2. Greek Gods are assholes
“Why the fuck is it snowing? It’s April already…”
The snow crunched under the man’s feet as he made his way out of his workplace. A castle turned hotel atop a hill, overlooking the quiet city. He was wearing a grey jacket and brown pants. A hat covered his short brown hair, and his goatee was woven into a mini braid adorned with a bronze ring.
It neared 11PM as the last remaining guests filed out of the restaurant for the evening. Why some people thought it was okay to show up half an hour before closing time and order a four course meal was a mystery to him. Of course, the duty always fell to him to stay behind and cook for the guests, so everybody else could go home on time. Working as a chef could be really annoying at times.
His mood didn’t take a turn for the better when he took his first look outside, only to find a swirling mass of white flurries. He hated the cold winter, and the snow it brought. Granted, it could be fun for snowball fights or skiing, but most of the time it was little more than a nuisance. As usual, April was being unpredictable, doing whatever it wanted. So, with great annoyance, he started his journey home.
About one year ago he managed to get a flat really close to his workplace. The commute consisted only of walking up or down the hill. Three minutes of travel for one way, a gift from the gods, to be sure.
As he descended the hill, he took extra care not to fall. The stairs here were badly illuminated, and the snow made them slippery. It was only a matter of time until he would stumble and fall. But today that wasn’t an option. You see, Alex was an avid fan of the show My Little Pony, and like every Saturday, he would get home just in time for a new episode. He took extra care not to fall, so he could watch it in the comfort of his home.
Shortly before reaching a sharp turn in the stairs, a man turned the corner. He was wearing a business casual suit, his jet black hair hung down to his shoulders. Alex didn’t pay too much attention to him. The hill he was currently on was kind of a hotspot for young and old alike to spend time, even this late at night. The view from the top was beautiful after all. Especially at night, when all the lights of the city looked like someone had poured the night sky into a basin.
The man looked around for a bit, and started walking in Alex’s direction.
“Ah, excuse me sir? A moment of your time please.”
He spoke to Alex, grabbing his attention. Alex assumed he wanted to ask for directions.
“Yeah?”
Alex wanted to keep this conversation short for several reasons. He wanted to be home as soon as possible to watch the new episode, and he generally didn’t like strangers. Especially at this late hour.
“Might you be Alexander Atlas Riptis?” The man asked in a casual tone.
Alex’s eyes went wide at that. This man just called him by his full name. Middle name and all. There weren’t a lot of people who even knew he had a middle name. This set off several alarm bells inside Alex’s head. A few possibilities raced through his mind, on who this man could be. Was it a friend of his parents? Some sort of undercover cop? Or something else entirely?
“That depends on who’s asking…” Alex took a step back while he said this, and adopted a skeptical look. He really didn’t like this.
“Ah yes, how rude of me to not introduce myself earlier. My name is Hermes, and I am a God from Olympus.”
‘Oh great, a Lunatic’ Alex thought to himself.
Preparing himself to either fight this man or run, Alex decided to ask what he wanted. Up to this point he didn’t seem hostile.
“Let’s just pretend I believe that. What do you want?”
The man who called himself Hermes started smiling, and Alex almost started running just from seeing this.
“I am here to grant you one wish, and one wish only.”
“Huh?”
Alex’s brain stopped in his tracks. Of all the possible scenarios he imagined, this was far too insane to properly react to.
“Come again?”
“Yes, you heard me right Mr. Riptis. I, the messenger god Hermes, have descended unto Earth to grant you,” Hermes pointed a finger at Alex. “One wish. Any wish. Whatever you desire it is yours. The collective power of the Greek gods will make it possible.”
Hermes once again started smiling after this declaration, as if expecting an answer. Alex considered this for all of a split second. In that split second several things went through his head that he could wish for. Money. Fame. Love. Life. Power. Ponies. Wait, what? Ponies? He must have read too many fanfictions.
He almost immediately discarded all of those ideas though, because only a madman would believe something like this.
“Yeeah suure mate. Listen, I really need to get home now. Gotta go bye!”
Alex wanted to get out of there as fast as possible. First objective: Get the fuck out of dodge. Second objective: Call police about a suspicious person roaming the area around the castle. Third objective: Ponies.
Thus he made a mad dash past Hermes, ignoring the slippery stairs as good as he could. Hermes didn’t seem to give chase, but as Alex rounded the corner Hermes just came from, he called out to Alex.
