? Never mind! Let’s get Rarity and get out of here!”
“...yeah and then Wanderer pushed the boulder into the hole and sealed them all inside!” Daring sighed. “We couldn’t save Carmine, but his death was avenged.”
“Wow! That’s so awesome! I never read about this Wanderer D guy in the other books but he’s pretty crazy!”
Daring Do smiled a small, shy smile. “Yes, he is...”
Rainbow’s eyebrows shot up and she was about to ask something when Twilight’s magic pulled her by the tail.
“Come on, Rainbow, you can talk to Daring Do later!” Twilight growled.
Once the three mares went up the stairs, the group resumed eating.
“First of all, before I say anything I want to know something...” Wanderer D said, looking at Sweetie. “What was the last world you visited like? Don’t go into details, just the specifics.”
Sweetie Belle told him.
“Oh,” Wanderer D chuckled nervously. “Sorry,”
Sweetie sighed. “It’s not your fault,”
“Yeah,” Wanderer D looked around the table. “Okay... um, I think, what happened was that when Sweetie got stuck in our silver threads, she catapulted Trixie into the distance at the same time that Lati was attempting to teleport in her own world. Trixie’s silver thread snagged Lati on the way and caused her teleport to land her in this world. In the meantime, Sweetie’s spell dragged the three of us here, where she replaced the local Sweetie temporarily.”
The others nodded and kept on eating.
“What?!” Twilight screeched from the stairs as she levitated the unconscious Rarity, the scared Fluttershy and the fan-struck Rainbow Dash behind her. “What kind of explanation is that?! And why do you all just take it at face value?! Why isn’t anypony reacting?!”
“When you travel with him for two and a half years, you get used to that stuff,” Daring-Do said.
Trixie nodded. “Trixie took the time to read the Daring-Do novel and learned how crazy Wanderer D is.”
Lati shrugged. “I’ve heard worse.”
Twilight looked at Sweetie Belle and raised an eyebrow.
“Ever had to pilot a giant robot and dodge missiles while singing a song in a language you have no business knowing?”
Twilight blinked. “What’s a robot?”
Sweetie smiled. “I thought so.”
Twilight blinked. She then carefully walked out of the house, levitating her friends.
“I think we broke her,” Wanderer D said. “I don’t think Twilight was ready for all of that...”
“Aw, don’t be silly! Twily will be fine! She’s crazy that way!” Pinkie Pie said.
“Yes...” Trixie said and blinked.
There was a considerable amount of scratching sounds as everyone pulled their chairs away as quickly as they could and stared at the pink pony.
“Don’t do that!” Wanderer D, Daring Do, Trixie, Lati and Sweetie Belle all chorused at Pinkie Pie, who munched down on one of the pancakes.
“Hey! These are good!” Pinkie giggled. “Can I have another one?”
o.0.o
The group finally left Carousel Boutique and were gawked at by the locals.
“Any idea how to get us home?” Lati asked at length. “I’m loving the ponies, but I have an evil organization to topple and I have to protect the world from my own friend’s weird human/pokemon marriage cult.”
Wanderer D grinned. “Gotta love Sage...”
Lati frowned. “Who?”
“Dude,” Wanderer D corrected.
“Oooh,” Lati nodded. “Yeah.”
“Wait, what dude?” Trixie asked.
“Dude!” Wanderer D and Lati replied.
“Yes, but what dude?” Daring Do asked.
Wanderer D sighed. “Sage is the name of the dude that’s Lati’s friend but she’s never bothered to ask the name of.”
A chorus of ‘Oooh’ rose around him.
“So, Wanderer, since you seem to know your way around here,” Sweetie spoke up, “where exactly can I find Twilight’s fragment?”
“Ah... that’s the thing, there isn’t one here...” Wanderer D ventured.
“What?!” Sweetie’s magic yanked Wanderer D off the ground. He floated upside down, looking straight into her eyes. Whispered words seemed to emanate from the earth around them as, for just a second, her right iris seemed to glow yellow. Her mane shifted a bit, but it did so in a brittle way, as if it were made of something harder than hair.
