• Member Since 15th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen May 10th

Silent Ghost


Short person who probably has an unhealthy obsession with technology

T
Source

Returning from a mission into the early past, the Federation temporal vessel, the USS Pocket Watch returns to the year 2410. A band of rebel Klingons lie in wait, waiting for their next prey. They attack the temporal vessel, still vulnerable after exiting the time stream. The battle is one-sided, weapons and shields are still offline.

The Tipler cylinder is activated and they find themselves above Earth, but not the planet they know.


These events start off in the year 2410 in the Star Trek Online universe. Enjoy!

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 6 )

I know I said I'd read it a few days ago, but...I kinda got distracted...Anyway!

Your pacing seems...more or less perfect. Everything seems to flow at a constant rate and is very easy to read and track. This takes me nicely into my next point, your general descriptive writing. You actually do this better than me, and again, it all matches the pacing. Nice job :pinkiehappy:

Your characters seem believable so far, but since there's little we know about them yet, I'll have to read on to find out if that remains consistent.

There's a few things I'd like to point out though...
You could include a few bits of technobabble here and there. For example.

zh’Saro was cut off mid-speech as the bridge jolted to a side, knocked clear out of her seat and flew several feet before hitting the floor hard and rolled to a stop.. The Captain, also thrown from his seat, yelped as his head made contact with the wall before falling to the floor on his stomach.

You could include a quick line or two about Inertial Dampeners and their functions. Something like:

zh’Saro was cut off mid-speech as the bridge jolted to a side, knocked clear out of her seat and flew several feet before hitting the floor hard and rolled to a stop.. The Captain, also thrown from his seat, yelped as his head made contact with the wall before falling to the floor on his stomach. The Inertial Dampeners immediately kicked in, creating their artificial gravity fields to stabilize the ship.

This could be a bit hit and miss, because the more technobabble you add, the more you could potentially drive away the non-trek fans, or the not-so-die-hard trek fans. However, as a huge Trekkie myself, I love technobabble. :twilightblush:
So...that's my two cents on technobabble...but it's up to you really...yeah...I wasn't really much help there, was I? :twilightblush:

One final thing. With numbers, especially when a character is speaking, it's better to write them out as the words instead of numerals. It helps get across how the character is saying them. For example:

“Did you ever take Temporal Mechanics 4150 at Starfleet Academy, with Professor Duarac?”

How is he pronouncing it?
Four thousand one hundred and fifty?
Forty one fifty?
Four one five zero?
By writing numbers out as words, it helps portray how the character is pronouncing them, and gives them more...well, character. XD Although it is a pain in the ass for long numbers.
(I'm not going to take credit for this suggestion, as I'm guilty of doing it myself, and it was suggested to me :twilightblush: )

All in all, I'm liking the story so far, and I'll follow with interest. Now, onto the next chapter. :rainbowdetermined2:

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I'm glad you're liking my story. I've had a lot help from a good friend and I don't really know how I can repay them for what they've taught me.

So...that's my two cents on technobabble...but it's up to you really...yeah...I wasn't really much help there, was I? :twilightblush:

The trick is to get the right amount of tech talk, so that way I don't drive off the non-trekkers but keep the fans intrigued. Don't get me wrong, i'm a major tech nerd.

One final thing. With numbers, especially when a character is speaking, it's better to write them out as the words instead of numerals. It helps get across how the character is saying them. For example:
“Did you ever take Temporal Mechanics 4150 at Starfleet Academy, with Professor Duarac?”

yeah, you're right, i'm gonna have to change that. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. For really long numbers, though, it's best to write out the numbers.

I'm glad you're liking the story, hope you enjoy the rest. :twilightsmile::raritywink:

Someone remembered the Caitians! Yay! :pinkiehappy:

Awesome another STO story I have one that I am writing as well only during the war with the Iconians

Weird I just found this as I was going through my tracking folder. It was published awhile ago but it was not listed a few days ago when I was looking for another story.

Interesting chapter here as the time ship begins to become operational again I wonder how they will react to their hostel neighbors and the ponies?

More Please :D

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