“Your wish shall be granted!” he shouted before fading to a whisper. ”Mr. Riptis.”
Ignoring him, Alex just ran until he reached the front door of the building his flat was in. Fumbling with his keys to grant him entry, Alex didn’t relax once the door opened. He ran up the stairs to the first floor, and into his flat. As soon as he was inside, he turned around and locked his door. Only then, did he allow himself to calm down.
“Fucking hell man…” He said with a ragged sigh.
He mumbled something about lunatics before turning around and kicking off his shoes, as he always did. But what greeted him wasn’t the usual kind of messy entrance hall. Instead he now stood in a vast field on a warm and sunny day. Through his socks he could feel the grass and dirt beneath his feet and a warm breeze caressed his body.
Considering this was crazier than what normally greeted him, Alex put on a frown and turned around. Sure enough, behind him was his door. The large white frame seemingly alien in the middle of all this nature. Furrowing his brow Alex muttered a “what the..” The sounds of nature were suddenly disrupted by another voice behind him.
“Isn’t it beautiful? I heard they really tried to make it as detailed as possible. The door doesn’t really fit in though, what do you think?”
The door in front of Alex suddenly disappeared, leaving the grass beneath undisturbed, as if it was never there to begin with. Alex recognized the voice that just spoke to him, in fact, he had heard it just a few minutes ago.
He cautiously turned around to see if his suspicion was right, and saw exactly what he didn’t want to see. Behind him stood the man who introduced himself as Hermes.
“Before you ask, let me assure you. You are not going crazy, nor is this an illusion. All of this,” He gestured around with his hand. “Is quite real.”
Alex tried to process what was currently happening to him, he really did. But alas, it was all too much. The only thing he managed to do was look around dumbly and say.
“Huh?”
Hermes, apparently having expected this response, just continued on.
“I see you are a bit confused, but if you think a little, the answer is right before you. THIS,” He once again gestured all around, “is your wish.”
“But I didn’t wish for anything! And even if I would have, I would certainly never wish for… for THIS!”
Alex’s cognitive functions started to return to him. He was sure this wasn’t a dream, but not because Hermes just told him so. No, he could see way too many details for this to be a dream. Most importantly, he could feel all the sensations that came with being alive. He was fully conscious and in control of himself, so there was no way he was currently sleeping.
Hermes just continued smiling. “Ah, but you did! Surely you haven’t already forgotten that I’m a god, right? Reading minds, and subsequently recognizing desire within humans is as easy as one plus one. Back on Earth, when I offered you a wish, you presented me with several options. Money. Fame. Power. The usual suspects, you know? But one of them stood out.”
Alex was starting to see where this was going, and he wasn’t sure if he was going to like it.
“You see, we gods are bored. Most people don’t believe in us anymore, and partying forever can get boring. We’re always looking for new forms of entertainment. So every few years, I come down here to grant the wish of a mortal. Most of the time they are very entertaining, like for example, the whole Atlantis debacle. Marvelous chaos, and destruction all around. Had a good laugh out of that one.”
Hermes had started pacing in front of Alex, gesturing with his hands to relate his story better. All of this was ridiculous to the extreme, and borderline insane. But still, he found himself listening to Hermes nonetheless.
“And this time, you were the chosen one. Don’t overthink this part, you’re not special or anything. Zeus just drew your name out of a gigantic lottery bucket. So obviously to get the most entertainment out of this, we decided to grant your last wish, or desire if you so will. You may have already come to this conclusion, but you’re currently on the planet Equus. From the ‘My Little Pony’ show you adore so much.”
At this he came to a stop in front of Alex, and extended his right hand towards him as if wanting to seal the deal.
“Wait, no seriously wait! What the fuck man?” Alex put his head in his hand, still not able to grasp all that was currently happening. “I don’t want this! I like my life! My boring routine life! What about all my family and friends? I can’t just leave ‘em behind like this! This is crazy, can’t I just wish for something else? Please?”
Alex looked at the god in front of him with pleading eyes, tears starting to form in their corners. “Please?” He repeated.
Hermes let his hand sink back down to his side, and stopped smiling. He almost looked as if he pitied the mortal in front of him.