“What do you mean there’s no fragment?” Sweetie hissed.
“Uh... Sweetie?” Wanderer D grinned nervously and motioned to the floor next to Sweetie’s right foreleg, where the rock seemed to have started to climb up.
Sweetie gritted her teeth and took a deep breath, depositing Wanderer D on the floor. “Okay, I get it. I’ll calm down... but I need to get back on my journey!”
“Hold on,” Daring Do raised a hoof. “What are we talking about here?”
“Twilight’s fragment... it would be a purple crystal shard with severe amounts of magic, possibly a voice inside it, and could have appeared at any point in time or not even yet in this world,” Wanderer D explained.
“So... something like ‘The Shard of Providence’?” Daring Do said after a moment. “You know, the mythical gem, or crystal, that helped generations of proto-ponies evolve into what we are today? Back when the species were not as simple?”
Wanderer D frowned. “Wait... there’s such a thing?”
Trixie chuckled. “Of course! It’s a legend that has been passed from generation to generation, there are fairy tales told about it...” her laughter died as she shot Daring Do a considering look. “You’re not seriously thinking what I think you’re thinking...”
Daring Do just grinned.
“B-but! That’s impossible! It’s just a legend!” Trixie stammered.
“Honey, I hear that all the time,” Daring Do retorted, winking at Trixie playfully. “Don’t I, D?”
“Yes, yes you do,” Wanderer D nodded sagely.
“Besides!” Lati added. “Legends are as real as I am!”
When the ponies didn’t react, she sighed. “Damn it, the context doesn’t apply...”
“It wasn’t funny anyway,” Wanderer D said, patting Lati’s back.
“Hardy har-har,” Lati growled.
“So, is that what we’re looking for?” Sweetie asked.
“Seems like...” Wanderer D sighed. “Okay, good news, the temple, dungeon, cave, deathtrap where it is located should be no further than a two day radius from Ponyville.”
“Well, that’s convenient,” Daring Do said, blinking. “How do you know that, if you had never heard of it before today?”
“The rules of Sweetie’s travels,” Wanderer D said. “Now, we should really look for clues...”
“Already at it!” Trixie said, trotting towards the Library. “Trixie will research the old lore in the library!”
“I’ll go with you!” Daring Do called. “I know exactly where to look!”
Sweetie smiled. “Are we looking at old books! Can I come too?”
Lati and Wanderer D watched the three ponies trot towards the library before turning to share a look.
“So...” Lati started. “What do you do for fun here?”
Wanderer D glanced at her. “I might have an idea...”
o.0.o
Twilight sighed, looking at the three ponies deep in study. It was rare to see anypony in the library at all diligently researching anything at all, even legendary items that were nothing but myths.
It was a nice change of pace and– what was that noise?
Twilight frowned and opened the door to the library. Immediately she was blasted in the face by the sounds of the crowds as hundreds of ponies cheered outside.
“What the hay!?” She stammered, shaking her head to clear it as she headed outside. She stopped in shock. Just outside, somepony had built a starting line, behind which Rainbow Dash, Lati and Spitfire stood, drinking in the cheers of the ponies around them with huge grins on their faces.
“Okay, everypony! You can place yer bets at the booth with Applebloom!” Wanderer D announced. “And hurry up! We’re just about to start! This is the last call!”
“Wanderer D!” Twilight shouted over the cheers of the ponies. “What the hay are you doing?!”
“Temper temper, Twilight! Wanderer D chided. “You’re not allowed to interfere, remember?”
“But you’ve involved Rainbow Dash!” Twilight pointed out.
“Well, yes, but since I’m the experiment here, I have authority over certain aspects of it! Don’t worry, this is just for fun!” He grinned at the ponies around them. “Okay! Everypony ready! On your mark!”
“You can’t simply create a race in the middle of Ponyville!” Twilight Sparkle called out, trying to make herself be heard. “What did Mayor Mare say about this?!”
