• Member Since 29th Dec, 2019
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Allegrano_Melody


The best thoughts come from the shower and in your dreams.

T
Source

Discord always help the world of Equis but not everyone likes it when he tries to keep balance.

However, Discord has a mission to make sure that Equis will not be lost while he has a say. Taking three souls from Earth and main six on an adventure through a magical school of Hogwarts.

Let the wacky adventure begin.

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 42 )

There are a few grammatical errors in both chapters but nothing that bad. The larger problem is centered around the Discord parts as they just feel off. I hope in the next few chapters we can find more out about the personality of our three new heroes as I can't get a new read on them.

Another thing I have caught is that one character shares your user name. Is he supposed to be a fictional you or is it your OC? If so you should use the self insert tag so people are aware of this.

Overall this is looking to be an interesting story and I hope as it goes on you can take inspiration from more then just Magic School Days. I eagerly await the next chapter.

10110340
Thank you, and everything has fixed to my ability.

"Aetherdal, but he is weak," said Solomon. He quickly used some wandless magic to check that these girls had a lot of magic, and mine was not as powerful as there. Solomon knew that Aetherdal was a muggle, but they had some magic but didn't know about it. He thought that the witches would be questioning him on why he was friends with one. So just saying that he was weak in magic might make sure that he was taken in and looked over and just thought his magic drained.

The second sentence after the comma feels like an incomplete idea.

Angel didn't like just sitting down and being forced to wait. Then she just stared at the mirror and was shocked to see herself as a young girl. Her black jet hair that had been dyedyed many times and now was an electric blue short hairstyle was there. Her eyes were deep orange and that she looked more developed than her old body. She was never a fit person, as she liked to read a lot, but now she looked like she did exercises on a routine. Then the door open, and two people walked in.

Just a few quick grammatical edits that where easy to miss.

Overall this was an interesting chapter and I enjoyed watching as our three former humans took in their new surroundings.

I have fixed the mistakes that you have pointed out. Thank you for pointing them out for me.

Aetherdal and Solomon

Er... Who are those two, again? I've read all the books but I don't remember anyone by that name.

10117487
Two characters that I have sorted created since there are some Harry Potter fanfics out there and a history of Hogwarts that was written. The characters do exist but I am using different names and slightly changing there personalities to fit the story.

Ouch, I feel sorry for Celestia in this chapter. Getting one of those must never be fun. Then again I am surprised that she didn't think Discord was responsible in the first place.

This is an interesting rewrite. Let's see all the other changes!

Wow this feels so different with the rewrite. I am liking what you have done.

This is a nice flow between all of the characters in the new updates. Now I wonder who will spill the beans first?

So the answers are starting to come out. Now the question becomes can Celestia put it all together once she has most of the pieces or will she not be able to piece it all together?

Comment posted by Allegrano_Melody deleted April 2nd

The whole part with Discord has me scratching my head. Is this future Discord talking, alternate universe Discord, or Discord who stole the script of the show and decided to have some fun? All can apply.

10255419
Well, Discord is always chaotic and does make any think a lot. Also, this is Discord who knows what to do but doesn’t tell anyone about it because it ruins the surprise. So basically the Discord is all of the above and more.

Hello Allegrano, this is a very interesting fanfic ! You are mixing up two worlds that I love, HP and MLP, nicely.
(Sunburst in BronyTales)

Nice story to read. Continue like that !

Is this going to be a Reverse Gender Role in Equestria (RGRE) story? With how both men are being treated I don’t think they are going to be happy. Plus with how young the mane 6 seem it feels odd they are all either to be married or want to be married.

10387785
This will mostly be regular characters from the show with a twist. Most of the population problems are the ratios of the genders. Also, for four out of the six, they are not in love or wanting to be married. Twilight is using this situation to get out of her more dreaded duties of being a noble—many nobles at a young age, given the education to find a partner at a young age. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are more in a mothering mode since they see Solomon that needs help, and thus they want to form a herd not for marriage yet but maybe later but for more of protection. Finally, the ponies a lot more different than humans. I have them that they live longer and that they age quickly and is the reason why young fillies and colts can be left alone. Everything else will show in the next few chapters.

Why would her doing that have brought over Modypants?

10398286
Think of a time paradox, some things that happen before they should cause problems. The timeline can be bent so much before one small act could create it. Let's say that all ponies in Ponyvillie knew of a way to do magic that was new and unique. This would force Angel to leave Ponyvillie and become a student at Canterlot. She has not been there long enough to make a connection. Discord is only doing to see to make sure that Angel follows the plan and help her learn to act like her old self. If you start to get comfortable in a certain way of life, then you lower your guard. Discord is only doing what he does because each timeline has been ways of going. Discord is making sure the little things are going in the right direction to make sure that significant events are affected in different ways.

10398384

Ok I understand. It wasn’t clear that was what he wanted.

