The Unbefuddling of Dudley Dursley

by No One and Nobody

Chapter 4: In Which Dudley Branches Out

Chapter 4: In Which Dudley Branches Out

It had been several weeks now and Dudley still didn't have his computer, despite his apology the following morning. While his mother seemed to take his apology to heart, his father was still unconvinced with Dudley's sudden repentance and highly suspicious of his motives.

His excuses that he needed it for his homework had fallen on deaf ears and he was reduced to rereading his text books and asking for help from his fellow students and teachers. Twilight's lessons in studiousness were paying back serious dividends now, though he preferred to keep this to himself.

"A week or so should knock some sense into that boy's head," he could remember his father saying, as Petunia cleaned up after supper, "I always thought there was something unhealthy about this internet-thing. I see it's uses mind you, but if we're not careful this next generation will get so they never want to leave the house. Moderation in all things, I say."

"Of course dear," Petunia had replied, halfheartedly.

The clock on the nightstand ticked away, contrasting the silence of his room as Dudley lay in bed. Dinner had also been a quiet affair, despite Vernon's attempts at starting a conversation. Dudley felt a distinct lack of interest which seemed to permeate his waking life now, and his father had given up cajoling after his attempts had been answered with single-syllable replies. Vernon informed Petunia everything was going well at Grunnings and, aside from some snide remarks that Harry was chewing too loudly, they finished their meal in silence.

Pinkie hopped up on his bed and laid her head on his chest like a friendly pet. He could imagine her fur smoothing out against his shirt as she sighed.

Several moments passed and Dudley looked over at his clock to see how much more time he had left before he would be going to bed... (not that he wanted to)

8:56, another hour or two and-

"I'm boooorreed," moaned the pink mass of curls, her voice rumbling through his diaphragm, "Let's do something!"

"There's nothing to do," replied Dudley, his gaze returning to the ceiling.

"Sure there is silly. You could sing a song, or do a silly dance. You could climb a tree or bake a cake, anything besides lying here and being a borifically boring boredy-pants. Think what a snorefest of a fanfiction that would be to read."

"Or write," added Dudley.

"Exactly! See, I knew you could come up with something."

"That's not what I meant. Besides I couldn't write a fanfiction. That requires imagination and stuff."

Suddenly, Dudley found himself nose-to-nose with the pink mare, her blue eyes burning twin holes into his soul and her barrel heaving hot breath into his face.

"Say that to me again," she said, her voice low and threatening, "I dare you..."

Dudley couldn't have, even if he'd wanted to, so he chose instead to reply, "Besides... I don't have my computer."

"I write with my mouth!" Said Pinkie, sitting up, a pencil balanced on her nose. Her beaming smile had returned and it was like the scare of a few seconds ago had never happened.

"You don't have to write a whole story, you could just come up with an idea, or a poem, or a song or draw a picture or make a card or-"

"Fine, if I draw a picture, will you leave me alone?"

Pinkie cocked her head at him and raised an eyebrow, "You really want me to leave you... all alone?"

Dudley realized he'd painted himself into a corner and chose not to answer her question.

"It's either that or you spend the rest of the evening talking to yourself."

"You mean, talking to you," he said, bobbing his head as he stood up from his bed.

"Exactly!"

Dudley sat at his desk, turned the lamp on, picked up a piece of paper and pencil and stared at the sheet which looked as empty as his brain felt. The blank white sheet just sat there, an intractable brick wall.

A minute passed and Dudley still hadn't touched it. He could feel his scalp through his hair as he rested his forehead on his hand and scratched his head. The 'tap-tapping' of his pencil on the table and a soft whooshing sound behind him were the only noises in his room.

Halting his tapping, Dudley glanced to his left and saw Pinkie, her tail whooshing back and forth on the carpeted floor like a puppy. When she saw he was looking at her she tilted her head to one side and smiled.

Dudley returned to his paper before something dawned on him.

If I can imagine her there whey can't I imagine her here on the paper?

Turning in his chair so that he could see her better while maintaining a working surface, Dudley told her not to move and she froze in that exact position. Graphite began working its way onto the paper, but Dudley was too fixated on the image to notice the texture against his fingers.

Dudley started by tracing her outline and then filling in some important parts like her eyes, nose and mouth. Then he began adding details like her ears, the curls in her hear and overlapping edges like where her legs bunched up, sitting down.