“I’m afraid not young Alex. You don’t REALLY get a say in what you wish for. We just analyze your desires and pick the one which will provide the most entertainment for us. In this case, sending you to a magical land full of ponies and other creatures from older times. It’s not as if we just dump you wherever you want to go, this is not the world you know from the cartoon you love so much.”
Alex couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Was he really removed from all that he once knew, destined to wander around in a land unknown? Now Hermes was even telling him he couldn’t meet the Mane Six. His last ray of hope in this messed up situation he found himself in snuffed out. Alex felt his legs starting to give out beneath him, so he decided to assist them by just plopping down onto the grass.
“Don’t get me wrong, this is almost a one-to-one recreation of the world within the cartoon. But the issue doesn’t lie in the where, more so in the when. Right now we are literally at the beginning of time. We, the gods, just created this world after all. But alas, as you maybe can imagine, watching you stumble around in a world with nothing in it wouldn’t be very interesting. So, we’re going to help you out a bit.”
At this Alex raised his head to look at Hermes, maybe there was just a glimmer of hope in this after all.
“First of all, we made you immortal.”
Alex’s heart sank at those words. Immortality. A ‘power’ a lot of humans had tried to achieve throughout the history of mankind. Now Alex, a simple working class chef, achieved it by doing literally nothing for it. Problem is, Alex always looked upon immortality as more of a curse than a blessing. A big part of everything fun was that it had to end at some point, even life. That was why he didn’t exactly look forward to dying. But he also knew that it was his ultimate goal in life, and at the same time his last adventure to embark on.
But now even this was taken from him.
“Creating a new reality isn’t exactly easy, so we’re looking to get as much out of this as possible. Which means you’ll have to live a long life.”
Hermes was just going on as if he didn’t notice the look of despair on his partner in this conversation.
“We created this place inside a pocket dimension on Olympus, and ‘programmed’ it to be self-sufficient. Think a self-building video game with no goal or end to it.”
“Also we’ll turn you into one of the locals, so you don’t stick out too much. Any preferences?”
Hermes looked down at Alex, who by now was lying on his side and barely paying attention to what was being said anymore. Hermes just shrugged and continued.
“Eh, we’ll find something fitting for you. For the last thing. As I already mentioned, this place is brand new. It’s getting worked on even as we speak to finish it as fast as possible. Sooo… we’re going to knock you out and speed up time. Up to a certain point, so that you may begin your adventure in a fitting environment. Also you won’t have to feel the agonizing pain when your body gets altered to fit your new body when you’re out cold.”
Hermes allowed himself a small chuckle.
“So, any last remarks before we start?”
He raised a questioning eyebrow at the curled up human on the ground.
“Fuck… You…” Was all that Alex managed to say before Hermes cut him off.
“Well then, let us begin!” He threw his hands up in joy. “How do you young mortals say it again? Ahh yes… Sleep tight, kid.”
And then, everything went dark for Alex.
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I have to say this I'd one of the more original HiE fics I've read. Also really enjoyed the protagonist's view/reaction.
Interesting premise. Good to know you're not shying away from the absolute jackassery needed to pull off that kind of trick. Not to mention, pretty in line with some Greek myths in terms of characters. Urgh, the Greek pantheon really was something awful at times...
... Bad grammar every once in a while, but it doesn't detract or distract from the story. Yes, that can happen.
Also, interesting story.
Not bad, I keeped reading and didn't felt the need to rush through it, even if it still wasn´t MLP.
I think I would really prefer it for him to first find really good friends, maybe even one that he has to comfort very often. Most of the time it is always the main Char which has the big problems and all of the other characters are pretty much happy and confident about what they are doing. At least that is what I remember out of a few fanfictions that I more or less didn´t liked.
I'm a bit tired, which means don´t take me to seriously it is the first chapter anyway and so far I liked it.
Hermes you troll!
I think this might be the only appropriate time to put this up. Profanity warning, btw.
Lemme guess, you live in Ohio too?
Let it be known that there are not many more scaryier things than a bored god.
Uhmm shouldn't it be 'Ponies' and not 'Ponys'?
This... This sir and/or madam has brought a smile to my face, kudos to you
I don't think that you, mortal people, say it like that.
What planet are you from? ... Snow in april isn't that big of a stretch, heck even the Cinema Snob was complaining about the cold durring a recent midnight screening.
