The Unbefuddling of Dudley Dursley

by No One and Nobody

Chapter 5: In Which We Attend a Party and Say Goodbye (To Harry)

Chapter 5: In Which We Attend a Party and Say Goodbye (To Harry)

As they drove up to the house, Dudley could feel the nervous energy inside him, almost like a living thing. He focused on breathing and holding still, but couldn't control the smile on his face. For the first time in his life, Dudley was going to meet some people he actually cared about, despite having never met, and try to give a good first impression.

"I'll be picking you up at 9:30," said his mother, parking at the curb, "If this goes longer, too bad. If that's too short, call before 8:30 your father will be too busy with the game to get the phone."

Dudley turned to thank his mother once more, but was cut short as she shooed him out of the vehicle. "Go on. Stand up straight. And remember what I said... No funny business."

"Don't worry Mom, Harry's not here. It's just me and a bunch of other normal fans of the show."

His mother looked highly skeptical of Dudley's use of the word 'normal' but she took a breath and continued, "Go check to make sure it's the right house."

Dudley nodded and walked up to the front door. From inside he could hear the soft murmur of an almost recognizable song and a few voices. Taking a deep breath, he pushed the doorbell.

A few seconds later the door opened to reveal a young man, older than Dudley, with brown hair looking down at him with a laid back expression.

"'Sup," he said, and Dudley instantly recognized an American accent.

Confused, he gulped and said, "My friend Sara invited me to a party at this address. Is this... You know?"

Tilting his head forward the figure raised both eyebrows and replied, "Pony party? You're in the right place my man. Come in, Sara and Matt're setting up the dining room for some RP later tonight."

As he held the door open, Dudley turned and waved to his mother. As the door closed behind him, he could hear her drive off.

"Parents?" Asked the tall figure.

"My Mom," replied Dudley, glancing left and right to get a look at the house.

"Alright. First Brony meetup?"

Dudley nodded.

"Well then if you would kindly direct your attention to your party attendant Benjamin, he will give you a rundown on the necessities, facilities and capabilities of your first pony party extravaganza."

As Dudley watched, Benjamin backed up into the center of the entry hall and began gesturing like a flight attendant as he explained where everything was.

"On my left you notice two flights of stairs. Up and to your left you will locate the first of two lavatories, while downstairs you will find a dark and inviting gamer's paradise, rich with action, combat, adventure and worthy opponents. Please refrain from smoking in either of the lavatories and throughout the space-time continuum of this vessel during your stay.

"To my right you and adjacent to the dinning room, soon to play host to the most epic role playing adventures this side of backwards, you will find the living room; your go-to locale for chillaxing, friendshipping and headconnoning. We ask that you please maintain a civility rating of at least PG and forbear violence for the sake of your fellow party-goers.

"Behind me is the refreshment area, not quite Sugarcube Corner quality, but we hope that Pinkie Pie would be proud nonetheless. To the rear of the kitchen you will find the second lavatory and access to the garage which, I'm sorry to inform you, is off limits. Now please keep your arms and legs inside the residence until the party has come to a full and complete stop and we hope you enjoy your stay with-"

"Are you trying to break your neck?!" Called out Sara's voice from the direction of the dining room.

Benjamin cut off his presentation and, turning to face the kitchen, "What's he doing now?"

"He's putting up the clock."

"Yeah?..."

"With a swivel-chair!"

"I'll hold him steady!" Said Benjamin as he jogged into the kitchen.

"Oh no you don't! I'll hold him steady. You talk some sense to him. He listens to you."

Left alone, Dudley looked at the basement for a moment before stepping into the living room where two girls were listening to a red headed fellow playing Proud to be a Brony on the guitar.

The living room was occupied by two couches facing a flat screen television in the corner farthest from both doorways. A set of folding chairs lay against one wall and a recliner, the guitarist was currently using, was positioned in the left corner of the room, nearest the front door. The girl sitting on the couch, looked up and greeted Dudley with a pleasant smile and a, "Hi." She had long blonde hair and was quite striking with high cheekbones and an attentive expression. Dudley returned her smile and greeting but continued to look around.

