Not another One-Shot-Ober

by Admiral Biscuit

Flash Sentry Steals Everybody's Waifu

Flash Sentry Steals Everyone's Waifu.
Admiral Biscuit

He came through the portal in the basement of Twilight's tree. It took him a moment to adjust to the darkness—it had been daylight when he stepped through the statue on the EqG side.

As an aside, he wasn't quite sure why they'd put the portal under the horse's ass rather than the horses's mouth, but it reminded him vaguely of a metaphor. Something about looking a Greek horse in the mouth.

He marched up the stairs. He was a man on a mission. He'd fallen hard for Twilight Sparkle, and he was going to find her. They'd shared something special back there at Canterlot High.

The stairs led up to an empty library. Well, empty in the sense that there wasn't anybody in it. The weird dog that Twilight had was there, napping in a basket, but that was it. Flash thought about going over and petting it, but he didn't want to wake it and have it raise a commotion.

He wrinkled his nostrils. The inside of the library smelled kind of like a stable. It wasn't unpleasant, but it was there, mostly masking the musty odor of old books.

Ahead of him were doors, and doors led to the outside, and outside would be people who knew where Twilight was.

Without a moment's hesitation, he pushed the door open and stepped out of the library. He was not prepared for what happened next.

He had but a moment to notice that everyone was a pony. Many of them looked vaguely familiar, like some of the girls at Canterlot High. They had the same color manes and their coats matched the skin of his friends. They even had little designs on their butts that looked like the charms so many of the girls wore.

But that was all he noted before he was assaulted by a mass of mares. He should have seen that coming; he should have heeded Sunset's warning. This was a world of young, naked, fuckable ponies who were inexplicably attracted to a wiry orange human with tousled blue hair, rock-hard abs, a leather jacket, a Camaro with racing stripes (which he'd left behind; it wouldn't fit through the portal), and perfect guitar-strumming fingers.

And blue eyes.

They mobbed him, tails raised. They buried him under their bodies and tore off his clothes with their hooves and teeth and ravished him right there on the street. (They let Twilight go first, of course; that was the friendly thing to do.) And they wouldn't let up. Before too long, Flash was in a relationship with everymare in Ponyville.

Twilight (of course). Applejack. Rainbow Dash (not a lesbian). Fluttershy. Rarity (sorry, Spike). Pinkie Pie. Lyra (hands > Bon Bon). Minuette. Derpy. Sparkler. Mrs. Cake. Braeburn. Carrot Top. Lyra + Bon Bon (threesome FTW). Mayor Mare. Granny Smith (ew). Everypony.

The whole town ground to a halt in the wave of this orgy. It was worse than heat season—worse because nomare wanted to do anything except fuck Flash, and nostallion was getting any. Flash had stolen your waifu, and my waifu, and everypony's waifu. Even the princesses fell for him, and it was obvious to all that Equestria would soon be doomed by Flash's unparalleled good looks and phenomenal stamina.

And that would be the end of our story, except that an axe-wielding pony finally chopped him up into little tiny bits, and that's how Equestria was saved by Incidental Background Mare #9.

Author's Note:

I'm so sorry.

Incidental Background Mare #9 (who's nobody's waifu).

Comments

[badninja]

Who is she?! The picture is not showing up! Also I feel bad for poor Flash, it he did not listen to the one who had the knowledge.

[Admiral Biscuit]

6567531
She's one of the comic ponies who looked at the wreckage of the hardware store. She's got an axe for a cutie mark.

Issue 09 Unnamed Mare - Axe (use control + f and that text string to find her quickly).

Aside from the wiki, I haven't been able to find any images of her. She's about as obscure as they get.

[badninja]

6567564

Ok that it what she looks like.

[Brumby_Run]

I reckon she was offended by his deodorant. As a teenage student, Axe is probably all he could afford.

Either that, or the old saying "You don't bring an orgy to an axe fight."

[an1979]

Link will (unless it is some kind of hotlinking block?) work like this:
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/0/0c/Comic_issue_9_UEM4.png
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/0/0c/Comic_issue_9_UEM4.png

[Admiral Biscuit]

6567860

Either that, or the old saying "You don't bring an orgy to an axe fight."

I've been doing it wrong all my life.

6569191

Link will (unless it is some kind of hotlinking block?) work like this:

I'm not sure what the issue is. The image shows up on my PC and on my cell-phone. PC could be because that's where I pasted the image, but if there was a problem, I don't think I'd see it on my cell. Did it appear in the author's note for you?

[Mnemonic_Horse]

Incidental Background Mare #9 is my waifu now.

[Admiral Biscuit]

6806010

Just remember, she's got an axe and she knows how to use it.

[metallusionsismagic]

6567564
I hope someone comes up with a pony pun on the name L. Prosser for this mare. L. Prancer?

[Admiral Biscuit]

8367296
I was thinking something along the lines of Lizzie Bordon, myself. Bordon is a brand of milk in Michigan and possibly other places, but that isn't a terribly good pun.

Then again, since the joke in the story is that she's somebody that nobody's ever heard of, I do like Incidental Background Mare #9, and I propose that that should remain her name.

[PresentPerfect]

But why wasn't he a pony? D:

There needs to be a story called A Waifu Flashes Everybody's Sentry now.

I have ideas for it.

[Hap]

The inside of the library smelled kind of like a stable.

I don't know if you've ever been inside a stable. It mostly smells like shit, with a subtle undertone of moldy hay. I assume this means that Twilight and her friends shit on the floor, perhaps onto mounds of straw that they make Spike clean up daily.

Well. That was something else.

[Admiral Biscuit]

8412894

But why wasn't he a pony? D:

Haven't you ever read a HiE? Mares go for humans over stallions every time.

There needs to be a story called A Waifu Flashes Everybody's Sentry now.
I have ideas for it.

Do it.

[Admiral Biscuit]

8413399

I don't know if you've ever been inside a stable. It mostly smells like shit, with a subtle undertone of moldy hay.

Of course I've been a stable. I know exactly what it smells like.

I assume this means that Twilight and her friends shit on the floor, perhaps onto mounds of straw that they make Spike clean up daily.

Have you ever seen a toilet in the Treebury or the Crystal Castle (TM)? I rest my case.

Well. That was something else.

[PresentPerfect]

8413439
I'm more saying you should write it and shake me down for ideas. :V

[Raine_Lionheart]

He marched up the stairs. He was a man on a mission. He'd fallen hard for Twilight Sparkle, and he was going to find her. They'd shared something special back there at Canterlot High.

NO YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE A BOY. AND NOW YOU'RE NOT EVEN THAT. YOU'RE A PONY. YOU'RE A PONY BOY ON A PONY BOY MISSION.

[Raine_Lionheart]

Incidental Background Mare #9 (who's nobody's waifu).

For her services, I SHALL BE HER WAIFU.

[Admiral Biscuit]

11247743

NO YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE A BOY. AND NOW YOU'RE NOT EVEN THAT. YOU'RE A PONY. YOU'RE A PONY BOY ON A PONY BOY MISSION.

For her services, I SHALL BE HER WAIFU.

I salute your sacrifice, good sir.