• Member Since 8th May, 2012
  • offline last seen May 20th, 2013

NinjaBrony43009


E

Long ago, the royal sisters trapped the villain Discord in stone after he ruled the land in eternal chaos. But is what Celestia tells Twilight and her friends of what transpired entirely true? Based on CosmicUnicorn's series "Discordantly" (with permission).

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 17 )

OK guys, this is my first fanfic, so just keep criticism constructive, please. Also, cover art coming soon!

I must say. As most new writers, you all make the same mistake. Never, ever ever evereverever! Sumit a fic without a cover image. When I see a story on the main page without an image, i look at it and go. "Phhhhhh, sucks." I know this is not the right thing to to, but everypony does it. Becasue usually, when a story has no cover image, it signifys either lack of experiance of effort. You need a cover image if you want your story to be noticed.

I agree full-heartedly with Sorren here. Please, please have a cover image before you submit! It may seem petty, but my God, you will get so, so much more reception if you have one! Your prose is quite beautiful, and I would hate for it to have to go waste. All it takes is a quick Google search!

might i suggest using a picture from http://askeldritchdiscord.tumblr.com/ for a cover pic? also the story itself is great.

626831>>626971>>627032

Thanks everyone for the suggestions, I got one up. Note, though, I will change it in the future.

EDIT: Got the final art up. Also, fixed up the formatting to make it a little easier to read.

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Who fluffin cares if no one has a cover image? I don't do that because I can't do computer art well(hoof cosplay) and I can't find the correct pictures. So no pony FLUFFIN CARES IF YOU USE A COVER IMAGE!!!!! :trixieshiftleft:

Celestia.... you, bitch!

That was beautiful! :fluttercry: :heart: i dont mind if you had a cover image. :yay: eeyup :eeyup:

OK, got tired of the shitfight. Honestly guys, this place is for you to comment on my story, not to fight and bicker like little fillies. I deleted any comments that didn't have to do with the story, and most of the ones about the cover image thing. I'm tired of seeing comments on here that have nothing to do with the story, so just stop it.

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Thank you very much! I'm currently working on rewriting the next chapter, since I had to scrap it and start over. :twilightsheepish:

737919 I'm looking forward to it :twilightsmile:

Please continue, I can tell I'm really going to like this. :twilightsmile:

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Yep! College visits on Thursday and Friday, so I'll be doing a lot of writing during the car rides.

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I wasn't trying to fight, I was trying to get to a point. But hey, deleting the comments was a good idea.

Anyways, this story is wonderful, and I can't wait for the next chapter!

Hmm, this is very good! Believe me, this is quite an interesting idea, and I'd love to see this on EQD! However, I do have some critique to offer up.

First off, you NEED to state that this is in the past. Why? Because otherwise, Discord's love-struck personality and Celestia's cold indifference will make as much sense as Rainbow turning in her daredevil license.

Second, Discord's over exaggerated description of Celestia is perfectly acceptable once, but not three times. In fact, once I saw Discord praising Celestia the second time, I began to lose care about Discord's motivation, the primary plot-point of the story. If you can ease up on the compliments just a little, the story will be fine, but I feel like you overdid it, sorry.

Third, your grammar is fine, but sometimes, your sentence structure is...quite weird. Let me give you an example: "Because I knew in my mind all too well where this love would end, but my heart wouldn’t have any of it." If you don't get rid of the word "because", the sentence becomes very awkward, and the flow of the story becomes hindered greatly. This happens a few times, so please double-check for awkward sentences like that.

Fourth, using this () is a HUGE no-no in stories. Considering that you're already telling this story from a first-person perspective, they just seem like someone is interrupting the story, so please get rid of them.

But, even with that said, this is quite a heartfelt story, and if you have me sympathizing with Discord, my probable least favorite character in the show, you're doing a great job. If you can fix all of this, your story has a great chance of making it to EQD! Great job! :twilightsmile: :raritywink:

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Ohmygawd an actual critique. You're literally the only person to do this. I can't thank you enough.

Still, I'll say it anyway. Thanks for the tips. I should be able to go over this sometime today.

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