The other girl was sitting against the far wall and, aside from also having long hair, was almost completely opposite the first. From beneath her dark hair he saw her cast him a quick look before returning to her furtive appreciation of the guitarist.

In the other room he could see Benjamin and another slightly taller, well built guy with blonde hair, trying to hang a wall clock over the window while Sara watched from the other side of the dining table.

"Remind me why she can't just use a digital watch or something," asked Ben as the second person, balanced calmly on the chair, adjusted the timepiece to Sara's directions.

"Because she can't judge how much time she has left without the hands as a reference," said the guy on the chair.

"I can too!" Shot back Sara, "It's just faster without the constant mental calculations. About an inch lower and that's it. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go find my adventures."

Getting up from her chair, Sara turned to see Dudley and smiled.

"Hey! Glad to see you could make it, I had a feeling your mother would be a little easier to convince than your father. Heather?"

The blonde-haired girl turned around and, hanging her arms over the back of the couch, looked at the two of them, "Yeah?"

"This is Dudley, that friend I told you might be coming. Could you introduce yourselves? I've got to find my story notes." With that Sara bolted out of the room and Dudley heard her go up the stairs and slam a door.

"I thought she said they were in her room," said Heather in the direction of the dining room.

"You haven't seen her room," answered Ben's friend in a deep voice, easing off the swivel chair.

The girl rolled her eyes, blew a strand of hair out of her face and extended a hand to Dudley with the same beaming smile from before, "Hi Dudley, I'm Heather."

Shaking her hand, Dudley listened as she introduced him to everyone else.

"The fancy guitarist is Terry," Terry continued playing but gave him a smile and a nod, "This is Grace," Heather indicated the petite girl against the wall with the dark hair who gave Dudley a wave, "And those two rapscallions in there are Benjamin the Bold and Sara's brother Matthew. Or, as I've chosen to call him, 'sir not appearing in this piece'."

"Not everyone has to be interested in role play," said Ben, stepping into the living room, "I'd like to see you match Matt in a game of Smash Bros."

"I could probably take him," she returned, smirking.

"You do- You need- you need help? I can help-" said another higher-pitched voice and Dudley turned to see a heavyset figure, standing up from a chair in the corner of the dining room as Matthew cleared some chairs from his side of the table. Though the young man was wearing glasses, he was looking at the floor rather than Benjamin or Matthew.

"It's OK," said Benjamin, turning to help, "I've got it."

"Could you move the two chairs out of his way?" asked Matthew, unfolding one side of the tablecloth and handing it to Ben.

The large fellow eagerly pulled the chairs out of the dining room, into the living room and right up to the back of one of the two couches where he stopped and proceeded to alternate between staring at one side of the room and then the other.

"And this is Oliver," said Heather, patting the edge of the couch where he was standing without touching him, "He's the resident headcanon expert."

"Pinkie's party cannon wasn't canon until episode 35. Now her cannon is canon."

Heather smiled and watched as Matt and Ben finished setting up the dining room table.

As Dudley watched Oliver he noticed that, despite his unfocused look, he was rocking his head back and forth in time with the music and didn't seem that uncomfortable around everyone. Oliver wasn't fat, but his harmless demeanor matched more with the gentle pegasus on his shirt than the frame that filled it out.

"So Oliver, how'd you get into the show?" Asked Dudley, "I mean, what attracted you to-"

"Watched- Watch an episode. She said- Watch an episode."

"His sitter got him into the show when-"

"I watched an episode- episode- watched episodes. Mom didn't- she didn't like it. But I said the ponies make me... happy and I wanted to go- go to a meetup..."

"So this is your first?" Asked Dudley, a little shocked Oliver was so calm.

"Seven- Seventeen."

"Oliver's old hat at this," said Heather, "He's almost been to more meetups than all of us put together."

"I like meeting people. We- we talk about ponies."

Oliver was rocking back and forth more rapidly now, but with a big smile on his face.

"Who's you-"

"I like making new friends."

Dudley was beginning to like Oliver, so he tried again, "Who's your favorite pony?" He was expecting Twilight or maybe Pinkie Pie, from how friendly Oliver was.

"Derpy."

Dudley froze, suddenly aware he might have just stepped on a landmine. Then he noticed out of the corner of his eye that Heather was smiling at him.

