“Kill me!”
“Yeah I heard you the first time Alex!” Crimson responded outraged. “Are you nuts?”
“Why would we do that?” Belle asked worriedly.
Alex however kept smiling, further unsettling Crimson and Belle.
“But it’s so simple you two!” Alex said gesturing with. “Everything will work out this way.”
“I just… Alex… what?” Crimson said, having lost his ability to form sentences.
Belle inched away from Alex towards Crimson. Alex’s behaviour was scaring her and she subconsciously widened their distance as a precaution. Alex looked at her with a betrayed look as he sighed.
“All right, let me spell it out for you.” Alex said.
“By all means, please do!” Crimson snarked at him.
“So you guys know I’m immortal, yes?” Alex asked, an expectant look on his face.
“Yeah.”
“Yes.” Belle and Crimson responded. “Although I’m still a bit sceptical.”
“So last time I got this really nasty cut, which by all means should have killed me. Which it did.” Alex lead a hoof across his throat, wincing from the pain he received for the movement. “But when I woke up it was completely healed.”
Crimson nodded. It was the only somewhat reasonable explanation for how Alex had survived. Belle just listened on in confusion. Although she overheard them talking about it before, she didn’t know the details.
“And the stabwound I received didn’t heal up at all, it just behaves like a regular injury.”
Crimson looked towards Belle for confirmation.
“There seems to be nothing out of the ordinary.” She shrugged.
“Alright, so what’s your point?” Crimson asked Alex.
“I think the way my healing works is that it just restores my body to working order whenever I die.” Alex explained. “Sort of like a respawn.”
Crimson furrowed his brow. “What’s a respawn?” He asked.
Alex’s face fell. Sometimes he forgot that there were words that would not be known in this world.
“It’s a fantasy concept from a book.” Alex explained. “Where a perfectly healthy copy of yourself appears at a set point after your death. But in my case it wouldn’t be a copy, I’d just heal up.”
Alex waited for a moment, while his two friends tried to wrap their heads around the concept. Belle seemed to give up after a while, contrary to Crimson who seemed like he grasped the principle of it.
“So you just got some sort of super healing?” Belle asked. “That only works if you’re dead?” She added confused.
“Yes!” Alex said while pointing a hoof at her.
Belle shook her head, it just didn’t make any sense to her. How could anyone do anything if they’re dead?
“Crimson you understand right?” Alex asked him hopefully.
“I think I do.” Crimson answered.
“So do you finally see how killing me would solve our problem?”
“I do.” Crimson said.
Alex’s face lit up, this was going better than expected. Belle looked shocked at Crimson’s statement, and was about to say something, when Crimson beat her to the punch.
“But that still doesn’t mean I can just kill you! Also I don’t want want to lug around your dead body!” Crimson said.
Disappointment spread across Alex’s face. Just when he had thought Crimson was with him.
“I know this is awkward for you. But I’m the one that’s going to die! I’ve got it worse than you!” Alex rebuked.
“Can you even hear yourself Alex?” Crimson asked incredulous. “You sound like a madpony!”
“So what?” Alex started to raise his voice. “I got thrown into another dimension and was made immortal against my own will! I can’t even control my magic, and now you’re telling me I shouldn’t use the single advantage I have?”
“Yes!” Crimson started to shout now too. “I don’t care if you’re immortal or whatever! I’m against killing! Sometimes it’s necessary, but this is just ridiculous. I can’t kill a friend, especially if it’s entirely avoidable!”
“Guys…”
“But you won’t really kill me! I’ll just be out of comission for some time!” Alex rebuked.
“Guys… please…”
“I’d still need to inflict a mortal wound on you! That’s as close as it gets to killing someone, and I refuse to do it to a friend!”
“Oh yeah? What happened to being loyal, huh? Your leader wants to die, and you won’t even do that much? You promised to help me in any way you could!”
By now their argument had devolved in a full on shout fest.
“Being loyal doesn’t mean I have to follow every order! My job is to protect you, even if it is from yourself! I just want what’s best for you!”
“Then just fucking kill me already!”
“GUYS!” Belle shouted.
Alex and Crimson were reminded of her presence and looked towards her. She cowered behind the nearest tree, only her head poking out from behind it. She was crying and looked afraid.
“Please…” She stammered in between sobs. “Please don’t fight.”
Alex and Crimson looked like deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck. They looked at each other, confirming a momentary truce.
“I’m sorry Belle.” Alex said as he cautiously approached the scared mare, wincing with every step he took. “We shouldn’t have let it get that far.”
“Yeah, we’re sorry Belle.” Crimson said, rooted where he stood.
