Not another One-Shot-Ober

by Admiral Biscuit

Novelember

Novelember
Admiral Biscuit

It was nearly midnight on November 30th. Twilight was about to go to bed when a knock sounded at the door of her treebury. I wonder who that could be?

Rather than walk over to the door, she just reached out with her magic and opened it. Applejack came in, tipped her hat, and then trotted over to the small worktable Twilight had set up.

“Well, Ah got 'er done.” The farmpony reached back and flipped open her saddlebag with her snout, then stuck her muzzle in the bag, coming out with a thick stack of papers. “Ah think Ah might've gone over the word count a mite, but when Ah got in the groove, Ah just couldn't stop.”

“Really?” Twilight's eyes brightened. “Congratulations! You're the only one to have completed the challenge. Lyra dropped out, said she was having relationship issues; Rarity wrote the first chapter about thirty times, Pinkie gave me a flip-book . . . I'm impressed.”

“Well, when Ah say Ah'm gonna do something, Ah do it.”

“Do you mind if I read it?”

“Go right ahead. Ah'm gonna head back to the farm and get some sleep. Ah'll stop by later in the week to see what ya think.” Applejack gave the unicorn a wink. “Less'n ya intend to read it all tonight.”

“Of course not,” Twilight said. “I'm so tired, I'd probably fall asleep.”

* * *

True to her word, Twilight read the whole thing.

Twice.

Once for flow, and once for errors.

She was still contemplating a passage when Applejack came into the library, unannounced.

“Ah see yer givin' it a shot.”

Twilight slowly nodded. “It . . . caught me by surprise.”

“Were ya expectin' that Ah couldn't write well, on account of my manners of speakin'?”

Twilight twitched, which was all the answer that Applejack needed.

“Betcha were more surprised than a snake at a honey badger convention. So, what'd ya think?”

“This . . .” Twilight shook her head to get back on track. “This is . . . here, let me read a piece of it, okay?

“Do you really think you have a chance against us, Ms. Cowpony?” Flam released the transmit button and waited for a reply.

One floor up, I stayed crouched behind the neighponese paper wall, my stolen gun cradled in one hoof and my radio in the other. It only took me a moment to consider my answer, and I only had a moment to deliver it. I could hear the elevator annunciator chiming, telling me that there was about to be another hoofful of bad ponies with guns, and if they heard me speak, the game was over. But Flam deserved a response. “Yippie Kai-yay, motherbucker.” Then I pushed my way back through the door to set up an ambush.”

“Pretty good, ain't it? Keeps ya on the edge of your seat.”

“It's fanfiction,” Twilight said bluntly.

“So?”

“And it's a self-insert, to boot.”

“Ah gave my protagonist a different name.”

“It's still obvious it's you,” Twilight insisted. “Flam calls her 'cowpony,' she has green eyes, blonde mane, and gamboge coat, and she wears a cowpony hat. And she calls her hind legs Bucky McGillicuddy and—“

“Kicks McGee.” Applejack frowned. “But Ah changed which leg was which.”

“The point is,” Twilight said, effortlessly slipping into lecture mode, “this has no possibility of commercial success. No publishing house would give you a single bit for it.”

“So?”

“So . . . so why would you spend so much time writing it if you weren't planning to sell it?”

“Ah, there ain't much else ta do on the farm in November. Crop's in, an' Big Mac handles all the maintenance around the place. 'Sides, if Ah had fun writin' it and you had fun readin' it, who cares if Ah make a single bit off'n it?”

“I guess.” Twilight looked down at the manuscript. “You know, this is the kind of thing Rainbow would really like reading.”

“Ah already gave her a copy.” Applejack put her hoof on the table. “Be honest with me: ya liked it, didn't ya?”

“It was pretty good.”

“Ah'm writin' a sequel. It's got airplanes in it. Ya wanna read it when Ah'm done?”

Author's Note:

True fact: I was actually going to write a pony-ized version of Die Hard for NaNoWriMo this year, starring (of course) Applejack.

It's probably just as well that I decided not to.

Moral: Don't mess with Applejack.

Comments

[Hillbe]

img08.deviantart.net/cff4/i/2015/236/9/b/spikey_spy_0000_by_hillbe-d971ws4.jpg

Die Hard?

Frank CANNON detective

[tsaukpaetra]

Rather than go over to the door,

I think you a word there... :)

Sad thing, now Applejack has nothing to do for the rest of the Winter.

[Admiral Biscuit]

6586930
6587152
For what it's worth, the soft break marks I used screwed up the formatting and caused the second half of the story to not appear.

So in case you were wondering why the Die Hard references . . . if you re-read, it'll make a lot more sense.

[badninja]

Please do your Die Hard rip. There are so few good action movie rips out there.

[Hillbe]

Oh . . .Now I see it !

Was Scootaloo flying the Huey?

img00.deviantart.net/9b98/i/2014/341/e/a/scootaloo_flys_a_huey_by_hillbe-d891l3o.jpg

[marley]

Next one has planes? Does it have snakes too? These are fun little stories.

[Admiral Biscuit]

6587221
I can't do it. I can't justify spending so much time on that project, when I've got so much other stuff incomplete. Maybe one day I will.

6587525
Maybe. I could see her never actually learning to fly any distance on her own, and instead using some kind of machine . . . like a helicopter.

6590917
Heh, thanks! I was just thinking of a straight-up Die Hard 2 story, but AJ could mix that up with Snakes on a Plane. That would be quite the crossover fic.

[Lurks-no-More]

Apple Hard.

[Admiral Biscuit]

6665294
Indeed.

If anypony was cut out to be a proper action hero, it's AJ.

[PresentPerfect]

goddammit XD

[Admiral Biscuit]

9775187
You know you liked it.