After he'd gotten the centers of her eyes filled in, he pulled out a drawer and dug around for the right colors to finish his piece of art. As he colored in his drawing he could feel excitement welling up in him and in no time whatsoever he was looking at a simple picture he'd drawn of Pinkie Pie, a few tufts of carpeting the only other reference point on the sheet.

It was by no means as good as the pictures he used to have on his screensaver, but he had to admit it was much better than what he'd thought he could have accomplished. The pride of his accomplishment filled him up and a smile spread across his face.

Lifting up his paper he knew he'd gotten Pinkie's attention and could imagine her slowly extending her head up over his shoulder, like a possessed giraffe, to get a better look.

With a jerk of his head, he could see her sitting exactly as before, the long-necked image in his mind the pure speculation of imagination...

As he went to put it in his drawer, underneath everything so only he knew where it was, he suddenly got the urge to show it to someone.

But I don't know anyone I could- Then he remembered Sara from school. Since his parents had taken his devices he'd been too busy sulking and studying to talk to her. But now that he had something to show her, he felt a little of the enthusiasm from before returning. Folding up the picture, he tucked it into his backpack and looked at the clock on his nightstand.

Looks like I'll be tired at school again, he thought, yawning. I've missed that.

---

Dudley waited till none of his old friends were around before approaching Sara. No one at school knew they'd talked before and he wanted to keep it that way.

"Hey," he said, setting his backpack on the ground, "Sorry I haven't been able to talk for a while."

"That's OK. You were busy."

"My parents took my computer away 'cause they found out what I was doing with my free time."

"Ponies?"

Dudley nodded.

"Sorry to hear that," said Sara, her smile fading, "What are you planning to do?"

"Right now I'm just kind of riding things out. But I have something I wanted to show you. Do you mind?"

Sara shrugged and Dudley pulled the folded slip of paper out of his pack and handed it to her.

"Not bad," she said, unfolding it. "Did you draw this from memory?"

"Kinda. I imagined she was sitting in my room and this is how it turned out."

"You've got some imagination," she handed the paper back to him, "I can imagine things in my head, but not as clearly as that. That's why I stick with fanfics."

"You didn't tell me you wrote fanfiction," he said tucking the picture away, "If I had my computer I'd offer to check them out. By the way I checked out the story you mentioned before, Anthropology. I finished listening to it in the library after my parents confiscated my PC."

"What did you think?"

"Even better than the song! Wish I could catch the rest of the episodes or talk to someone like you about ponies, but my parents are stuck in their ways... I guess I was too before I got into Ponies."

Sara gave him a strange look and then grinned.

"Is that so? You know, my parents are leaving my brother and I home next weekend and I suggested we should get together some friends and have a sort of 'mini-convention' before he leaves for his next tour of duty. You're welcome to come, if you want."

Dudley backed up and did a quick glance around to check if anyone was watching, "Anyone from this school?"

Sara shook her head, "Just people we know online, or that we've met at other conventions and a few friends my brother's made while overseas. We're probably just gonna watch a few episodes, play some board games, video games and eat pizza. Nothing that big."

"My father won't let me go."

"What about your mother?"

Dudley shook his head and shouldered his bag, "It sounds cool. I really wish I could go, sorry. I'll let you know when I get my computer back. See ya later." With a slight wave he left her standing there, a thoughtful look on her face.

---

The library was silent except for the drumming of his fingers on the computer mouse.

He'd finished his studying and was staring at the home page of the site where he used to catch all the My Little Pony episodes, before his parents' found out. The search bar was empty and he was debating watching the latest episode.

Leaning back in his chair he scanned the library for the umpteenth time. Aside from the librarian behind the desk, another re-shelving books and a handful of browsing patrons the library really was his best option for scratching that itch. But he was still nervous.

What if one of my old friends walks in? What if they all do? What if the librarian sees me?

In his mind's eye, Dudley could see his classmates filing into the library. Some were studying, some goofing off, others browsing and his old friends were making life difficult for everyone.

As he watched, everything seemed to go out of focus for a second, and then he and everyone in the library were standing in the middle of Canterlot, the spires of the royal castle rising towards the sky behind them and multicolored ponies stared in shock at the unexpected, alien visitors.

Several people started freaking out while the librarians tried to regain order and younger children began hugging the parents and crying. However, Dudley's vision was trained on his brash old friends, who seemed unfazed and disbelieving of their change in location.