"Tell him why, Oliver."

"Because Derpy likes making new friends too. She's not like all the other ponies, but she's still... really friendly," Oliver's rocking had slowed, almost like he was trying to regain balance.

"My mom says I'm not like... other people, but I don't want to stop being friendly," his head stopped rocking and turned slightly towards Dudley.

"I like Derpy... because she doesn't let being different- doesn't let it keep her from doing what- what she wants to do," at this, he lifted his head up and stared in Dudley's direction. His eyes were flicking every which way, but for a few short moments they hovered on Dudley's face before his gaze dropped back down to the carpet.

Dudley let out a breath, he hadn't even realized he'd been holding, and felt a shiver go down his spine. Oliver had returned to his rocking and didn't seem interested in continuing the conversation so Dudley turned to the rest of them.

"And how did you guys get into the show?"

"I found some remixes online and decided to check it out," said Terry, finger-picking a new song.

"I followed the show when it first came out," said Heather, "I used to watch the previous generations when I would babysit, and decided to see where it was going now. After the first few episodes, I was hooked. I don't do anymore babysitting these days, but when I found there was also a pretty big roleplaying side of the fandom I started looking around and got into a few groups. That's how I found this meetup; it's my second."

Dudley was a little confused about what Heather meant by 'roleplaying' but decided to ask Sara about it later as they waited for Grace to tell her story.

Grace was a little nervous, but started into her story once she realized there was only one way for her out of being the center of attention.

"My story's not that different from Terry's. I saw some people posting online and got curious."

"That's it?" Asked Dudley.

"I said it wasn't that interesting."

"Actually you said it wasn't that different from my story," cut in Terry, "So you're saying my story wasn't that interesting."

"No, that's not what I meant."

"We know. Relax, Terry was just being a dork," said Heather, giving Terry a fake hard stare.

Grace blushed as Terry proceeded to play the wah-wah sound effect on his guitar.

Just then Dudley heard Sara call, "I got my stuff. Heather could you help me set it up?" and she came jogging into the living room.

As Heather got up to help, Dudley decided to check out the what the food was like.

The kitchen was about the same size as his parents', with an island in the middle and the sink, stove and refrigerator along the wall facing away from the front of the house. The island was filled with all kinds of edibles from a box of pizza to some vegetables & dip and even some homemade cupcakes.

As he got closer, he could see that every one of the cupcakes had one of the mane sixs' cutie marks drawn on them in frosting and were lined up in six rows of six columns with a slip of paper saying, "Please take your favorite pony's and only one from this end."

He could see someone had already taken a Twilight, Rarity and Applejack from the appropriate end revealing part of a chart below.

"If you want data. Bribe 'em with food first," said someone and Dudley looked up to see Ben come in, "By the time the party's over, I'll know who everyone thinks is best pony."

"Cool idea," replied Dudley, "Did you make these?"

"Eeyup," he replied, then in a more subdued tone, "You OK man? You seem a little confused."

Ben's straightforwardness was a little off-putting, but his laid back attitude kept Dudley at ease. What he had wanted to ask Sara earlier, he now decided to ask Ben.

"What's this 'roleplaying' everyone keeps mentioning?"

"You know D&D?"

Dudley gave him a blank stare.

"Dungeons and Dragons?"

"My parents were never too keen on that game," Dudley replied, "They're not... big fans of magic."

"You can play non-magical characters. The storytelling, adventuring and character-building is what interests most people."

"It's the idea of magic they disapprove of. My parents don't really like anything they consider 'make-believe'."

"Sorry to hear that."

"It's not your fault. It's mostly theirs... although my nephew sure hasn't help."

"Your nephew?"

"Yeah, Harry's been living with us ever since his parents died in a- car accident. He's..." Dudley pondered how to explain real magic without sounding like a nut, "Really interested in that stuff, and it kind of creeps my parents out."

"Both his parents died in a car accident?" Ben sounded a little confused, "What did you say his name was again?"

"Harry," when Ben continued to stare at him, he added, "Potter."

Ben's laid back attitude vanished as his gaze focused on Dudley for a second before scanning around the room to make sure no one was watching. Then he leaned forward and said in a hushed voice, "The Harry Potter? The Boy Who Lived?"