“Why the fuck is it snowing? It’s April already…”
considering I was working in rain, sleet, snow and hail yesterday.... this fic already calls to me.
Jesus Christ the Greek gods are DICKS.
I find it hilarious that I actually believe that the Olympians would do this. Except Hades, though. Aside from Hades, the Olympians are dicks.
This story could use some work though, a bit more plot development, some character development, delve a bit more into the reason why, etc etc.
Also, spelling and grammar errors. They're omnipresent, gotta keep an eye out for them.
7229067 I like you, you state everything bluntly but not in a way that you come across as a heckler.
I can already tell this is going to be good...
...Minecraft
So little snark? A shame. You could have bragged about bad-mouthing a god and really roasting him, and instead all you have is you told a god "fuck you?"
Wasted opportunity right there.
Although, if you are literally immortal, rather than ageless, then wouldn't it be easy to just take everything over?
Minotaurs, you're mine!
No we aren't! Axe to the face!
Huh, that almost tickled.
Ok! Freaky God-pony, we are yours!
Silly gods. You just gave him eternity and the potential (and drive) for astronomical power. Just wait till it comes back to bite your collective rear ends.
I expect some greek tales references, great premise BTW. Unicron masterrace!
7229067 Hestia is also fairly nice, as I recall. I mean, she gave up her throne for Dionysus.
7548339 Ergo, she is not an Olympian. Kind of like how former presidents aren't still called President.
You've gotten my attention...
This chapter had me laughing so hard!!! XD it is so worthy of a like.
7082865
True dat..
Welp, that is certainly more godly entertainment than norse mythology, creating new world for shits and giggles beats seducing a horse for a bet.
7910588 what about screwing a pony?
Huh. That is kewl
WTF
7229067 Actually, this is exactly the sort of thing those douchebags would do. They didn't do this to be nice to Alex. They just wanted some fun, and to hades with how they'd wreck the guys life in the process.
Amusingly, as I read this, it is snowing, and it is April already.
No errors spotted this chapter.
7286943
Immortal is not invulnerability, nor agelessness, nor perfect healing, nor the mental capacity to deal with it. Scars can and will accumulate. Alex's benefits package likely includes all that short of invulnerability, though, as the Gods need not do anything as elaborate as a simulated reality to watch someone decay into a senile, insane, leprous mass.
Fucking Olympians, man. Utterly psychopathic assholes, all of them. (Besides Hades and (kinda) Hephaestus. They just do their jobs and do them well, no bastard demigods or eternally cursed mortals. Admittedly one or two slip-ups but still vastly better than the rest of the Pantheon.)
YAY! THE GODS ARE ALL DICKS!
better
finally a realistic response when someone/thing/being decided too screw with their life
Best start to a chapter I have ever seen. Ever.
Wait, so is the prologue chapter ever going to continue on at some point in the story, or is it just a tease, and now we have to read all the way through the whole story for the very beginning of his journey?
No, no, that compleatly normal... well, as normal as it gets for bronies. I don’t doubt ‘give me a pony’, ‘send me to Equestria’ or some variant of one of those is in the top five for every fans wishes, right there next to superpowers.
My first thought: IS HE IN OHIO?! CAUSE IT SNOWED IN THE MIDDLE OF MAY!
Soon, science!
'Furrowing his brow Alex muttered a “what the..”' punctuation error, there should only be one period.
capitalization error on 'is'. The I should be capitalization.
Any word coming after ellipsis or the three periods should not be capitalized. 'Sleep' should not be capitalized.
Hoelnestly one of the better starts to the isekai fanfiction trope you made him have some charcector within the first few words that worked well with the situation. I've only seen like 4 do that right and I've read alot if these
Silly Alex, these are Olympians, they FUCK you. (Sometimes as a swan.)
So, read the first page and saw that he can't seem to remember who Twilight is which likely means most memories of his life as a human are likely gone with it. That's unfortunate.
.
This page. Did I say unfortunate? I (clearly) meant to say, a blessing in disguise. Only two pages in and. That. Got. Dark
While it is nice to see a main character that can fully comprehend the implications of the situation he's in (unlike some), I suspect I may need to stockpile pity.
As it sounds like he's going to need it.
Perfect title for this chapter.
They really are. If Hermes is anything to go on. LOL
...Welp, another deity to add to the list of "To Kill & Scar", Hermes... you fucked up