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Dark Side of the Luna

Long before Ponyville was formed, Equestria was a peaceful paradise. The reign of Discord had ended and two Princess sisters ruled the land equally. But for one of the two it didn't seem that way. The feeling of neglect, and the overwhelming shadow of her sisters rule drove the beloved Princess of the Night into a Nightmare that would be told in legend for millennia,

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 6 )

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Marisher

Marisher #1 · Dec 18th, 2011 · · ·

It's a *Flashback* yeah? Yeah. Where, oh where, are you going with this, if I couldn't already guess. Here's to hoping for a surprise.!

#2 · Dec 25th, 2011 · · ·

Can't wait to read it :o

Soarin Dash

Soarin Dash #3 · Dec 25th, 2011 · · ·

OMG AWSOME!

epicdonus1123 BOT

epicdonus1123 BOT #4 · Nov 7th, 2012 · · ·

25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mcy2sk2d9q1rbs65po1_500.gif

Steel Resolve

Steel Resolve #5 · Nov 27th, 2012 · · ·

Okay... Where to start. You have giant walls of text in this story. It makes it very hard to read. You need to break this up into more manageable paragraphs. Either indent them, or double space between them. You have Celestia and Luna referring to each other constantly as Celestia and Luna. Mix it up a bit, sister, Tia, Lulu, they are relatives, they will tend to be informal around each other. Your basic story is sound, but as it stands this is just painful to read. I would find an editor asap to teach you how to break this up into something more readable. Address those issues and you should be okay.

Pinkie Guy

Pinkie Guy #6 · Nov 27th, 2012 · · ·

1694786

OK, I'll try and get to the paragraph layout ASAP. As it stands the story is still a skeleton of an early part of the story. I've always worked on WIP Critique so it's hard to break that.

I'll give the name idea a whirl too, but the use of nicknames in general conversation in 'Ye Olde' time has always been implied as a no no to me through several years of Shakespeare literature, but again. I'll do what I can. Thanks, I'm happy to finally get some constructive criticism.