Dudley felt his stomach do a backflip as Harry's world invaded his fandom.

"How do you know him?"

Ben leaned back against the kitchen island and blew a silent breath before he answered Dudley's question, "So you probably thought I was just an American Brony in London, right? Well, turns out I'm actually an American Brony Wizard in London."

"But I thought you people don't use our uh- "Muggle" technology. How'd you... you know?"

Ben shot him a slightly confused glance for a second, "Muggle? Oh, No-Maj. No-magic. Well that's an interesting story. You see my brother-"

He stopped as an dark-haired fellow with a shaggy black beard waddled into the kitchen and eyed the cupcakes hungrily.

"Only one Max," warned Ben.

"I know, I know," the overweight guy replied, adjusting his glasses and surveying the rest of his options, "Don't worry, I'm the last person who'd corrupt your data."

Grabbing two slices of pizza, a can of soda and a few other treats, he turned towards the dining room but stopped.

"You know, you could always shift the data set down one."

"You mean give you a whole row?"

"Yeah, and just ignore the top part of the graph."

Ben eyed him for a second, "If there's a row left at the end, you can have that."

"Great! By the way have you seen Matt? We're having some difficulty with the Wii."

Matthew came walking into the kitchen at that point and greeted them.

"She can be a little finicky at times. Let me see what I can do."

As the two left the kitchen, Ben turned back to Dudley and continued.

"My brother is a No-Maj- Muggle and growing up we had a bit of a sibling rivalry going. So now he's a history professor with an inordinate amount of knowledge concerning the occult, I'm a wizard on the world wide web and our parents are just glad we're both out of the house.

"Honestly, the way our interests lined up, I get the feeling if my brother and I could switch places, we'd go for it."

Dudley was still a little confused by the turn of events. He was having trouble seeing Benjamin as a wizard, but he was also intrigued by a question he'd wanted to ask Harry for some time.

"Have you ever thought about using your magic to... you know?" Dudley gestured, vaguely trying to imply the idea he couldn't quite put into words.

"What? Go to their world? Find a unicorn? Make my own pony?"

"All of the above?"

"Magic doesn't work that way. Frankly, it's a lot more boring than the world of Equestria. Same with unicorns, they're nothing like the ponies. As for my own pony..."

Ben eyed the ceiling as he surreptitiously opened the left side of his coat, which Dudley noticed seemed a bit more wizardly than what everyone else was wearing, to reveal an Applejack plushy complete with stetson.

As Dudley stared, the plushy tipped it's hat politely to him and said, in a perfect AJ impression, "Howdy there partner. Pleasure makin' yer acquaintance."

Closing his coat back up, Ben looked back down at Dudley and grinned, "She's actually more like a program than a spell. I use her to keep notes, set reminders and I'm hoping to find some way to patch in a GPS system. After I finished Wizarding studies I decided to join the army to cover my college and get a degree in computer engineering... She's also really soft and huggable."

"So you don't use your magic that much?" asked Dudley, only now realizing this didn't really fit in with his mother's remark about 'funny business'.

"Not really..." Ben paused before giving Dudley another look, "Though, between the two of us, I could probably make a killing off of plushies if wizarding rules allowed for it."

"Or if my parents allowed it," added Dudley, swearing to himself he'd find some way to get a plushie from Ben if he ever got his own place. "So when is this roleplaying going to start?"

"The sooner the better," said Sara, popping her head out of the bathroom and, taking hold of Dudley's arm, pulling him into the dining room, "Come on, the sooner we get you a character the sooner we can start. Let's explain this to him Heather."

Dudley soon found himself seated at the table while the two girls hammered him with rules, jargon and how to put together his first character, 'Rudley Dunderson' a knight with 'absolutely no magical power, abilities or interests of any sort'.

After he had his character set up Dudley was introduced to Nathan, a beanpole blonde fellow in a black Stetson Fedora. Then everyone else who was playing, piled into the room and took their seats.

As the lights dimmed, Dudley looked around and wished he was in Grace's place. She had chosen to opt out in favor of sitting in one corner watching along with Terry, who also seemed less interested in joining in. Sara was sitting at the head of the table on his left along with Heather, while Ben's chair was on his right and Nathan sat across from him.