“Get set!” Wanderer D shouted, then pointed at the Mayor, who was placing a last-second bet with Apple Bloom.
Twilight’s teeth started grinding together.
“Aaaand.... GO!”
“And they’re off, everypony!” Spike announced with a megaphone from within the hot air balloon he was sharing with Pinkie Pie. “Our three contestants seem to be evenly matched so far! What do you think, Pinkie?”
“Weeeelll...” the pink pony followed the trio with her binoculars. “Spitfire and Rainbow Dash are making a good show, pushing their speed evenly as they go...”
“But, what about Lati?” Spike asked.
“Silly dragon,” Pinkie giggled. “Lati is a Legendary Pokemon! Nothing short of Mach 2 will even make her put up an effort!”
A collective groan came from the ponies down below.
“But... surely if Rainbow Dash does another Sonic Rainboom she would go faster than even Lati could hope?”
“We don’t know! The Sonic Rainboom is something that only Dashie can do and then it shoots her faster than ever before! But we haven’t seen any TV episode yet that guarantees that Spitfire doesn’t have her own special ‘boom’!”
“TV episode?” Spike asked, looking at Pinkie in confusion.
“Yes!” Pinkie bounced up and down in the balloon. “We’ll have to wait for season 3 to see if that changes!”
“What is she talking about?!” Twilight Sparkle groaned. “I’ll never get that pony!”
“Oh, she’s talking about the Friendship is Magic cartoon, you know, the stuff that Celestia and Luna don’t want you to talk to me about?”
Twilight’s ears twitched. “I’m going away! Now!”
Turning around, she marched right into her library and slammed the door shut just as Spike shouted: “Did you see that?! But that’s impossib–”
Walking up to the table, Twilight sat down and proceeded to slam her face on it.
“Wanderer D?” Daring Do asked from the floor.
“Wanderer D,” Twilight confirmed, not lifting her face from the table.
“He does seem like a bit of a hoof-full,” Sweetie chuckled.
“Okay!” Daring Do said, standing up. “Let’s put our heads together and figure out where the shard is. Twilight, do you have a map of the area?”
“Sure,” Twilight said, lifting her head up. Her horn lit up and levitated a large map onto the table, where it opened up at the same time the crowd outside gasped and the tree rattled.
“Okay,” Daring Do looked down at it. “From what we’ve found in legends and such, the shard has never been seen or even mentioned in a forest, which leaves out the Everfree.”
Trixie nodded. “All the legends Trixie found talked about snowy mountains, higher than the clouds.”
Sweetie nodded as well. “I read one that said that it was in a temple in a cloud, but it could simply be that the cloud surrounds the temple at the top of a mountain peak.”
Twilight hummed. “But that still leaves several mountain ranges all over Equestria!”
“No...” Trixie said. “Trixie remembers that Wanderer D said that the shard would be within a two-day radius from Ponyville...”
“How does he know that, but not the location of the shard?” Twilight growled.
The others shrugged.
“Regardless,” Daring spoke up. “If we trust that, despite what common sense tells us, the two-day radius, based on an earth pony or unicorn travelling distance is this...” she drew a circle in the map. “And there’s only one range of mountains that has a peak high enough to be ‘over the clouds’.”
“Silver Beak Ridge!” Twilight’s eyes were wide. “That’s extremely dangerous! You cannot seriously be thinking about going there!”
The three ponies across from her shared a look, then grinned cheekily at Twilight. “Yes?”
Twilight sighed. “Okay, let me teach you the spell for Cloud Walking, Trixie, it may come useful,” she said at length.
“Oh! Teach it to me too!” Sweetie said, jumping up to the table.
Daring Do chuckled as the crowd outside cheered and the sky was awash with rainbows, fire and flashes.
o.0.o
“So, Silver Beak Ridge, huh?” Wanderer D asked, looking up at the really, really tall mountain. “Well, that’s unusual... the tendency is to write just about anything from the entrance to Tartarus to hidden temples of Nightmare Moon and the Lunar Republic as being hidden under the Everfree Forest. Next thing you know you lift up a tree there and find an Eva Unit. There’s no originality.”