Aetherdal, Solomon, Angel? Why do they have such weird names?

Suppose all 3 of them are in their 30s and ponies are pitying them as if they are still 15. It's not really clear if the ponies are anthro or not.

10409057
The origins of there names will be described in a later chapter, but for now, there are a lot of weird wizards and witches characters from the books and especially the lore.

10409164
Both Solomon and Aetherdal have not fully recovered, and so they are seen by ponies by needing help. Also, they are from the 80s, so there reference to creatures they may never encounter. Think of the Movie IT, and the clown is based on what the people can receive from there knowledge. There is a reason why I don't do many scenes with Angel, and you will see it later. Also, the age difference is from the perspective as ponies that are filled with magic live much longer than humans. The next chapter will have many things to explain, but for now, imagine the age scale of growing up is different. If have any more questions, then I try to answer him to the best of my ability without giving spoilers to the next chapter.

10409164
Didn't notice at all until "hands" first cropped up. By that point, I was too invested for the usual dislike of that tag to kick me out by itself.

10431975
I am glad that you are invested in my story.

Are we sure Angel is on the right side? Her first reaction when someone sneaks up on her is to kill it.

10456011
A dark figure loomed over Angel. Think of a large creature that is about to attack, and you feel nothing but angry emotions. The massive thing was to represent something as scary as a Dementor or a Death Eater. More will be explained, but the mystery will be a mystery for now on which side she is on.

This is rather interesting. To be honest, based on the long description, I expected something quite different, but what you have here could make for a solid tale as well. However, what stood out to me the most is that each part of these two chapters I’ve read sounds as if it was written by a different person—don’t get me wrong, I do not mean to suggest anything with this, it’s just that the story feels that way, and I have no idea how to describe it better. The opening was rather gripping and flowed nicely, but the part following it was worded really roughly and had quite a few grammar errors. I was really surprised when that didn’t carry over to this chapter—your grammar and wording is sound here, though I have to say the descriptions are also rather fast-paced and tell-y, and the dialogues are somewhat stiff and unnatural, resulting in the chapter being really hard to get immersed in.

Also, regarding Discord, I was wondering if your AU version of him is still trapped in stone? He sounds pretty tame to me as compared to the show’s evil version of him. Furthermore, it’s better to include author’s notes at the end of the chapter. If you put them at the start, they might either get skipped or turn some readers away.

10490778
Between the chapters, I put a lot more time in the first one, and I am better at story narration than dialogue. The dialogue is hard for me since the characters are much younger and thus have slightly different personalities. I also have an editor, so my author notes were usually at the top for him, and I changed them and forgot to place them to the bottom. I will change that, and thank you for pointing that out to me. My version of Discord is one that I see from the show but was not told and that he was a villain only to keep the balance of the world. Discord is this all-powerful being, and yet I know the show makes it seems that they win against every enemy, but I believe that they are master plans from Discord to keep the timeline going. I see him as the hero who lived long enough to become the hero. Chapter Two is my weak chapter since that is the only one that was written once. Thank you for your comment, and use your advice to the best of my ability.

10491130
You’re welcome, I’m glad I could help a little.

And I see. That’s a rather interesting take on Discord, one that I can see working rather well.

10491137
I am glad you like my take on Discord. I feel this is how he is represented, and I hope you enjoy my story.

The thestral screamed, "Wait! I don't know how to fly!"

Ah the good ol push a bird from it’s nest to see if it flies.

Interesting story. Added to my read list.

It would seem that both the Potters and the Longbottom's are descendants of Godric Gryffindor.

Comment posted by KittyrinnAiko deleted November 26th

Gingerly, she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. There was a distinct clop when she stood. Tentatively, she took a step. Another clop greeted her ears. Looking down, she exclaimed, "Hooves?" She staggered to the bathroom and threw open the door. For some reason, the sink seemed higher than usual. Looking up at the mirror, she saw a filly staring back at her. Instead of her standard jet black, the pony had an electric blue mane. Where she expected gray eyes, she found a deep orange. Experimentally she flexed a bicep. "That's different." Her hand traveled down to her belly and gave it a tentative rub. "Nice firm. Goodbye, kevlar!"

I'd like to think we'd get a little more of a reaction. I can see where being a witch she might dismiss her transformation but even then, and she's thinking of taking off on her own without any consideration to the situation she's in. As though she's in a muggle hospital? Any witch from the world of Harry Potter waking up in a muggle hospital looking like an anthropomorphic pony is going to be thinking -Oh my god the muggles have seen me like this?! As soon as Bright Mac and Pear Butter arrive she should be having some kind of existential crisis. At the very least she needs to be thinking about reassessing her preconceived notions concerning the situation she's in.

Not a single character is really reacting appropriately to anthropomorphic ponies. No double takes or anything, they just seem to be responding like this is normal and it left me really scratching my head in places. Is this supposed to be Discord's doing?

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