Leaning in between Dudley and Heather, Ben lit the three candles in the center of the table and patted Dudley on the shoulder, "Relax man. If you have any questions just ask. Now," He took his seat and looked across the table at Sara, "Matt says you write some killer adventures so let's get this show on the road!"

Dudley took a calming breath of the scented air and felt the room close in around him like a warm blanket.

"You all awaken in a cave, the stone floor is rough against your skin, but you haven't been lying there for too long. The smell of smoke hangs in the air from the three torches in holders on the walls around you, freshly lit."

As the room closed in on him, Dudley felt his mind's eye opening up to the description Sara was giving them. His nose twitched from the oddly rich smell of the candles and he shot a look at Ben, who smiled and winked at him before steepling his fingers and refocusing on Sara.

---

Though the adventure had only lasted 45 minutes or so (according to Sara a lightspeed oneshot) Dudley felt like a lifetime, one he'd never even knew existed, had passed him by.

I gotta ask her if she's doing any more of these when the party's over, he said to himself as everyone piled into the living room to catch the latest episodes.

Max had come back upstairs along with Oliver and Sara's brother Matthew, while Heather had gone downstairs for some MLP Karaoke.

As Matt and Max set up the television, Sara and Nathan started the popcorn. Pretty soon everyone was settled in the couch and a several small bowls were handed down the line to fill from a large bowl of popcorn which came afterwards. Max unfolded a chair at the end of the couch farthest from the popcorn and took possession of the large bowl when it got to him.

Sitting at the end of one couch next to Nathan and Max, Dudley couldn't wait for the episodes to start. He'd never watched an episode with anyone else before and was surprised just how easily he was swept up in it all. No magic candles required.

When the theme song started he sang along with everyone, despite his original opinion that the song was 'the girliest part of the show'.

He laughed at the funny parts, gasped at the unexpected plot points and, when Oliver pointed out Derpy in the background, he cheered along with everyone else. Every single person watching with him seemed to make the episode 20% cooler.

After the first episode, which only Dudley, Matthew and Grace hadn't seen, Grace ventured downstairs to see what the karaoke was like.

The next two episodes were even better than the first and Dudley was relieved that he was now caught up with all the episodes he'd missed since his parents confiscated his computer.

Sara brought the lights back up as the episode finished and several new people filtered up from downstairs. The next 5 minutes or so went by like a blur for Dudley. He met the two last people who'd been downstairs all night until they got hungry enough after the karaoke to venture back upstairs.

The first, Ethan, was a tall dark skinned guy who, despite his muscular frame, was apparently a pushover in any fighting game and thus a weak, crybaby $#!7-gamer according to Emily.

Dudley didn't quite know what to make of Emily. She was short for her age, about as old as Matt or Ben, very pretty with short brown hair and... one of the biggest trash talkers he'd heard in his life. The way she explained it, she had the skills to back up her attitude, but he lost track of how many times Matt, Ben and Ethan had to remind her to tone her language down for everyone.

Terry and Grace seemed to have hit it off downstairs and were sitting in the living room talking. According to Ethan, Grace had surprised everyone with her beautiful voice and she and Terry had sung some epic duets together.

Heather and Oliver were playing cards in the living room as well, and Dudley was about to join the next roleplay session Sara was gearing up for, when Emily challenged him. Apparently, Sara had let it slip that Dudley used to play video games with his friends, and Emily wanted to see if he was any good. Next thing he knew Ethan, Emily and Max were practically carrying him downstairs, Emily letting him know he didn't have a chance, Ethan encouraging him to not back down, and Max rattling off a list of games for Dudley to choose from.

That was how Dudley ended up downstairs, plopped in one of two beanbag chairs with a controller in his hands playing Fighting is Magic on Max's computer. Though he'd never played it before, the classic side-scroller, combo attack nature of it caught his attention. After Ethan gave him a quick walk through and a few easy challenge battles (Emily was right, Ethan was a chump at 1v1) Dudley had taken up the gauntlet and faced off against Emily.