The largest walked up to a nearby produce stand and picked up a piece of the owner's wares, squeezing until all that was left was a mess of green mush.

"Umm, are you... uh going to pay for that?" asked the merchant pony, nervously.

"It talked-" said another of his friends, while most of the other people from the library focused on it like it was was a talking pink and beige pony... which it was.

"You see that too?" said the first kid, dropping the mangled vegetable and hiking a second towards the others, "I don't know what we're smoking, but this is weird guys."

"My cabbages!" shouted the storekeeper as another of Dudley's old friends caught it, felt it and passed it to the next.

"Look at this," said the first, spreading one of the wings of the pony and laughing, "Look's like what my little sister would draw if she were a sissy!"

Out of the corner of his eye Dudley could see two royal guards, a pegasus and a unicorn, making their way towards the group. The kids hadn't noticed them yet, despite several ponies stepping aside to make way for the armored figures. Dudley wasn't sure how much of a difference they would make, they were still only about half the size of the boys.

"Excuse me," said the pegasus guard, drawing to a halt before the lead kid and looking up, his helmet tilting back, "Is there a problem?"

Lifting the guard's helmet by the blue plume, the young man laughed and, ignoring the guards, continued talking to his friends.

"Check it out guys, we've got ourselves some 'tough guys'."

Dudley watched as the eyes of the pegasus guard flicked to the unicorn and he gave a quick nod of his head. With that, the three young men were engulfed in floating light-blue orbs. The helmet dropped out of the first kid's hands and the pegasus scooped it up with one wing and placed it back on his head. Then his gaze turned towards Dudley and the rest of the humans.

The clink of armor rattling drew Dudley's attention to the squad of soldiers that had surrounded the group and were now moving forward, herding the humans into one big group.

Dudley could see little kids huddled with their parents in the center as several librarians tried to form a semi-protective barrier around the families.

"We come in peace," said Dudley, his hands raised as he took one step towards the pegasus guard who appeared to be in charge.

The guard raised a wing and the squad froze, as his gaze fixed on Dudley. Dudley felt equal parts terrified as well as ecstatic that he was being stared down by an actual, living pony.

"And them?" asked the guard, jerking his head towards the hushed hovering hoodlums.

"Bad eggs," replied Dudley, choosing to ignore the angry glares from his previous classmates, "Every school has a few."

The guard dropped his wing and stepped forward, "Do you promise to cause no further harm and take them with you when you return from whence you came?"

"Uh, yeah and ... no. I'm afraid we don't know how we got here."

"My guess would be magic... sir," cut in the unicorn guard, the glow from his horn never wavering as he focused on the incapacitated miscreants.

"Don't think so," replied Dudley, looking back at the group of assorted humans who had been with him in the library when this all started, "None of us know how to use magic."

He left out that he did know at least one magic user because, despite not knowing if it were possible, he couldn't really see Harry sending an entire library of people to another universe. Possible, maybe, but highly unlikely.

"Then how did you all get here?" asked the pegasus, taking command of the conversation again.

Dudley wasn't sure he wanted to reveal just how much he knew about Equestria just yet, so he made sure to take an exaggerated look at the floating blue orbs before replying, "Uhhh... something on your end?"

Suddenly, every unicorn guard's eyes froze as their horns lit up. The group of humans let out an muted gasp of fright which died out as they saw nothing was happening. Then the unicorn holding the three rambunctious teens turned to his superior and said, "Message from her highness. There's been some sort of magical accident, and she wishes to know if we've seen anything... anomalous."

The pegasus, who was looking at the unicorn, turned back to Dudley and raised an eyebrow. Dudley couldn't help but give a halfhearted 'ta-da' gesture and smile.

The guard sighed and, dismissing the rest of the squad except for the unicorn, started towards the castle, "Follow us."

Dudley started after them then, turning to look at the rest of the group, he saw that they were still huddled like the frightened bunnies from AJ's failed herding attempt. As the ponies around them returned to their normal routines, confident that the princesses had the 'anomalies' under control, the clumped together humans continued glancing every which way in borderline panic.

Not knowing what else to do, he beckoned for them to follow him and continued after the guard, a little in awe that he now had the authority to lead such a large group of people.

As they continued up the steps and through the castle door he imagined they were only slightly less awed than he was. The marble floors and flowing tapestries were even more magnificent in real life. Every set of guards that they passed by came to attention, straitening their spears to the horror of Dudley's entourage.