“Well, anyway, I think I can carry two of you,” Lati said.
“And I can carry Wanderer D,” Daring Do added. “So we’re all covered.”
“Why do you get to carry Wanderer D?” Trixie asked, glaring at Daring.
“Because I’m a pegasus?” Daring ventured. “Maybe?”
“Come on girls,” Wanderer D grinned. “Adventure! Fun! The Sweetie Chronicles! A New World! What else do you need?!”
“Let’s go!” Lati shouted, grabbing hold of Trixie and Sweetie Belle. She glanced at Daring Do, who was holding Wanderer D tight. “Race you to the top?”
“Sure!” Daring said and had to hold her hat in place when the displaced air from Lati’s sudden take off hit her. She chuckled and slowly started flying up.
“Um... didn’t you say that you were racing her?” Wanderer D asked.
Daring batted her eyelashes at him. “What, and miss this chance to hold you close? Never.”
Wanderer D chuckled nervously.
o.0.o
The temple was indeed at the top of the mountain, and, by the time Wanderer D and Daring Do had arrived, the gang had already looked around it.
“Took your time!” Lati called. “I thought the race was to see who could get here faster, not who could make out the longest!”
Daring Do blushed as she pretended to ignore Lati.
Trixie, for her part, tackled Wanderer D and glared down at him. “You are spending some time smooching The Great and Powerful Trixie! NOW!”
Wanderer D blinked. “Yes, ma’am!”
Sweetie raised an eyebrow while Daring approached the walls of the temple. “So, what have we found out so far?”
“The entrance is on the other side,” Lati started to say then grabbed Sweetie’s head and turned it away from Trixie and Wanderer. “And you, young lady, should be looking away.”
“But...” Sweetie looked up at the Legendary Pokemon, “But they’re... he’s- she just–”
“Look. Away.”
“Fine,” Sweetie sighed.
“Anyway, the front is guarded by...” Lati trailed off. “Wow...”
“What?” Sweetie Belle asked turning around only to find Daring Do between her and whatever had distracted Lati.
“Nothing!” Daring Do said, grinning nervously. “Just... look at the fortress, there’s a good girl.”
“A- anyway...” Lati stammered, eyes widening and making a real effort to look at Daring. “Uh... yeah, t-the front is protected by...”
“Lati, eyes over here,” Daring Do said, motioning at her own with her hoof.
“Y-yeah...” Lati said, snapping back to attention. “There’s two weird Pok- I mean... creatures at the front... they look like half Pid- I mean... uh, birds... and half cats?”
“Griffons,” Daring Do said. “Damn, I wasn’t really expecting anyone else to be here...” she looked at structure in front of her. “The place seems like it’s been abandoned all this time, why would they be here?”
“Maybe they’re looking for the same thing...” Sweetie suggested.
“Most likely,” Daring Do sighed. She looked over her shoulder. “Okay you two, break it up! We have hostiles in the area!”
Wanderer D stumbled up to them. “Oookay...”
“Tr-Trixie needs a moment to... regain... her... breath...”
“Anyway,” Daring looked at the temple. “We should get going, if they are looking for the shard, they must have already gone through some of the traps... we have to get ahead somehow.”
A sudden explosion made all the ponies drop to the floor and cover their heads.
“What the hay was that?!” Trixie asked.
“Well,” Lati chuckled, motioning at a smoking hole on the wall. “I think this conveniently discovered entrance will help us get ahead, don’t you?”
Daring Do smiled. “I think it will!”
o.0.o
The temple echoed with the voices of several griffons up ahead.
“Are you sure this is it?” one voice asked.
“It’s purple, it’s crystal, it glows, it sounds like an obnoxious pony, I’m pretty sure that’s the shard,” a raspy voice replied.