The first battle went badly for Dudley, and he only won the second by the skin of his teeth. He was still trying to internalize the combos. But by the third battle, Dudley was applebucking, ground slamming and lassoing Emily's character into a prim and proper mess.

With one last kick, AJ laid Rarity out cold. Dudley let out a whoop of triumph and got a wave of high fives from everyone except the loser. Emily had gone from glaring at the screen to giving him a raised-eyebrow.

"Alright Dud, kid gloves are off now," she said, "You're a worthy opponent. Best three out of five?"

"I beat you fair and square," said Dudley, smirking, "Admit it."

"I was testing you. Ethan couldn't take the heat, but Sara's brother made it this far, right Max?"

Max's face fell and he let out a groan, "Dangit, she's right. She strung Matt out for two out of three too, then she took him to the cleaners."

"And we're back open for business," said Emily, cracking her neck, "Ready to get your @$$ handed to you or are you chic-chic-chic-chicken?"

Dudley felt a bead of sweat form on the back of his neck, but now was one of the few time's his pre-pony bravado came in handy. Grinning back at her, he hit the start button on his controller, returning her taunt with "That's not how ya call a chicken. This is how ya call a chicken, Emilyyy, Em-Emilyyy!"

In the second match, Dudley learned why Emily had won so many matches. Not only was crazy good... she played dirty. She distracted him twice, once with a cleverly hidden stomp on his foot which threw him for a loop, and the second time with a gentle rub of their shoulders.

Dudley was used to pain; his old mates were masters of that ploy, but the second one caught him off-guard enough that he lost the match.

"Getting about time for me to head home," said Emily, yawning, "The undefeated champion."

"Except for racing games," cut in Ethan.

"They're not my forte. Now let's wrap this up."

"Fooled me once, shame on me," replied Dudley, "Fooled me twice-"

"That's the plan darling," interrupted Emily, imitating Rarity's voice, "Now shut the #^(& up and play."

Dudley didn't even wince. He just hit the start button and pushed off into the flow. AJ moved like another appendage under his control and before too long he had the upper hoof.

Her subtle nudges and bumps slid off him like like a greased block of marble as he whittled away at her health bar. He was so focused on the game that barely any sound from the outside world filtered into his periphery.

As Emily's health bare inched towards nothing Dudley could barely make out Ben trying to warn him about something, like a whining insect in the background.

At last, he felt a set of hands grab his shoulders and haul him out of the beanbag. His controller dropping to the floor and Emily swooped in to wrench victory from the mouth of defeat. Dudley's brain was slowly putting the world back together around him as he realized what Ben had done.

His furious expression... froze as Ben shook him and asked a second time, "Where do you live? Quick before they get down here!"

"Privet Drive," he mumbled, confused.

"Which direction is that?"

Dudley had no idea, but Oliver, who'd joined the group when Dudley challenged Emily, stood up and, facing right of the television screen, answered, "North by North West, about- more than 4 kilometers."

"Stall them as best you can but play it stupid. I was never here and for the sake of Celestia don't try anything violent," said Ben, and the next thing Dudley knew the world around him vanished into a drainpipe, or maybe it was the other way round.

All he knew was that he went from a semi-upright position through several stages of imposition, exposition and juxtaposition to end up in a horizontal position with his head resting on some grass, while his body lay sprawled on the sidewalk.

Rolling over he tried and failed to hold in what his stomach was violently trying to excommunicate from his system. After a few moments of sickness he realized Ben was sitting next to him.

Rolling the other way, he raised a finger but Ben placed his hand over Dudley's and lowered it back to the ground, "Breathe first man. Violent attitude doesn't mix with a post-apparition. We can hash all this out when you get your legs under you and start walking home."

Dudley wanted to argue with Ben, but raising his hand again seemed like far too much to ask of his body and so he relaxed his shoulders and let his head fall back onto the nice soft grass. The night air smelled cool and refreshing and he had to admit he was starting to feel better the more of it he breathed.

At last he sat up and, grimacing from the headache that was just starting, he tried standing. Ben helped him. As he leaned on his "friend", Dudley looked around and realized he wasn't just outside, he was on his own street, a few houses away from his own.

"What... urgh... happened?" he choked out as the, now vertical world, righted itself around him.

"There were some people at the door looking for you so I had to side-along apparate you out of there."

