My name is John, and I'm a long way from home. I'm continually flung through alternate planes of existence and have found myself in the early years of a land called Equestria. Currently I've been transformed into a pegasis to blend in with the locals. Times are tense with the recent enacting of an oligarchy, and the joining of nations. Word has it that all is not well between the two rulers and if I'm going to leave this place, I've to stop the squabbling, even if that means I burn the entire kingdom to the ground.
Chapters (2)
Wow, really good premise, extremely well executed. While I did see a couple mistakes here and there, the only real one that stood out to me was that after you finish dialogue, always tap enter. No matter how small, always do that.
Otherwise, great book! I hope to see more!
1068587 There's always little exceptions to the rules in English grammatics. When I referenced a book for dialogue and quotes in general, it said that you can tie it into a paragraph, so long as the content from the paragraph pertains to, or is from the view of the last character to speak. It's supposed to be used mainly to interject thought in between moments of speech; I may have bent that rule some, but to my knowledge I didn't break it. I did make sure to always hit enter when switching back to the other speaker.