Sweetie’s eyes widened. “Wait... I know that voice...”
“Who is it?” Daring Do asked.
“Eruth,” Wanderer D said. “I would think.”
Sweetie blinked. “How did you know?!”
“That’s sort of how I imagined his voice to be and–” he cut short. “I... know some of what you’ve gone through... anyway, what should we do?”
“You could come out now, my little ponies...” Eruth’s voice echoed in the hall. “And help us solve this conundrum.”
The group exchanged glances and slowly made their way out into the open, where they stood opposite of the creature known as Eruth.
“What the hell happened to him?” Lati asked after a moment. “He looks like a pony was thrown into a meat grinder with some spices and was slow roasted until the meat was falling off the bones.”
“Eeeeewwww!” Daring Do, Sweetie Belle and Trixie echoed in disgust.
“Dammit, Lati, you’re making me hungry,” Wanderer D grumbled.
“Me too!” one of the three griffin bodyguards around Eruth muttered.
Eruth was shaking with fury. “Don’t talk to me like that! I’m a Canterlot Ghoul, creature! I can destroy you!”
Lati grinned, eyes flashing with energy as power seemed to emanate from her. The floor around her cracked as ghostly energy gathered in her paws. “Really? I would be delighted to see you try...”
“There’s no need,” Eruth said after a moment. “We need to figure out how to get the fragment out,” he glanced towards the other side of the room, which had several bodies strewn on the floor. “My associates have been so far unsuccessful in getting there, either flying or walking.”
“Why don’t you go, then?” Sweetie Belle asked. “You’re practically indestructible.”
Eruth rolled his undead eyes and carefully put a hoof on the floor before him. It immediately burst into flames and he hastily removed it.
“Ah, that would be a problem,” Wanderer D nodded. He glanced at the room. “So, what happened to them?”
“They walked in and something cut them in half!”
Lati flashed for a moment, then shook her head. “I... I couldn’t teleport... I think whatever is stopping stinky is stopping me as well.”
“Right, leave it to me then,” Wanderer D said, taking a step forth.
“What?! No!” Daring Do exclaimed. “I can do it!”
“Heh, don’t worry, I have a katana!” Wanderer D grinned.
“What does that have to do with anything?!” One of the griffons asked.
“Everything!” Wanderer D said cheerfully as he cantered into the room. His horn glowed and his katana slipped from the sheath on his back.
No sooner had he done that, that he was forced to bring it down and in front of him. Sparks flew out of thin air as something, or several things sliced out and encountered the blade.
“The whole floor is a trap!” Daring Do shouted. “Wanderer, you have to move quick! But be careful!”
“Got it!” Wanderer D shouted as he pushed back with the sword. His eyes noticed very thin crevices on the floor, walls and ceiling, but then he noticed something that made him smile. He jumped to the side in an apparently reckless act and landed on a platform that sank under his weight.
Everypony winced, expecting him to become mush, but when it didn’t happen, they could only gape in surprise.
“But... how?!” Trixie asked.
“Let’s just say a lot of things are starting to make sense now!” Wanderer D chuckled. He sheathed his sword, trotted up to the shard and picked it up. “Here!” he called, throwing it at Sweetie Belle. “Catch!”
The shard sailed through the air and was suddenly grabbed by a griffon’s claw.
“I think we’ll take that,” Eruth said.
“Dammit, Eruth!” Wanderer D growled, taking a step towards them. He heard a click and looked down. “Oh, shi–”
With a resounding ‘Boing!’ the floor catapulted Wanderer D straight up into a bunch of spikes.
o.0.o
Luna glared at Wanderer D, her eyes all the more scary due to the sheer size of them from the bottle. “Wanderer D! What hast thou done!”
“Uh... your accent is slipping and–”
“SILENCE!” Luna roared. “The seal on Discord has been broken! The Elements are missing! Griffons are attacking and a Ghoul of some sort is behind all of this! Your companions are his prisoners and he seems to want to move on Canterlot!”