"English, sir!" Spat Dudley, "Do you speak it?!"

"Basically you were Spike for Twilight's first teleport."

"Why?!" Dudley turned to face Ben, just sturdy enough to pull off a glare, "I was winning!"

"Walk along and I'll explain," said Ben and Dudley took a stumbling step in the direction of his house.

"After Oliver went downstairs, Sara, Nathan, Heather and I were starting another adventure, and Sara even got her brother to watch. We'd barely left town when some people came to the door. Sara answered it, but even though they looked like police officers I could see through their disguise. I've had a few run-ins with police where I come from. These guys weren't very polite, knew far too much and were way too comfortable walking over the owner of the house to get who they were after.

"Which was me..." said Dudley, still uncertain, "Those are the only reasons you had for mistrusting them?"

"Two them forgot to hide their wands, and not one of them had any kind of electronic device whatsoever."

Dudley groaned with each step, but he had to admit Ben was right.

"Why me though?"

"Well I may not be as familiar with the wizarding world as my brother, but even I know that nephew of yours is in some kind of political upheaval. Are your parents planning on doing anything about it?"

"They've been talking about it a lot, but every time Harry brings it up they keep trying to dismiss it all and sweep the whole thing under the rug."

"Then I'd suggest you find someway to keep him out and get this wrapped up. No offense, but what's coming is way out of your league. By the way, I saved you one."

Dudley was walking on his own now and turned to take the offered cupcake.

"You never told me who was your favorite, so I took a shot in the dark. I know you said you weren't interested in magic, but technically, Friendship is Magic."

"Thanks."

"Now, if you can make if from here," said Ben, turning to leave, "I've got to go clean things up back at the place. I'll make sure everyone remembers you beat Emily fair and square though." With a wink he vanished into the night and Dudley was left standing on Number 4 Privet Drive with the weight of what he had to do on his shoulders.

...But not before he finished eating the purple starburst cupcake.

---

As the Dursley's drove out of Privet drive Dudley sat quiet in the backseat. He'd tried to put as much sincerity into Harry's goodbye as he could without pushing his father over the edge. Dudley was partially in shock after the events of last night; he'd never seen his father so angry in his entire life.

His mother was right about letting his father have the last word if he didn't shut up at home. After he'd explained what happened, his father had all the words, and Petunia was now doing her best to blend into the background and let Vernon cool down. However, Dudley was unsure if his father would ever ever be capable of that again. The only thing that seemed to be keeping him at rest right now was the fact he was driving away from Harry for good.

The silence in the car was overwhelming. But Dudley could feel the tension in the air like electricity making the hairs on his neck stand up. The tiniest thing could set his father off right now and, unfortunately for everyone, the tiniest thing just so happened to be cutting across the road at that very moment.

Vernon hit the brakes and let fly a livid description of the mental capacity of the jaywalker along with as many choice words as he could think of. But it didn't stop there.

He furiously informed them that the jaywalker was just part of the problem, which included Petunia letting Dudley do whatever the *flip* he wanted...

"Sorry dear. It won't happen again."

By thunder it wouldn't happen again, not if Dudley knew what was good for him. And who did he think he was anyway, fraternizing with them anyway. Frankly, it was Dudley's own fault their sort were coming after him. But that was all going to change. Dudley would finish his education on a stone tablet if that's what it took to keep him out of trouble.

"You hear me Boy!?" He screamed into the rear-view mirror, "I know what you were up to! Thinks he could fool me. That idiotic display with Potter was all because of that stupid show wasn't it!"

Dudley tried to stay silent, but his father wasn't having any of that.

"WELL!?"

"Yeah, it was."

"You're lucky we haven't decided to kick you out on your own. You wouldn't last one day living in your fantasy world. Reality, that's the key. Reality! There's to be no more of this magic-pony-nonsense anymore, you hear?"

The car took on an temporary air of quiet after Vernon's tirade.

"Dad, am I your son?"

"What kind of an asinine question is that? You think we took you in off the streets? We'll never make a mistake like Harry again! I'll guarantee you that."

"Then why are you treating me like him?"