Looking behind him, Dudley saw (what appeared to be) a hundred-legged mass of frantic eyes and entwined arms as the knot of people clung to each other and hurried after him.

Not looking where he was going, Dudley's head bumped against one of the floating bubbles as the guards in front of him came to a stop before a set of huge doors.

"Wait here," said the pegasus, and he stepped into the throne room beyond.

While waiting to be shown in, Dudley gave a small smile to the remaining guard. The younger unicorn glanced at him with a confused look, before exchanging an equally quick smile.

A second or two of silence hung in the air, until the doors swung open and the pegasus stepped aside to let them approach the princesses. Dudley was surprised and delighted to see all four princesses and Discord, standing before the thrones.

Discord rubbed his neck and polished a small portion of the marble floor with the tuft of his tail before interjecting, "Oh come on! Like you've never sneezed magic before? I'm a living embodiment of chaos. Accidents are a statistical certainty in my case."

"We understand Discord," said Celestia, adopting a placating manner, to perhaps ease the humans' fears as much as the draconequus's, "Can you return them to where they came from?"

"Better than that. How about I help them forget any of this ever happened?"

"Wait!" Interjected Dudley, "You can send them home, but I want to say something."

The princesses and Discord looked at him expectantly as silence fell in the throne room and Dudley realized they were waiting for him to speak before sending anyone home.

He could hear the shuffling of feet behind him and hear the muted whispering as people started muttering about him. Then he looked up at the thrones and his eyes met Twilight as he made up his mind.

"You brought us all here against our will, and while I don't know about everyone else," he gestured to the people behind him, "I don't want to forget any of this, and I'd like to stay a little longer so I could get to know more about you."

"Excuse me?" said Celestia, as Dudley felt the eyes of everyone behind him like the hot rays from the sun on the back of his neck.

"You see," he continued, "I'm... a fan you ponies."

"Excuse me!"

"And Discord too," said Dudley, raising a hand and nodding to Discord with his eyes closed.

"Excuse me, sir? Other people may wish to use the computer."

"Huh?" Dudley opened his eyes and looked up to see one of the librarians tapping the blank computer monitor he had been sitting at for some time.

"If you aren't going to use it, I'd suggest you leave this station open so other patrons may use it."

---

Later, as Dudley sat with his textbook open, staring at the ceiling, he pondered the imaginary scenario. Would it really be worth everyone finding out about ponies, if I could get to see them for real even once? What would be worth everyone finding out about my interest in MLP? Slowly, he began whittling down the options in his head.

1. Meeting the ponies for real? Totally worth it!

2. Meeting the voice actors? Maybe.

3. Meeting a artist or fimfic author? ... But Sara's an author...

Dudley was beginning to realize his previous position of anonymity was crumbling beneath him. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to go to that brony party, to meet others like himself, to know and be known. But his father would never allow it... And his mother wouldn't... Would she?

His gaze dropped absently to his textbook, but his mind was back home running through different routes of persuasion. He was so fixated on figuring out some way to get to go, he didn't see Sara lead his mother into the library and point her in his direction.

He jumped as his mother rapped on the table to get his attention.

"Sorry to interrupt you dear, but you have a dentist appointment to get to."

Dudley recalled his mother telling him she would be picking him up that afternoon as he picked at his plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. He hadn't been hungry that morning and was barely paying attention. Despite the food tasting great, the bacon cooked to crunchy perfection and the eggs soft and tender, all he could focus on was showing Sara his drawing.

Packing his books into his backpack, he apologized for not being ready or meeting his mother where she'd told him to.

"You're lucky someone showed me where you were," she returned, and Dudley looked up to see Sara looking at him with a curious smile on her face.

"Glad to help Mrs. Dursley," she said. Then, just before she turned to leave, she waved at Dudley and said, "Really hope you can make it to the party next Friday."

He winced, Well there goes any chance I had of sneaking out...

As his mother walked him to the car she handed him his toothbrush and reminded him to brush when they got there. Despite a distinct lack of smiling or levity in the Dursley house, no child of Petunia Dursley would every be declared 'lacking in oral hygiene'.

He watched as the houses passed by outside his window, absentmindedly responding to his mother's questions.

School? - Fine.

Grades? - Fine.

Party? - ...

He blinked and turned to look at his mother, "Huh?"

"I said, why didn't you tell me that nice girl invited you to a party?"

Dudley felt his chest lock up, An opportunity had presented itself! Take it carefully, don't mention ponies., "I guess I thought you and Dad were still angry at me."