“I–” Wanderer D gulped. “Luna, you have to give me a new body! This guy is crazy, but he’s not the worse that’s coming! We have to save Sweetie Belle and give her the Shard!”
Luna’s eyes widened. “The Shard of Providence? Why do you need it?”
“The Ghoul has it!”
“What?! But how?”
“We went and got it!”
“What?! Why didn’t you just ask me and my sister?!” Luna growled. “We put it in that temple!”
“Why would we do that? Nopony does the obvious thing and asks you two for help!”
Luna sighed and rubbed her head as the palace trembled. “Wanderer... this time we need help!”
“Trust me Luna, between Lati, Trixie, Daring, me, you, and Celly, we can do this! Especially with Sweetie’s help! But you have to give me the body that only the most deluded and n00bish authors would give themselves!”
Luna’s eyes widened. “You must be joking! To do that I would need my sister’s help!”
“Well, better go get her!” Wanderer D said as Discord’s laughter echoed across Equestria. “Or we won’t get a chance!”
Luna’s mouth opened and closed a few times before she growled. “FINE! But you’d better fix all of this!”
Wanderer D grinned. “Just get me a katana.”
o.0.o End Chapter 4 o.0.o
Next Chapter:
“Wait... did you just say... TWO katanas?!”
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another fic by Wanderer D? must be awesome dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png
Turn him into a full grown dragon...naw that would be cool. Alicorn time.
THE KATANAS HAVE BEEN DOUBLED!
Exquisite!
Now. You must have a full make out session between WD, Trixie, Daring, Lati, and any other pony you can think of cause everyone knows that when nubbish authors get an alicorn body, they suddenly develop irresistible animal magnetism.
There's going to be another katana? The slicing potential has been doubled!
And next chapter you end up r63?
Give me some of this crack you take when you write this thing.
GIMMIE YOUR CRACK!!1
It's a Wanderer D medley written by Wanderer D, starring Wanderer D and Kat A. Na
Hmm,
Fallout
Chronicles of Sweetie Belle
A New new world for Lati
Daring Do
Trixie makeout scene
and much much more
The sheer amount of crossovers and chaos going on in this story is enough to make Discord wake up and see his Daddy
Wanderer D as an alicorn.......they are all doomed
Next thing you know Lyra's quest will have her meet Wanderer D and pester him about hands while am angry Twi clone and Twi complain about their alicorns' backstory. You have completely doomed that dimension Wanderer...... it shall never recover
....
Oh... my?
You know what, I'm okay with this. Because it's basically hilarious.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH sneak peak for T.S.C. ><
anyway that was fun as always
So, next chapter is an Alicorn, huh?
This is going to be brutal.
You magnificent bastard, I READ YOUR STORIES.
821078
Beat me to it....oh well. Still, things can only get better from here. When brute force doesn't work, it just means you haven't applied enough of it yet.
I didn't downvote this, but I can't bring myself to favorite it either.
On an overarching level, I've read too many self-deprecating HiE fics and the genre is loosing it's novelty. A blatantly incompetent protagonist, tropes being sarcastically lampshaded, etc. Maybe I'll read this at a later time when I'm not sick of metafics.
On a technical level however, I upvoted - no visible flaws during my read-through, decent flow, etc.
I'LL PECK YOU
AND THEN I'LL PECK YOU AGAIN.
NONE ARE SAFE FROM THE AI CHANGELING PARROT.
MUHAHAHAHA
Oh my... I see where this is going next...
And TWO katanas!
EPIC WIN this chapter is.
This is amazing.
I love this story so much.
MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
i... i have no idea what i read in the first half...
821138
LIGHT SPEED ISN'T ENOUGH! WE NEED LUDICROUS SPEED!
Or h/e it goes.
lets see 1 trixe 2 the doctor 3 daring doo 4 lati 5 sweetie bell can WD go home yet? what happened to the doctor anyway
lets see 1 trixe 2 the doctor 3 daring doo 4 lati 5 sweetie bell can WD go home yet? what happened to the doctor anyway
images.bluegartr.com/bucket/gallery/2cd4136dd35e0e3ead64b8b36391c64f.jpg
Alicorn WanderD incoming?
