Orian
Joined 22nd Aug, 2015 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Seems like this will be a good story.
I'm going to guess that this virus is kinda like zombies? (Not sure if you wrote that somewhere, but if you did I probably missed it.)
But yeah, story followed!
6413086 The virus is going to pay a bit of homage to the Krippin Virus from I am Legend movie adaption. Great premise, just somewhat underutilized which has given me some wiggle room. I hope to have some good fun with it, but lacking the tragedy and gore tags I've set the line to just how far I can/will take it.
Kinda confusing, but digging the I Am Lgend vibe. Staying tuned
The perspective shifts got a little confusing at times, but it's really good so far. You've earned a like and I'll be following this.
6413612 Glad you're enjoying the story. Always trying to improve and enjoy feedback to let me know how things are going. Thank you for reading!
6414949 That was something of an experiment for me to try and not pull the reader out of immersion. I do plan to go back and see if i can accomplish that without confusing the reader, which defeats the purpose. Thank you for the feedback and giving the story your compliments!
Even just an extra linebreak would make the scene transitions clearer
I have no idea what is going on in this story.
This was much easier to understand, please keep up the good work.
Wink wink
CURSE MY DIRTY MIND
You need to write a chapter explaining exactly whats going on in this story because i cant be the only one with no clue.
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6421462
I agree. I messed up there and have a chapter being made to smooth out what/why/where in between the first two. I should have it out soon and appreciate letting me know how you felt. When I used to write, I would make one very large chapter and then split it to keep things flowing better, and I think I am going to kick myself back into this habit. At times what goes on in your head, as the writer, stays in there after you put it on paper.
It's not bad, but boy it's pretty hard to follow. I thought it was twilight who was in his house at first.
Well from what I gathered, aj ported to some post apocalyptic earth, broken leg. They want to rescue her, but twilight can't hold the portal for long. Umm...couldn't figure out why cadence was going.
Explanation would be nice. For example, I assumed it was Celestia who was running, for whatever reason. Also, please do a prologue on the Equestrian side. A partial time line on the Earth side would be good enough. Because honestly, it took me until blond mane to figure out it was AJ, and so far, Donald is just a blank slate with no features beyond bipedal tool user who has grown cucumbers and has probable scars.
the dialogue is very confusing.
Well congratulations boys and girls, you criticized this poor fellow so much they incomplete their story.
Good show...