“Are you okay?” Alex asked her, when he reached her.
“Please, don’t talk about killing yourself Alex.” She sniffed. “It’s just too sad to even think about.”
Alex positioned himself next to her before he pulled her into a gentle hug.
“I’m sorry.” He said once again. “No matter how effective it would be, I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
Belle wiped away her tears with a fetlock and showed him a weak smile.
“I might have overreacted a bit too.” Crimson said, rubbing the back of his head with a hoof. “Sorry.”
“It’s alright.” Belle said as she got back up on her hooves. “Let’s just continue sorting through our stuff.”
She trotted back over to Crimson who was still next to their spread out inventory. Alex hobbled after her, doing his best despite the pain.
“Can I help?” He asked.
“You just lay down over there and relax.” Belle said surprisingly harsh. “You’re hurt, and you need rest.”
Alex wanted to say that he would help anyway, but a quick glance from Belle shut him up so he relented. He picked a spot close to them and laid down on his un-stabbed side.
“So how does it look?” Alex asked. ”We got anything useful?”
“Quite a bit actually.” Crimson answered. “It’s all second or third rate of course, but we’re pretty much covered on the essentials. Even got a compass.”
He held up a small metallic looking compass that looked like it was extremely old, scratches adorning the surface, the glass was also cracked in several places.
“Neat.” Alex said. “You said we’re a few hours away from the city. Any signs that we’re being followed?”
Crimsons sighed. “We’ve actually seen neither hide nor hair of Dusty or any other pursuers since we left the camp. But you can never be too careful, so we avoided the roads, and stuck to the bushes as much as we could.”
“Which reminds me.” Crimson said. “You still owe us an explanation Belle.” Before he shot her an expectant look.
Belle avoided his gaze in favour of watching the ground. She really didn’t want to talk about this, but considering all that happened she’d have to eventually.
“Explanation?” Alex asked confused. “For what?”
“Belle seems to have figured out why Dusty did a sudden one-eighty back at the camp.” Crimson explained. “She promised she’d tell us once you’re awake.” He looked back towards Belle. “Which is now, Belle. I’d like a good explanation right about now, or I’ll tie you to a tree and leave you here.”
“Now, now, Crimson. No need to overreact.” Alex interjected.
Crimson dismissed Alex’s argument and continued pressing Belle. “Well, what is it Belle? Dusty almost killed us, even though he was always such a nice guy before. What gives?”
“I think he might be working for my mother.” belle mumbled just loud enough for the both of them to hear.
“Your mother?” Crimson asked. “I thought you were an orphan?”
“That…” Belle said reluctantly. “Is not exactly true.”
“So your parents are still alive?” Crimson asked. “But why would your mother try to kill you?”
“Well, my mother is…” Belle was visibly uncomfortable saying this. “High Queen Eventide.”
Silence reigned over the small space the trio resided in. Crimsons mouth hung half open, while Alex looked mostly confused. He’d heard about the High Queen while he was on his job hunt, but never really payed too much attention to the royal family. This was the first time he actually heard her name.
Seeing as neither Crimson nor Belle were about to pick the conversation back up again, Alex decided to do it himself.
“So you’re mother being the High Queen relates to Dusty… how?” He asked.
Crimson was shook out of his stupor at Alex’s words, and focused his attention once again upon Belle.
“Well, I guess I’ll need to tell you a bit about my childhood before you can understand.” Belle answered. “Eventide is the highest authority within the palace, as well as the earth pony tribe. My father is nothing more than a figurehead, and acts just like one. The one who raised me was my mother. Whenever she wasn’t occupied with politics, she gave me lessons.”
Crimson and Alex listened intently to her story.
“In the beginning it was relatively harmless stuff like math or reading.” Belle continued. “But when I was around five, the lessons started to change. She taught me how to effectively scheme and work behind the shadows. She tried to make a puppet out of me, one who hates pegasi and unicorns just as much as she does.”
“That’s disgusting.” The words escaped Crimsons mouth before he could stop them.
Belle looked up from the ground and towards Crimson.
“Yes it is.” She said. “And I hated those lessons.”
“Soon enough her personality around me would change too. If I would make a mistake, she’d beat me.” Belle said with disgust in her eyes. “At some point I tried to confide in my father, but he didn’t think of what my mother had done as wrong. It kept getting worse until eventually it just became too much for me, and I escaped from the palace.”
“Eventide sent a lot of guards after me when she noticed my disappearing. I was small, so I could hide in small places, and managed to avoid them for a long time.” Belle said with a smile on her face. “Eventually I got so dirty that you couldn’t even recognize my original fur and mane colors, and I could just walk right past a guard without him even noticing.”