The road they were driving along was now edged on the left side by some empty pastures and the way ahead of them looked clear, which was perhaps partly why Vernon decided it was OK to turn around and start berating Dudley.

"YOU DON'T EVER COMPARE YOURSELF TO THAT GOOD FOR NOTHING! YOU'RE A DURSLEY! YOU UNDERSTAND? A DURSLEY!!!"

"Honey?!"

Petunia and Dudley had just noticed, with Vernon distracted, the car had started to wander into the other lane.

"WE'RE GOING TO KNOCK THIS OUT OF YOU, NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES! YOU'RE NOT LEAVING THE HOUSE UNTIL YOU'RE AS NORMAL AS ANYONE. NO MORE POTTER! NO MORE MAGIC! NO MORE TELEVISION! NO MORE ANYTHING, IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES! YOU HEAR ME BOY?! YOU'RE NOT LEAVING THE HOUSE UNTIL YOU LEARN-"

With a screech, his mother wrenched the wheel out of Vernon's hands and drove the car out of the path of the oncoming truck and onto the side of the road. His father hit the breaks and they came to dusty, jarring halt, the sound of the truck's horn fading behind them.

"I'm driving."

Vernon tried to say something between heaving breaths, but Petunia's voice brooked no argument.

"I SAID, I'M DRIVING. NOW GET OUT!"

Dudley's parents swapped seats and the car became silent once again except for the hushed breathing and pounding heartbeats in everyone's ears.

After they'd been driving for about 15 or so minutes and left Little Whingings behind them, Vernon tried to say something.

"QUIET!" Ordered Petunia and Vernon's voice faded out for a moment before he whispered a single word.

"Sorry."

It hung in the air as Dudley debated responding. The tables had turned, but after what just happened, he was as wary of his mother as his father.

"What?"

Vernon gave his wife a cautious look, as if to say, I'll be quiet, I just need to say this, but Petunia's gaze was locked stoically on the road before them. So slowly, haltingly Vernon began to speak.

"I'm sorry for what I said... I was out of line."

Vernon took another look at his wife and continued.

"I don't understand everything you've told us... But I see you were looking out for our safety."

"Like Benjamin was for me," added Dudley.

In the rear-view mirror Dudley saw his father wince and look away towards his side of the vehicle. But as he did so, Petunia edged the car into the right lane and Vernon shot back up with a start and shouted, "YES."

Petunia brought the car back into the left lane and Vernon continued, with a gulp, "If you could do that for us... I suppose it might be unfair-"

Petunia tapped the brakes.

"For your sake, we can talk about this whole thing- You're growing up and... maybe it's time we let you have a say in your future."

"I'd like that Dad."

"I'm not touching this pony stuff, but... I'll keep my opinions to myself... Fine?"

"Thanks Dad."

They continued driving for a few more moments before Petunia spoke.

"You've changed so much Dudley. Where did my little boy go?"

"I'm right here Mom. I guess I just grew out of being a child watching that show..."

Comments

[Blik]

While I'm uncertain as to where the last chapter fits in the HP timeline (early book 7?), it was well-written and enjoyable to read. Thank you for telling this story. I love anything that paints Dudley as becoming less of a jerk.

[No One and Nobody]

10281018
You're correct. This chapter starts right after the Dursleys leave in books 7, it was a deleted scene in the movie that originally gave me the idea for this story and if you look into the post-series lore Dudley and Harry are actually on speaking terms.
You could argue Dudley's Dementor experience changed him, but us pony writers gotta write pony soooo...

[TheOneAJ]

A harry potter crossover! :o
I guess this was before book seven :3

[DianaBetic]

This is cannon you can’t change my mind! I loved this and I honestly don’t think I have smiled and laughed at a fic this much in a long time! Awesome job also I love the titles they remind me of the Winnie the Pooh chapter titles.

[No One and Nobody]

11841780 You don't say... in that case, maybe you'd like:

EOh, Bother

• MLP: FiM
• Comedy
• Slice of Life

Adventures can be had anywhere, really. From the wide, wide world of Equestria, to the Hundred Acre Wood. Who says they can't happen in both?

• Crossover
• Pinkie
• Other

Daemon McRae · 5.4k words  ·  266  5 · 4.6k views

Pity, it's incomplete.