...
...
...
Forget the question, "the body that only the most deluded and n00bish authors would give themselves" pretty much answers it.
Even though I'm not really into Pokémon anymore, I still think Latias is best Poké. She's really, really awesome.
Also, this chapter was great!
Not fun enough to finish reading this story past chapter 2, sahz.
This is so buckin' tracked!
Mother of god... No one deserves that amount of power...
This may be the best chapter yet. Started off not making a bit of sense, then you brought in two dimensions, both your own, as well as messing up our the timeline because Sweetie Belle is a lot more advanced than we last saw her, yet you of course would know everything about her adventures.
You are absolutely brilliant.
Pfft! Noob! Check this out! *whips out four double bladed lightsabers...somehow and twirls them before falling onto the ground as human hash*
I loathe you.
It's a good hate, though
Giving two katana's to Wanderer is a good idea. He can now dual wield and roll D20 twice! Nothing can stop him!
Except... you know... himself.
Your Sweetie Chronicles is starting to remind me of Jurai Knight's "Quantum Destinies." Let's hope you don't go on a decade long hiatus to finish it, because that would make me sad.
One katana = Fear not i have a katana!
But with two... = I'M ALMIGHTY!
I dont know why. But this is simply amazing
This is so meta, if you tried to store it in a 32-bit integer, it would overflow twice, and even then end up positive.
ALICORN
DRAGON
OR DRAGONBORN
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE DRAGONBORN
821308 The doctor goes where hes needed he can be anywhere and Wanderer is all lovey dovey with trixie and daring so they dont count.
821092 Animal magnetism? So... I say Gilda, if that's the case, and He distracts Daring and she and Dash have surprise make-outs, and they end up together.
My brain can't withstand awesomeness of this magnitude!
Also, I think my brain may have broken on a few parts here and there...
This story can not get any crazier, can it? ...oh, I did not just utter those words.
Wanderer you brilliant, beautiful man. This is undoubtedly one of the best HiE I have ever read.
Splendidly Horrid story.
just missing a towel and jar of olives.
Definitely enjoyed it in the beginning, but as it's gone on, I'm not sure if it's laughing at tropes or becoming a wad of tropes.
As it stands, though, I'm going to finish it. Here's hoping you can get back into the swing you had going during Ch. 1 & 2. I was seriously laughing my a-- flank off!! 
This last chapter was hectic to the point where I couldn't tell if I was missing chunks due to lack of sleep or it was just like that.
Too... much... meta!... and laughs
This count as cannon for Sweetie Chronicles?
824425 Honestly, I don't know yet... it might, just to annoy Sweetie...
824196 Well, it's a parody of HiEs which tend to overuse and abuse and misuse and... uh... something else with "use" at the end
tropes... but I might have lost a screw at some point...
822989
822706 Dammit you caught it!
Well, people might still be surprised...
822133
Exactly!
821945
thanks, I hope you enjoy the rest as well!
821682 Sweetie Belle at this stage actually scares me
821528 Fair enough, thanks for trying!
821273 Imagine how I felt!
821165 Self-depreciating?! This is pure parody of the genre!
I would have to take it seriously for it to be self-depreciating!
821133 There would be no point in the reference otherwise
821092 Heh, you'll see
The meta is cracking my brain... I need the next Sweetie Chronicles! Sweetie must be glomped by Puppysmiles!
This is why I constantly read HiE fics... There is always the off chance that one of them will actually be good...
2 Katanas?!
25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m1aquipEg91r2ekwko12_r1_250.gif
An alicorn?
Oh, he'll rage even harder at the cliche-ness.
...As a non-reader of the Sweetie Chronicles, I didn't enjoy this as much as I would've enjoyed a normal chapter, unfortunately.
Then again, when have any of these chapters been normal?