“At some point down the line I was picked up by Dusty and his camp. Where I spent my time until Alex showed up.” She looked to him with a grateful expression. “I told them I couldn’t remember my name, so they gave me a new one. From then on out I was known as Charity Belle, and the guards looking for me eventually stopped searching.”
“But it appears that Dusty is somehow connected to the Queen.” Belle continued. “Someone must have overheard us when I told you my real name. I don’t know if it was Dusty, or someone else. But apparently Dusty was the one who received the order to kill me. It looks like my mother has completely abandoned me, and decided I was too much of a threat to her throne by just existing.”
“Which brings us to now.” Belle said while shifting her attention towards Crimson. “Are you happy with my little story, or are you still going to abandon me too?”
Crimson looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “No!” He said. “Goodness no! I’m so sorry to hear about that, that’s awful.”
“It’s alright.” Belle sighed “You both risked your life for me, so you deserve to know.”
“Wait.” Alex asked. “Is all of this the real reason why you wanted to tag along with us?”
“Kind of.” Belle said. “But I still wanna see the magics.” She added with a smile.
“Hmmm…” Alex said. “Well whatever. Welcome to the team, I guess.” He shrugged and reached a hoof out for Belle to shake.
Belle was a little bit confused but still lightly bumped Alex’s hoof.
“You’re not mad at me for keeping it a secret?” Belle asked.
“Nah.” Alex responded. “Yo Crimson, you almost done packing? We’re burning daylight.”
Crimson looked confused at the question, and slowly looked towards the few items still lying on the ground.
“Almost.” He simply said.
“Allright, finish up.” Alex commanded. “I don’t wanna linger here for too long. By the looks of it, Dusty will definitely pursue us, and the further away we get, the better.”
Crimson agreed with Alex, and started to pack the rest of their stuff. In the meantime Belle shuffled closer to Alex until she was next to him.
“Thanks.” She said silently.
“Don’t mention it.”
--------------------------------------
Crimson awoke to the singing of birds. They had travelled quite a distance yesterday, and made camp inside a forest clearing. True to his word, Crimson carried Alex the whole way. It was a lot more awkward for both of them when Alex was awake for it, but they got used to it after a while.
Crimson stretched his limbs as he checked the sky. He couldn’t see the sun, but the blue sky indicated that it was already morning. After he got up from his prone position, he made his way to Belle who was sleeping a few feet away from him before he shook her awake.
Belle opened her eyes and yawned loudly.
“Can you go wake up Alex?” Crimson asked her. “I’ll get something for us to eat.”
Belle nodded, still half asleep and got up. Satisfied with her answer, Crimson made his way over to their bags. He rummaged through them, looking for something suited for breakfast, when he heard a high pitched scream from Belle.
He immediately shot up from his sitting position and spun around, prepared to attack if necessary.
“What’s wrong?” He shouted in Belles general direction.
She was lying on her back in the grass, looking terrified towards Alex. She stammered something that might have been words and pointed towards Alex with a hoof.
Crimson ran over to him, confused about what had caused her to scream. As soon as he reached the unicorn he knew what was going on.
Alex’s throat was cut wide open, a bloody and rusted knife laid next to him. Alex was definitely dead.
Crimson recognized the knife next to Alex as the one they got from the ponies back in the city, and he pieced two and two together. Alex had committed suicide.
“That stupid piece of shit!”
I'm trying to find music that fits with the mood of the story...or the plot of the story...Kinda hard to find. And when I do found them, I'm not sure if they're fitting.
Too many? Should I use links instead of posting them directly here?
7234564 If you're gonna post this much, I'd recommend Links, maybe two embeds at max.
Also, daaaamn that's a lot of songs I'll listen to them once I get back from work.
7234564 I'd believe the Tales of The Night would definitely fit, it just needs more suspense at times.
7234575 Ok, then. Enjoy the stuff that I digged up in my playlists. Hope you like them and probably inspire you?
7234589 Hmmm...You might be right...
Pffff. 'Tragic backstory? No worries! How's the packing coming along?' Best reaction. And I'm not surprised he would do it himself overnight.
That's retarded. If he comes back then all of the shock from him dying is gone. In this situation, him dying would be like re-breaking your leg because the first time it broke it didn't heal properly.
Good boy. Now it's just Belle and Crimson who need to remove the marshmallows from their brains and understand that if you come back to life, getting murderated to death is no big deal.
Yeah, I get the plan, but still a dick move.