Play to the pity side.

"This doesn't involve your computer or ... that stuff. You would be hanging out with your friends and playing video games right?"

She thinks Sara's one of my old friends!

"Pretty much. We'd also probably watch some movies and eat snacks, nothing bad."

My Little Pony isn't bad. It's great!

"I think it's a positive thing to get your mind off all this nonsense. I'll talk with your father tonight and see if he can drive you there. How does that sound?"

Dudley agreed, but the pressure on his chest didn't go away. In fact, it got worse.

How am I going to hide what the party's about, if he's driving me there?!

As they pulled up to the dentist and he opened the car door, Dudley could see AJ waiting for him with a deep frown on her face.

You don't need to say anything. I know I lied. But it's so I can go hang out with some nice people who actually share my interest.

She continued to frown at him while he sat in the waiting room.

If my parents knew what the party's really about, they wouldn't let me go!

The dentist's chair was uncomfortable despite the reclined position as he continued trying to moralize his decision while waiting for the dental hygienist to return.

I can tell my parents afterwards... I can mention we might watch TV shows... I could tell them I don't know everyone who'll be there... Please just let me explain anything to them but that? Please... I really want to go.

Applejack sighed and shook her head, "Sugar cube, if ya aren't gonna tell yer parents the truth, how're ya gonna enjoy the party in the first place? Would ya rather be honest and know that you could have enjoyed it in good faith, or go under false pretenses and be miserable the whole time?"

With that the nurse came back in, picked up a probe and mirror, and Dudley opened his mouth, still thinking about AJ's words.

---

A pothole jostled him as they made their way home, and brought him back to the point he was trying to avoid. The pit of his stomach didn't feel queasy anymore; now there was just a calm fright for what his mother would say.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Duddy."

"I wasn't completely honest with you before... about the party."

Beside him, he could feel AJ giving him an encouraging look.

"Sara and her brother are also fans of the show, and that's kind of what this party's mostly about. That's why I knew you wouldn't let me go."

Dudley's mouth didn't taste good, but it wasn't dry or gross either. He felt... bland. Like he'd done what he needed to for once in his life, but for zero payoff.

He waited for his mother to scold him, to let him know how ashamed she was he would lie to her and go behind her back to keep watching the show. But the car was silent, and Dudley started to wonder if she'd even heard him.

What if his confession had all been in his head? I'd have to say it all over again.

"These aren't your old friends from before?"

"No. Sara's the only one I've met. I don't even know her older brother."

"Then you wouldn't be playing video games..."

"That was the truth, just not all of it. We would probably watch a few episodes, talk, play games and snack. I think she mentioned board games when she told me about it earlier."

"Your father won't allow it."

"Yeah, I know."

As they pulled into the driveway Dudley thought about what he'd just done. Applejack was right. He didn't feel happy knowing he couldn't go to the party, but it pleased him a little to know he'd done the right thing in AJ's eyes.

Unbuckling his seatbelt, he looked at his mother and said, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you to whole truth."

His mother stared straight ahead, her hands gripping the wheel as the motor continued to run. Without looking at him she asked, "Would going to this party make you happy Dudley?"

His hand froze on the door handle and, with a gulp, he nodded.

"Yes, it would."

His mother turned off the car, looked down at the keys and then glanced at him. The moment seemed to teeter on the edge of a cliff as they sat there, barely breathing. Then his mother spoke.

"If you really want to go, I'll take you. You're father won't drive you, so don't go upsetting him. I'll explain what he needs to know."

Dudley couldn't believe what he was hearing. I'm going to the party!?

An uncontrollable smile split his face and he reached out to hug his mother, but she batted his hand away and wagged a finger at him, "But I'm warning you. If anything... unnatural happens at this party or you come home and don't shut up about it, your father will have the last word."

"Got it," he said. Then he reached out again and wrapped an arm around his mother.

"Thanks Mom. This really means a lot to me."

Author's Note:

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!
I know I'm late posting, but I did finish 'writing' the chapter on Sunday...

Comments

[Blik]

"MY CABBAGES!!!" Every time I see that worked in, I can't help but laugh.

And you know, if you were to use an HP tag on this, you'd likely get more traffic. This is really a good story.

[No One and Nobody]

10280985
Thank you for the suggestion and I'm glad you like it. I'm not as proud of this story as my others, but hey, if people enjoy it.