Wait. Alex didn't tell them he was from another world; he only told them he was immortal. Yet here he's talking about being from another world as if he already told them.
By the way; I feel as if this chapter is lower in quality than the ones before it.
7234564
Does Ru Paul sing anything? I'm fairly certain s/he likes honey-badgers.
7236875 No idea..............
7234666 Well, both of them haven't actually seen it happen yet, so just believing it would be a tad difficult... They'll come around.
7234987
7235701 Wow, can't believe an inconsistency like that passed by me, nice spot! It's now changed, so that Alex doesn't say "my world", just that it's a fantasy concept. If it's lower quality than chapter 18. I might be in trouble D: but I'm actually quite happy with this one.
7236992
OK hang on then
When did he ever mention either of those facts? In chapter 16 the only thing he said to either of them was:
Is this your slipup or Alex's slipup?
Only harping on this because right now Alex's character has made a very strong effort to manage his lies by taking care to never contradict any of his earlier statements.
2,500 words and minimal development on plot or character or setting.
Granted, a character's hidden backstory is given, and then the next logical action happens, which on-paper (will future people say 'on-screen' instead?) is decent advancement for a single fimfic chapter, but it still felt like i just breezed through the chapter in five seconds.
I think the source of this feeling is you are "telling" some things rather than "showing"; there was lots of description for actions, but minimal description for events, so the rate-of-change of information density as you go through the story spiked randomly, losing key details inside other descriptions.
Symptom: The chapter felt like very little time had passed.
Cause of symptom: The description of an event (passage of time) is lost inside a chain of descriptions for unrelated events and disconnected actions.
One quick fix would be to space out the descriptions visually for emphasis:
This method treats descriptive lines as the drawn elements in a comic book panel, and treats line breaks the same as panel breaks, limiting the amount of descriptive visual information per paragraph to what can be captured in a small still image.
The rule for this is to place a line break whenever the current description topic is changed.
Any series of separate descriptions (actions and events) in a single paragaph/panel should always reference each-other in sequence, or be referring a the current description topic. Any call-backs to an earlier description topic would usually be reserved to their own lines or included inside of character quotes.
7242256 I'd say that one was Alex's slip-up, cause by anger. I already fixed an instance where he mentioned it casually, which would have been very inconsistent. But I believe I will let that little slip up in there.
7242377 I'll take this advice to heart, and mind it going further. Although I'll leave this chapter as is. Thanks
7242692 Technically not the worst in terms of quality. It's just that I didn't want the chapter to be under 2k words long, so I started writing shitty fluff to fill the gaps, which made it feel awkward for me. Causing me to feel like it is/was my worst chapter. Going forward I'll probably just let the chapters be under 2k, so I won't repeat chapter 18.
Wait, if only a god can kill him, and he is part god (well, part Titan, which are a little stronger than the gods technically)
Wouldn't he actually kill himself?
You know after Belle confessed I thought on this bit of dialogue,
"Ah~ racism, thievery, the homeless, murder, and suicide... Just like home." Said Alex.
7288565 "... Shit!"
God dammit Alex
7288565 No. Hermes said only a god can kill him. Alex is a demigod. Not the same thing.
Huh. Was honestly expecting some kind of royalty background with Belle from the moment we saw the lovely queen Bitch from earlier, and I was right.
Jesus, I miss the days when I couldn't nail stuff like this down several chapters in advance.
Anyway, learning Belle's backstory-and the main point of this post- was quite a bit better done than the earlier exposition with Hades, and it's for one rather simple reason: I saw and heard Belle telling the tale, while you could have replaced Hades with a talking potato and the result would have been more or less the same. In fact, the potato would have been more interesting, if for novelty's sake than anything else. While it could have been done better, Belle had emotion as she told her backstory, smiled, seemed sad, etc.
You called?
Next time on Ajin: Demi-Pony...
Another one bites the dust
7946180 And another ones gone, and another ones gone.
7510596 Shepard! Get the nuke launcher, we have a honey badger to deal with!
Belle
Crimson's
This story is starting to remind me of Re:Zero. I remember with the anime a lot of people wondered why the main character never went out of his way to make use of his reset on death ability and it wasn't explained very well why.
In the manga (which I have never read) it apparently was. Dying, it seems, hurts. A lot . So he wasn't in favor of going though it if he didn't have to.
Unlike this guy who seems to have a much more practical (if not somewhat broken. Though with all he's gone though it's not all that unbelievable) mindset.
Added bonus for us that are reading it? We don't have to spend the next two weeks of this story's time with him getting lugged about on someones back .
Daw, that’s cute.
What.A.Gamer.
going full ajin on these horses